I have such a good story to tell you all from the dentist’s office. I was in the waiting room waiting to be called in this morning, and this woman came in with 3 boys. They seemed to be 2,3 and 5. The two youngest boys started climbing on furniture and the oldest boy started getting interested in the computer in the lobby. The mother told the boys not to start anything big because they were leaving right away. Then she went to talk to the receptionist.
The youngest boys kept playing on the chairs, but the oldest boy was trying to figure out how to make icons open on the desktop of the Windows PC. Meanwhile, the mother got a document from the receptionist, and then she called to the boys that it was time to leave. The two youngest boys stopped climbing on chairs and they ran over to her, but the oldest was trying to figure out the computer. And do you know what the mother did?
(Try to think what you would do in this situation before continuing to read)
Well, she said to the eldest boy in a normal voice:
“Hey we’re all leaving to go out to the car now and I need you to carry this important document for me so that it doesn’t get bent or lost on the way to the car.”
The kid just shot out of his seat, raced over to her and took the document carefully from her with both hands. And out they went, with the two youngest boys trying to push the door open for her.
Anyway, I just want to say that I want to have a son or two, and I want to see my wife treat my boys like that. I want her to understand men so well that she can get them to do what they ought to do for her (and for other women) without nagging, controlling or threatening. This is how women get men to do what is good for men.
This was perfect mothering. She understands how to appeal to the male nature. In time, those boys will grow up to trust women. They will find serving women natural. She is already treating them like grown men, instead of little boys! She’s not ordering around – she’s appealing to their male natures – their desire to be depended on and trusted by women. Women need to do a better job of studying men so they know how to do this.
I once saw Andrew’s wife Jen resisting being hugged by her eldest son and telling him to go to his father. He was at the age when he needed to start to do that – she knew all about it because she’s read books like “Bringing Up Boys” by James Dobson. She’s a well-informed professional stay-at-home mother. And her husband loves her and appreciates her very much! Their children are amazing because they have a plan for how to bring them up.
In a study presented to the Centre for Policy Studies (CPS), the sociologist Geoff Dench argues from the evidence of British Social Attitudes surveys since 1983 that there is a growing number of such extended man-free families: “Three-generation lone-mother families — extended families without men — are developing a new family subculture which involves little paid work.”
The culture is passed on, as you might expect. Lone grannies are significantly more likely to have lone and workless daughters than grannies with husbands or employment, and the same is true of their daughters’ daughters. Baby daughters (and baby sons, too) are imbibing with their mother’s milk the idea that men, like jobs, are largely unnecessary in any serious sense.
The problem with this new type of extended family, Dench says, is that it is not self-sustaining but tends to be parasitic on conventional families in the rest of society. In fact, it appears to lead inexorably to the nightmare of an unproductive dependent underclass.
Clearly one of the worst problems with such a subculture is that although it’s not self-sustaining it has a powerful tendency to replicate itself. A boy in such an environment who grows up without a father figure is much less likely — for many well documented reasons — to turn into the sort of young man a girl could see as a desirable husband. A girl who grows up without a father never learns how important a man could be in her own child’s life. She will not see her mother negotiating an adult relationship with a male companion, so she won’t know how to do it herself or imagine what she is missing.
Before anyone starts to point the finger of blame at such girls, it’s worth remembering that many of them are simply making a rational choice. Badly educated at a rough sink school, facing a dead-end, low-paid job that won’t even cover the cost of childcare, such a girl will naturally decide to do what she wants to do anyway and have a baby to love. She knows she will be better off having welfare babies than stacking shelves and better off, too, if she avoids having a man living with her, even supposing she could find one from among the antisocial, lone-parented youths on her estate. That is because the state subsidises this rational choice, disastrous though it has proved, and has done so for decades.
Women quite understandably now talk of such lifestyle choices as their right. They’ve been encouraged to. And the state has actually made poor men redundant.
Please read the whole thing, this may be the most important thing I have ever posted on this blog.
I want to suggest that it is women’s embrace of radical feminism that has caused the shortage of men. The “compassion” (just give bad people your money!), and moral relativism (don’t judge me!), etc. that young, unmarried women seem to like so much these days are in direct opposition to marriage, family and parenting. It undermines the reasons why men marry in the first place. And I’ll explain why.
First, moral relativism. Women today seem to have lost the ability to filter out men based on whether they can commit and fill the role of father and husband. They prefer to “have sex like a man” and to not judge anyone. But the reason why they refuse to make moral judgments is because they don’t want to be judged themselves. Instead of learning how to be a wife and mother, women have embraced partying and hooking up. But hooking up (and friends with benefits, and cohabitation) DO NOT result in a man committing to a woman as a husband and father for life.
Second, big government. The solution that women embrace because of their fear of abandonment by men is to lobby for more and more government programs to give them security no matter how they choose. They don’t want to restrain themselves in order to avoid causing expensive social damage, e.g. – STDs, abortion, divorce, etc. They just want to do have fun and then have someone else pay the costs. But if working men have money taxed away to pay for things like abortions and welfare, then they cannot afford to form families on their own – especially if they want to raise Christian children outside the day care/public school system that they are paying for but won’t use.
Could it be that the reason that men are no longer suitable for marriage is because the incentives they had to marry (regular sex, the respect of filling the role of protector and provider, being able to lead the family spiritually in the home, and having well-behaved hand-raised children) have been taken away by moral relativism and big government? Could it be that the man shortage is caused by women who CHOOSE to be irresponsible about who they have sex with, and who CHOOSE to rely on bigger government as a fallback for their poor decision-making?
You all know that I want to fall in love and get married. This is probably the number one thing stopping me from doing that. The feminist idea that men are evil and can be replaced with government programs is now dominant in the West. This basically means that my children will be less prosperous, less free and less secure than I am. I do not want my children to have the poor character that results from being dependent on a secular left government for their livelihood. And I am also concerned about the kind of world the children will live in as the traditional family, which is a bulwark against state power, declines in influence.
I wish women started to think about how marriage and parenting really work. Instead of thinking about recycling and vegetarianism, women should be thinking about forming their own character for the role of wife and mother. They should be thinking about how to strengthen men’s roles instead of weakening them through premarital sex and big government. They should have the attitude of wanting to learn about obstacles that will prevent a good marriage – and not just ideas but threats to the finances and liberty of the family. They should not believe that “everything will work out as long as we love each other”. Love takes preparation and work.
By the way, this article from the libertarian Cato Institute explains more about how the government creates financial incentives for people to break up families and harm children.
Commonsensical Canadians are losing patience with the angry, blame-all-males school of feminism. It’s no accident that the feminist Toronto Women’s Bookstore, for years a bustling cynosure of the cultural zeitgeist, is in danger of closing down. Or that once overflowing women’s studies classes are emptying out, or morphing into “gender studies” to attract more students (a trap, really: Gender studies are also gynocentric, offering a more subtle version of heterosexual male-bashing than women’s studies).
Rob Kenedy, an assistant professor in the sociology department of York University with a specialty in the men’s rights movement, was unique amongst sociologues in teaching a course in the 1990s about men and their particular tribulations and needs. In a telephone interview he recalled his surprise when more young women signed up than men: “Women are far more interested in learning about men and masculinity than men are.”
Because the numbers in universities are so skewed to the distaff — in a current obligatory sociology course, his own tutorial is comprised of 25 women and two men — Kenedy predicts sociology departments will have to open up (positive) masculinity courses to satisfy the burgeoning curiosity of women about what makes men tick.
The best thing that a woman can do is to sit down with a man and interview him about what he is really like. I think that if every woman could talk about men, marriage and parenting like Jennifer Roback Morse can, then women would have to beat men back with foam bats. I’ll be writing a post about how women can get men to like them without using sex appeal later on in the week. I think that interrogating men to find out what they think is especially important for Christian women, who need to know how they are supposed to complement the man they are interested in.
WINTERY KNIGHT 