I watched a very interesting video on Friday, featuring a 35-year-old woman who spoke to 4 of her 38-year-old friends. In the video, she admits to having been in a relationship that has been going on for 6 months, with no talk about purpose or commitment. The 38-year-olds are the same. What’s interesting is that all of these women say that they want to get married “some day” and have children.
Here’s the video, it’s just under 9 minutes:
So what I wanted to say about this is simple. Young, unmarried women today are not connecting their day-to-day choices with their stated long-term goals. Their long-term goals are marriage and children. But their decision making in the moment has the purpose of maximizing “fun”. The primary purpose of men they are choosing is providing these women with FUN. And fun doesn’t just mean travel, gifts, experiences, etc., but also premarital sex. These women are not looking for leadership, nor commitment, nor chastity, nor sobriety, nor frugality, nor fidelity. In fact, they see moral character and commitment as BORING, and seek to avoid it. They do not want a good man leading them towards commitment behaviors and marriage responsibilities.
According to the video, this fun-seeking starts in the mid-teen-years, and continues right through to age 40. In my experience, the reasons why women change their minds about which men they want in their mid-30s and early 40s is not because they believe in traditional marriage. It’s because they want 1) social respectability, 2) financial security, 3) needing a handyman, 4) wanting a father figure for the babies they made with no-commitment men.
Many of these women are just concerned about “falling behind” their peers who are getting married or having children. They don’t really like husbands, marriages or raising children. They just need to keep up with their friends. They don’t see marriage as having goals like building civil society or raising productive, moral children. They are not interested in marriage as self-sacrifice. They are not interested in marriage as a set of obligations or responsibilities.
Are feminists good at marriage?
Previously, I blogged about how 68% of unmarried women voted Democrat in the 2022 mid-term elections. That means that 68% of unmarried women favor unrestricted abortion, no-fault divorce, same-sex marriage, transgender radicalism, and every other secular left social policy you can imagine. They also favor fiscal policies that drain money from husbands to pay for things like taxpayer-funded sex changes, persecuting Christians who dissent from abortion or LGBT, single-mother welfare (fatherlessness by choice), etc. These policy preferences support fun-seeking, but they they are not the policies that marriage-minded men support.
Right now, the culture is so hostile to marriage-minded men, that they are rightly focusing on their own educations, careers and finances. They do not display their wealth to unmarried women, or spend their wealth on unmarried women. They want to be left alone. They want to retire early. They do not think that marriage to a feminist in her mid-30s – a feminist who is not even attracted to them as leaders of the home – is a good idea.
The things men are looking for in a wife / mother cannot be developed overnight after 20 years of “fun”. Although women might think that they are building up their value with travel, student loans, public sector “work”, cheating, break-ups, and a high body count, they are NOT. Marriage-minded men don’t want those things. Showing up in church after 20 years of “fun” might get you rconciled with God, but it isn’t going to be useful to a marriage-minded man looking for demonstrated ability at wife and mother roles. Think of marriage as a job. An empty wife / mother resume isn’t going to be fixed by a couple of weeks of church attendance.
If women are interested in marriage, the first step is to become a strong opponent of feminism. And that means choosing men who are good at moral leading and spiritual leading early on. Letting go of the pursuit of “fun” early, and focusing on marriage and children right from the start. It seems to me that there needs to be serious thinking about what marriage-minded men want from women as wives and mothers.