Here’s a post from NARTH by Julie Hamilton, Ph.D, that explains what most people already know about the causes of homosexuality.

Excerpt:

While environmental factors may include experiences of sexual abuse or other traumatic events, a common contributor to same-sex attractions is a disruption in the development of gender identity. Gender identity refers to a person’s view of his or her own gender; that is, his or her sense of masculinity or femininity. Gender identity is formed through the relationships that a child has with the same-sex parent and same-sex peers.

The process of gender identification begins approximately between age two and a half and four. For boys, it is during this phase that they begin to move from their primary attachment with the mother to seeking out a deeper attachment with the father. For males, the relationship between a boy and his father is the initial source of developing a secure gender identity. It is through the father-son relationship that a boy discovers what he needs to know about being male, including who he is as a boy, how boys walk, how they talk, how they act, and so forth. As the father spends time with the son, shows interest in the son, and gives the son affirmation and affection, the father imparts to the son a sense of masculinity. The boy begins to develop a sense of his own gender by understanding himself in relation to his father.

When the child reaches the age of five, he begins to face another task, that is, to begin to attach to same-sex peers. At this age, he starts school and begins to look to the other boys to answer the same questions that his dad has been answering. He looks to the other boys to discover how they walk, how they talk, how they play, and how he measures up in relation to them. He seeks to be included, accepted, and acknowledged. Through the relationships he forms with other boys, he continues to gain a sense of masculinity, discovering more about others boys and therefore more about himself as a boy.

[…]The female development of homosexuality is a bit more complex. As with the male development, there are a number of factors that can contribute. For some women who end up with same-sex attractions, the development is similar to the male development previously described. For others, negative perceptions regarding femininity may lead to an internal detachment from their own femininity. For example, if a girl watches her father abuse her mother, the girl might conclude that to be feminine is to be weak. At an early age she might make an unconscious decision to detach from her female identity. She might detach from her own gender in an effort to protect herself from the perceived harmful effects of being female.

Sexual abuse is another factor that can contribute to a homosexual orientation. In these cases men are seen as unsafe, and lesbianism becomes a way of protecting against further hurt from a male. For some there might be a disconnection from the mother, and lesbianism becomes a search for motherly love. For others, same-sex attractions may not initially be present, but may later develop as a result of entering into a non-sexual friendship which becomes emotionally dependent. An emotionally dependent relationship is one in which two people seek to have their needs met by one another. It is a relationship in which healthy boundaries are not in place. The absence of appropriate emotional boundaries can then lead to a violation of physical boundaries.

I think this is very sad because it turns out that it’s really the parents who make the decisions that will push someone towards or away from homosexuality. It would be better for everyone, homosexuality aside, if people who have children think twice about the needs of those children. Maybe the adults need to be a little more informed and accommodating about what children need? And maybe we need to do a better job of picking spouses based on their ability to provide for the needs of children?

Speaking as a Christian, I know why I want to have children, and I would be very interested in bonding with them and developing them. And people can see that in me because of the way that I mentor and support so many younger Christians in their studies and plans. We need to get better at caring for young people and just spending time with them instead of always doing our own thing and handing them off to strangers. It’s wrong to have children and not give them the attention and time they need to grow up.

You may also be interested in this post by Dr. Trayce Hansen on the identical twin studies that show that homosexuality is not determined by genetics, although that certainly is a factor. I also recommend the book “A Parent’s Guide to Preventing Homosexuality” by Dr. Joseph Nicolosi for more background on these issues.