Friday night funny: the government can, parenting, Calvin and Hobbes

Shane Vander Hart posted this hilarious song about government by comedian Tom Hawkins, who can really dance!

Parenting

From Marginalized Action Dinosaur. 12 lessons to prepare for raising children.

Excerpt:

Lesson 7
Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find that has the patience of a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is an excellent choice). If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat. Buy your week’s groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys.

Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.

Lesson 8
1. Hollow out a melon.
2. Make a small hole in the side.
3. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.
4. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.
5. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.
6. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air.

You are now ready to feed a nine- month-old baby.

Calvin and Hobbes

This is from Shal (Shalini).

cnh2

cnh2

Something funny from a co-worker

I’ve been seeing many democrats start posting the following message on social networking sites like Twitter, Facebook and MySpace:

“No one should die because they cannot afford health care, and no one should go broke because they get sick. If you agree, please post this as your status for the rest of the day.”

My counter-proposal to that would be this:

“You and other people’s grandchildren should keep the tax money it will take to give people free health care today.  If you believe that you should not commit to spending the money of your children’s children today, please post this as your status for the rest of the day.”

Feel free to see if you can work this into something witty for your blog.

I know that the quality of funny has been pretty crappy lately, but this time I found you guys some really funny things, so I’m trying to make up for the other weeks! I am thinking about writing some funny stuff myself.

Happy Friday!

Obama awards billions of taxpayer dollars to British liquor producer

The article is from the Chicago Tribune. (H/T ECM via The Weekly Standard)

Excerpt:

With little fanfare, a deal is moving forward to direct billions in U.S. tax dollars to an unlikely beneficiary — the giant British liquor producer that makes Captain Morgan rum.

Under the agreement, London-based Diageo PLC will receive tax credits and other benefits worth $2.7 billion over 30 years, including the entire $165-million cost of building a state-of-the-art distillery on the island of St. Croix in the Virgin Islands, a U.S. territory….

“The U.S. taxpayer is basically being asked to line the pockets of the world’s largest liquor producer,” says Steve Ellis, the vice president of Taxpayers for Common Sense, a nonpartisan watchdog organization.

With the exception of Ellis and a handful of lawmakers, however, the deal has attracted little opposition in Congress or elsewhere.

Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner has said he does not have authority to block or investigate the project. Criticism on the Hill has been confined to a small group that includes Republican Congressmen Dan Burton of Indiana and Darrel Issa of California, plus a handful of Democrats with large Puerto Rican constituencies.

Remember, Obama won’t allow drilling at home, but he has lots of money to give Brazilian companies to drill in Brazil. We didn’t really need those jobs, anyway. And besides, George Soros needs to make some money, too.

Democrat plan to indoctrinate students in government-run school to worship Obama

Story from Fox News. (H/T Andrew)

Excerpt:

Obama will deliver a national address directly to students on Tuesday, which will be the first day of classes for many children across the country. The address, to be broadcast live on the White House’s Web site, was announced in a letter to school principals last week by Education Secretary Arne Duncan.

[…]But in advance of the address, the Department of Education has offered educators “classroom activities” to coincide with Obama’s message.

Students in grades pre-K-6, for example, are encouraged to “write letters to themselves about what they can do to help the president. These would be collected and redistributed at an appropriate later date by the teacher to make students accountable to their goals.”

Teachers are also given guidance to tell students to “build background knowledge about the president of the United States by reading books about presidents and Barack Obama.”

During the speech, “teachers can ask students to write down key ideas or phrases that are important or personally meaningful.”

For grades 7-12, the Department of Education suggests teachers prepare by excerpting quotes from Obama’s speeches on education for their students to contemplate — and ask as questions such as “Why does President Obama want to speak with us today? How will he inspire us? How will he challenge us?”

Activities suggested for after the speech include asking students “what resonated with you from President Obama’s speech? What lines/phrase do you remember?”

What do libertarian critics think about this?

“In general, I don’t think there’s a problem if the president uses the bully pulpit to tell kids to work hard, study hard and things like that. But there are some troubling hints in this, both educationally and politically,” said Neal McCluskey, associate director of Cato Institute’s Center for Educational Freedom.

[…]“It essentially tries to force kids to say the president and the presidency is inspiring, and that’s very problematic,” McCluskey said. “It’s very concerning that you would do that.”

Parents of public school students would also have to pay for that “indoctrination,” regardless of their political background, he said.

“That’s the fundamental problem. They could easily be funding the indoctrination of their children.”

And one more:

Frederick Hess, director of education policy studies at the American Enterprise Institute, a conservative think tank, said the suggested lesson plans cross the line between instruction and advocacy.

“I don’t think it’s appropriate for teachers to ask students to help promote the president’s preferred school reforms and policies,” Hess said. “It very much starts to set up the president as a superintendent in chief.”

[…]After reading the Department of Education lesson plans for the speech, McCluskey said he noticed several passages that should set off “alarm bells,” including language that attempts to “glorify President Obama” in the minds of young students.”It could be a blatantly political move,” he said. “Nobody knows for sure, but it gives that impression.”

McCluskey also noted that the lesson plans for young students contain suggestions to write letters to themselves on how they can help the president, but that suggestion is not in the lesson plan for middle and high schoolers — perhaps due to the likelihood of increased political ties at that age.

The Obama regime wants to force government-run schools to adopt lesson plans to be force-fed to impressionable young children, whose parents are compelled to subsidize this indoctrination by compulsory taxation. What could go wrong?

Oh well, at least his own children are exempt from this propaganda – they don’t attend public schools, you know. Neither did Obama.