Friday night funny: the government can, parenting, Calvin and Hobbes

Shane Vander Hart posted this hilarious song about government by comedian Tom Hawkins, who can really dance!

Parenting

From Marginalized Action Dinosaur. 12 lessons to prepare for raising children.

Excerpt:

Lesson 7
Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find that has the patience of a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is an excellent choice). If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat. Buy your week’s groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys.

Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.

Lesson 8
1. Hollow out a melon.
2. Make a small hole in the side.
3. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.
4. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.
5. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.
6. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air.

You are now ready to feed a nine- month-old baby.

Calvin and Hobbes

This is from Shal (Shalini).

cnh2

cnh2

Something funny from a co-worker

I’ve been seeing many democrats start posting the following message on social networking sites like Twitter, Facebook and MySpace:

“No one should die because they cannot afford health care, and no one should go broke because they get sick. If you agree, please post this as your status for the rest of the day.”

My counter-proposal to that would be this:

“You and other people’s grandchildren should keep the tax money it will take to give people free health care today.  If you believe that you should not commit to spending the money of your children’s children today, please post this as your status for the rest of the day.”

Feel free to see if you can work this into something witty for your blog.

I know that the quality of funny has been pretty crappy lately, but this time I found you guys some really funny things, so I’m trying to make up for the other weeks! I am thinking about writing some funny stuff myself.

Happy Friday!

2 thoughts on “Friday night funny: the government can, parenting, Calvin and Hobbes”

  1. I liked this from the raising children lessons:

    “Lesson 5
    Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.
    1. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.
    2. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out.”

    Feeding a nine month old seemed about right, too.

    That said, for those who don’t have kids… all that is contained in that post is true! BUT, wet bags of cement don’t smile. Hollowed melons don’t giggle with full bodied vigor at the simplest things. And octopii don’t ask for hugs spontaneously and/or for comfort. And goats won’t fall asleep listening to your heartbeat. (I suppose those last two are refutable… but I don’t want to know!).

    I’d also add Jellytelly.com to the list of children’s songs and shows to memorize. :) It’s Paul Vischer’s (Veggie Tales) new project, all online, and has great bible info. In particular, I like the Bently Brothers songs, helped me memorize the 12 Judges!

    Like

  2. Hey, Wintery, I’m not usually one to toot my own horn when it comes to posts, but I thought I’d point you to a really short post of mine with a video on it. It’s got some funny stuff at the beginning, but comedian Brad Stine talks about men’s ministry in churches. I just thought I’d mention it since it’s a topic that I know you’ve talked about before.

    Like

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