Two things you can do to make your marriage last

First, don’t have sex before you’re married.

Story from Life Site News.

Excerpt:

Couples who reserve sex for marriage enjoy greater stability and communication in their relationships, say researchers at Brigham Young University.

A new study from the Mormon college found that those couples who waited until marriage rated their relationship stability 22 percent higher than those who started having sex in the early part of their relationship. The relationship satisfaction was 20 percent higher for those who waited, the sexual quality of the relationship was 5 percent better, and communication was 12 percent better.

The study, published in the American Psychological Association’s Journal of Family Psychology, involved 2,035 married individuals who participated in a popular online marital assessment called “RELATE.” From the assessment’s database, researchers selected a sample designed to match the demographics of the married American population. The extensive questionnaire included the question “When did you become sexual in this relationship?”

Couples that became sexually involved later in their relationship – but prior to marriage – reported benefits that were about half as strong as those who waited for marriage.

[…]Sociologist Mark Regnerus of the University of Texas at Austin, who was not involved in the study, responded to its findings, saying that “couples who hit the honeymoon too early – that is, prioritize sex promptly at the outset of a relationship – often find their relationships underdeveloped when it comes to the qualities that make relationships stable and spouses reliable and trustworthy.” Regnerus is the author of Premarital Sex in America, a book forthcoming from Oxford University Press.

Because religious belief often plays a role for couples who choose to wait, Busby and his co-authors controlled for the influence of religious involvement in their analysis.

“Regardless of religiosity, waiting helps the relationship form better communication processes, and these help improve long-term stability and relationship satisfaction,” Busby said.

Second, make sure you attend church regularly after you’re married.

From Citizen Link.

Excerpt:

It’s a number that is trumpeted from the rooftops — and the pulpit: Half of marriages among Christians and non-Christians alike end in divorce.

But the reality is that Christians who attend church regularly get divorced at a much lower rate.

Professor Bradley Wright, a sociologist at the University of Connecticut, found that among people who identify as Christians but rarely attend church, 60 percent have been divorced. Of those who attend church regularly, 38 percent have been divorced.

W. Bradford Wilcox, a leading sociologist at the University of Virginia and director of the National Marriage Project, found a nearly identical spread between “active conservative Protestants” who regularly attend church and people with no religious affiliation.

Professor Scott Stanley from the University of Denver, who is working on the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative, said couples with a vibrant religious faith have more and higher levels of the qualities that marriages need to avoid divorce.

“Whether young or old, male or female, low-income or not, those who said that they were more religious reported higher average levels of commitment to their partners, higher levels of marital satisfaction, less thinking and talking about divorce and lower levels of negative interaction,” he said. “These patterns held true when controlling for such important variables as income, education and age at first marriage.”

I think that young people who are serious about having a successful marriage need to study research to find out what works (chastity, pre-marital counseling, church attendance, etc.) and then demand that prospective mates demonstrate those skills before the wedding.

UPDATE: Commenter Mbelina has a third thing to do: Christians should choose to marry other Christians who take their Christian worldview seriously.

8 thoughts on “Two things you can do to make your marriage last”

  1. “Of those who attend church regularly, 38 percent have been divorced.”

    That’s still way too damn high. The church needs to be more proactive about figuring out why this happens, and working to fix it.

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    1. I agree. The church is next to useless in linking Christianity to the real world, be it apologetics, politics, marriage, parenting. They want to treat Christianity as blind faith and happy feelings, and then they are shocked when we get creamed by the secular culture.

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  2. Haven’t read the whole article so I don’t know if mentions it, but I’ve heard from I-don’t-remember-where that the divorce rate amongst Christians drops even more when the couple-to-be goes through pre-marital counseling together.

    On that note, have you read Bradley Wright’s book “Christians Are Hate-filled Hypocrites… And Other Lies You’ve Been Told”? It’s still on my to-buy list, but I’ve read some previews and it looks juicy.

    I’m also curious as to the rate-of-divorce amongst Christian couples where the young man talked to the young woman’s father before starting the relationship :)

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    1. Have not read that book, but I agree with premarital counseling. These are things that should be urged by churches. Everyone in the church should understand the public purpose of marriage, how it acts as a bulwark against the state’s influence, how to prepare for marriage and how to find someone else who is prepared for marriage. Instead, there is just a lot of feeling and singing.

      Talking to the father is also key! I have had to do that and it’s awesome.

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  3. I apologise for coming late to this party. I seem to be saying that a lot right now, because I am discovering a large number of Christian blogs and sites about problems with the church and the failure of the church to support marriage. I have read and recommend the book “Living Together, Myths Risks and Answers” by Mike and Harriet McManus. Their organisation, Marriage Savers helps set up Community Marriage Projects throughout the US, which require all the churches and synagogues in an area to agree to provide serious pre-marital counselling before marriage. They suggest that there needs to be a minimum of three months between starting and the planned marriage date so sthat sufficient counselling can be fitted in. They also go on to say that a rate of cancelled marriages of less than 10% indicates that the counselling is not sufficiently thorough. The process does reduce the 10 year divorce rate substantially, according to the statistics they have produced. I think it is worth a look at marriagesavers.org.

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