Who is really responsible for the abolition of marriage? Men or feminists?

Consider this analysis of the roots of feminism by a moderate pro-abortion equity feminist named Wendy McElroy. In her article, she explains two views of marriage by the old-style “equity” feminists, who wanted equal opportunity, and the “gender” feminists, who want men and women to be identical in every way. The gender feminist view is the view that dominates law, policy and culture today.

So let’s look at the history of gender feminism.

Excerpt:

In the ’70s, [Germaine] Greer… declared a guerrilla war against dependency on men.

Greer called for the revolutionary breakdown of sex roles. She encouraged women to be promiscuous and otherwise sexually adventurous. She claimed that women have no idea of how much men hate them. Greer recounted stories of gang rape and brutality, and seemed to consider such violence to be the norm between men and women. Her solution: women should refuse to marry. If they do marry, they should refuse be monogamous or to accept the ‘trappings’ of marriage such as the husband’s last name, a shared tax return, a wedding ring….

[…]The truly radical assault on the family began with Kate Millett’s book Sexual Politics (1970). Although Millett’s views were extreme, she presented them in a dispassionate and well researched manner that lent her credibility. In dealing with male/female relations (‘sexual politics’), Millett dwelt almost obsessively on pornography and sado-masochistic literature, rather than on love, motherhood or successful marriages. To her, pornography seemed to epitomize the male/female relationship. And in attacking sexual politics, Millett attacked the entire structure of power in society; that is, patriarchy. Marriage was the agency that maintained the traditional pattern of man’s power over woman.

The article also mentions other widespread myths that cause women to hate and mistrust men, such as the myths about domestic violence. (She might also have brought up inflated rape statistics). But the main idea is that gender feminists wanted women to be sexually liberated, to work full-time outside the home, and to stop modesty, chastity and courtship. They wanted to destroy marriage because they believed that marriage oppressed women.

And the plan of the feminists worked. We now have a 40% out-of-wedlock birthrate, and a total breakdown of the family. Young women have problems from being raised without fathers, causing young women (and men) enormous damage. Somehow, the widespread adoption of feminist ideology caused men not to want to marry, either. Why did that happen? Well, men are not marrying because marriage is a terrible deal for men – men are not getting what they want from marriage.

Why do men marry anyway?

Men want to have the main role of protector and provider – it’s one of the main reasons why men marry. And men are more likely to want to marry if women are modest and chaste. Men want to have a special role in the home that is unique to them, and they want to be needed and valued. Men don’t want to be disarmed and have to call 911 when their home is invaded, and they want criminals and terrorists punished, too. Men want to have the freedom to teach the children right and wrong. Men don’t want to be taken to court by their wives for grounding misbehaving daughters, as in the Quebec case. Men want to keep most of what they earn, and to not pay sales tax on what they buy. Men want to choose schools for their children, and choose the amount of health care they need. Men don’t want to be forced to pay for other people – having one family is expensive enough. And men want to get respect from society for their decision to marry, to be faithful, and to raise children. And so on.

We need to get to the point where women understand exactly why men don’t want to be husbands and fathers anymore. Women need to ask themselves how to give men what they need in order to marry. Women need to investigate whether the anti-male myths that feminists want them to believe about men are really true in reality. Women need to fix their beliefs about men and study to understand men and to love men. Women need to take responsibility for their role in destroying marriage. Women need to take the initiative reverse feminism and repair the institution of marriage.

The feminist notion of marriage is that women can do anything they want at any time, and dismiss their obligations to meet the needs of their husbands and children. Men know that and that’s why they freely choose not to marry. Most women today are just not suitable for marriage and parenting because they have been too influenced by feminist ideology which is opposed to marriage. Women have to change themselves, by renewing their minds through study. Men aren’t afraid of marriage, we just don’t want to marry women who don’t understand what marriage is and aren’t ready to commit properly.

12 thoughts on “Who is really responsible for the abolition of marriage? Men or feminists?”

  1. Interesting post. I’m glad that you’ve distinguished between the older and newer feminists.

    Although I believe that feminism has brought some good to the world, I can see how it has led to the breakdown of the nuclear family.

    And that Quebec case is ridiculous!!

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  2. Thanks for making this ongoing debate a new topic. You make many good points. And thank you for not saying that “women” are responsible.

    Feminism is destructive to marriage, children, and the general well-being of society at large. Another factor is that many men are unsuitable for marriage because of feminism too. Such men are ashamed of being masculine and don’t know how to take initiative. Many also accept and exploit the convenient notion of the “liberated” woman who doesn’t require commitment. They will pride themselves on being pro-women while really using women for their own ends.

    Because both men AND women have taken feminist ideologies on board, both men AND women need to renew their minds.

    This is done by developing a Biblical worldview of marriage. This is necessary because the culprit is not merely feminism. For example, pornography really is a big problem – even among church-going men. Materialism is a problem, because affluence is valued above family. Behind these factors is a deeper problem called sin.

    It all started with the Fall. Ever since then, male and female relationships have been strained. It is one of Satan’s chief tactics. God made marriage and He uses marriage as the picture of His relationship with His people. No wonder Satan hates it so and wants to destroy it. We need to remember that this is a spiritual battle, so we need spiritual armour:

    “Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.” (Ephesians 6: 10-18)

    Arm yourselves in this way and fight for marriage, men and women of God!

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  3. Wintery.

    I think you speak well for yourself. And most, if not all, of the wants you list are completely reasonable.

    But I think you make the mistake thinking that your views represent what every man wants, or even what most men want.

    I think you are the small minority, no where near the majority.

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    1. Thanks for saying that. I agree with you about the majority of men not wanting to serve in a marriage, as well. There is something very sinister going wrong with men lately.

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  4. “Who is really responsible for the abolition of marriage? Men or feminists?”

    I’d have to say, after careful consideration, “Yes.”

    No, seriously, I see the point. I read some startling statistics. In 1980 the ratio of men leaving their wives to wives leaving their husbands was something like 600:1. For every one wife who left her husband, 600 husbands left their wives. In 1990 — one decade — the numbers had shifted dramatically. It was 12:1 … for every 1 husband who left his wife, 12 wives left their husbands. More startling than that, however, was the skyrocketing numbers of mothers who were (and are) abandoning their children to the fathers so they can “find themselves” or some such.

    It’s bad, but there is little doubt that some of feminism has INTENTIONALLY made it far, far worse.

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    1. First of all, Thank you Stan.
      Sometimes I feel like guys here are so out to get feminist, they don’t acknowledge what went on before. Yes, it’s bad. And backlashes are always bad. They are knee jerk reactions that solve nothing.

      On that note, don’t you guys see something?
      Don’t you realize what’s at work.
      People reap what they sow.

      If 600:1 was what was sown in the 80s, why are you surprised by what was reaped in the 90s?

      Men are so concerned about being the leaders, they don’t know that they ALREADY ARE!

      Here’s what I mean.
      Men reap what they sow. Whatever they sow in women and in the world, that’s what they are going to get back.

      If pornogarphy is sown in the 50s by men, even in secret, why are they surprised if women follow suit in the 60s with the sexual revolution out in the open? Why are men shocked and surprised? Those were the seed sown. Did they think those seeds wouldn’t produce a crop?

      If men were leaving their wives 600:1 in the 80s why are they shocked and surprised about women leaving their husbands 12:1? Duh! they should be thankful it’s not 300:1 or 600:1. That’s what was sown. Why do men think these seeds, these wild oats shouldn’t produce fruit?

      Yes, I know. Most likely you fellas weren’t the ones sowing those seeds. It was the men before you.

      But shaking your fist at the crops produced by the men before you is rather pointless.

      Better move, start sowing good seeds. Wait! Most of you already are! Good! Keep after it. But understand better your positions of leadership. Understand your positions as sowers and sources in your culture and toward your women.

      I understand my position of leadership as a mother to my children, such as it is, and as Sunday school teacher to children and adults. I know my influence, limited in some cases.

      God help me so sow good seed where I can. And I pray God continues to do the same for you all.

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      1. I think you’re making a good point here. The resentment that led to feminism came from somewhere. I agree with that.

        But I do think that men are not in the lead any more. That ended with no-fault divorce, alimony, child support and 90% sole custody for the mother. A man can’t be the leader in a marriage when the woman is holding the ability to take everything he owns now, as well as everything he will earn for the rest of his life. It’s not just that he can lost his role as provider, it’s that he is walking in a minefield with the mines supplied by the state.

        If you really want to understand what men are facing, read this article by Stephen Baskerville. Notice how he doesn’t blame women at all, but the GOVERNMENT. It turns out that many people in government are well paid for BREAKING UP MARRIAGES. And even further down the road, spending on social programs swells when there are more social problems like gang crime and teen pregnancy. Strong families are a bulwark against big government.

        I would like women to become expert at courting so that they understand that the time to reject a man is BEFORE marriage. Women need to get really good at choosing who to marry. But I think that goes back to the need for fathers – they are the ones who teach a woman to have self-respect and to be able to differentiate guys who want to commit from guys who want to have sex and then leave.

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        1. The GOVERNMENT? Look everyone knows that the singular cause of divorce is marriage. Now, I think we as a society are moving toward solving that by redefining marriage to mean everything and nothing, so …

          (Humor. If there was too much truth in it, I apologize.)

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  5. Blaming feminism is nothing more than a convenient scape goat. People don’t make the decision to end what was once a promising relationship because of societal trends. Each decision to end a marriage is a painful, personal decision, one that usually comes after years of trying to make things work.

    I agree with Mara that men are the true leaders here. No woman would ever leave a man that is truly loving her, caring for her heart, her thoughts, her opinions, her desire for accomplishment and appreciation.

    Feminists did not cause the end of marriage but encouraging women to believe they deserved to be treated with love and respect. Women (all people, even children) DO deserve to be treated with love and respect.

    Good relationships are not unilaterally brought to an end because of a social philosophy. Good relationships last.

    Patriarchy encourages women- no DEMANDS that women- stay in bad relationships and continue to serve men with quietness. Supposedly there will be some pie in the sky reward someday for having suffered so nobly. Some teach that even if (or because) she never stands up for herself and tells her husband she deserves better, magically the man will be ashamed of his boorish behavior and inwardly be convicted to stop being self-centered and cruel.

    No person of any gender should have to live under that system of slavery. We are daughters of the Most High God. We deserve to be loved and cherished as we love and cherish others.

    I blamed feminism for divorce, daycare and latchkey kids for many years. Then I grew up and faced reality.

    Bad relationships end because one person is getting screwed over all the time and they decide that they would like to spend the rest of their few days on earth living in peace. Bad relationships end when loyal, faithful, giving partners finally wake up to the fact that the person they married doesn’t understand those words in the same way they do. Or they end when the faithless spouse walks out.

    Each ended marriage is personal. No one who is in a mutually loving supportive relationship will ever suddenly become dissatisfied because they read a feminist book or article.

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  6. I am entirely confident that technology will solve that little problem by making artificial babies a cheap, inexpensive merchandise.
    Perhaps, we will be able to create babies that never grow. Wouldn’t that be ideal to own a cute little baby that only needs a change of diapers from time to time?
    A human pet of some sort. Beats a dog.

    Then, men and women can go on and live their lives freely with no strings attached.

    Would that satisfy the feminists?

    All said in jest, of course.

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  7. there may be men who lead this to happen but there are men who did not mean this.what past is already past.every human being can choose how to react to the suitation.what the feminsst is doing will ccause menist in the future.the men in the past did not control the minds of the women to do the things.just because men did wrong does not mean you can did wrong .there are also many women who is as bad as those men.do not think all men as a single entity ,they are seperate

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