MUST-READ: How divorce courts destroy the lives of fathers and children

Consider this story from the Herald Sun in Australia.

Excerpt:

A mother found by the Family Court to be violent, untruthful, lacking moral values and responsible for the psychological and emotional abuse of her children has been given custody of them.

The father, deemed “principled” and with “much to offer his children”, has been effectively banned from seeing his daughters.

[…]The father… is described by a Family Court judge as no threat to his daughters, a successful parent who is “courteous” and “intelligent”.

The same judge found the mother… abandoned her first daughter at two and spurned the child’s subsequent attempts at reconciliation, had displayed “dreadful”, “cruel” and “malicious” behaviour.

But the judge still ruled that because of time spent apart, the children had become estranged from their father and it was in their interests that “the children spend no time with the father”.

Time spent apart? Why would a loving father willingly spend time apart from his own children?

Bill has not seen his daughters since April and has not spent extended time with them since August 2005.

He says the estrangement was largely a result of false allegations of sexual abuse of the children made against him by his former wife.

The custody ruling in the Family Court last month came after a seven-year battle over access to the girls, now aged nine and 11.

It followed a criminal trial in 2007, when Bill, 55, was cleared of the sexual abuse allegations. The trial judge found them totally false and threw the case out.

The ordeal has cost Bill his home, his job and about $450,000 in lost income and legal costs. He has faced court 70 times to clear his name and try for some form of access to his children.

“It has been a nightmare. All I wanted was to be part of my children’s lives – to try to give them a good start in life,” Bill said.

“But I am denied that because of the malicious way in which my ex-wife has acted and because of the credence the legal system has given her lies and falsehoods.

“The family law system needs wholesale change. There appears to be no testing of evidence in court and it seems that often lies and fabrications are immediately accepted as fact.

“It’s a disgrace and, as far as I know, it doesn’t happen in any other legal sphere.”

Bill’s case follows the case of “Steve” last year, in which the court accepted his good character, but banned him from seeing his daughter for seven years because it was believed the mother would “shut down” emotionally if he were allowed to see her.

In another case last year, a father, “Mick”, was jailed for sending a birthday card to his daughter in breach of a court order and was locked up again for taking a walk in a park – near where, unknown to him, his daughter was playing.

False allegations of sexual abuse are standard operating procedure in divorce courts in order to get custody of the children, and the child support payments that go with the children. The legal stakeholders in the divorce racket have every reason to help to the woman to make these false charges, because the father usually fights for custody, which is what keeps them all employed.

Further study

To find out more about the horrors of feminism and unilateral divorce, consider reading something by Stephen Baskerville and something by Jennifer Roback Morse. This podcast by Jennifer Roback Morse explains some of the threats to traditional marriage – it’s my favorite podcast ever. Women need to do a better job of understanding men, and understanding what has to change to make marriage attractive and appealing to men. That may involve changing laws to make these unfair divorce courts stop doing what they are doing.

One last thing. Most of my readers know that I am chaste, and so I have never been married or divorced. My parents are have been married for 40+ years. None of my immediate family is divorced. And none of my Christian friends are divorced. In fact, I have never experienced a divorce even vicariously by being friends with someone who was going through a divorce. And the point of this is to show you how Christians can become sensitive to an issue just by studying it. And this is what marriage-minded Christians need to do.

Christians need to study to understand the many serious problems that divorce causes for men and children. We should understand how marriage acts as a buffer to state power, thus protecting religious liberty. We should know how feminist policies weaken marriage and parenting. And we should understand how a stable marriage benefits children, and ultimately, society. When Christians inform themselves about these issues, it becomes easier to put ourselves second and act to preserve the marriage. Knowledge binds the will.

20 thoughts on “MUST-READ: How divorce courts destroy the lives of fathers and children”

  1. This is exacly what I’ve been saying since my divorce….that “The legal stakeholders in the divorce racket have every reason to help to the woman to make these false charges, because the father usually fights for custody, which is what keeps them all employed.” and I’m glad that others see it to because the “racket” does a great job of supressing all the damage that comes out of divorce court.

    I call it “Legal corruption for Profit”…why else would a nation make divorces even easier to get by passing “No fault divorce” laws? There should ALWAYS be a fault for divorce where children are involved. And why aren’t children split 50/50…why, as you said, because if you “legally” but injustly give women the upper hand…men will (heck anyone would but men usually make more money so they put them at a legal disadvantage)fight for their kids if they can. Men may go so far as to try and abduct their own children because they were stupidly given to a messed up mother. But that’s good for the legal profession too because when they catch that destitute father, he’ll either pay an attorney or go to jail where they will take what little he has left. But wait, that works out great too because every attorney or cop has a brother in law who needs a third grade education job at the local house of correction. This needs to stop! We need a march on Washington like they did during the civil rights days because our CIVIL rights (and others) are being violated!

    Like

    1. Marching sounds like too much work. A better idea is for men to communicate to their sons and brothers never to marry, under any circumstances. Never marry, never co-habitate, never date, never court.

      Like

      1. Wintery,
        Sometimes I feel like telling women to do the same thing.
        Never marry, never co-habitate, never date, never court, kill yourself before you get raped or trafficked, if you can’t kill your assailant first. And if you CAN kill your assailant first, depending on where you live, go ahead and either kill yourself because you won’t get justice in a third world country or proudly go to prison in more just nations knowing you put a dent in the poor-defenseless-female notion in the minds of men who think that women owe them sex.

        Yeah, I think you are onto something, Wintery.
        And if memory serves me correctly, it’s been done before by a certain Christian sect.
        Did you know the Shakers (off-shoot of the Quakers) didn’t marry or cohabitate or have sex of any kind. They only continued to exist as long as they did because they were allowed to adopt unwanted children.

        But wait.

        Last I head there were only two Shakers left on the planet, both very old women. And I heard this over ten years ago, so I imagine one or both of them are gone by this point.

        Hhmmm.

        I don’t know. I’m not quite ready to give up my, All-women-need-too-keep-all-men-at-arm’s-length-crusade idea. It seems so promising. And it might help us to make peace with environmentalists who are concerned about overpopulation.
        Guess we’ll just have to think this through a bit more.

        Like

        1. And I already mentioned that I am in full agreement with women putting God far far far far above men. Men should have to practically kill themselves courting in order to get the slightest bit of attention from a woman. I think that choosing good fathers would help young women to be properly equipped to do that, so we’ll need to strengthen marriage by making it impossible to get out of anything except adultery, addiction, abandonment or assault. And all of those would have to be tried in court.

          Not sure if you heard about that Duke University student’s string of hook-ups with a string of Duke University athletes, but that’s what I would like women to avoid of their own free will, since it is bad for children who might result from that. I think there needs to be a stronger connection between what the realities of married life and the courting process. I am not sure that hook-ups are as good as having the man be interviewed by the woman’s father. I think women need to choose the man who will fill that role well. Not the man who is the most fun, not the man who will make their friends envious of them, not the man who makes no moral demands on them.

          Like

          1. I dunno, WK. Now you keep on talking about strengthening marriage and rigorous courting processes. I think I prefer Mara’s ideas and your initial ones. NO marriage. NO courting. Ah… That makes life simpler.

            And who cares about declining population rates? We’ll let the liberals do the populating and they can fill the world with children indoctrinated with liberalism. Ok, so they’re mostly anti-child, and they like abortion. Oh well. We’ll just hope for the best and everything will be sure to work out somehow. Or not.

            Like

          2. Well, if you get all the churches to get serious about the kinds of things I complain about, then I’ll complain less. Maybe there could be less fun in church, and more worrying and planning? I think there is too much singing, for example.

            I am not encouraged by the way that women support things like no-fault divorce and more funding for public education and bigger government social programs and higher taxes and banning legal firearm ownership, though. Are women really serious about understanding these problems creating the conditions that cause men to want to marry? I know Jennifer Roback Morse is doing her part, but where are all the other women? Are they opposed to same-sex marriage, and the changes to parent-child relationships that this would cause? I don’t think they are.

            Like

          3. Yeah, all this rigorous talk gets exhausting. Sometimes you just have to stop being so rigorous and enter into the believer’s rest.

            Speaking of simpler, here is a Shaker hymn called Simple Gifts. It is a melody you will most likely be familiar with.
            Here it is first sung by Jewel.

            Here it is in the orchestrated form most people are familiar with.

            Like

          4. I made moral demands upon the mother of my children: to allow our children to know both sets of grandparents. Big mistake: my children, now thirteen and eleven have never known their paternal grandparents and I haven’t laid eyes on them for eight years.

            Like

    1. You’re right! On both counts. WK knows that too. But he’s being reactionary. So Mara and I are pretending to agree with him. ;-)

      Like

  2. I was recently divorced and my ex-wife started the first hearing with the comments “he has been beating me and the children, he has stolen money from our business and he is an alcoholic and a drug addict. He spends all of our income on drugs, alcohol and gambling. He has also been touching a women at work and she is threatening to sue our company if he is not told to stay out of the store. My lawyer and I stood in shock looking at each other because we never expected these types of lies, meanwhile the Judge has to ask the courtroom of people to leave because he had no idea that these things were going to be said (of course my lawyer and I were completely shocked as well). After the first day the judge had it in his mind that I was the bad spouse in the marriage and the next three years were spent trying to defend myself against her lies. The judge never stopped my ex-wife and said to her “do you have any facts to back up your claims”.”Nobody did any hospital report checks to look for injuries or DUI’s against me?” (I’ve never had one in my life). I had to fight for my kids the entire divorce and now I almost never see them and they and myself are both hurt by these events.

    Like

  3. A woman can say whatever she wants and doesn’t need to back it up with any facts. If a person is going to make a bold statement about their spouse then they should immediately have to provide evidence of some kind for the statement to be allowed into any form of evidence!

    Like

  4. There’s more to it that a lot of people don’t realize. The feds match the dollars of the support order. So while men make more, it makes more sense financially to award custody to the women so that the state can take a large chunk of the federal monies. As this example, and countless others have demonstrated, its not the financial best interests of the child that are stake, but the financial coffers of the state:

    http://www.ffis.org/node/648
    http://www.hhs.gov/recovery/programs/cse/incentivesimpact.html

    Like

  5. I just spent the whole day in court, trying to protect my children from an abusive father, and to no avail, and this is after $14,000.00 dollars spent in lawyer fees alone, not to mention the tens of thousands I’ve spent defending my kids and property from him on a daily basis. Of course the case is not even half over.

    I am Canadian. Unfortunately, what women like the ones described above don’t realize, is that if you actually were forced to prove child abuse, it is not an easy thing to do, by any stretch of the imagination. Women cannot continually abuse the system without it turning against them. What is happening in Canada already is that the women have lost the benefit of the doubt and children are the ultimate victims.

    When my husband left my house he was arrested with 3 accounts of assault and an account of assault with a weapon. I now have a child that is suffering from PTSD, according to her doctor, as a result of her visits with dad not to mention another child who is having panic attacks, a child complaining of being left alone at home, and a three year old child that was hit with a leather belt for breaking something by accident.

    My children, even after me being in court all day (I was on a contempt charge for not allowing access, which could very well have meant jail time for me and still could), will be seeing their father this Sunday. So despite 4 young testimonies, doctors notes, assault charges, Peace Bonds, Child Protective Services (CAS in Canada), and a children’s lawyer my kids are being forced by the system into the ‘care’ of an abuser.

    I would ask that everyone please keep my small family (me and 4 defenseless children) in their prayers, and pray that all of us, men and women can recognize Truth in their lives and embrace the Lord with their whole heart.

    Like

    1. That sounds bad M. It sounds like maybe the government has an interest in dragging things out to wring the most amount of money out of both sides, too. They’re not doing their jobs.

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s