Commentary

Are we all married to the wrong people? Does it matter?

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Here’s a neat post I found. (H/T Doug Geivett)

Excerpt:

“My basic philosophy is we have to start with the premise when we choose our partner that we aren’t choosing with all the knowledge and information about them,” says Dr. Haltzman. “However, outside of the extreme scenarios of domestic violence, chronic substance abuse, or the inability to remain sexually faithful—which are good arguments for marrying the wrong person on a huge scale, and where it is unhealthy or unsafe to remain married—we need to say, ‘This is the person I chose, and I need to find a way to develop a sense of closeness with this person for who he or she really is and not how I fantasize them to be.’”

That choice to work on the relationship can lead to a more profound, meaningful experience together. Dr. Haltzman offers the following tips to help us reconnect or improve our bond:

  • Respect your mate for his/her positive qualities, even when they have some important negative ones.
  • Be the right person, instead of looking for the right person.
  • Be a loving person, instead of waiting to get love.
  • Be considerate instead of waiting to receive consideration.

To underscore the last couple of points, Dr. Haltzman says many people will put only so much effort into a relationship, then say, “I’ve done enough.” But very few of us will do that with our children. “Instead, we say despite their flaws, we wouldn’t want anyone else; yet, our kids can be much more of a pain in the ass than our spouses.”

Finally, he advises, “Have the attitude that this is the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with, so you must find a way to make it work instead of always looking for the back door.”

Doug writes:

Fourth, we should commit to having a successful marriage, and let go any idealistic notion of being married to just the right person and having a perfect marriage.

Fifth, we should welcome a different conception of the values and rewards of marriage than what is so widely assumed today.

I think this is important, because really marriage is not about having fun every minute of the day. It’s about making a commitment to love someone else self-sacrificially for the rest of your lives! You’re not marrying someone to have fun with them. You’re marrying them to be miserable amidst many trials together. Be wary about picking someone who always wants to go out and have fun. That person is not going to be reliable in a difficult situation.

A good way to test a person prior to courtship is to give them difficult things to do – ask them to support you in your work, or to help you with your other responsibilities (pets, car, taxes) or to do research for you on a problem or to guest post on your blog (or edit a post).  Try to see if they are a giving person, whether they are sympathetic with what you are trying to accomplish for the Lord. Remember that you are not just picking a spouse, but a parent for your kids.

I think that we all need to realize that the point of marriage (and the point of courtship) is not to be made happy by someone else – it’s to make someone who is trying to serve the Lord more effective and more comfortable doing that. You pick someone you think 1) is effective and 2) needs your support. It’s a positive and negative thing. If the person is not effective, then you will feel used when you serve them. If they don’t need you, then they won’t appreciate you.

UPDATE: She’s got more here.

News

Last US-based lightbulb factory closes because of green regulations

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Story here from the leftist Washington Post. (H/T Wes Widner)

Excerpt:

The last major GE factory making ordinary incandescent light bulbs in the United States is closing this month, marking a small, sad exit for a product and company that can trace their roots to Thomas Alva Edison’s innovations in the 1870s.

[…]What made the plant here vulnerable is, in part, a 2007 energy conservation measure passed by Congress that set standards essentially banning ordinary incandescents by 2014. The law will force millions of American households to switch to more efficient bulbs.

[…]Rather than setting off a boom in the U.S. manufacture of replacement lights, the leading replacement lights are compact fluorescents, or CFLs, which are made almost entirely overseas, mostly in China.

Consisting of glass tubes twisted into a spiral, they require more hand labor, which is cheaper there. So though they were first developed by American engineers in the 1970s, none of the major brands make CFLs in the United States.

Lights out on American jobs – not because of competitive pressure from free market competitors, but because of government regulators who probably have money invested in the companies that stand to benefit from this outrageous government intervention into the free market. The green movement is a scam. It costs jobs when you take money out of the private sector and put into environmentalist scams.

You can read about Al Gore’s profiteering here, for example. And you can read more about what happens when governments waste money on green jobs programs. Or read about the Finnish car company backed by Al Gore that got US government loans. Or the US government money funneled to pay for a George Soros-backed oil drilling firm – in BRAZIL.

Mentoring

Responding to same-sex marriage proponents who call you names

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A good post on tactics from Alan Shlemon at STR. (H/T Jojo)

Excerpt:

Bigot. It’s a nasty term. Usually, it’s reserved for the most intolerant individual. Usually, it refers to closed-minded and angry people. And usually, it’s applied to Christians who oppose same-sex marriage (SSM).

That’s right. If you’re a Christian and oppose SSM, then hundreds of news articles, thousands of blog posts, and millions of people think you’re a bigot. If your opposition to SSM is in any way connected with your faith, then your chances of being labeled with this term increase exponentially. Of course, you’re still homophobic, but now they think you’re also a bigot.

What is it with all the name-calling? Have people given up on offering a reasoned, well-thought argument against our position? In many instances, yes. That’s why they resort to name-calling. Plus, it’s quicker and more convenient.

Like them, I’m all about convenience. In fact, I have a quick and convenient suggestion for dealing with these verbal assaults. Next time you’re called a bigot (or any other name), just ask for a definition of the term (at Stand to Reason, we call this the Sticks-and-Stones Tactic). It’s just that easy.

Now, they’re not likely to offer the dictionary definition (a person who is obstinately or intolerantly devoted to his or her opinions), but they’ll think of something. What you’ll find is that asking for a definition can accomplish three things…

Read the rest here.

I have actually seen this done by pro-lifers quite a lot, because they have to face a lot of insults all the time. There really is no case for the pro-abortion position, it’s just about people wanting to avoid the consequences of their own decisions. So you hear a lot of insults instead of arguments.