MUST-READ: Who is to blame for the hook-up culture?

I found this post over at Stuart Schneiderman’s blog.

What’s the problem anyway?

If girls are induced to make hooking up their most predominant mode of relating to boys, then they will be giving their sexual favors to a certain type of guy, one who is called a pick up artist.But what happens to another young man, the one who works hard at his studies, who is preparing himself for success in the world, who does not spend his weekend taking a course on how to pick up girls? Isn’t he going to be overlooked, and thus, devalued, by young women who are settling for hookups.

The hookup culture thus undermines a work ethic.

And if the model of the modern relationship is something called friends with benefits, what does that say about the values of commitment, loyalty, and fidelity.

Clearly, many young people have been induced to act as though these values do not matter, because they have learned the amoral lesson that it is alright for two people to exploit each other if they have agreed that they are not exploiting each other.

So how is to blame?

Meantime, Flanagan offers a useful analysis of how the hookup culture started, and how it took hold with the unintended connivance of mothers.

It began in the late 1970s with a generation of feminist mothers who had decided, quite consciously, to bring up their daughters differently.

In Flanagan’s words: “… a large number of modern mothers were committed to helping their daughters incorporate sexual lives within a normal teenage girlhood, one in which sex did not instantly and permanently cleave a girl from her home and her family.”

It might seem dated by now, but these mothers took it for granted that their daughters would experience their sexual awakening within the context of a relationship, with a boyfriend.

In her words: “This set wasn’t in the business of providing girls and young women the necessary information and services to allow boys and men to discard them sexually. Their reaction to the kinds of sexual experiences that so many American girls are now having would have been horror and indignation.”

What started out as a permission slip for teenage girls to have sex with their boyfriends morphed into the hookup culture.

Unintentionally, so.

We are dealing with unintended consequences. Feminists decided that the double standard was unjust. Mothers everywhere bought this idea and taught their daughters that they had as much of a right to sexual pleasure as any boy did. If the unintended result was the hookup culture, then surely they bear some responsibility.

It may well be that they have now learned why there is a double standard and why feminine sexuality should never be confused with masculine sexuality.

Read the whole thing. This is a must-read. I want everyone to click though and print it and read it. Please.

UPDATE: Kelli sends this link to a recent CNN column by Racquel Welch in which she attacks the birth control pill as one of the reasons for the over-sexed culture that is harming young women today. The pill is considered to be a cornerstone of feminism because it divorces sex from procreation and allows women to have sex without having to form relationships with reliable men and vulnerable children.

4 thoughts on “MUST-READ: Who is to blame for the hook-up culture?”

  1. Have you read Raquel Welch’s comments on this subject? She says pretty much the same thing: that what she helped to start has gone much further than she intended, that she’s shocked by it, and that she regrets it.


  2. The pickup artist can only get so many girls and he tends not to stay with them too long. So there will always be girls available. It’s not like once the hookup artist is done with them they have to be thrown out, thus invalidating Stuart’s assertion that it undermines a work ethic. Girls tend to want to marry someone who is stable. If his views don’t allow him to marry a non-virgin, that is one thing, but to attempt to change everyone’s worldview so he has his share of virgins is, well, I guess christian…

    I also find it funny in the second quote that they say well there is a double standard for a reason – as to say it’s alright for guys to hookup but not for girls. If girls can’t hookup, then who are guys to be hooking up with – other guys?


    1. Stuart is Jewish, not Christian. And premarital sex does harm a person’s ability to bond – men and women. Especially when they don’t have a means of obtaining forgiveness and a way forward. I think men and women are piling up damage that will make marriage a lot harder for them.

      The point of what he was saying was that the supply of stable men goes down when men realize that they can get sex without having to commit. To commit, you need to show the woman that you can take care of her and that you will commit to doing that and that you CAN COMMIT based on past experience committing. Now that men can get sex without commitment, they don’t need to demonstrate anything like that – and there are no fathers acting as guardians, either, because of government incentives to single motherhood.


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