Commentary

Slowly but surely, I am becoming less upset when bad things happen

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Étienne Prosper Berne-Bellecour - The wounded soldier
“The wounded soldier” – Étienne Prosper Berne-Bellecour

I had some drama at the end of last week. My plan to share my thoughts online using an alias ran into a snag, and I’ve had to make adjustments.

Anyway, things are fixed now as well as they can be, so we continue. But what was interesting to me was that all my closest friends thought that I must be ready to jump off a cliff because of the setback. Well, no. I just took a couple of days to think about it and then did the best I could to fix it, and that’s it.

So I thought about why they might be so concerned and I came up with three ideas. First, they thought that because I always talk about plans, responsibilities, expectations and obligations so much that I would flip out if anything went wrong. Second, they thought that because I have anxiety left over from being stuck in daycare so much that I would be shattered by the setback. Third, some of my male friends thought that I should be really angry and fight against the injustice.

Well, here’s why I didn’t get depressed or angry.

1. First, and most importantly, it’s important to understand that in Christianity, salvation is a free gift of God. God’s love for me is not conditional on me achieving specific results, even though I am very serious about achieving specific results. Although I’m not a guy who has a past full of wild sins, I have something else – I have a lot of missed opportunities. I could have succeeded better and been more effective and influential. In my first job, I got a ton of stock options, but we were acquired 1 month before they vested. The gain in our stock price would have been worth $100,000 to me. I also missed a chance to intern with a small company that was later acquired by Oracle. I chose instead to intern with a much larger company that eventually went bankrupt. I failed an on-site interview with a great small company because I mentioned my conservative politics (my manager-to-be had run at the state level as a Democrat). They also got acquired by Oracle.

And there have been many more near misses. And even now, some of the plans I made (marriage, PhD) are 12 years and 8 years behind schedule, respectively. I’ve been forced to scramble to find other options in order to make a difference. But that’s OK, because I’m not under pressure to earn my way to Heaven here. God is in control. Being faithful doesn’t mean you get everything you plan to achieve, it just means being serious and self-sacrificial when you make decisions, and then leave the rest to God. It means reacting to targets of opportunity when your primary and secondary targets are not available.

2. Second, God has done an excellent job of strengthening me to recover from the daycare anxiety. He’s done it in three ways.

First, my education and career went well enough that I have kept up with my financial goals. Having enough money to survive all the terrible things I can imagine happening to me is a big calming influence on me. And this was a gift from God. I believe that my finances and my career are not things that I achieved, but things that God gave me in order for me to be able to mentor and assist others with the experience gained from being given these gifts. God gave these things to me so that I could fill a role with others – advising them on their decisions about education and career.

God also gave me a string of unexpected disasters to experience to build up my toughness, e.g. – running over a large possum at night while on the way back from a J. Warner Wallace event, or being rear-ended by a college student driving her Dad’s SUV. When these things happened to me early in my life, I would cry like Niagara Falls. I was raised to think that everything had to be “perfect” growing up – my working mom was always stressed out and aggressive. But now, when bad things happen, I’m much less phased. Sometimes, people run away from challenges if they don’t learn that it’s OK to fail, but thanks to God leading me, I didn’t end up like that. I kept trying.

Finally, the influence of supportive Christian women in my life has helped me a lot. It’s amazing how one action – the first time a Christian woman put her hand on my face – has stayed with me, and it makes everything terrible seem so easy to bear with. Whenever things go wrong, I just think of that day. It was a big deal. When you wait a long time for it, and when the woman understands you and approves of you, it makes a difference – for the rest of your life.

3. Third, I believe that God is sovereign so that I don’t have to defend myself all the time when things go wrong. Sometimes, when things go wrong, the most important thing to do is to not fix it, and just concentrate on being calm and polite to everyone around you.  Sometimes, God has reasons for allowing me to fail or get hurt. And since I can’t see everything he can see, what’s the point in thinking that I have to get upset every time someone disrespects me or sets me back? I don’t. If God wanted me to make a huge difference right away, he could make me do that. But he’s not going to do anything that will threaten his most important goal for me, and that’s making sure I get where I need to be after my life is finished. With all the focus on plans and goals, it can be easy to forget that this is what really matters.

So all of that is just to say that I am not earning my way to Heaven here – the most important thing to know about me is that God the Father has saved me through his Son, Jesus. The rest of my life is just me reacting to that as respectfully and effectively as I can, and not really caring much what people think of me. That doesn’t mean I’m going to do whatever I want, but it does mean that if things don’t go perfectly, then the most important thing about me isn’t going to be affected. At all. There is a great contentment in understanding these things when you are trying to interpret unexpected setbacks.

By the way, please like the new Facebook page for the blog if you haven’t already. It has fewer likes than the old page did right now, but we’ll get back up there.

News

Can prayer, Bible reading, church-singing and charismatic preaching stop Katy Perry’s apostasy?

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I received an e-mail from a woman who was telling me to drop my list of 10 worldview questions and just look for a wife who reads the Bible and has feelings about Jesus.

She wrote:

My suggestion to you is to consider a top-down approach.  Just pray for God to send you your wife and pray that you recognize her immediately.  You don’t seem like you really want to remain single…and your children are missing out on having you as their dad.  Marriage is for children, remember?  I know several young ladies who know their Scripture and who love Jesus but who, I don’t think, would pass your test because, in my perception, they aren’t cerebral enough.

I get this e-mail a lot, especially from women who have married non-Christians or who are divorced. Now the whole point of the list of 10 questions is to detect women who are not going to help me to produce effective, influential Christian children. If I am going to spend north of $100,000 per child + tuition, then I expect to get some sort of return on that investment for God. That money doesn’t earn itself, and it needs to be well-spent serving God.

It’s my wife’s job to help me to do that. My goal in choosing a wife is to find a helper to make the relationship serve God. Otherwise, it’s better for God if I give that money that I worked very hard to earn directly to effective Christian scholars. I don’t have money to burn “playing house” with someone who is guided by her feelings. I can just give the money to Reasonable Faith or Discovery Institute instead.

Let’s take a look at two parents who aimed at nothing and hit it with their daughter. The two parents run a ministry that is based around passionate preaching, prayer and Bible verses.

Excerpt:

The Lord spoke to Arise International Conference host Mary Hudson to encourage women to reach their full destiny in Jesus Christ. He wants women to rise up as trailblazers, to think outside the box and be bold in Him, of course putting God first, your husband second and then your family!

Mary’s ministry of Arise! International holds annual women’s empowerment and leadership conferences in Hawaii, Belgium, Colombia, France, Switzerland, Denmark and the USA. The river of glory is rising and we must flow with it.

2012 promises to be a break-through year to Arise! in who you are in Christ. Lean on Him for direction, don’t look to man. Knowing the signs of the times and hearing the voice of the Holy Spirit will be vital to being at the right place at the right time to reap the harvest of souls coming into the Kingdom.

Pray about being a part of Arise! this coming year. It just may be the meeting that propels you into the next level for your life. Remember, you are equipped with everything you need to fulfill your purpose. God’s assignments reveal your abilities and your capabilities, and He will provide both the potential and the provision to meet every assignment.

We call you blessed and highly favored!

I noticed that their “book store” offers nonsense books like this:

Keith Hudson “Looking and Seeing”:

Like this disciplined athlete, you need to learn how to look beyond your present situation and keep your eye on His Presence. God is ready to display His glory in your life as well in these last days, but it is going to take boldness for you to take the mask off and look at people and situations the way God sees them, not how man looks at them. What may stand in front of you may look too big for you to grasp; that what you see now is the way it’s always going to be. Or you look at the dream God has given you and think, “there is no way I can ever accomplish this with my resources at my age…” That is the moment you have to flip the switch from looking to seeing.

Mary Hudson “Smart Bombs”:

Smart Bombs is a book which will show you practically and with true life examples how to take God’s Word and let it explode strongholds in your life. When you read the Bible, He quickens particular passages or verses to your heart. You know it is God talking to you about your situation. Or when you receive a prophetic word, you sense in your heart this is speaking to you. But what do you do with these words when they bear witness with you? Let them fade away and disappear off of your memory? No, Smart Bombs shows you how to go on the offense with the anointed word of God, how to demolish strongholds and take back everything the enemy has stolen from you.

This easy read is a must for anyone who is looking for clarity on their destiny.

Keith Hudson “The Cry”:

The Cry will reignite you with new fire. Christians lose their passion when they let go of their zeal for God. We come into prayer meetings and we are so polished and perfected. But the Lord wants to hear the cry of your heart. The church has lost its cry: God is about to restore it. Why did the thirty people gathered for the Azusa Street revival have such a move of the spirit of God in their day? Because they had a cry in their hearts and in their prayers. The Cry will release a desperate longing in you for Gods intervention in your life. It goes way beyond your natural thinking into a spiritual hunger from your innermost being. When everything else has failed, a desperate cry touches the heart of God.

Now do you think that someone who reads books like that will produce the same kind of children as parents who read William Lane Craig, Stephen C. Meyer, Jay Richards, and Michael Licona? Of course not. Because the Hudson books are fluff and the books by real Christian scholars are not fluff.

Now let’s read an article from Christian Post about what sort of child the fluff approach produces. (H/T Mysterious Chris S.)

Excerpt:

Katy Perry, the 29-year-old singer and songwriter, is revealing that while she prays she no longer identifies with Christianity.

“I don’t believe in a heaven or a hell, or an old man sitting on a throne. I believe in a higher power bigger than me because that keeps me accountable,” she told Marie Claire magazine recently. “Accountability is rare to find, especially with people like myself, because nobody wants to tell you something you don’t want to hear.”

Perry, who took the Billboard charts by storm with her hit song “I Kissed a Girl” in 2008, told Marie Claire that she no longer considers herself a Christian despite being raised by Christian ministers.

“I’m not Buddhist, I’m not Hindu, I’m not Christian, but I still feel like I have a deep connection with God. I pray all the time – for self-control, for humility,” she told Marie Claire. “There’s a lot of gratitude in it. Just saying ‘thank you’ sometimes is better than asking for things.”

Despite her decision to perform music that may seem controversial to the Christian community, the chart-topping singer has never shied away from crediting the Christian church for giving her a start as a performer.

“The atmosphere I grew up in was 100 percent Christian,” Perry said her “Part of Me: 3D” movie which was released last year. “I started singing in the church, I never really had another plan.”

Their daughter is writing songs to promote homosexuality to young people. That’s their legacy. The legacy of spiritual gifts, God opening doors of mysticism and charismatic anti-intellectualism. That’s what they are going to present to God as their spiritual legacy. I noticed that Mary Hudson is now calling her daughter’s celebrity divorce after one year of marriage a “gift from God”. Her daughter married a heroin-addicted leftist non-Christian – but he was hawt. Tall, dark, handsome and a famous comedian, too.

The list of questions I use when courting helps me to avoid marrying a woman like Katy Perry’s mother. She could not answer any of my questions. None of them. And what’s more, she doesn’t want to answer them. She wants to live her whole life without learning how to answer them. She wants to stick with her Bible, her singing, her feelings, her passionate oratory and her crowds of gullible people. I will not marry a woman like that. It produces disaster and failure. It produces anti-Christian children.

In fact, you can’t succeed at anything worthwhile in life using the Keith and Mary Hudson approach to parenting. You can’t do a thing with that approach. Not writing software, not fixing cars, not making investments, not sending a rocket to the moon, not even evangelizing an apostate daughter. You do not want to be a Christian man who pumps 30 years of hard labor into a family that produces apostate children. If you are going to spend the money, then make sure you get the results.

Commentary

Why is it so hard for young people to find a job?

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Young people have a sense of entitlement
Young people have a sense of entitlement

Bloomberg News discusses the “Professionalism in the Workplace” survey of human resources specialists from York College of Pennsylvania.

Forty-nine percent of [those surveyed] stated that less than half of new employees “exhibit professionalism in their first year.” More than half (53 percent) have noticed “a sense of entitlement” rising among younger workers; almost 45 percent have seen a “worsening of the work ethic,” including “too casual of an attitude toward work” and “not understanding what hard work is.”

Younger workers believe they can multitask and remain productive, the human-resources people told the York researchers. Thirty-eight percent of respondents blamed multitasking for the lack of “focus” among younger workers. The authors of the study explained that the younger generation “believes that it is possible to multi-task effectively” and that using social media, for example, is an efficient way to communicate. In interviews, the applicants check their phones for texts and calls, dress inappropriately and overrate their talents.

“The sad fact is some of these persons probably do not understand what is wrong with this,” the authors note.

Older workers have always complained about younger workers, of course, but there’s a difference: This time they attribute the youthful flaws not to ignorance or waywardness, but to a “sense of entitlement.”

We might forgive 18-year-olds fresh out of high school for lacking employability skills (the manufacturing sector hires many workers lacking undergraduate degrees). But when he or she reaches 23 and has four years of college, employers expect a white-collar worker to recognize basic norms of dress and deportment.

What happened in college, then? The survey by York College’s Center for Professional Excellence assigns colleges part of the blame, observing that letting students miss deadlines without penalty and assigning good grades for middling work only make them form the wrong expectations.

Meanwhile, the UK Daily Mail had the results from a 2013 survey:

Young people’s unprecedented level of self-infatuation was revealed in a new analysis of the American Freshman Survey, which has been asking students to rate themselves compared to their peers since 1966.

Roughly 9 million young people have taken the survey over the last 47 years.

Psychologist Jean Twenge and her colleagues compiled the data and found that over the last four decades there’s been a dramatic rise in the number of students who describe themselves as being ‘above average’ in the areas of academic ability, drive to achieve, mathematical ability, and self-confidence.

But in appraising the traits that are considered less invidualistic – co-operativeness, understanding others, and spirituality – the numbers either stayed at slightly decreased over the same period.

Researchers also found a disconnect between the student’s opinions of themselves and actual ability.

While students are much more likely to call themselves gifted in writing abilities, objective test scores actually show that their writing abilities are far less than those of their 1960s counterparts.

Also on the decline is the amount of time spent studying, with little more than a third of students saying they study for six or more hours a week compared to almost half of all students claiming the same in the late 1980s.

Though they may work less, the number that said they had a drive to succeed rose sharply.

[…]Twenge is the author of a separate study showing a 30 per cent increase towards narcissism in students since 1979.

‘Our culture used to encourage modesty and humility and not bragging about yourself,’ Twenge told BBC News. ‘It was considered a bad thing to be seen as conceited or full of yourself.’

Just because someone has high self-esteem doesn’t mean they’re a narcissist. Positive self-assessments can not only be harmless but completely true.

However, one in four recent students responded to a questionnaire called the Narcissistic Personality Inventory with results pointing towards narcissistic self-assessments.

Narcissism is defined as excessive self-love or vanity; self-admiration, or being self-centered.

Twenge said that’s a trait that is often negative and destructive, and blames its boom on several trends – including parenting styles, celebrity culture, social media, and easy credit – for allowing people to seem more successful than they really are.

I think what I am seeing is that not only do they work less, but they work at things they “like”, rather than at things that will allow them to provide value to others. So, you’re not going to find a lot of computer programmers or petroleum engineers among young Americans, but you will find a lot of people gravitating to jobs that are easy that make them feel good about themselves, and look good to other people, too.

Obviously, there are policy reasons for youth unemployment being so high, but I think this attitude that young people have is definitely part of it.