One of my favorite movies for explaining the differences between men and women is “High Noon” (1952).
Here’s the summary from IMDB:
Former marshal Will Kane (Gary Cooper) is preparing to leave the small town of Hadleyville, New Mexico, with his new bride, Amy (Grace Kelly), when he learns that local criminal Frank Miller has been set free and is coming to seek revenge on the marshal who turned him in. When he starts recruiting deputies to fight Miller, Kane is discouraged to find that the people of Hadleyville turn cowardly when the time comes for a showdown, and he must face Miller and his cronies alone.
The main theme of the film concerns Amy’s decision to break her wedding vows the very day that she makes them. She tells her new husband that he must bow to her will, and give up his male role as protector. When he explains his reasons for standing his ground to her practically (Miller will hunt them down) and morally (he has a duty protect the town), she dismisses both. She tells him that if he doesn’t run away from Miller and his gang with her, that she will get on the train and leave town by herself.
The intro of film shows the member’s of Miller’s gang assembling, and the words of the song explain the central conflict between husband and wife:
Here’s the part of the lyrics we care about:
The noonday train will bring Frank Miller.
If I’m a man I must be brave
And I must face that deadly killer
Or lie a coward, a craven coward,
Or lie a coward in my grave.
O to be torn ‘twixt love and duty!
S’posin’ I lose my fair-haired beauty!
Look at that big hand move along
Nearin’ high noon.
He made a vow while in State’s Prison,
Vow’d it would be my life or his’n
I’m not afraid of death, but O,
What will I do if you leave me?
Do not forsake me O my darlin’
You made that promise when we wed.
Do not forsake me O my darlin’
Although you’re grievin’, I can’t be leavin’
Until I shoot Frank Miller dead.
What’s interesting is that his new wife Amy apparently does not understand the meaning of wedding vows or the natural roles of good men as protectors of the weak, and fighters against evil. Although she vowed to stick by him and help him, the minute anything threatening appears that makes her feel unhappy, she abandons her vows and abandons her man. Let’s break down her mistakes now, using actual conversations from the movie.
First, she doesn’t understand or respect the man she married as a man:
Kane: [while riding out of town] It’s no good. I’ve got to go back, Amy.
Kane: This is crazy. I haven’t even got any guns.
Amy: Then let’s go on. Hurry.
Kane: No, that’s what I’ve been thinkin’. They’re making me run. I’ve never run from anybody before.
Amy: I don’t understand any of this.
Kane: [after looking at his vest watch] Well, I haven’t got time to tell ya.
Amy: Then don’t go back, Will.
Kane: I’ve got to. That’s the whole thing. [He turns the buggy around and rides back into town]
Her feelings and her desires for the world to be a happy place for her are so strong that they cloud her judgment.
Second, she doesn’t understand the threat posed by evil men:
Kane: I sent a man up five years ago for murder. He was supposed to hang. But up North, they commuted it to life and now he’s free. I don’t know how. Anyway, it looks like he’s coming back.
Amy: I still don’t understand.
Kane: He was always wild and kind of crazy. He’ll probably make trouble.
Amy: But that’s no concern of yours, not anymore.
Kane: I’m the one who sent him up.
Amy: Well, that was part of your job. That’s finished now. They’ve got a new marshal.
Kane: He won’t be here until tomorrow. Seems to me I’ve got to stay. Anyway, I’m the same man with or without this. [He pins his badge on his vest]
Amy: Oh, that isn’t so.
Kane: I expect he’ll come lookin’ for me. Three of his old bunch are waiting at the depot.
Amy: That’s exactly why we ought to go.
Kane: They’ll just come after us, four of ’em, and we’d be all alone on the prairie.
Amy: We’ve got an hour.
Kane: What’s an hour?…What’s a hundred miles? We’d never be able to keep that store, Amy. They’d come after us and we’d have to run again, as long as we live.
Amy: No we wouldn’t, not if they didn’t know where to find us. Oh Will! Will, I’m begging you, please let’s go.
Kane: I can’t.
Amy: Don’t try to be a hero. You don’t have to be a hero, not for me.
Kane: I’m not trying to be a hero. If you think I like this, you’re crazy.
Instead of recognizing how her feelings are deceiving her about the threat and trusting her husband, she tries to force him to accept her mistaken view of reality by threatening to abandon him.
One of Kane’s ex-girlfriends has a talk with Amy, which helps her to understand who Kane is, and what is expected of her:
Amy: That man downstairs, the clerk, he said things about you and Will. I’ve been trying to understand why he wouldn’t go with me, and now all I can think of is that it’s got to be because of you…Let him go, he still has a chance. Let him go.
Helen: He isn’t staying for me. I haven’t spoken to him for a year – until today. I am leaving on the same train you are…What kind of woman are you? How can you leave him like this? Does the sound of guns frighten you that much?
Amy: I’ve heard guns. My father and my brother were killed by guns. They were on the right side but that didn’t help them any when the shooting started. My brother was nineteen. I watched him die. That’s when I became a Quaker. I don’t care who’s right or who’s wrong. There’s got to be some better way for people to live. Will knows how I feel about it.
Helen: I hate this town. I always hated it – to be a Mexican woman in a town like this.
Amy: I understand.
Helen: You do? That’s good. I don’t understand you. No matter what you say. If Kane was my man, I’d never leave him like this. I’d get a gun. I’d fight.
Amy: Why don’t you?
Helen: He is not my man. He’s yours.
Helen understands the need for a wife to stand by her man. But Amy’s response to evil is to shut her eyes and focus on feeling good and being happy. Notice that her “better way” is unspecified – it’s just a feeling she has that pacificism and no-violence will somehow “work” to stop evil. But in reality, pacifism is not a “better way” of dealing with evil – it does not work. Her pacifist response not only does not make evil go away, it actually encourages more evil. Weakness emboldens evildoers, and laying down your arms provokes them to do more evil. Will Kane knows this, but she won’t listen to him.
You can watch the final gunfight here, as well as Amy’s final decision:
So, this is why I really recommend this movie as a discussion-starter when you like a girl and are thinking of marrying her. It clarifies the essential problem with many young women today not being ready for marriage. To be fair, most women come around to respect their husbands and his different roles after they get married. However, the risk of divorce is so dangerous that it makes sense to bring it up for discussion before the marriage happens. Marriage is supposed to be an engine to serve God, and the success of that enterprise cannot be left to chance. You can’t just rely on the fact that she says the words of the vow, you have to check to see if she has a habit of keeping her promises when it goes against her own self-interest.
Ask yourself: Who are you, as a man? And does your woman accept that you have obligations to stand up to evil and do good ? Will she support you in your battle against evil, or will the marriage just be about her feelings and desires? I would especially beware of women who think that God is speaking to them through their feelings and desires. Look at her friends: are they practical and successful? Or are they irresponsible, unaccountable and reckless? Look at her father: does he have a plan for her, and does he lead her to be practical, frugal and hard-working? If you are not going to get an ally and a supporter in a wife, then you will not be able to serve God well, as a married man. Think about it.
7 thoughts on “A lesson about men for marriage-minded women from the movie “High Noon””
Here’s the question for you though –
If ‘Amy’ had wanted to get a gun and fight with ‘her man’, would Will have let her? If she’d had an intelligent plan for a way to maximize her participation (she’d be up high – shooting from a roof – protected & providing a distraction) would he have listened to her?
Because I can tell you from the experience of 27 years as a Christian wife, that marriage is at it’s best when both people have respect and understanding for ‘who’ their spouse is as a person – appreciating that each has particular talents and allowing for true partnership, rather than demanding that specific ‘roles’ be utterly maintained.
I really like your blog, and I think you could make some lucky woman an amazing husband, but I have read ‘Christian man’ blogs, where they think that being in a good Christian marriage means the wife just stays in the kitchen, breeds babies, and keeps her mouth shut…
….and, I can tell you – as mother to an attractive, hard working (and pure!) 23 yr old – I wouldn’t let a ‘man’ like that within 100 yards of my daughter!!
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You clearly are not a regular reader. I am not one of these bloggers who prefers women who are not educated and have no private sector work experience prior to children.
You got me confused with someone else.
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The idea that the woman’s place is either in the kitchen or the nursery certainly didn’t come from Proverbs 31. On the other hand, if you think that a husband/father should hide under the bed while his wife engages a hostile intruder, then you have bought into the new gender dystopian nightmare that is becoming so prevalent in our day.
You didn’t read the last paragraph clearly enough – I did express I was referencing ‘other’ blogs than yours “where they think….”
I appreciate the post you linked very much, but the point I was trying (and failed) to make is that this current post was a bit one sided.
You would be doing your male, marriage-minded readers a favor, if you pondered the first paragraph in my original comment and answered the question in a way that provided ‘thought material’ for those male readers.
Because, although the title of this post stresses that it is a lesson for “marriage-minded women”, you can bet that the way it is written, some of your “Christian man” readers ‘read into’ your description of the movie, the idea that “Amy” should just ‘stop whining, get back in the kitchen, and have dinner ready when the big showdown is over.’
Understand, I’m 58 years old – so, I get where you’re coming from – but then I have just enough marriage and life wisdom to see that, not only are you an incredibly unique young man, but you probably don’t spend a lot of time reading the ‘other’ guy’s blogs..
I just thought you might be able to appreciate some input from an older, successfully married, Christian wife and mother.
Though, admittedly, I’m no writer, so it’s not surprising my point got a bit lost in the shuffle.
I’d only comment that I did not read it at all as suggesting she should get back in the kitchen. Having been married a total of 45 years in my life I recognize there are times that women want us to be understanding and emotional. In turn, I also want a woman to be a warrior, to stand beside me, not behind me, as we fight for our existence. In today’s world, where masculinity has been deemed toxic, I think that understanding the nature of a real man is critical for women.
Even though God wants and support marriage, I think marriage in America is simply a dream for majority of American men. Do to Socialism,and Marxism in America back in the 1800s we have feminism as a product now that’s eroding American values. The only way I can see American men being married now if the men simply move to different countries where traditional values are still rooted in the society.
Perhaps the perfect movie that represents our modern world is Marvel’s Shang-Chi in which our hero is lead by his emotions rather than virtue, and must not only be taught by the female “guardians” of their secret art of warfare in order to defeat the enemy, but must also continue looking to them for guidance as he doesn’t even have the wherewithal to know if he should deal the death blow to the evil without their approval.