How parents and churches can make better women than the Bachelorette Hannah Brown

Do young women understand how to get to a stable marriage?
Do young women understand how to get to a stable marriage?

My friend Carla sent me a video from a TV show called the Bachelorette, in which a woman named Hannah Brown explains why she thinks that having recreational premarital sex is compatible with Christianity. In this post, I wanted to explain to Christian parents and churches why serious Christian men do not consider women like Hannah Brown to be appropriate candidates for marriage.

First, if you haven’t seen the clip, you can watch it here:

So I just wanted to go over what I think marriage is for, and then try to judge whether Hannah Brown’s view of men, sex and marriage offers me any value. I think this will be useful for parents and churches, because I think a lot of Christian men see marriage the same way as I do.

So, when I think of marriage, I’m looking for a partner who can help me to achieve goals that are consistent with the character of God revealed in the ministry of his son Jesus. So, what did Jesus do? Jesus demonstrated the existence of God by showing people evidence (miracles). Jesus taught people about what moral choices they should make and how to treat others. Jesus taught people that marriage is for one man and one woman, and that children should not be prevented from knowing God. And Jesus taught that people who sin can be forgiven, but that they should “sin no more”.

So, let’s take a look at what marriage-minded Christian men are looking for, and then decide whether Hannah Brown is doing a good job of preparing herself for marriage.

I’d like to model a successful, fruitful marriage to non-Christians, e.g. college students, neighbors, co-workers

A lot of people these days aspire to be married with children, and I want my marriage to be an advertisement to them for how Christianity provides a moral framework for that. So, a marriage candidate should demonstrate that she is good at making and keeping commitments, and investing in other people’s lives self-sacrificially, with a goal of making them grow in their knowledge and influence as Christians. She should also be good at tasks that are related to being a wife and mother, like cooking, cleaning, caring for children, managing money, and so on. She should be a virgin and demonstrate self-control when it comes to things like drinking alcohol, frivolous travel, and managing money. Regarding sex, men are aware of studies that show that the number of premarital sex partners that a woman has is related to her contentment in her future marriage. The more no-commitment hawt bad boys a woman has sex with before marriage, the less content she will be with the “loser” she has to “settle for” when she hits 30. Marriage-minded men understand that women who “settle” for them later on were never attracted to commitment skills. We don’t want to deal with sex-withholding, porn usage, emotional affairs, adultery, and divorce.

I’d like to facilitate discussions with students and faculty about whether the claims of Christian worldview are true

I would like my wife to be familiar with how to discuss and defend the claims of Christianity using evidence. For example, God’s existence, Jesus’ resurrection, etc. I do not mean that she should share her feelings and experiences with non-Christians. I do not mean that she should give her opinions or quote Bible verses to non-Christians. I mean that she should be able to appeal to mainstream scientific and historical evidence when making her case for the core claims of the Christian worldview. Being familiar with the work of people like William Lane Craig, Lee Strobel, Sean McDowell, J. Warner Wallace, etc. is sufficient. She should also be able to defend against objections to the Christian worldview, e.g. – suffering, hiddenness, pluralism, postmodernism, etc. I’m really looking for evidence that she is aware of areas where the culture is challenging Christianity, e.g. – abortion, natural marriage, socialism, border security, environmental stewardship, etc. and that she is able to be persuasive against the secular left with reasons and evidence.

I’d like to raise many effective and influential children who promote the Christian worldview and conditions that allow the practice of Christianity to flourish to society as a whole

In order to have many children, the woman has to be serious about making herself ready or marriage early, and pursuing marriage-ready men early. She should not be spending her late teens and 20s using her finite supply of youth and beauty trying pursuing temporary relationships with men who have superficial qualities. It eats into the “honeymoon period” that she could be giving her future husband, and it reduces the time available for making more children. Regular sex and emotional support are huge gifts that a woman gives to a man, and they should be reserved for a man who commits to love her, lead her, and provide for her and her children. Since she is busy in her 20s riding the carousel with not-her-husband men, she won’t have any effect on her husband’s early career, which means that her husband will have less money to support having more children later on. I’m also looking for evidence that she is investing in relationships with other people that causes them to be more competent and effective in their Christian lives. For example, she could be getting people to be better with money – leading them by example to study hard STEM subjects, get real jobs in the private sector, avoid student loans. Something that shows that she is able to navigate the real world successfully, and isn’t just wasting her time chasing fun and thrills.

I’d like to have an influence on the laws and policies in my community so that behaving as a consistent Christian is not subject to interference from the secular left

I’d like her to demonstrate that she’s going to keep the Christian worldview that she has in the face of pressures from the secular left culture. So, I’m looking for her to be aware of where Christian values are impacted by laws and policies. And I’m looking for her to have strong convictions herself and also to be persuasive to others in debates and discussions. It’s very easy for women to tell men what they want to hear when it comes to issues like abortion, gay rights, definition of marriage, socialism, environmentalism, border security, national debt, etc. Opinions are easy. What’s not easy is having conversations where arguments are made, and supported by factual evidence. I would definitely want to see her taking pro-marriage and pro-family views in her conversations, but also in her writings, and in her activism. A man needs support and understanding when he is engaged in providing for a family, being a spiritual and moral leader, and protecting his family from outside threats. Many of the laws and policies that young Christian women find attractive are incompatible with what a Christian man does as a father and husband.

Conclusion

So, I think it’s pretty clear when you look at Hannah Brown that she has none of these things. But she is a perfect example of what I see being produced by Christian parents and Christian pastors today. She really is not exceptional in any way, she is the normal Christian woman. On the one hand, she hollers Jesus, reads the Bible, sings praise hymns, attends church, and knows just enough about Christianity to satisfy parents and pastors that she is serious about her faith (until she throws the mask off on the first day of college). But to the Christian men who evaluate her for marriage, she has nothing at all that we want in a wife and mother.

9 thoughts on “How parents and churches can make better women than the Bachelorette Hannah Brown”

  1. I wouldn’t deliberately wish ill on Hannah Brown, but I have to admit I laughed my head off when I read that the guy she slept with four times on the show (Tyler Cameron) was spotted on a date with supermodel Gigi Hadid only days after spending the night with Hannah (https://perezhilton.com/tyler-cameron-gigi-hadid-date-hannah-brown-bachelorette/).

    Sure sounds like a winner huh? Hannah admitted to having sex with him four times in one night, and he was the second runner up on the show, allegedly prepared to propose to her should he win. Yet, after the man Hannah did pick revealed he actually had a girlfriend, Hannah finds her second runner up on a date with another gorgeous woman.

    This shows that the “hawt bad boys” that Hannah and women like them run after aren’t really interested in commitment, but it further shows that women like Hannah aren’t as much of a catch as they believe themselves to be. Is Hannah attractive? Yes! But so is Gigi Hadid, and so are dozens and dozens of other women. Men like Tyler Cameron know that after they’ve exhausted all the sexual pleasure they can get out of a woman like Hannah, there will still be other equally attractive women willing to jump in bed with them, so why ever commit?

    A woman’s virginity is her most powerful bargaining chip when it comes to marriage. Serious, marriage minded men care about a woman’s virginity, but players were never interested in commitment to begin with. Sex was all they were after, and they know there will always be others willing to oblige. This being said, how exactly does any woman think that jumping in bed with a man is going to get him to commit?

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    1. They think that moral character and Christian worldview is free. That ability in those areas can just be established with words. So they have a checkbox on the application form that says “Claims to be a Christian”. But the real focus instead on choosing a man with the right externals to give them feelings.The feelings determine whether a man is good or not. I did not go through university for two computer science degrees in order to “rescue” women like this from the results of their own bad decision-making. I don’t care how much they shame me for refusing to jump off a cliff for them. Women who can’t control themselves and who don’t prioritize marriage and children early on will NEVER be suitable for marriage. The problem isn’t with the men.

      I’m going to be honest with you and I think it’s a myth that Christian parents and pastors have when they think that women are using sex to get love. Young women are not using sex with hot bad boys to get love. They are using sex they KNOW isn’t going anywhere for self-esteem, popularity, and to “experience” life. They don’t WANT to derail their non-STEM, debt-fueled educations and public sector “careers” with the demands of marriage. Not until they have had all the fun they can have with “desirable” men who THEY KNOW have no intention of marrying at all.

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      1. “they’re doing it for love” – a rationalizing lie.

        The other one I love – “they’re being giving – it’s in their nature to give” see when they give what’s rightfully the husband’s to other men. they’re just being “giving” – how generous.

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    2. Inre the whole Bachelorette farce:

      Anybody of either sex who calls themselves “Christian,” but who would even think of participating in the sleaze that is “Reality” TV has already outted themselves as a fraud. In that respect there’s really no story here; Hannah Brown most certainly is not a Christian and never was one. The same can almost certainly be said of Luke Parker, who, if the persona he is said to have projected on the show were real, would have shown much better discernment and judgment than to be in any way associated with that trashy program. Even people with IQs not far north of freezer temperature know that Hollywood and Christianity DO NOT “play nice together;” whenever Hollywood invites Christianity to a party, it’s to tear it down, mock it, and humiliate it in front of the rest of the world. Even if Parker agreed to participate in the show with the noblest (if naivest) of intentions, he wound up staining the image of the Faith rather than enhancing it.

      Returning to the title of the post, here’s a question: Assuming that either Hannah Brown or Luke Parker have Christian parents or attend church regularly, did either their parents or their churches condone or encourage their participation in The Bachelorette?

      If the answer is “yes,” then my original assertion in the first paragraph is confirmed.

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  2. I feel bad for the young man who held to his standards and then got gaslighted by this modern Millie. I’ve been in his shoes before, many years ago, as a much younger man, and I feel his angst and pain I saw on his face. Calling out this young woman triggered her! I would have got up and walked away. Let’s see where Hannah is in 10-15 years. I should pray for her, but I see divorced, 2 kids, and post wall. The American story. God help that young man.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Here’s where Hannah is in 10-15 years:
      https://nypost.com/2019/08/27/single-mom-hosts-wedding-themed-birthday-so-she-can-celebrate-without-settling-down/

      A single mom rang in her 36th birthday in an unusual fashion — by wearing a wedding dress and tiara and celebrating making it “all this way without marrying anyone.”

      “I’m 36 years old on 16th August this year and have made it all this way without marrying anyone! Well done me!” the invitation begins, according to a screengrab of the Facebook page.

      “So, seeing as I have no intentions to do so for real (sorry Ben!), I want to have a wedding. That’s the best bit about marriage anyway, right?”

      The woman went on to demand her guests put the date on their calendars, threatening to go “full Bridezilla” if they didn’t show up and requested that everyone wear their best “bridesmaids dresses, your own wedding dress, cheesy suit, or as Elvis.”

      “I became a single mom in my early twenties. I’ve done all the hard parenting stuff and now I’m free. My life’s brilliant. I have no intention of settling down,” she added.

      “When I go a wedding now, I just love the dress and the fact they get a big party,” she told Metro. “That’s the bit about marriage I like — not the having to live with somebody for the rest of my life bit.”

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  3. What is the purpose of life? Is it pleasure? Fun? “Self-fulfillment”(Whatever that is)? Security? Power? Prestige? Friends? Family? Fame?

    Some of you may remember David Wilkerson (The Cross and the Switchblade).
    He said something years ago and I’ve never forgotten it:

    “Fame is fleeting and has nothing of lasting value. Pleasures all fade. Friends and family must one day leave us. Only doing the will of God truly satisfies.”

    If getting married, having kids, going to college, getting a degree, etc. will help us and others to more perfectly do His will, then great. Do it.

    If not, DON’T.

    This world is not a theme park, IT’S A SCHOOL.

    “Thus saith the LORD, “Let not the wise man glory in his wisdom, nor let the mighty man glory in his might, nor let the rich man glory in his riches; but let him that glorieth glory in this: THAT HE UNDERSTANDETH AND KNOWETH ME.” (Jer.9:23).

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Unfortunately many believe Christian = nice person or human being or churchgoer or checkbox: Jesus loves me.

    There was once a Nazarene preacher who called people to bear their crosses, come after him, to call him Lord equated to consider themselves under New Management of God. Christianity also taught a pretty radical message: to call Jesus Lord was to not call Caesar or Rome ‘Lord’ and to risk death. That because we’re under New Management, we no longer flaunt our sins or rationalize them.

    When I was dating, it wasn’t just a checkbox to see whether someone self-identified as Christian. I wanted to know whether someone confirmed her family’s faith or had a genuine encounter and conversion; I wanted to know evidences that the lady was choosing to be led by the Holy Spirit.

    Let’s also dredge up something from the past: it is understandable if a non-Christian does not understand/abide by Christian sexual ethics. However, if I did meet someone who was a Christian, there was definitely some amount of inquiry about sexual past (Yes, it very much is a litmus test of seriousness of relationship with God and also asking about motivations is very insightful.) Yes, I understand people make mistakes — so I’m looking for repentance and living by the Holy Spirit who gives self-control.

    I also want to see that I can try to influence the lady to be a better Christian.

    This is not about “controlling her sexuality.” It is about discerning a suitable high quality life partner, with whom I’ve giving my all. (I understand this is kind of alien in modern sensibilities that women should be able to sleep around with whomever and whenever they want, and that men should just accept them still.)

    We’ll give an analogy (arguing from lesser to greater). If some high school student had pathetic GPA, SAT’s, terrible STEM ability, no extracurriculars, and said, “Well, Caltech should just accept me,” I think most people could clearly see the applicant was delusional.

    Marriage is much more important than where one went to college or college admissions.

    Obviously if we turned it around and talked about how a morbidly obese dweeb who had the social skills of a zucchini, was perennially unemployed and had no ambition in life — if such a man complained about his lack of romantic life, The Sisterhood would roast him. Obviously women have standards. They want the best. But men are not allowed to have standards. That’s oppression. That’s control. That’s furthering The Patriarchy. That’s slut shaming.

    I do think many families, pastors, youth groups, churches, and of course, the individual Christian himself or herself — have failed to properly inculcate Christian values and teachings. (I did see even on the CAA fb group that some Christian tried to say, “I don’t believe premarital sex is a sin… New Testament teaching is cultural” blah blah blah)

    I had to politely say the equivalent of Sit Down, Shut Up, Stop Misleading Others, Get Properly Taught on Christian moral teaching on sexuality.

    (And I thank God for nine years of marriage, and counting.)

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