What possible harm can result from premarital sex?

Here’s an article by a Duke University student that talks about the hook-up phenomenon.


Every weekend, girls across Duke’s campus wake up sad and confused. The previous night’s choices have not left them fulfilled or content. My girlfriends always seem hurt while the guys easily move on to their next fling. Why are the women upset? After all, it was supposed to be just sex-just one of the “responsible social decisions” discussed in The Real Deal. Without an explanation for their emotions, my friends are left feeling used and embarrassed. All I could do is sit with these women while they let painful tears flow.

Our women’s center and sexual health groups failed to tell us the whole truth. They may warn of the physical risks of “unsafe sex” but tend to ignore its emotional toll which also has biological roots. Research suggests that a hormone called oxytocin plays a role in the feelings of attachment and trust that women feel for their sexual partners. Female mammals primarily release oxytocin while giving birth and breast feeding and the hormone facilitates mother-child bonding. Oddly enough, the same hormone is also released during sexual contact causing a sense of attachment. In men, oxytocin’s effects are neutralized by the release of testosterone.

Did you catch that ladies? There is a biological explanation for the way you feel and the way he doesn’t feel.

I had always thought casual sex had different consequences for men and women. Now, based on scientific evidence, I know it does. College women at Duke are suffering emotional pain that’s not only avoidable-but, predictable.

Why weren’t we told this three years ago?

[…]The explanation is a radical feminist agenda that has a foothold in women’s health discussions. As Dr. Miriam Grossman, a psychiatrist at UCLA suggests in her book, Unprotected, “I once assumed campus medicine and psychology had one priority: student well-being. I’m no longer so naive. Radical politics pervades my profession, and common sense has vanished.” To propose that “safe” sexual experimentation may not be emotionally healthy and may be more dangerous for women than men is not politically correct.

Premarital sex hurts women. But it also hurts men.

It’s not like men are going to be happy about transitioning from years of hooking up with no responsibilities to the rigorous demands of a marriage. Premarital sex destroys the ability of women and men to bond, because it trains them to separate out their emotions from sex. It makes no sense to expose yourself emotionally during sex if you’re not married – you run the risk of being crushed by the pain of separation. Do it enough times, and it becomes extremely difficult to allow sex to bond two people together emotionally.

6 thoughts on “What possible harm can result from premarital sex?”

  1. “Our women’s center and sexual health groups failed to tell us the whole truth.”

    “Why weren’t we told this three years ago?”

    “Radical politics pervades my profession, and common sense has vanished.”

    Common sense and the truth has disappeared in the wake of the onslought of secularization and post-modern thought. If the truth is whatever we make it, then all bets are off. I don’t see why it is so hard to see that if a civil society is to be regained there must be a return to the idea that there is a version of what is right and good that applies to everyone. Anything other than that version of the good is a perversion and is harmful. My heart breaks for these young ladies who may never know of a truly beautiful relationship because of believing and living a lie.

    Thanks for the post and the clear call to pray for all the young people on whom this nonsense is being foisted.

  2. I spend a lot of time disagreeing here, thought I better drop in here and say I agree that the secular community is NOT being honest with people about the emotional fall-out the sexual revolution has brought us.

    This article blames feminist. I blame our entire culture. TV and movies where there is constant sex w/o consequenses.

    The playboy/porn industry is also to be blamed.
    Porn has so influenced our culture and sex sells that little girls are internalizing it, looking upon themselves as sex objects since that is what their world is telling them they are for.

    Porn turns women into objects and men into animals who cannot control their impulses.

    And yes, the result is bad for women AND men AND children.

  3. Hi Knight,
    Good stuff there. At Moody, we have a book on this subject that you may be familiar with called “Hooked” written by two doctors. It explains the chemical reactions mentioned here, and the harmful effects of bonding and breaking that bond. There’s no doubt that this kind of lifestyle will take a heavy emotional toll.

  4. Change comes from within, not from without:

    “First cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.”

    Note the focus is on yourself and your brother—NOT your sister.

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