This new report from Live Science gives us some numbers about who initiates divorces most frequently.
Women are more likely than men to initiate divorce in the United States, but they are no more likely than men to initiate breakups in a dating relationship, a new study finds.
“The breakups of nonmarital heterosexual relationships in the U.S. are quite gender-neutral and fairly egalitarian,” study author Michael Rosenfeld, an associate professor of sociology at Stanford University, said in a statement. “This was a surprise because the only prior research that had been done on who wanted the breakup was research on marital divorces.”
Previous research had found that women are more likely to initiate divorce, at least in the United States, Europe and Australia. In the new study, Rosenfeld compared divorces to nonmarital breakups, in an effort to understand the driving forces behind each type of breakup.
To investigate, he looked at data from the 2009 to 2015 waves of How Couples Meet and Stay Together, a nationally representative survey spearheaded by Rosenfeld and his colleagues. The new study includes 2,262 adults, ages 19 to 64, who reported having opposite-sex partners in 2009. By 2015, 371 of the participants had broken up or gotten divorced.
Women initiated 69 percent of the 92 divorces, Rosenfeld found. But there was no statistically significant difference between women and men when it came to nonmarital breakups, regardless of whether they were living together, he said.
The Ruth Institute reports on a few studies:
Female unions seem to have the highest divorce rates, followed by male unions, followed by opposite sex unions.
“For Sweden, the divorce risk for partnerships of men is 50% higher than the risk for heterosexual marriages, and that the divorce risk for female partnerships is nearly double that for men.”
“For Norway, divorce risks are 77% higher in lesbian partnerships than in those of gay men.” (The Norwegian data did not include a comparison with opposite sex couples.)
In California, the data is collected a little differently. The study looks at couples who describe themselves as partners, whether same sex or opposite sex. The study asks the question, how likely is it that these couples live in the same household five years later. Male couples were only 30% as likely, while female couples were less that 25% as likely, as heterosexual married couples, to be residing in the same household for five years.
It really seems as if there is something about women in particular that causes them to be unable to keep to commitments in their actions, despite what they might say with their words.
So I am seeing a couple of problems in young, unmarried women that might explain this.
Feminism is bad
First, there is the feminism. Feminism was the driving force behind no-fault divorce. Today, young unmarried women are being taught to view marriage as stifling to their freedom. So if they do get married, they are often resolved that marriage should not affect their freedom in any way. That is just not the way marriage works, though – both spouses need to be equally ready to have their freedom infringed upon by things that HAVE TO GET DONE. Lots of things that have to get done will not be fun, thrilling or amusing – and that’s why it’s good to be prepared to do them before you marry.
My friend Dina says that she only knows one happily married couple from among her friends. The most frequent case she sees is wife is working in order to pay for big house, two cars, etc. and wife is denying husband sex, which makes him disengage from the marriage. A working wife tends to not be as responsive to the needs of husband and kids as a non-working wife, probably in part due to work stress. There is an epidemic of sex-withholding by women, and it causes men to disengage from marriage because they feel unloved. Although women tend to rebel against the idea that the man’s bad behavior is their fault, and that there is a “contractual” nature to marriage, that is how marriage works. You cannot stay married, women, by just doing whatever you feel like, and NOT doing whatever you DON’T feel like. Men will disengage when their needs are not supplied, and that’s no fault of theirs. It’s your fault. Denying relationship obligations causes men to underperform.
Feminism is often linked closely to “independence”. There is a lot of confusion over what the word independence means among young, unmarried women. A man uses that word to mean “lack of financial dependence on parents, the state, etc. because of good decisions in education, career and finances”. But a woman means “not having to care about the needs of a man and the leadership of a man, or the needs of children while still getting what I want from men and children”. That attitude is not compatible with life-long married love.
Emotions are bad
Second, emotions. In my experience, young, unmarried women are less likely to have reasoned out their own life plan in a practical step-by-step manner. Instead, they tend to do whatever makes them feel good moment-by-moment without any realistic plan. One Christian woman was recently telling me how attracted she was to an atheist moral relativist who had been promiscuous from the age of 15. She explained that her emotions were kindled by his GQ looks, 6-pack abs, mysterious European accent, seductive manner and witty conversations. Although she is apparently a Christian, she doesn’t take Christianity seriously in her decisions about relationships and marriage.
Peer-approval and culture play a large part in determining what women think is attractive in a man, as well as their life goals, and women are driven by these cultural standards more than men who focus on honoring their commitments regardless of their emotions. In my experience, women struggle to make their day-to-day actions match their socially-acceptable goal of getting married “some day”. Marriage is for “some day” for today’s busy women, but fun and thrills is for today. “Live in the moment”, they often tell me. If you try to talk to them about roles and responsibilities in a marriage, they will withdraw and rebel. But marriage is about each spouse doing his or her job, and feeling content about what the couple is building together. You can’t make life-long married love from emotional craziness and pursuing fun and thrills with seductive promiscuous moral relativist atheists.
How to pick a woman who won’t divorce you
Young men, I advise you to choose wives who have had to do things that they did not feel like doing. That can involve things like getting a STEM degree, getting a job in STEM, moving out of her parents’ house, getting a “boring” job that helps her pay off her debts, keeping commitments when she doesn’t feel like it, and caring for other people and even animals.
Basically, the more the woman has ground down any narcissism and hedonism she may have, by having to do nasty calculus and horrid lab work, the better. The more accustomed she is to constraints, responsibilities, expectations and obligations, the less likely it is that she’ll divorce you for unhappiness. And all of this goes for men, as well. STEM degree, STEM job, save money, serve others, give to charity.
Marriage is not the time for people to be carried away by their emotions. It’s an enterprise, and it works when both people are rational, practical, hard-working and self-controlled.
11 thoughts on “New study: the majority (69%) of divorces are initiated by women”
And isn’t the rate even higher for college-educated women? I’ve heard it is closer to 80%. The marriage deck is totally stacked against guys. Women — even Christian and “Christian” women — break God’s laws on both sides of the wedding, by having sex before to win the guys and by withholding it afterward to control them. So glad I married well, but things have changed.
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The rate of divorce for college educated men and women is LOWER than for men and women who are not college-educated. I think this is because finishing college is one of the signs of being able to finish what you start that I talked about in the post.
However, you are on to something. The 2015 study by the American Sociological Association found that college-educated women initiate divorce at a staggeringly high rate: 90%.
Although social conservatives and feminists try to spin these numbers, the root cause for the numbers is simple. Women do not see their vows as unconditional. They are marrying in order to get certain things out of the marriage. When they do not get those things, then they feel that they have a right to go back on their vows. Their emotions are more important to them than their honor and duty. That’s why the HIGHEST RATE OF RELATIONSHIP INSTABILITY is found with lesbian couples. There, you have two people who don’t take vows seriously.
Like I said, social conservatives, even people like Katy Faust and Ryan Anderson, who I like, LOVE to make excuses for this lack of commitment ability. For men, it’s a solid warning to make sure you vet a potential mate for the ability to commit and finish what you start, when when things get tough. This is a problem with women, and men need to be very careful when getting married to one.
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Closing in on 35 years of a wonderful marriage to a wonderful woman. We both have our faults, but one thing that can never be questioned is our commitment. To God, to each other and to our country.
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When women go through college, they are told continuously, for 4 years, that everything that used to be seen as good in a man is bad and “sexist”. Commitment is useless to a feminist woman. They are looking for fun, thrills, travel, career and autonomy from the demands of marriage and parenting. That’s why we have an epidemic of no-fault divorce, daycare, public schools and single motherhood.
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You have a great deal of sound insight !
When my husband met me, I had a University degree ( on scholarships), I had a job, apartment, car, and a beloved Siamese cat.
We are still happily married…😁
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Yes! That’s excellent! He was smart to choose you. I sent you an email about newfoundland did you ever get it?
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Oh, thanks for the e-mail. Alas, that contact info on my site does not seem to work. Thanks for letting me know – I’ll see if I can contact WordPress to fix this.
Your commentaries about women are very exact, and the photo that you last posted spoke volumes about the state of our society.
I think my husband also chose me because when we met I had recently returned from travelling around Europe by myself. He was looking for someone to enjoying travelling adventures with.
Again, thanks for the great writing. 🤗🌷
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You’re so welcome!
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Western culture has lost its sense of shame, but women have certainly led the way in this regard. From their casual view of abortion (even if they are pro-life, whatever that means) to how they dress (earlier generations had a word for that kind of attire) to their view of divorce (and remarriage), most 21st century women have not just lowered the bar on womanhood but shattered it. And that doesn’t even count the Freak Show of transgenderism.
When I was a child, the words “abortion” and “divorce” were whispered in horror, just like one would discuss a mass murderer. Now they are shouted from the rooftops with pride as “freedom!” It’s instructive that the Bible records that God hates both divorce and the hands that shed innocent blood, and it’s a reasonable conclusion that we probably should not be doing the things that God hates. And this doesn’t even consider the topic of sodomy, which was a crime when I was growing up – and is still a crime in God’s eyes, one that He destroys civilizations over.
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I’ve found that one very important disposition is needed for each sex to secure marriages. However, God revealed this first in Ephesians 5:33. Husbands are to love their wives, and wives are to respect their husbands. As this post demonstrates again, people will claim a belief system as virtuous so that no one will account for their selfish, dismissive, and degrading behavior. I see the damage of a woman disrespecting her husband in Genesis 3. Women need to believe in a Godly and Christlike standard that challenges them to esteem Godly men rather than disregard them. Likewise, men need the self-sacrificing example of Christ to know love (Eph 5:25-30; 1 John 3:16).