Would you like your marriage to be long-lasting and fulfilling? Well, check out the questions below and see if you are ready for life-long wedded bliss.
1. Are you opposed to no-fault divorce laws?
No-fault divorce laws allow one spouse to leave the marriage at any time, for any reason, or for no reason at all. If you support no-fault divorce, then your view of marriage is that it’s something to be entered into lightly, because it can be exited easily. You’ll be walking down the aisle thinking “oh well, if it doesn’t work out, I can always get a divorce”. If you oppose no-fault divorce laws, then your view of marriage is that there is no escape hatch. You’ll probably be a lot more careful about getting married. Since you are convinced that marriage is built to last forever, you’ll have a courtship of at least 6 months, and involve both sets of parents in the process. If you put commitment above happiness, you’re ready for marriage.
2. Are you opposed to abortion laws?
Abortion laws basically make it easy for two people to have recreational sex, and then get rid of any complications that result quickly and easily. This way, both the people that created the effect can escape the responsibility for what they did, and keep right on pursuing their goals and dreams. If you support abortion laws, you’re really saying that you can engage in recreational sex with people who are unwilling to accept responsibility for any children that result. If you are pro-life, then you’re saying that people should be careful about having sex, and be ready to take responsibility for a child, should one appear. Being responsible is good preparation for marriage.
3. Are you supportive of daycare for young kids?
Daycare services are essential for couples who need both the father and the mother to be working. The advantage of both parents working is that you can afford lots of shiny new stuff – like vacations, boats, shoes and handbags. Studies show that children don’t die during daycare, although if you put a child in daycare, there will be effects on the child’s behavior, such as higher anxiety and aggression. If you oppose daycare, you’re putting the needs of your children above your need for shiny stuff. Putting the needs of children first is a sign that you are ready for the self-sacrifice that marriage requires.
4. Are you in favor of smaller government?
If you’re in favor of smaller government, then you would rather keep taxes low so that more money stays in the family. If you support bigger government, then you think that government knows how to spend your money better than you and your spouse do. Additionally, government usually likes to spend more money than they take in. For example, in Obama’s 8 years, we added $10 trillion dollars to the debt, which doubled from 10 to 20 trillion under his watch. If you oppose higher taxes and bigger government, then you want government to pass on less debt to your children. Putting your kids’ financial well-being over your own is pro-marriage.
5. Are you in favor of school choice?
If you’re opposed to school choice, then you think that government should decide which schools your children will attend. School choice laws allow parents to give money to the schools they think are best for the children. If a school has excellent teachers and teaches students skills that they can use in their professional lives, then parents can choose that school. Schools have to compete to provide higher quality to parents, for lower cost. If you support giving parents more choice, then you put the needs of children – especially poor, minority children – above the needs of education administrators and teacher unions. Putting kids first is pro-marriage.
6. Are you in favor of premarital sex?
Premarital sex is really fun (so I’m told). You can have sex with people who are just really attractive, even if these people have lousy character. Your friends will be impressed, and you’ll feel more attractive – like you were climbing a ladder of attractiveness with each new partner. If you combine sex with being drunk, then you can’t remember anything after. And you can’t feel guilty if the booze made you do it, right? On the other hand, if you present yourself to your spouse as a virgin, you are telling them that you have self-control, that you take sex as communication rather than recreation, and that they can trust you to be faithful by keeping sex inside the marriage. Trust is important for a good marriage.
7. Are you in favor of welfare for single mothers?
Sometimes, women find themselves pregnant before they are married. If you think that giving taxpayer money to women who have babies before they have husbands is a good idea, then you are rewarding behavior that creates fatherless children. Raising a child without a father causes serious behavioral problems. Boys tend to become more violent, and are more likely to commit crimes. Girls tend to engage in sex at earlier ages. If you oppose encouraging fatherlessness with welfare, you want women to get married before they have kids. Taking the needs of children seriously is pro-marriage.
8. Are you in favor of same-sex marriage?
When a man and a man get married and acquire children, those children will not be raised with their birth mother. Similarly with lesbians, the children will not grow up with their birth father. Studies show that children suffer from not being raised by their biological parents. For example, children of same-sex parents have lower graduation rates than children raised by heterosexual couples. If you think that children have a right to a stable relationship with their biological mother and father, then you place a higher value on the needs of children as opposed to the needs of adults. That’s a good sign you’re ready for marriage.
9. Are you in favor of radical feminism?
Feminism shows that you think the purpose of marriage is to make women happy, and not to work as a team to serve God and raise good children. Indeed. Marriage doesn’t work if the woman approaches it as an accessory. Marriage is about a man and a woman sacrificing their own interests and compromising in order to work together as a team. Husbands and children have needs that women should care about. Feminism teaches women that husbands and children are less important than their careers, hobbies and interests. Feminism is anti-marriage.
10. Are you responsible with earning, budgeting and saving money?
This one comes to us from Bob P. He says that marriages work better when both spouses are “committed to financial planning, budgeting and a renunciation of debt to support a lifestyle. Disagreement about financial issues is one of the greatest causes of marital stress.” If you’re able to choose a college major or a trade that you don’t like, but that pays well, that’s a positive. If you’re able to string together jobs so that your resume is gap-less, that’s a positive. If you’re able to save money even though it means you’re having less fun, that’s a positive. If you’re able to give away money to others to support them, that means you’re able to sacrifice your interests for the benefit of others. That’s pro-marriage.
Well, how did you do? Leave your ideas for more policies and points of view that are marriage-friendly in the comments.
WINTERY KNIGHT 
That’s a great list. A guy should run away from any woman who disagrees with any of those.
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I write these lists because women are trying to get husbands by being passive and waiting for men to talk to them about how cute and fun they are. “Positive vibes” is a not good enough ability to distinguish herself from the other billions of women who want a marriage-minded man.
There’s a better way. Women should be reading about things that are relevant to marriage so they can recognize and prefer a man who is a good candidate for marriage.
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Two from me:
1) Are you afraid of/hate guns?
2) Do you like motorcycles?
My list would include all of yours and many more like those two from me. This means if my wife were to pass away before me, I would probably never have another long-term female relationship until I die.
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I am careful about yes/no questions. I want to see if they have read anything to convince themselves. The right answer is no use to men at all, because without doing any work that answer could easily change.
What’s the point of question 2 for marriage? What does it get you?
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Obviously both potential spouses should be born again followers of Jesus Christ with ample fruits to prove it. Versus just people raised in the churches.
I realize that is assumed by you, but given how weak churchianity is, we need to make that distinction. There needs to be some evidence that when the going got tough, both potential spouses demonstrated the ability to follow Christ and not the world.
Nice article, as usual! Great list!
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Yeah see here is why I have all these questions.
So I am talking to single women in their 30s, and they are asking me where their husbands are. So I was saying to them, you are looking for a specific man, who sees marriage as something he can do to make an impact on the world. It’s not being done for “love” only, but to have an influence and be a model of male-female commitment. So what will he be looking for? He will be looking for more than just looks, fun and positive vibes. So basically what I’m saying in this list to both men and women is that marriage is likes job. And these questions find out how suited you are to joining you for a purpose, keeping the money in the home, having and raising kids, and keeping your values intact. All this to say that more is needed than “I’m cute and I attend church”.
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“I’m cute and I attend church.”
Hahahaha! That’s a good one!
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I’m telling you right now, there is enormous pressure on men and women to not be political or controversial, but to just watch TV and talk about movies and nonsense. Reading books to form a christian worldview is frowned upon. Buti can only say that when I am looking over a girl, I look for a girl who is not suitable for most men. I’m looking for political convictions and apologetics ability. She has to enjoy fighting for what she believes in because I won’t marry someone who isn’t comfortable being different and not being liked by everyone. The not being liked is a core competency of capable Christians.
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Right on!
I like to ask churchians “How many enemies do you have?” When they give me that puzzled look, I say “Jesus Christ collected enemies everywhere He went. How can you be following Him if you have no enemies in a culture that is THIS wicked?”
That’s when I get the lecture that we are supposed to be much nicer than Jesus, LOL.
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There is a way to disagree without being rude. But I think every Christian should feel that sadness that their good character is seen as a judgment of the hedonism of non-Christians.
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Tell them “their” husbands got put in the “friend zone” when they were in their 20s. Those guys either married someone else or have realized that marrying a 30-something wall-girl is not a winning strategy.
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By the time a woman reaches 30, the prime child bearing years are gone and the opportunity to support a man in his late education / early career is gone too.
You won’t get 4 homeschooled children from a woman who has only ever focused on bedding hot guys and her own career. These things take a certain character – not just to be able to do it, but to be content with it.
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I have believed in and followed the above including homeschooling our son, and we have gone through some difficult times, but committment is definitely more important than romance and expecting your spouse to make you happy. By the way, we recently celebrated our 42 anniversary
So if you want to make it for the long haul, commit to forever and always, make forgiveness and grace a practice in your marriage, and plan how you will handle conflict.
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I should add those to the list. I think conflict resolution is important and both men and women should be good at it and good at doing it together before they marry.
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Back before I got married (13 years married now), I was in chemistry graduate school, organizing such things at church as I was requested to (so music stuff and I was in charge of all of the fellowship planning, which I used half of as outreach oriented), and making sure that I was bring dishes to share at fellowship events to demonstrate my cooking abilities. Not in graduate school anymore (home with kids). Still organizing stuff at church – new location, obviously for husband’s job (Awana commander). And my husband is still a fan of my cooking.
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Perfect on every measure:
STEM background
Focus on outreach
Organization skills
Homeschooling ability
Cooking ability
And are able to defend your faith, right?
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I can discuss in detail the historical reliability of the New Testament using number and dating of manuscripts (and have done so with the 3rd-6th graders). They haven’t heard of the Greek and Roman works from the same time period, which are widely accepted as reliable; however, the graph on the sheer numbers still makes an impression.
I can also discuss protein synthesis, the need for an Intelligent Source for the information encoded therein, and the how the mathematical odds are insurmountably against the evolution of life God. A youth pastor friend of mine had me make a short video answer to answer one of his kids’ questions about “how can a scientist believe in God?”. It is more a question of how can a scientist not believe in God.
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What’s wrong with origin of the universe, and fine-tuning ? I like those arguments.
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I like those ones, too; however, as a chemist, protein synthesis is easier to discuss (by far the most knowledge there). With the greater technical knowledge, it is easier to discuss across a wide variety of levels of technical understanding. I’m sure my husband (medical physics) finds the more physics oriented discussions easier.
More people know a bit about how proteins work than know about the different fundamental constants of the universe and how those values affect the feasibility of life.
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See, this is why I say that women need to have a STEM background. Look at the advantage of being able to make those origin of life arguments from a position of authority and understanding!
I agree that people with high school chemistry will be able to understand those arguments, but many of the fine-tuning ones also use chemistry – the ones about getting elements like carbon, water, star formation, etc.
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Five of the questions are irrelevant to whether or not a person is ready for marriage.
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Which ones are not relevant in 2021?
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