10 Behaviors for Christian Women to Avoid in a Potential Spouse: part 10 of 10


Note: The following post was written by my friend Laura. On this blog, I have often offered men suggestions about what to ask prospective mates. Laura’s article looks at the problem from the other side, offering women suggestions about what to look out for in a husband candidate. I’ll be posting one per day for the next 10 days.

Apart from the decision to follow Christ, marriage is the biggest decision you will ever make. It is a lifelong commitment that will impact every area of your life for as long as you both shall live. As Jesus’ disciples realized and the apostle Paul taught explicitly, for many people it is better not to marry at all (1 Corinthians 7). But for those who do marry, it must not be entered into lightly. Here are ten behaviors to avoid in men when considering committing for life.

10. Unwillingness or inability to lay out a plan for your life and ministry together. A man ought to be able to communicate what he needs and desires from his wife, how he sees her fitting into his plans for life and ministry, and how he intends to equip her to achieve the important work that is before her. He must present a vision for her spiritual, emotional, relational, and physical well-being, and he must be willing and able to provide the necessary resources to make this vision a reality.

If a man hasn’t thought about how his wife fits into his life and plans, he isn’t ready for marriage. And if he has expectations of her, he must not only identify those expectations and communicate them, but he must also provide everything she needs in order to thrive in her role. Of course, there is freedom to tailor the plans to the women’s strengths and passions, but it is not enough for a man to ask a woman to join him for a lifetime without communicating his plans to make her effective as well.

Without these conversations, a woman may find that she is dragged along into whatever next adventure excites her husband, without thought or care for what she needs or how she can contribute effectively. A prepared and thoughtful husband will not allow this to happen. He will commit to prioritizing her ministry with his time, money, and decisions rather than leaving her to create (and potentially recreate) her own life and ministry without any help from him.


Marriage is hard, and the only way to do it is to commit for life! The stupidest thing a person can do, apart from rejecting Christ, is to marry a bad spouse.

How do you know if your man will make a bad spouse? Avoid the behaviors above, and wait for a man who reads great books often; demonstrates a biblical view of spiritual leadership; is willing to make enemies rather than compromise his convictions; responds humbly to constructive criticism; engages in healthy and productive disagreements; treats people with kindness, gentleness, and self-control; shares his feelings about matters of significance; stewards his finances well, without stinginess or frivolity; demonstrates genuine love and concern for other Christians; and communicates his long-term plan for life and ministry together with his wife. If you can’t find a man like this, I implore you, do not settle for a lesser man. A lifetime of regret is not worth it.

2 thoughts on “10 Behaviors for Christian Women to Avoid in a Potential Spouse: part 10 of 10”

  1. We, my people, have strong, ancient rules that were hammered out centuries ago. A man lives close to his mother-in-law so his wide will always have her best friend nearby (her mother). If the wife is not acting wifely, complain to your father-in-law, not your mommy! No matter what the wide cooks, or how it’s cooked, be loud in praises–a normal person will try even harder to make it better. All things in the house belong to the wife; kids, money, furniture, any land the family owns. A man owns the clothes on his back, the tools of his trade and his car or truck. Why would he need more? A man is a warrior, always. In-house, the wife runs things to keep things smooth for all; outside, husband rules apply to keep all safe. Where a woman is concerned, a man has no friends.
    There are other rules, as well, most pertaining to agriculture, but in the main they all work. Women are now, again, encouraged to learn how to handle weapons because she’s next in line to defend the children. Always, women are encouraged to get a college ed and a profession incase the husband is incapacitated or dies. If a woman has an abortion, her family is to be shunned; a generation ago, her mother was to call on an executioner. Gay sons, same. Liars, shunned. Mine do not have a problem with alcoholics like we did, or drug abusers. Most are Christians, but many are not. No matter what you believe, you obey the rules or face the wrath of little old ladies armed with hairbrushes and attitude and backed by young people trained as soldiers. We strive to walk in God’s beauty.


  2. Wow that’s quite the 10 part checklist.
    If my wife of 32+ years has used that list on me, I would have failed quickly. But Ihad potential.
    I had a checklist. She failed big time. You would have told me to run from her. But I saw potential.
    Yet hear we are, content and happy. With great successful kids. We are still in love with each other, and love nothing more than just being together no matter what we are doing.
    Finding a spouse is not like shopping for a car with a list of features to check off.
    Sometimes you meet someone and you have a connection that can’t be quantified with a list.


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