10 Behaviors for Christian Women to Avoid in a Potential Spouse: part 9 of 10

Note: The following post was written by my friend Laura. On this blog, I have often offered men suggestions about what to ask prospective mates. Laura’s article looks at the problem from the other side, offering women suggestions about what to look out for in a husband candidate. I’ll be posting one per day for the next 10 days.

Apart from the decision to follow Christ, marriage is the biggest decision you will ever make. It is a lifelong commitment that will impact every area of your life for as long as you both shall live. As Jesus’ disciples realized and the apostle Paul taught explicitly, for many people it is better not to marry at all (1 Corinthians 7). But for those who do marry, it must not be entered into lightly. Here are ten behaviors to avoid in men when considering committing for life.

9. Lacks serious concern for others. If a man hasn’t shown genuine love and concern for others—being willing to help them solve their problems, recover from their wounds, and overcome their hardships—he isn’t going to show genuine love and concern for you once the honeymoon period is over. A man who loves others well listens to their story, empathizes with their struggles, identifies their needs, and takes action to help them in practical ways. He is not indifferent to the plight of others, but he takes seriously the tasks of helping others through mentoring, encouragement, provision, and protection.

It is not possible to live the Christian life without taking seriously the commands to love one another. In John 13:34-35 Jesus says, “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

People will be able to identify us as Jesus’ disciples by our love for fellow Christians! Jesus doesn’t say they will know us primarily by our love for the atheist, the poor, the feminist, the homosexual, or the Muslim. Although we are to show love to all people, many non-Christians care about those groups too. What distinguishes us as God’s children is our love for one another.

If your man is too busy with other things to love fellow Christians well by taking action to alleviate their suffering, making sure their needs are met and ensuring they know their value and worth as members of the family of God, then you do not want to marry him!

Ask him who he mentors. Ask him what actions he has taken to help other Christians. Ask him about his relationships with other Christians, and get to know those people too. Ask his friends what makes him a great friend, and ask even his enemies and ex-girlfriends to tell you what kind of a man he is. Do whatever it takes to get to know the best and worst about him, and remember that one day, when the lovey-dovey, he’s-so-hot period of your relationship has passed, his character will be what remains. If he was willing to sacrifice his own ease and comfort to love other Christians without personal gain before you married him, he will likely be willing to do the same for you for the long haul.

8 thoughts on “10 Behaviors for Christian Women to Avoid in a Potential Spouse: part 9 of 10”

  1. This is a great series – this Laura gal knows her stuff!

    I would add one thing to this, to check the man’s tender-heartedness:

    Notice how he treats, or has compassion for, children, animals, and the unborn – not necessarily in that order. If he does not regularly grieve over the plight of the unborn, then he probably does not consider them real (unless they are his own unborn of course – weird how everybody cares about their OWN children in the womb). If he shies away from children, that is a huge red flag, for obvious Scriptural reasons. And while he certainly does not have to be a PETA activist or anything, and probably shouldn’t be in most regards, he should be able to show compassion for God’s animals too. See how he treats dogs and cats and such, as a minimum.

    We want him to have a heart of Wilberforce when it comes to the most vulnerable and voiceless among us.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. WorldGoneCrazy, thank you for all your comments! They’re great! I actually had the thought you mentioned above just this morning, and I’m planning to include it for next time. I also incorporated your suggestions for reading about persecuted Christians into the updated version of day 1, which will appear next time this series is posted. I appreciate your feedback!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Wow – than you – all Glory to God and none to me for sure!

        I am glad they were helpful – I was really just thinking about what attracted me to Christianity when I was an atheist, but I suppose that is also what might attract a Christian woman to a potential spouse.

        She should see some measure of “Christ” in a true man of God.

        Liked by 1 person

    2. I don’t particularly fault men or women for not being “kid people”. You don’t have to like all children, just your children. My husband and I enjoy the company of our kids but we aren’t thrilled about having other people’s around. We don’t dislike them, we just don’t want them around all the time. It’s different looking at some random kid vs staring at your own newborn’s eyes for the first time. Of course this is different than people outright hating children in general. That to me is indeed a red flag.


      1. Jesus loves the little babies,
        All the babies in the womb,
        Red and yellow, black and white,
        They are precious in His Sight,
        Jesus loves the little babies in the womb!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Merry Christmas. I’ve posted this on facebook to share with unmarrieds in the family. May it be a blessing on all of them, men and women!


  3. Laura,
    You should write a book. You can call it the “How to be a Christian Beta Cuck!
    Any of today’s women, including the so called “Christian Women”
    would tire of that type of guy in a hurry.
    I am trying to remember, was it Sarah, who referred to her man as “dearest husband”, I do not think he qualified for all those 10 points!!!


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