Famous pick-up artist Roosh V urges men not to act like clowns for casual sex

Fifty Shades of Grey was very popular with women
Fifty Shades was popular with women, including “Christian” women – why?

Is it meaningful and rewarding for men to spend their time and money pursuing casual sex? I would expect that men who tried and failed to obtain casual sex to say that it’s a waste of time and money. But what about a man who was so successful at obtaining casual sex that he wrote bestselling books about it? Did he find his achievements meaningful in the end?

Roosh V is a well-known pick-up artist who is a master at seducing women. He’s traveled all over the world and seduced many women from many countries.

In a post from April 2019, he reaches a startling conclusion about his success:

I began pursuing women for mostly sexual reasons in 2001. I must’ve logged tens of thousands of hours into the task. I’ve been also traveling or living abroad near continuously since 2007. I’ve spent a lot of time trying to fornicate, fornicating, traveling to more effectively fornicate, and writing over a million words about fornication. What did I learn from all that? It’s an experience that gets more dull with repetition, like any other experience. However, it also leaves you with a massive hangover where you find yourself at a loss. What was the point of all that? Is there anything I’ve truly gained? What lasting glory have I achieved? If I wasn’t a writer, I would have nothing to “show” for my efforts besides memories that are as likely to make me cringe as give me happiness.

If society were healthy, and if women were more traditional, most of my time would have been spent writing different kinds of books, maybe concerning religion or history. I would have a family, and spend much of my time nurturing the love between them without degenerate interference from the government or cultural elites. […]While there is nothing in life that is solid, my family and community would give me a stronger feeling of continuity. Tomorrow, things that are likely to be here would still be there, compared to the easy-come-easy-go modern lifestyle where putting your penis inside a girl is not even close to a guarantee you’ll see her again, and where any job you have, or apartment you live in, is as transitory as the next bus that rolls down the street.

[…]As I approach 40 years of age, I see most of my hedonistic and travel pursuits as expensive life lessons than a source of meaning. My nature, and I believe the nature of most masculine men I meet, is one of creation, strength, and provision for family, things we’re increasingly not allowed to do, or allowed to do only at impossible cost.

Indeed. Speaking for myself, one of the main reasons that I’ve avoided casual sex (or premarital sex of any kind) is because from earliest days, I could not stomach the idea of a woman that I had sex with walking away. So, my education, career and finance decisions were oriented to winning the heart of one woman who would commit to me for life, so that we could built something nice for the Lord together.

In another post, from March 2014, Roosh explains why casual sex didn’t provide him with validation:

There is definitely not a single woman alive in the Western world who needs a man. While in the past a woman had to put forth effort to obtain a husband who would help her survive, today she is protected by a welfare state that ensures she will never go hungry or spend one night on the street.

[…]From a young age, girls are brainwashed to believe that they don’t need men and that the key to their happiness is self-empowerment by sleeping around and becoming a corporate wage slave. It’s hard to dispute the notion that a woman who believes she doesn’t need a man won’t make as good of a relationship partner as one who does. She will treat you as a distraction to her more important job, girls’ nights out, and social networking validation happy time. Men have become an utterly replaceable and expendable commodity in a girl’s life. Her interest in a man is not unlike her interest in a new television show or Apple product, and your only hope is to have sex with her as many times as possible until her attraction diminishes and she moves on to the next guy in line.

Women don’t seek out comfort or stability in men anymore—they seek entertainment. They seek distraction. They seek hedonistic pleasure. […]Once the entertainment or novelty you provide her declines—and it inevitably will—she moves on to something or someone else. In essence, the only way you can keep a girl is if you adopt the mentality of a soap opera writer, adding a cliffhanger to the end of each episode that keeps a woman interested when being a good man no longer does.

When I look at myself in the mirror, I don’t see a man who has improved himself over the years to be the best that his genes allow—I see a glittery skirt that a girl encounters in the mall. Is the skirt too expensive or is it on sale? Is there only one left of her size or is the rack full of them? Does she already have something similar or is it totally novel? Does her friends think it’s cute or just alright? After trying it on, does it flatter her body or make her look fat? Either she makes the impulsive decision to buy the skirt or not, because odds are she won’t come back for it. There are so many stores with so many skirts that she will soon forget it, forever. We are like glittery pieces of fashion to women—items that she truly doesn’t need. Not only has she already collected so many of them, but she can easily obtain more within walking distance from where she lives. She can even browse online from home while in her pajamas through a nearly unlimited selection.

We are not men in the traditional sense—we are clowns.

Well, I’m a virgin who never spent money or time pursuing casual sex, and precisely because I refuse to be any woman’s clown. It’s very easy for a man to not be a woman’s clown. All he has to do is choose a woman who will let him lead her, instead of a woman who wants him to entertain her. Women use the offer of premarital sex in order to get men to stop trying to lead them. Men who don’t mind acting like clowns in order to get sex will take this bargain. Men who expect women to rise up to the roles of wife and mother will reject the bargain. A Christian man’s goal is to lead a woman away from her self-centeredness, feelings, desires and need for peer-approval, so that she can perform the roles of wife and mother.

How to avoid becoming a clown for casual sex

So, let me give some advice for men about how to get into relationships where they can lead a woman upward, and avoid becoming her clown. It begins and ends with the woman you choose, because some women will let you lead, while others will not.

Research (here, here) shows that women who are virgins are more likely to be content in their marriages, and therefore less likely to financially ruin you with a frivolous divorce. Therefore, women who are virgins are to be preferred. Women who abstain from alcohol, drugs and tattoos should be preferred. Women who have a conservative father who they have respected should be preferred. Women who have STEM degrees should be preferred. Women who are debt-free should be preferred. Women who have challenging STEM careers in the private sector should be preferred. Women who don’t want to outsource the education of their children to daycare, public schools, etc. should be preferred. Women who want three or more children should be preferred. Women who think that a man’s earnings should not be taxed to pay for husband-substitute social programs should be preferred. Women who have demonstrated public opposition to no-fault divorce, premarital sex, abortion and same-sex marriage should be preferred. Women who blame and shame other women for choosing hot bad boys should be preferred. Women who can demonstrate knowledge of intermediate-level science apologetics (e.g. Stephen C. Meyer, Michael Behe, Hugh Ross, etc.) should be preferred. (Philosophical and historical apologetics are useful, but are not forceful enough in a debate). Women who avoid fun and thrills (beaches, FOMO travel, reading fiction, thrill-seeking, etc.) should be preferred. Women who serve others (elderly, disabled, etc.) should be preferred.

Basically, you’re looking for someone who is comfortable with responsibilities, expectations and obligations. You’re looking for someone who respects your demonstrated ability in areas like education, career and finance. (You have led other people to do well in education, career, finances, ministry, etc. right?) You’re looking for someone who lets her logical reasoning override her feelings and intuitions when she makes decisions.

The retreat from male leadership

It used to be the case that you could count on pastors to warn Christian men about wasting their time and money on women who wanted them to be clowns instead of leaders. Even the progressive fideist John Piper wrote against women rebelling against male leadership way back in 1983. Men used to be wary of this desire of women to usurp the leadership role from men. But today, it seems like men are anxious to dance to a woman’s tune – reducing themselves to spineless commodities, like a pair of shoes or a handbag. But men were not designed to be women’s accessories, men were designed to lead. When you tell a woman no to premarital sex, there is the possibility of leading her out of the pig sty of feminism and socialism. But if you say yes to her, you become her clown. If you waste all your 20s and 30s clowning for casual sex, you will have no meaningful legacy.  To any man who works for the Lord, this is unacceptable. Christian men, you were bought at a price, and you are expected to produce a return.

Therefore, focus your attention on an early marriage to a good woman, and avoid the hot bad girls who just want to pump and dump you for their own pointless entertainment. If you can’t find a decent wife, then it’s better to remain a virgin and put points on the board some other way.

10 thoughts on “Famous pick-up artist Roosh V urges men not to act like clowns for casual sex”

  1. “Speaking for myself, one of the main reasons that I’ve avoided casual sex (or premarital sex of any kind) is because from earliest days, I could not stomach the idea of a woman that I had sex with walking away. So, my education, career and finance decisions were oriented to winning the heart of one woman who would commit to me for life, so that we could built something nice for the Lord together.”

    ^Contrary to what a lot of popular culture would want us to think, men really are romantic. Your quote definitely proves that.

    I’m very glad to see Roosh doesn’t look back at his wasted sexual past as something that helped him mature, or God-forbid, something other men should follow in order to develop themselves into healthy men. He could have spun it in such a way as to lead more men to that kind of emptiness, but he’s chosen the better path… which takes a lot of humility.

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  2. Which one of those characteristics from the checklist can I cut off? I feel like if I wait for a woman like that I’ll remain single forever. I’m already 38 and girls in their early to mid 20s (and everyone else for that matter) think it’s creepy for me to even try with them so that’s a chunk of the population I’ve already aged out of.

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    1. If there is one single characteristic I would focus on, it is a woman who is willing to fight the hard battles alongside you and encourage you in so doing. Taking the Gospel to the streets, murder mills, rebuking churchianity (easy believism, etc), encouraging homeschooling, etc should all be high priorities for her. Look for a woman who stands up to evil, apathy, and cowardice, and fights. You are going to need her, and so are your children.

      She should be fluent in Perpetua, Corrie ten Boom, Harriet Tubman, and many of the female heroes of the faith.

      Any woman with that kind of toughness is not going to bail on you for frivolous reasons. I would be VERY cautious about women who regularly attend even “good conservative Biblical” churches. They are, at best, hearers of the Word, but not doers. Also, even the “good” churches are steeped in feminism.

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    2. Why are you beating yourself up, and throwing in the towel? Unless you are absolutely garish looking, or a total creeper (and I doubt you are), I can tell you personally that there are younger women out there who are open to being with an older gentlemen. I’ve heard these women say they’re weary of what they call “scrubs”, “man babies”, and “soy boys” their age who live in their parents/parent’s basement, don’t work, play video games, smoke dope, and watch online pornography (Roosh V’s Red Pill community was rife with these types of angry young men). I’m 62, and in an age gap relationship with a 33 year old. Both of us are never married. I live in Kansas City, and I see more and more mature gentlemen out and about with younger women. While there’s no shortage of vapid, libertine, and self-centered young women, it’s a total pipe dream in today’s culture to think one can land a Dugger girl who wants to debate apologetics, a born again transformed virgin (in her own mind) with a brood of children by multiple baby daddies, or a chaste woman in some happy clappy mega church. It’s either modify one’s criteria, or be like a monastic (no shame in this). At 38, you can be with a 20 something. You really can, and don’t let the angry sisters, the media, or the entertainment industry (including the church ones) tell you different, sir.

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    1. I (at 38 years old, although we were 36 when we met) married a nearly 30-year old virgin.

      She is a Christian, got involved with a campus fellowship, became president, pursued a STEM degree, got a doctorate, and was her church’s adult Bible study coordinator.

      Now, a decade and three kids later… we’re still great partners. There were times where I turned to her and said, “I’d like to give two talk on apologetics at my alma mater’s Intervarsity chapter, is that okay?” That happened a few times over the last decade. And yes, she was supportive.

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  3. I think 50 shades was popular with Christian women because clearly, they lack the thrill that book provides, in their own marital bed. If they were virgins and settled with their safe husbands, and of course, their husbands were the best (and worst) lover they’ve had (that’s not saying much), then they got see a taste of what a different type of sex looks like than just neck kissing and missionary and mayonnaise.

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  4. *apologies if posted twice, computer problems.

    “You’re looking for someone who lets her logical reasoning override her feelings and intuitions when she makes decisions.” = less than 10% of women.

    Sounds like you are describing a female version of yourself, which usually is 1 in a 100 million. That leaves about 2 women like that in the country. Chances those women are taken, or nuns. But don’t give up hope.

    You might find my views to be radical and strange, but I live in the real world, and it takes a certain amount of failures and wrong relationships to be able to learn and recognise red flags early on in future partners.

    I was a clown for women, but actually, women were my clowns, and after a while i got sick of the game, and found a good woman who is too smart to fall for my tricks. If Roose went around the world but produced no children from all his adventures, then of course its been a wasted effort, otherwise he’d still be strutting about with 100 kids to 70 different woman like some kind of god, and also an std magnet.

    A good woman is not one who had STEM degrees or debating skills, or has good finances; a good woman is one who commits and dedicated herself to her partner fully in all aspects and listens and trusts and respects him; allows him is time to speak and express himself; and shows the love that he needs. She is faithful and gives open positive communication. Now all women have a tendancy to be nags or bitches or create unnessccary drama – that’s inherent in every woman, so long as she is mature minded enough to know how to keep control of herself for the most part. Mostly it just happens once a month so if you can refrain from inflamming that situation it’ll be for the better.

    Experience is the best teacher of course. i have a friend who isn’t very good with women (isn’t very good for marriage either), and he thinks that the next woman he talks to will be “the one”. I tell him if he wants to find a wife he has to talk to 100 women, 50 of those will engage further conversation, 20 might agree to a date, 10 a second date, less than 5 a relationship, 1 or none might turn into a wife. Or just ask all of them like playing bingo or slots at the casino. Very rarely does it happen like in romance movies, sure it’s heard of, but then consider from a population viewpoint it turns into a very very small percentage <1% so thats why you have to play the numbers game and/or keep wishing on your magic stones and books.

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    1. “A good woman is not one who had STEM degrees or debating skills, or has good finances; a good woman is one who commits and dedicated herself to her partner fully in all aspects and listens and trusts and respects him; allows him is time to speak and express himself; and shows the love that he needs. She is faithful and gives open positive communication. Now all women have a tendancy to be nags or bitches or create unnessccary drama – that’s inherent in every woman, so long as she is mature minded enough to know how to keep control of herself for the most part. Mostly it just happens once a month so if you can refrain from inflamming that situation it’ll be for the better.”

      ^This is good advice. I have a STEM degree and it’s basically useless now that we have 4 children (I know I’ve posted that before here, but it may be worth repeating again). I *may* go back to use it, but realistically with homeschooling etc. I’m not quite sure how that will play out later on, either way, having the STEM degree most definitely doesn’t make me a, “good,” woman/wife. The other qualities this commenter pointed out are much better for that.

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