Woman who had sex with 18 different men shocked that men don’t want to marry her

Does being a virgin before marriage affect marital stabilitity?
Does being a virgin before marriage affect marital stability?

Sunshine Mary linked to a post from Reddit by a 32-year old “progressive” woman who is surprised that 15 years of sleeping around with 18 different guys is not attractive to marriage-minded men.

Excerpt:

My parents are first generation immigrants. I have a younger brother and younger sister. In my family I was always the rebellious one; I would often challenge my parents. My family was very strict, when it came to dating and my siblings usually fell in line. However, I would challenge that norm.

My brother and sister were very repressed with their sexualities as a result, while I lost my virginity at 17 to my then boyfriend. While my brother and followed the traditional Indian path. My brother ended up not having any sexual contact with a girl until he got married at 25 (arranged marriage) and now they have a child together. My sister (too never kissed a boy) has recently gotten married too at 24 with an Indian boy she met at our Temple (both parents approved).

I live in LA, a city where both men and woman tend to marry a bit later in life, and yet I still spent the last years of my 20‘s feeling that somehow, I’d messed up. I had followed the wrong trail and thus, my “important-life-moments” timeline was off. Even with my more progressive friends it began slowly at first, when I was 27 … an engagement post on Facebook, an invite to a wedding—it was happening. People I knew were beginning the next stage of life and saying “I do.”

Throughout my whole life I never really dated any Indian guys; I exclusively dated white guys. However now I realize more than ever that the guys I dated never really took me seriously. They never really viewed me as someone they would eventually marry. I was always just some exotic fun. This part was definitely a realization that has hurt me to the core. I didn’t actually do it to spite Indian men or anything like that. I did what a lot of my white female friends did; I thought I was the same as them, but that could be farther from the truth. Most white guys I ran into wanted white wives.

I am now 32, and seems like everyone in my family has lapped me. I too want a family a marriage. However, now my chance of finding someone is gone. At my age getting an arranged marriage or finding another Indian man to marry me is out of the question. Majority of Indian guys usually get married pretty early. Often either to another Indian girl they meet here, or they go back to India for an arranged marriage. My parents have tried signing me up for a matrimony site, but of the guys I’d meet they would be turned off by my history (drink/eat meat/not a virgin).

[…]Most of my relationships have been long term I have only been with 18 guys and I have been sexually active since I was 17 years old.

She has only had steady sexual relationships with 18 guys in 15 years! That’s not a lot. Is it?

Let’s see what Sunshine Mary says first:

However, the more I think about it, the more it seems to me that articles like hers are a good thing simply because they expose the lie.  Feminists have sold young women a bill of goods, that they can live like men, work like men, have sex like men, and then turn back into women when they feel like it.  We laugh at a woman like this sometimes and make fun of her and say, “Didn’t she know that she’d end up like this?”

No, she didn’t know that.  That’s because when you are 17 years old, you don’t know much, especially in this culture of extended adolescence.  And when you have been told from a very young age that, as a girl, it is your destiny to Have It All exactly When You Want It, I’m sure it is very baffling to find yourself in your thirties with no husband and none in sight, with the dawning realization that your job and lonely apartment are not nearly as fulfilling as being a wife and mother would have been.

[…]Personally, I feel no joy in this woman’s pain.  I don’t think a White Knight should ride in to save her because I think she should suffer the natural consequences of her decisions so that other young women may see and learn from her errors, but I take no pleasure in the fact that she will have this lot in life.  However, what most of us don’t seem to understand is that young women make the terrible choices that they are making because they are told from an early age that these are actually good choices.  Some girls are able to resist that message, which saturates every aspect of the media and schools, but most girls aren’t, and they don’t develop the necessary wisdom until it is too late.

Emphasis hers. And now my turn.

Let me tell you what I think awaits a man who marries a woman like that, who spent her 20s hooking up with hot guys who had no interest in marriage and no demonstrated ability to protect, provide and lead on moral/spiritual issues. She will have convinced herself that she is more attractive than she really is because in her mind she deserves a man as attractive as these men. What other criteria is there for a man? It’s all appearances. I therefore do not recommend that any man marry this woman as she is now. What men need in marriage is respect, affection, affirmation and approval. A woman with a background like this will not have the trust and vulnerability that a marriage-minded man wants. The only way to fix this shattered trust is a long period of chastity. She must choose to form relationships with good protector / provider / moral leader / spiritual leader men and to support those men. That is the only way to fix the damage of promiscuity, if it even can be fixed.

A man can sense how trusting and vulnerable a woman is by how much she trusts and encourages him in his plans. If a woman is constantly putting him down, calling him names, and making excuses for why she doesn’t have to care about his needs and feelings, then that’s just her past promiscuity showing itself. Virgins with good relationships with their fathers don’t put men down like that – they choose good men who are doing good things and they build them up. My recommendation for women who realize that they are making bad choices with men and being negative about the men they choose is to look in the mirror and acknowledge that they are the problem. The solution, then, is to find a good man and work hard at being submissive and supportive, but chastely. Stop choosing men with motorcycles. Stop choosing atheists. Stop choosing drunkards. Stop choosing men who are pro-abortion and pro-gay-marriage. Stop choosing men who want bigger government. Just stop it.

That’s the advice I would give this woman. Choose men who can do the work that men do in a marriage. Find out what a man’s plan is. Build the skills he needs for his plan. Marry him.

8 thoughts on “Woman who had sex with 18 different men shocked that men don’t want to marry her”

  1. Wintry Knight, you’ve written good and sensible advice that a significant minority of young women (like my daughters) are still willing to follow . . . but I fear that, for the majority, your advice cannot penetrate the background din of the popular culture and the Cultural-Marxist indoctrination factories still euphemistically termed “educational” institutions. Eventually, Kipling’s “gods of the copybook headings” will reassert themselves, though I fear this might not happen until (Post-)Western Civilization has collapsed into a new Dark Age; I hope I am wrong on that account, but I am pretty sure that things will have to get much worse before they start to get better. Let us hope a few Saints Benedicts are waiting in the wings to keep the memory of Christendom alive through the gloomy times to come.

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  2. Good post, Knight.
    I’d suggest the following for a promiscuous women who really does want to leave her past behind:
    1. She has to come to some sort of faith. Without it, she’ll stay right where she is emotionally, even if she never goes to another club and never sleeps with another man. She has to make a conscious decision to start living for something larger than herself. If she doesn’t, her hamster will take over and rationalize everything.
    She is told some hard truths. She is told that her lifestyle to this point is a result of her choices and she will have to accept full responsibility for those choices. She will have to live with the natural consequences of her conduct to this point — an incurable STD, a high partner count. True repentance will not erase a high partner count or cure an STD.
    She is told that if she wants to stop living as a slut and have any chance at a lasting marriage, she has to change her life. She should do this only because she wants to stop making poor choices and improve her chance of marrying. However, depending on her partner count, her appearance and her age, most men will reject her as marriage material. The best that can be hoped for is that perhaps some man, somewhere, will want to marry her. She will be told that if she wants a husband, she will probably have to accept what she can get, and that “what she can get” might very well be “no one”.
    2. She has to examine why she became a slut in the first place. That might require counseling, talking it out, whatever. There’s always a why, always a root cause. This will require nothing less than brutal, unflinching honesty with herself and one other person. Get it all out on the table — daddy issues, troubled home life, a traumatic event, an abortion, a bad sexual experience, aimlessness, entitlement princessing, attention whoring — whatever it is. Then she has to forgive it all and let it go.
    3. After she verbalizes the causes, she needs to set out her sex life for one other person. She needs to accept what her life became because of her choices. She needs to tell one other person, OUT LOUD, every last sexual thing she did, who she did it with, and how many men she did it with. She needs to own it, take responsibility for it, and acknowledge each of her sexual experiences resulted from HER choices.
    4. She has to make changes in her personal life. She has to remove things from her life.that led her to sluthood and that reinforce the behavior patterns that lead her to poor sexual choices. She has to break up with old boyfriends and not see them again. No more clubhopping, dancing on tables, or attention whoring. Get rid of the social media pages. Maybe she has other addictions–she needs to quit drinking or using drugs. All this might mean she loses some of her friends. Too bad. She’ll need to get new ones. She needs to sustain this new lifestyle for at least one year.
    5. She needs to get a complete head to toe physical exam including a complete blood count, basic metabolic profile, tests for all known STDs, and a complete inside and out exam by a board certified gynecologist. She needs to have a full understanding of her STD history, its implications for her future paramours (if any), and implications for her fertility.
    6. She needs to abstain from all dating and sexual activity for at least 12 consecutive calendar months. During that time, she receives a full deprogramming from feminist indoctrination. She learns the truth about male-female relations, attraction triggers, and hypergamy. She learns the biblical view on male-female relationships and husband-wife relationships. She learns that high partner counts adversely affect a woman’s attractiveness as a wife and possibly her fertility.
    A very likely consequence she must take responsibility for is her damaged ability to experience attraction for the kind of man she can marry, and (if she can experience this) a greatly weakened ability to sustain the kinds of feelings of pair bonding which she has been told are normal.
    Put brutally, if she marries she may well experience significant periods where she doesn’t feel “in love” with or sexually attracted to her husband. This problem is her creation and her responsibility to overcome. I don’t advise women to marry when this is a likely scenario because I don’t think we have it in us as a culture to demand that she fulfill her marriage vows anyway. However, if she insists on marrying anyway she needs to fully accept the responsibility of this. Her husband deserves a loving and available wife no less for having overlooked her damaging past. Her children deserve a mother and father who both act as husband and wife should, even if she is forced to fake this for extended periods of time (perhaps even years or decades).

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      1. What’s wrong with the word ‘slut’?

        Why tiptoe around the over-sensitivities of those offended by it? It is they who need to get over themselves.

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        1. I understand, but if the goal is to persuade, then we will fail to persuade… try to remember that women are sometimes raised as a result of their mother’s bad decisions, e.g. – fatherless, and when they wake up to what happened to them after the cultural brainwashing wears off against reality, some of them want a complete do-over so they can make a difference and do the right thing. Let’s address those women so they will listen.

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      2. Yes you can use this for a stand alone post. Anything I write anywhere is fair game for anyone to use, quote at length, comment on or criticize.

        The last two paragraphs were written by Dalrock in response to the comment I made on a post at his blog.

        The original comment and response by Dalrock is at Dalrock’s blog at a post I cannot find right now. (dalrock.wordpress.com)

        Agree with Will S. I don’t see the problem with the word “slut”. You can change it if you want, but I fail to see the problem with calling sluts what they are — sluts.

        I understand the desire to persuade. I disagree, however, that we’re dealing with women who don’t know what they’re doing. In my experience, sluts know exactly what they are and what they’re doing — they just demand the right to do those things and to have that past without being judged for it. I’m not going to play that game. If you want to act like a slut, sleep with men like a slut, and be a slut, then that’s what you are — a slut. And if you had that in your past, then you WERE a slut. I see no reason to mince words about it. No one will have any problem with calling men any manner of pejoratives when they apply — drunk, drug addict, sloth, layabout, fatass.

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  3. Jesus Christ makes all thing new, even broken men and women. She should work on a relationship with Him, come to love Him with her whole heart, her neighbor as herself. And strive for chastity. I say strive because she will fall, but she should just pick herself up and strive some more. She will find a fulfilling life, and if it is a single life, she will still be happy. If it’s a married life, she should make sure her partner shares her values. Sometimes the Mary Magdalenes of this world, male or female, are stronger Christians than us who have been faithful from birth. Marriage is not the be all and end all of our lives, God is. God bless you. Susan Fox http://www.christsfaithfulwitness.com

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