Here’s a post from NARTH by Julie Hamilton, Ph.D, that explains what most people already know about the causes of homosexuality.
Excerpt:
While environmental factors may include experiences of sexual abuse or other traumatic events, a common contributor to same-sex attractions is a disruption in the development of gender identity. Gender identity refers to a person’s view of his or her own gender; that is, his or her sense of masculinity or femininity. Gender identity is formed through the relationships that a child has with the same-sex parent and same-sex peers.
The process of gender identification begins approximately between age two and a half and four. For boys, it is during this phase that they begin to move from their primary attachment with the mother to seeking out a deeper attachment with the father. For males, the relationship between a boy and his father is the initial source of developing a secure gender identity. It is through the father-son relationship that a boy discovers what he needs to know about being male, including who he is as a boy, how boys walk, how they talk, how they act, and so forth. As the father spends time with the son, shows interest in the son, and gives the son affirmation and affection, the father imparts to the son a sense of masculinity. The boy begins to develop a sense of his own gender by understanding himself in relation to his father.
When the child reaches the age of five, he begins to face another task, that is, to begin to attach to same-sex peers. At this age, he starts school and begins to look to the other boys to answer the same questions that his dad has been answering. He looks to the other boys to discover how they walk, how they talk, how they play, and how he measures up in relation to them. He seeks to be included, accepted, and acknowledged. Through the relationships he forms with other boys, he continues to gain a sense of masculinity, discovering more about others boys and therefore more about himself as a boy.
[…]The female development of homosexuality is a bit more complex. As with the male development, there are a number of factors that can contribute. For some women who end up with same-sex attractions, the development is similar to the male development previously described. For others, negative perceptions regarding femininity may lead to an internal detachment from their own femininity. For example, if a girl watches her father abuse her mother, the girl might conclude that to be feminine is to be weak. At an early age she might make an unconscious decision to detach from her female identity. She might detach from her own gender in an effort to protect herself from the perceived harmful effects of being female.
Sexual abuse is another factor that can contribute to a homosexual orientation. In these cases men are seen as unsafe, and lesbianism becomes a way of protecting against further hurt from a male. For some there might be a disconnection from the mother, and lesbianism becomes a search for motherly love. For others, same-sex attractions may not initially be present, but may later develop as a result of entering into a non-sexual friendship which becomes emotionally dependent. An emotionally dependent relationship is one in which two people seek to have their needs met by one another. It is a relationship in which healthy boundaries are not in place. The absence of appropriate emotional boundaries can then lead to a violation of physical boundaries.
I think this is very sad because it turns out that it’s really the parents who make the decisions that will push someone towards or away from homosexuality. It would be better for everyone, homosexuality aside, if people who have children think twice about the needs of those children. Maybe the adults need to be a little more informed and accommodating about what children need? And maybe we need to do a better job of picking spouses based on their ability to provide for the needs of children?
Speaking as a Christian, I know why I want to have children, and I would be very interested in bonding with them and developing them. And people can see that in me because of the way that I mentor and support so many younger Christians in their studies and plans. We need to get better at caring for young people and just spending time with them instead of always doing our own thing and handing them off to strangers. It’s wrong to have children and not give them the attention and time they need to grow up.
You may also be interested in this post by Dr. Trayce Hansen on the identical twin studies that show that homosexuality is not determined by genetics, although that certainly is a factor. I also recommend the book “A Parent’s Guide to Preventing Homosexuality” by Dr. Joseph Nicolosi for more background on these issues.
WINTERY KNIGHT 
I would say that the explanation for boys relates to some of the gay guys, most typically the ones in the “fem” role sexually, but not the other ones who are pretty masculine looking/acting/behaving yet have sex with these other more effeminate guys who obviously are not interested in being masculine. The masculine acting ones likely have other issues at play than an alienation from masculinity per se — in many cases it’s probably abuse of some sort when they were younger (i.e., some same sex sexual contact with an older boy or even an adult) which sexually imprinted them in a homosexual way even though they are otherwise masculine.
For women it’s a different kettle of fish entirely. There are very few lesbians — much fewer than males who have a same sex preference. Most of the women who are in lesbian relationships are actually women who have also been in relationships with men at some point, and opted in favor of women. The reasons probably are close to what is suggested here: fear of men, disappointment in men, and, in some cases, feminist programming against heterosexuality and conventions, and, in other cases, friendships that developed in a sexual vein. But the key is that these women tend in most cases other than a relatively small percent to NOT be “exclusively attracted” to other women — there’s more fluidity there, on the female side, than there is on the male side.
The best bet to avoid this is, of course, to avoid the problems that lead to it. Either defective masculinity formation and/or the avoidance of abuse/experimentation that could lead to an imprinting in the boys, and the avoidance of negativity towards men being developed among the girls. Both are challenging in a culture that denigrates men and masculinity in every breath it takes, really. I would guess that this culture is “making” more people act in gay and lesbian ways than would otherwise be the case.
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I thought it was genetics. People are born gay or straight. I did not have the best childhood but I knew I was straight when I was four. The gay people I know knew they were gay at about the same age I was.
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Genetics is definitely a factor, but not determinative, as the twin-studies show. The concordance rate between identical twins is about 40-45 percent.
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But not in the the way that there is a gay gene, but to develop some personality traits that predispose people to become gay.
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I think it’s more physiological stuff. I think that if boys do or do not have the physical ability to be athletic, then it will make a difference. Not deterministic, but it has an effect.
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I’m afraid I just can’t accept any claim that suggests one “knew” they were either normal or homosexual at young ages, such as four or five years old. I’ve never, in all my life, encountered a child of that age ever considering such things. It’s pretty easy to say that one remembers considering such things about themselves at such an age, but it doesn’t ring true at all.
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There are also cases like Cynthia Nixon, who clearly wasn’t “born lesbian”, and says she isn’t bi either. but that her orientation changed. Then the gay mafia pounced on her to shut up, because it was off script from the “born that way” messaging.
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I was gay because guys are HOT!
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Not gay any more, though?
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I heard a radio interview with a former lesbian who was a psychologist and did her thesis on the causes of homosexuality in the early 70’s. Back in those days gays were not so determined to bully the world into believing they are all ‘born that way’, and as a young grad student she literally had hundreds of gay and lesbian volunteers to help her with her work in Greenwich Village, NY. She stated that after the first couple dozen interviews she felt as though she could just use two big rubber stamps with the info printed for his and hers. She stated that the males almost universally had no close or affectionate relationship with their fathers. No hugs, no verbal moral support, no, “I love you, son” comments, just cold, distant tones. With their mothers it was the opposite, WAY too close, not sexual, but best friends, as though the moms were trying to make up for the father’s attitude.
She said that 99% of the lesbians interviewed had been sexually molested as children, many for an extended period of years. And usually by an important male in her life, father, uncle, big brother, mom’s boyfriend, etc. But the kicker was that many of their mothers were shrewish woman who ran the household and would dominate these men. So males were seen as weak and pathetic and yet still very hurtful to those under them.
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I dunno about all this.. you take me, for example. I’m a lesbian who ALWAYS knew she was a lesbian. I wasn’t abused or neglected. I just knew that boys were cool and I wanted to be one. I felt like I should have been born a boy.. I felt as a child that God had made a booboo in putting me in a girl’s body. I have had sex with men in an effort to NOT be gay, but it was horrible because I was disgusted the entire time. What I’ve come to realise, at the age of 32, is that all of these theories are nice, but the bottom line for me is that I’m a homosexual, and always have been, and unless God decides to put His hand on me to change it, I always will be. My choices are simple: I could either have a loving relationship with a woman, I could have an empty relationship with a man, or I could choose to be celibate in order to have a relationship with God. I’ve chosen celibacy, and it’s the hardest decision I have had to make, and continue to make, daily. Never take for granted the fact that as a heterosexual you have an opportunity to have a loving relationship with a partner and still have that loving relationship with God. I don’t know what God has in store for me, but I know that He can turn anything to good, anything at all, even gay me :) I’ve also learned that being gay in and of itself isn’t something that God condemns me for. I’m fighting the sin nature every day, just like anyone fights lust or anger or pride! And I’m so grateful to have a church family who supports me instead of turning their backs.
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It sounds like you didn’t have an influence in your life to show you that girls are cool too. You didn’t identify with your own sex, for whatever reason. It’s a little sad that you don’t know the peace and joy that comes from embracing the feminine woman God created you to be. Instead, you long for something you are not – like an ostrich longing to soar like an eagle when it was created to run, and thus never knowing the joys of running as it was meant to.
Good for you that you have chosen celibacy over a life of sexual sin outside God’s plan. That is the best choice for you right now. But that doesn’t mean that that will always be all you can hope for. Realize that God did NOT make a mistake in creating you female. Identifying with males and being attracted to females is all you’ve ever known, but it’s not God’s plan for you. It’s the result of living in this fallen and sin-sick world. Realize that God can help you grow into the woman you were created to be. It was His plan all along for you to be female. Embrace it and let him show you how to love being what He created you to be.
Even if you embrace your God-given identity as a woman, you may or may not ever marry a man. But marriage isn’t our purpose in life anyway. Our purpose is to know, love, and serve God. For some of us, marriage is part of our calling – part of the way we serve God here on earth. For some of us, it never happens and God has another plan for us. Perhaps His calling for you is to help others who struggle with same-sex attraction and gender confusion. Whatever your calling is, you’ll find it when you reject the notion that God messed up in making you and become what He wants you to be.
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Peace and prayers to you. Know that brothers and sisters in Christ everywhere are your supportive family. It sounds like you’ve made some wise but difficult choices. In the end he will not fail or disappoint.
Pax Christos
James
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