Why is it so hard for a woman to find a good man to marry her?

Captain Capitalism explains all the reasons why men are not getting married any more, and what women can do to reverse the so-called “marriage strike”. In his view, it is women who voted for bigger government and higher taxes who are responsible for the decline of marriage among men.

His massive bullet-point list explains some of the things that women support that cause men to avoid marriage:

  • Did you hear of this “divorce fad” going around? Apparently men get to pay out the majority of the time be it alimony or child support.
  • Did you hear about this “divorce fad” going around? Apparently 65% of the time it’s women who initiate divorce.
  • Kids cost around $500,000 each to raise. given employment prospects we can’t afford that. Much rather buy a boat or frankly work all that much less.
  • Hey, you hear about this federal budget deficit and debt? Apparently we elected this guy “Barack Obama” and a bunch of democrats into office who are now mortgaging the future. This means our expenses in the future will be higher. Well, of course us “foolish, immature, pooping, farting boys” were too “immature” to vote for him like you wise women, but then again we’re too busy flinging poo at each other to ponder the future macro-economic ramifications of a collapsing dollar.
  • Hey, you hear about this social security medicare thing? Apparently enough “smart wise women” disproportionately kept voting for democrats to essentially have those immature 20 something men pay for the livelihood for these aging people. This added expense on our futures make’s it that much harder economically to commit to a wife and children.
  • Hey, you hear about this “welfare state” “medicaid” thing? Apparently enough “smart wise women” disproportionately over the years voted in enough democrats to essentially replace the role of fathers with government programs making fathers not only unnecessary, but an increasingly risky and unrewarding proposition, not to mention, making it easier for women to just up and leave their husbands, because well, “they needed to find themselves” and the government will take care of the kids while they go pursue their EPL fantasy.
  • Hey, did you hear about this “welfare state” thing? Apparently because we’ve now outsourced bringing up children to the government and have to create government jobs for all the “sociology majors” and “education majors”and “communications majors” our tax bill will go through the roof. Oh! Wait!!! No it doesn’t! I forgot! I’m a guy! I can live on very little, work a crappy job, work part time, live in a crappy apartment with my buds and STILL have enough disposable income to play video games and buy booze.

Remember that 77% of young, unmarried women voted for Obama (70% of unmarried women, but 77% of young unmarried women). And research shows that women consistently vote for bigger and bigger government, more wealth redistribution for the “poor”, and more intrusion into the family by the state. More government means higher taxes, and that makes it harder for men to have the authority in the home that comes from being the principle provider.

Not only that, but you have problems like no-fault divorce and biased domestic violence laws. Not to mention how feminism in the schools have left men earning fewer and fewer degrees, so that men lose the lion’s share of jobs during recessions. Women also lobbied Barack Obama to make sure that the stimulus was slanted towards preserving women’s jobs. I’ve merely touched on a few of the incentives against marriage. I could list even more factors, such as the easy availability of hook-up sex – why should men commit to the wife when they can get the sex for free?

What to make of all these facts? Well, men don’t like paying more in taxes and getting less liberty. It makes it harder for us to justify marriage rationally. We want to get married, but when we run the numbers, we see red, not black. Men can either afford marriage and family or government social programs, but we cannot afford both. We can either be husbands and fathers, or we can pay for welfare checks and social programs that replace men, for women who don’t want to have to deal with relating to a man.

I think the problem of men not wanting to marry is caused by women actually believing feminism – that men and women are identical. Once you believe that, there is no special role that men are supposed to play, and no way to distinguish a man who fills that role from one who doesn’t. According to feminism, which most young women believe, men aren’t meant to be providers, protectors or moral/spiritual leaders. Chastity is out. A boring, good-paying job is out. Morality is out. Sobriety is out. Apologetics and theology are out.

What’s in? Being good-looking, inoffensive, and entertaining. Women are not selecting responsible men because they think that the men can be changed to be responsible, through sex, or maybe through nagging, and eventually through the threat of losing all his money and custody of his children. Men aren’t stupid. They’ve noticed that responsibility and morality are out, and they’re acting like clowns because that’s what women prefer when getting drunk and hooking up. Remember that Duke University student and her report on all the men she slept with? – they were graded by physical attractiveness, sexual technique, popularity and athletic ability.

Many women today accept feminism, with its strong emphasis on selfishness and career advancement. Those women end up wasting their 20s on their careers and only pursue men who are attractive and entertaining. They aren’t looking to settle down with a protector/provider/moral leader/spiritual leader. They don’t want anyone to judge them or lead them. (Just try offering a woman a book on apologetics, and you’ll see what I mean). By the time they hit 35 and decide to get married, all the men are cautious. Men want to get married to women in their early 20s. What is the point of marrying a 35-year old woman who has lost her looks and her fertility? What is the value proposition for a man at that time? Plus, two decades of binge drinking, partying and hook-ups are not good preparations for creating a helpful, loving wife. Men are not stupid. We know the difference between a bitter, cynical harpy and chaste, loving princess.

Men do what women expect them to do in order to get sex. Just read the peer-reviewed studies on hooking up. If women don’t select men who can do specific things as husbands and fathers, then men won’t prepare themselves to do specific things. If they are already getting sex for playing the fool, then why should they do more than play the fool? If women obsessed over Paul Ryan and William Lane Craig, then that’s what men would aspire to. They don’t, and so men don’t. Mature men intimidate women with their strong opinions, moral judgments, and exclusive theological claims. Much better to have an immature man who is shallow and politically correct.

There is a way for women to get what they want from men, but they actually have to engage in conversations with men and find out what men want from women. And what men want from a marriage. What they want from children. What they want from government. What they want from schools. What they want from the workplace. What they want from the church. You can’t take away everything men need to marry and then expect them to marry. Nagging, belittling, withholding sex and controlling are not incentives for men to marry. Every time you break a man down, that is one less husband and father candidate. And eventually, the money flow dries up for the sperm-banks and social programs that substitute for men. What will women do then?

For myself, I am NOT on the same track as secular men (video games, alcohol, girlfriends and TV). I’m earning and saving to support Christian scholars and apologetics events in churches and universities. That’s my role right now until women destroy feminism with their own hands. Marriage is only good for me if it is good for God. And I need to be convinced that it will be good for God by whoever is applying for the job. I would like to see the reasons why I should marry in a woman’s moral decisions, her studying of difficult apologetic topics, and her political and economic conservatism. I would like to see that she understands men and marriage and understands how marriage and parenting can serve God, if done in an unselfish, moral and disciplined way. No pursuing happiness as the most important thing. No dismissing her moral obligations as “legalism”.

Making one woman feel happy with a diamond ring and an expensive wedding is not a good choice for me when I could spend a lot less money sponsoring a stack of debates over my lifetime on Christian topics, in front of hundreds of thousands of university students, or even in churches. There are ways that marriage could be a good deal for God, but I want to see the value proposition for marriage before I sign up. So far, most women seem to resent the idea that marriage should be have to be proven good for God. They resent being asked questions that test their authenticity and capabilities as Christians. But everything we do is for God, don’t I have a right to ask what is in it for him? I think a lot of Christian men are asking that question. What’s in it for God? In fact, Paul recommends the single life in 1 Cor 7 precisely because of the dampening effect that ineffective Christian women have on men. Most Christian women refuse to “woman up” and learn how to be a good wife and mother – so why should a man choose that?

Related posts

22 thoughts on “Why is it so hard for a woman to find a good man to marry her?”

  1. Good points. I can’t disagree. If a gal can’t take the Bible seriously, you’re going to be in a whole heap of trouble. I would sure love to hear about the gal you find, if/when that happens.

    Once women gained access to higher education,and favored themselves through voting, the results became skewed. Now we have a 60/40 ratio of gals to guys at university. But that will end up meaning that, first, many of the guys won’t match a gal in education, and gals don’t like to marry down, and second, that the gals will make more, meaning that they can afford to look for more evolved traits, like those dark triad traits that seem so popular right now.

    If the convent was meant to sequester women so they would take their minds off ‘worldly’ men, then the university sequesters women so that they can put off the roles of wife and mother for over a decade. Of course, after that, how many will be suitable to be wives and mothers?


  2. Lots of sobering numbers. I definitely got my Biblical manhood straight just in time to catch one of the good ones. She’s not terribly fluent in apologetics (yet) but we’ve worked through The Truth Project with a small group and my knowledge will rub off. And we’re both dyed in the wool conservatives and can’t wait to raise our first strong godly offspring. If/when a worthy woman comes along, you’ll be prepared.

    Keep up the good work.


  3. But everything we do is for God, don’t I have a right to ask what is in it for him?


    you have a RESPONSIBILITY to ask what’s in it for HIm, because if nothing is (and it aint right now) then marriage is just a genuflection to woman and her state . . . and a way for weak men to advance their socio-economic position by conforming to societal (i.e. female) expectations and control

    e.g., the Moody Church is not unusual in requiring its “pastors” to be married with numerous children — this “church” will not even consider single males to, ah, “teach their flocks”

    gee that Jesus guy, wasnt he one of those Evil Single Males?

    wouldnt measure up to U.S. churchianity tho — God aint good enought for the American Woman and her churches; women will choose their OWN pastors, thank you very much

    why do the Moodies and others do this? to self-select national-radio “preachers” to fit the female imperative, while pretending to submit to God

    but simply being married is NOT submission to God, and to marry under unholy conditions (civil marriage in the modern west) in fact is to oppose God, for one then is expected to conform to the World, and not to Christ


  4. My wife doesn’t have the same interests as me although she still supports my work. I don’t think we need to try and create female clones of us, its a little weird. Certainly being married can limit a man in some-ways (As it should) but that isn’t necessarily a bad thing, to know someone better than anyone else, to love someone so much that you would lie down your life for them in a heartbeat, to have someone else know you like no-one else does is one of the most beautiful experiences in the world! Hence it being no surprise Jesus uses marriage imagery to describe his relationship with the church.

    Comparing a wife to a job I.E. a women applying for it etc is strange and may perhaps be a barrier to meeting a women since well that’s not what marriage is. I *have* to go to work but I get the pleasure of being married to my wife and enjoying it everyday.


    1. Do you think that your wife should know whether God exists and whether Jesus rose from the dead? Enough to demonstrate it persuasively to a non-Christian, and to your children? How about understanding the relationship between marriage and fiscal/social/security policy? If you think things like that are not important, why do you think that Are you trying to please her (by not making her learn things) or God (who benefits from her knowing these things)? Who is the customer of the relationship, and how does that affect what each spouse must learn and do?


      1. What if my wife doesn’t meet your standards for an apologist? How much knowledge on things is enough for you? Does my wife know God exists yes, does she know Jesus rose from the dead yes. Would she be able lay out a syllogism for these things like WLC could…probably not and why should she have to?

        My wife has picked up enough from our discussions and things we have listened to together to be pretty okay with discussing these things with non-Christians even though she has little to no interest in apologetics. This is why apologetics tend to be male dominated because we love debate, argument and tend to be drawn to things which over overly cerebral. Of course this doesn’t mean that women don’t have an interest in it but it is pretty rare. I don’t think my wife in discussion with another women has ever been asked about Jesus’ resurrection or the Kalam, they just aren’t the sorts of questions the come up. Not that those questions for them aren’t generally important but they are less important than other questions whether rightly or wrongly.

        A marriage is a partnership, you don’t need to have the same interests or be equally good at all things, you work together to provide for each-other and your children. Yes I would feel perfectly comfortable with my wife looking after our children even if she didn’t know the Kalam Cosmological or Modal Ontological argument. How in depth would your wife need to know them for you to feel comfortable leaving your children with her? Who knows how ungodly they would be when you came back from a hard days work!

        Wintery I don’t think any American is in any position to lecture anyone on the types of policies they or their spouses should know about. My wife might not know about certain political policies that you may subjectively judge to warrant your approval, but she is a psychologist who knows a ton about that stuff which is also important for Christians to know and not just American conservative politics.

        I would rather have a caring, loving and compassionate wife who I would trust to bring up my children over one who was obsessed with apologetics any day.


        1. Yes, so I think the part where we disagree is that I think that marriage is about making God happy, and doing effective things in order to achieve that, and you think that marriage is about making you and/or your wife happy.

          To me, marriage is an engine for pleasing God, and therefore, the participants will have to do whatever is necessary to achieve goals in order to have a positive effect for God in specific areas. My areas are 1) public policy, 2) the university, 3) the church, and 4) parenting. And since I want God to be happy, I ask wife-candidates what they can do to be effective in these areas. So, that’s why I expect her to be willing and able to learn difficult things. Because I expect her to achieve difficult goals. I am convinced that marriage must serve God, and that the purpose of marriage is not my happiness or her happiness.

          For example, on the parenting, I expect that my wife will demonstrate to me during courtship that she is able to convince people that God exists and that Jesus rose from the dead, SO THAT she will be able to apply that knowledge to be effective for God in the church and in parenting the children. I am not willing to leave the church and the children to someone who is not minimally qualified to present a factual basis for Christianity and respond to objections. And similarly with the other areas in the list of ten. Basically, I have a client already, and anyone who wants to avail themselves of my assets has to be mindful of my most important client. If she can add value in pleasing him because of current/future capabilities, then we’ll do the merger.

          The way that this works in practice is that women listen to my goals. They judge the goals to be beneficial to God. They listen to my plans. They judge the plans to be effective for achieving the goals. Then they act independently to move the plans forward in order to achieve the goals. For example, they get degrees in economics, they go to law school, they start Christian apologetics book clubs, they give public talks promoting social policies, they engage their friends and family with apologetics, they publicly promote marriage-friendly policies like school choice and publicly oppose marriage-unfriendly policies like no-fault divorce. One who was previously anti-gun and anti-war met with soldiers and changed her views by listening to their stories. These are things that my ex-girlfriends have done to show that they were on board with the idea that the relationship would please God. And – surprise, surprise – some women LIKE being led, and LIKE the feeling of knowing that they were able to do more for God in a two-way relationship. They liked being led to serve God more by a man who felt a burden to be effective for God.

          It’s not that policies are conservative or liberal, it’s that they are inline or not inline with a Biblical plan for the marriage. If a candidate for my wife prefers that my money go to pay for NHS breast enlargements, or NHS sex changes for criminals, or NHS IVF to produce fatherless children, or that 60,000 people are murdered by an Iranian-backed Syrian regime, or that gay marriage is legalized, or that public schools hand out condoms to 12 year old kids, or that fatherlessness is subsidized, or that self-defense is criminalized, etc., then I reserve the right to reject that woman. Those liberal views are not compatible with a marriage that serves God. To be a political liberal is to be out of alignment with Biblical Christianity. For more on that, why not read Wayne Grudem’s “Politics According to the Bible”. His PhD is from Cambridge University, by the way. A good British school.


          1. There is no reason to promote a false dichotomy between God and my wife, marriage serves *both* God, me and my wife. It is not an either or question as you seem to suggest. If you don’t think making your wife happy is important but think that making sure she memorises a WLC syllogism for the Kalam Cosmological argument is, you a will have a strange and unbalanced marriage.

            A wife is not a candidate, I find your language and analogies especially patronising towards women. Your four points are important but its interesting that you ‘expect’ these things, what do you think your wife can ‘expect’ from you or is marriage actually about what *you* can get from her? Perhaps you should try thinking about what you can do for your potential wife and not what she can do for your happiness in the guise of being Gods requirements.

            No human being can ‘convince’ another of the gospel, that is Gods job via the holy spirit, not your wifes or yours. Of course that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t present the gospel persuasively but as I have already told you, I have asked my wife and a number of other women…very rarely has she needed to lay out the evidence for God. Yes she can answer questions they have but they are usually different questions to what men tend to have hang up on.

            You say these requirements are about Gods happiness but I think they are actually about your happiness, which you deny is important. Perhaps you should pray about this and reflect about your inconsistency here. The truth is you think a women like this will make you happy won’t she?

            The women listens to your goals? What about her goals, a marriage involves two people + God, where your wifes needs matter as much as yours because you are equals, you do not come across like this. It seems your needs are far more important than hers. She should listen to your plans, what about her plans?

            I don’t mean to be as harsh as this may sound but if these girls were on board with your plans why are they no longer with you? I suspect that it was because it was your way or the highway.

            Wayne Grudem’s book is terrible, it is not biblical politics, it is American Conservative politics as read into the Bible.

            I respect and enjoy alot of what you write Wintery but you come across very badly and misinformed on the nature of marriage. I hope and pray you do find a lovely Christian women, but remember there are two of you + God and that her happiness is important, how can you love someone and not care about their happiness? If you feel marriage will hold you back from doing what *you* want, don’t get married.


  5. One thing that I have learned is that the “good men” that Modern Women want to marry, ARE NOT the “good men” as is usually understood by the typical conservative-leaning person (i.e., a “good man” is one who is responsible, reliable, serious about his life and career, etc.).

    Like most terms used and appropriated by feminism and socialism, the meanings of those terms (e.g., “good men”) have been changed — for example, the Leftist groups that are now being called ‘progressives’, used to be described as and called ‘left-wing radicals’. (When did the term that describe them change?)

    Now, when Modern Women say “good men”, the men that they MEAN are still the same men that they have always been attracted to — the upper 10% hierarchy of men that are the richest, handsomest, most powerful, and most socially desirable. Modern Women are still not interested in relationships with the men that they consider ‘beneath’ them and have always despised — the only change is that they are just expressing their same hypergamic desires (which they always have expressed by words and actions) by changing the meaning of the terms they use. It is my belief that they do that so that they don’t risk any criticism or societal disapproval of their childhood “I am a princess and I deserve a prince” fantasies. (Modern Women, while quite capable of dishing out the most vitriolic and vicious misandry and man-hatred, are very childish and extremely sensitive about the slightest criticism directed at them — even when it is true.)

    Modern Women and their sycophants have been criticizing men for quite some time about being childish ‘Peter Pans’ and “not wanting to grow up” by their refusal to marry. But when considering Modern Women’s “I am a princess” delusions and fantasies, their hypersensitivity to criticism, and their unending refusal to face their unrealistic hypergamic desires, which gender is the one that is being childish?


    1. Right. They define good men based on their feelings, not based on the actual duties of a man acting as a husband and father. If the goal is feelings, then wearing nice shoes and speaking in a deep voice matters. If the goal is a stable marriage, then hard work and chastity matters. The lie that most single women believe is that their feelings (“tingles” or “chemistry”) can cause a man who is unsuited to marriage to become suited to marriage.


  6. I’ve come to view Western women as predators seeking to obtain as much of a man’s assets as possible after a ‘marriage’ of as few years as possible. I’ve seen it too often at work.


  7. In general your list makes sense but your insistence that she needs to be a Christian scholar is ridiculous. Why is that important? This is my list:

    – A devout, traditional Christian preferably Catholic
    – hot
    – feminine and sweet
    – likes children and wants to have them
    – A virgin
    – likes sex and wants to have it


    1. You want a virgin who likes sex and wants to have it? Isn’t that an oxymoron? If you’ve never had escargot how can you like it and want to have it?


  8. “I would rather have a caring, loving and compassionate wife who I would trust to bring up my children over one who was obsessed with apologetics any day.”

    Exactly. Me too.


    1. Sava, my list also includes a catholic woman, who also doesn’t believe in premarital sex. But I would also want a woman who is either moderately knowledgable in apologetics or willing to learn a bit. I don’t want a woman that is a believer and doesn’t even understand why she is a believer.

      And shawna your absolutely 100% wrong on virgins. Just because a woman is a virgin doesn’t mean she hasnt thought of sex or won’t want to have it a lot once she is married.
      I’m a male virgin and I jokingly tell my friends that when I get married I won’t be leaving the bedroom for a while lol.
      True sex isn’t just an instinctive act of lust, but a be
      Auto full act of love and procreation. It is a connection of 2 souls as well as 2 bodies. Of course our secular society today believes that sex is just an act of pleasure and chemicals.

      I have stayed a vrigin for 45 years, and my friends ask me what will i do if I never get married? My answer is very simple, that I will stay a virgin till the day I die, if that is God’s will.
      I have found my first love and that is Jesus Christ, and everyone else comes second. Isn’t our first goal heaven, to be with our beloved lord and savior for all eternity?

      And don’t you want that for your kids?
      I certainly want my kids to grow up in a family where both parents are prepared to give an answer if they ever get shaken up in this secular world we live in.


      1. Bob Smith you are welcome to your opinion! I never said a woman who is a virgin hasn’t thought about sex. What I said was that she will not know if she enjoys sex nor will she know if she will want sex often.

        I am a Catholic woman who is a virgin and also happens to be an OB/GYN. You, as a man, will have a very different experience with your fist intercourse than a virgin woman would. First of all, many women experience pain and discomfort with their first intercourse. This alone will decrease their desire for sex and their ability to enjoy sex, at least until they have more experience. Also many women cannot orgasm strictly from intercourse… and you as a 45 year old virgin will most certainly not know how to make sex pleasurable for a woman. That takes trial and error. Not to mention that a virgin man will not be able to last long enough to satisfy a woman. Most women also take longer to orgasm than their male partners. Also men often have much higher sex drives than women and several of my patients have little to no interest in sex especially in comparison to their husbands. Not to mention, the many common gynecological issues that many women experience that interfere with their sex lives (i.e. dryness, lack of desire, and vaginismus to name a few).

        While I agree that sex is not just about lust, we cannot ignore the natural physical and biological factors that go along with the act of intercourse. Men and women are different when it comes to sex. And you as a man cannot tell me as a woman that I am wrong when it comes to sex! Our experiences are very different and you will never be able to understand my feelings because you are not a woman!


  9. gee wiz, what about us good guys that are looking for a good woman to settle down with? where are they?


  10. In Brazil, the law says is balanced between men and women, but the judges only favor to the women. The law in Brazil, with a delay of one month of the alimony, the man is arrested, the woman does not need to show the children’s spending and many of them use the money for her same and her boyfriend, someone use her children to do this, we with the love to our children ended up paying twice and in some cases we need to pay alimony to ex-wife, because she stops to working or works hidden, to get the alimony. The brazilian law does not punish the traitor. We are beginning to be like America, in some case. The women are beginning increasingly promiscuous and men with this offer are increasingly more promiscuous. The feminism in Brazil is getting in fad, I’m against the machism and feminism, this is against man and woman, it’s against biblical principles. But in Brazil there are good women to marry, like in America, but beginning be rare, some are just golddingers or want a man that pamper her, like their parents did or husband only to take care of them, they forget to be wives and they to be husbands. Women and men with biblical principles are getting rare, but they exist. Many christians go in the church but do everything opposite outside, many go looking only the financial prosperity. And with this feminism are more risky for the man to marry, marriage today, turn in a business and in this business, the loser always are the man. I hope the real family values come back one day and the marriage has value as in the old times. God bless you!


  11. Many women find that marriage will make them happy, they forget that marriage has more duties and responsibilities than happiness, many are not healthy emotionally and look in the marriage to do them happy, but they forget that only God can do them spiritually, emotionally healthy and happy. The lasting marriage occurs only in emotionally healthy couples and with Jesus Christ, it’s is a daily construction that don’t has end, marriage is only a complement to our happiness. The search of the happiness only in the partner leads to disappointment and end up in divorce.


  12. I’m giving a subject for you guys think, I don’t want to offend anyone, so for you understand, think this as a spectator. Feminism is a great ally of capitalism, i love the capitalism, but it needs people who work hard and do not think. The well-structured home, a couple emotionally structured, a home that has peace and joy, have more chance to get children that will be leaders and thinkers, which is bad for capitalism, so feminism is encouraged with the intent to destabilize the family, as it was with the machism and not worked well.
    Women, remember that God is first, then the couple and only after the children, do not reverse it, because this leads to destabilize the family. Without God the couple may separate, without the couple together and happy, children may have divorced parents, without parents united, the children will have a greater chance of not being leaders, not be succeed. That’s what capitalism needs and think a little more before you find that marriage is just an emotional choice, but it is a very large investment of time and dedication for both, where the return is less than the investment.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s