Tag Archives: Laura Schlessinger

Commentary

An excerpt from Dr. Laura’s “The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage”

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Found here. This is from chapter 1 of the book “The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage“.

Is there really ever such a thing as a perfect marriage? The answer to that question is, “YES.” I know you’re stunned. Stay with me here: “perfect” doesn’t mean that everything goes right, or your way for that matter, or that you’re feeling romantically perky all the time. There are just too many unpredictable events, challenges, and tragedies in life for any of us to feel content and satisfied for any prolonged period of time. Yet, even in the midst of misery, you can still feel and believe that your marriage is perfect if you have the right attitude; and I don’t mean that you think positively – I do mean that you think outwardly. When you do so, married life becomes perfect no matter what difficulties you’re going through.

I took a call from Michelle, a seventeen-year-old high-school student, which will clarify:

Michelle: Hi, Dr. Laura! It’s a pleasure to speak with you. My question is this: this Saturday is my boyfriend’s and mine senior prom. As it turns out, we have a conflict because it is also his championship lacrosse game, at the same time as the dance. He has told me that I could decide which one we should do.

Dr L: Really? So, what’s your decision?

Michelle: Well, personally, I want to go to the prom because it’s our senior prom and it’s our last dance together, it’s meaningful, you know? But it’s also his major opportunity because scouts will be at this game for college recruitment. So, for him the best choice would be for the game but I want to go to prom… selfishly.

Dr L: Do you love him?

Michelle: Of course. Yes.

Dr L: Do you imagine you’re going to marry him? I’m asking you that because I just want to know the depth of your compassion and caring for him.

Michelle: I can see it. I can definitely see it working, but I’m only seventeen… Yes, I care for him a lot.

Dr L: Well then, I guess he’s going to his lacrosse tournament.

Michelle: (sounding deflated) Okay.

Dr L: Because that’s what we do when we’re in love – we give them gifts… that doesn’t mean you go to the store and buy something. It means you give up something that’s very important to you to give them something that’s very important to them. O’Henry wrote a short story called, The Gift of the Magi. There was a young couple, very poor, married, and very much in love with each other. Christmas is coming and there is no money to buy gifts for one another. Her prized possession was her long, lovely hair which she had grown since childhood. His prized possession was his solid gold pocket watch – an heirloom, passed down from generation to generation.

Come Christmas morning, she hands her beloved a package. It is a solid gold chain for his pocket watch. He hands his beloved a package. It is a bejeweled comb to hold her beautiful hair in a bun on top of her head. They both cried with joy… even though… he no longer had the pocket watch, as he had sold it to buy her the jeweled comb… and she no longer had long hair, as she had sold it to buy him the gold chain.

Neither could use the gift the other had given them from a store – but look at the gift they truly got from the other.

Michelle: WOW!

Dr L: So, when you love somebody you give them what they really need – and your boyfriend needs you to be supportive of the fact that this game is important to his college career – for scholarships. If you do get married, you’ll be dancing together for the rest of your lives.

Michelle: That’s true. Well, I guess he’ll be playing this game and I’ll be sitting on the sidelines cheering.

Dr L: Good for you! That’s the kind of woman a man should marry.

Michelle: Thank you so much, Dr. Laura.

Oh, wait a minute, friends! The story does not end there. A few days later I received this email from Michelle:

“A few days ago I called in with a dilemma I had with prom because my boyfriend’s championship lacrosse game (with college scouts) was the same night. You told me the story of the Gift of the Magi, and that if you really loved someone you would be willing to give up whatever was most important to you – which for me was the prom. I took your advice and called up my boyfriend telling him that we would be going to his lacrosse game instead of senior prom. He explained to me that he knew I would decide to go to his game, so he went ahead and bought our prom tickets so we would go to the prom.

So, basically, I was willing to give up senior prom for him, and he was willing to give up what was most important to him, his championship game – proving the story of the Gift of the Magi…

But hold on! The story gets better! Yesterday we found out that because of some unknown factor, his championship game was changed from 7 o’clock to 3 o’clock in the afternoon. Is this a God thing? I think so! Now we not only get to go to prom and his lacrosse game, but we have the knowledge that we are both willing to sacrifice what is most important to us because our love is stronger.

I know that I am only 17, but I think I found a keeper!! Thank you so much for your wonderful advice to let my MAN know how important he is to me. This experience not only made me grow as a person, but is strengthening our relationship as well.”

Now, dear friends, even some seventeen year olds can understand the beauty and meaning of having somebody care enough about you to put themselves aside for you – that beats every prom and game imaginable. And when you are living this scenario, no matter what grunge is going on in your life, your marriage is PERFECT!

Here is my previous post on her earlier book, The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands.

Commentary

Women should read “The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands”

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Here’s a Christian woman’s review of Dr. Laura Schlessinger’s famous book.

Excerpt:

“No emotional outlet is worth damaging my husband’s reputation,” shared one of Dr. Laura’s listeners named Becky. Another named Melissa told how she had begun bragging on her husband whenever her girlfriends started griping about theirs. Melissa said, “As much as men’s bellies need to be filled with delicious home-cooked meals, their egoes need to be filled with ‘yummy food’ as well. I have found that if I speak blessings about my husband, then blessings are what I get in return.”

And:

Dr. Laura reiterates over and over that a wife’s approval is like oxygen to a husband, her disapproval like emasculation. A listener named Bill wrote, “Words are a whisper, but what she does for me is a thunder.” And Dr. Laura says, “There are only so many hours in a day and only so much we can put our energies into. We have to make choices. And if you don’t pick your husband as #1, that favor will, sadly, be returned.”

Words of encouragement are extremely important to a man, especially when they are spoken in public to other people in front of her man. Words of encouragement are non-negotiable for a man – he needs to hear them when he does good things for his woman. A good rule of thumb is that a woman should never criticize a man in public, and she should never criticize a man to another women behind his back for silly things. Even if he never finds out what she is doing by blaming and criticizing him for trivialities, it poisons the relationship and undermines the goodness of men to her female friends.

Here’s an excerpt from the excerpt of the book:

“A good man is hard to find, not to keep.” That sentence should really make you stop and think. As a radio talk-show host/psychotherapist, I’ve got to tell you how remarkably true and sad it is that so many women struggle to hold on to some jerk, keep giving an abusive or philandering man yet another chance, have unprotected sex with some guy while barely knowing his last name, agree to shack up and risk making babies with some opportunist or loser, all in a pathetic version of a pursuit for love, but will resent the hell out of treating a decent, hardworking, caring husband with the thoughtfulness, attention, respect, and affection he needs to be content.

It boggles my mind.

What further puts me in boggle overdrive is how seemingly oblivious and insensitive many women are to how destructive they are being to their men and consequently to their marriages. Women will call me asking me if it’s alright to go off on extended vacations “without him” when they want some freedom or R&R, or if it’s okay to cut him off from sex because they’re annoyed about something or just too tired from their busy day, or if they really have to make him a dinner when he gets home from work because it’s just too tedious to plan meals, or if it’s okay to keep stuff from him (like family or financial issues) because his input is unnecessary, or if they’re really obligated to spend time with his family (in-laws or stepkids), or if they really have to show interest in his hobbies when they’re bored silly by them, or — well, you get the idea.

If a women loves a man, then she has to treat him like a car and change his oil and put gas in his tank, and inflate his tires. If the owner doesn’t work hard at maintaining the car, then the car breaks down and the owner is unhappy. And cars – no matter what kind they are – all need certain things from the owner in order to make them work – there is no car in the world that can work for very long unless the owner takes care of it. It does no good to worry about tall cars and short cars, rich cars and poor cars, cars that can cook and cars that can’t kiss. In the end, no car can survive long with an owner who neglects it.

In the long run, it is the owner (the woman) who will decide whether the man works or not – her own maintenance skills are more important than the type of man it is. She is responsible for making a commitment to a man and then keeping him in working condition by her own choices. And this is especially true for Christian women, who are supposed to love self-sacrificially. What else is a husband for except to reflect the love of Christ to him more than any other person on the planet? Really the woman is responsible for the health of the relationship – men are naturally good when they are properly maintained.

(I once spun out my roadster and blew out two tires by running up a curb because I neglected to rotate the tires for TWO YEARS and then decided to try powersliding at high speed – it was all my fault! They were Bridgestone Potenza S-03 Pole Positions, but even those won’t save you if you don’t rotate them for two years! And what about the time I bought four Bridgestone Blizzaks for my winter car and didn’t rotate them for a year so that the front ones were almost worn out and the rear ones were practically new! And I probably blamed the car at first – even though it was all my fault for being lazy)

PCF Husbands is my favorite book on marriage, because it’s the best. Everything she says about men and marriage is 100% true. For a woman who wants a man to love her well, this is the first book to read in order to learn how to love him well. And that is how she can reap the benefits of a good man’s love – by taking responsibility for making good decisions.

If you like this post, be sure and check Arlemagne’s post on “The Evils of Sentimentality” on RuthBlog. There’s an easter egg in it.