Women should read “The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands”

Here’s a Christian woman’s review of Dr. Laura Schlessinger’s famous book.


“No emotional outlet is worth damaging my husband’s reputation,” shared one of Dr. Laura’s listeners named Becky. Another named Melissa told how she had begun bragging on her husband whenever her girlfriends started griping about theirs. Melissa said, “As much as men’s bellies need to be filled with delicious home-cooked meals, their egoes need to be filled with ‘yummy food’ as well. I have found that if I speak blessings about my husband, then blessings are what I get in return.”


Dr. Laura reiterates over and over that a wife’s approval is like oxygen to a husband, her disapproval like emasculation. A listener named Bill wrote, “Words are a whisper, but what she does for me is a thunder.” And Dr. Laura says, “There are only so many hours in a day and only so much we can put our energies into. We have to make choices. And if you don’t pick your husband as #1, that favor will, sadly, be returned.”

Words of encouragement are extremely important to a man, especially when they are spoken in public to other people in front of her man. Words of encouragement are non-negotiable for a man – he needs to hear them when he does good things for his woman. A good rule of thumb is that a woman should never criticize a man in public, and she should never criticize a man to another women behind his back for silly things. Even if he never finds out what she is doing by blaming and criticizing him for trivialities, it poisons the relationship and undermines the goodness of men to her female friends.

Here’s an excerpt from the excerpt of the book:

“A good man is hard to find, not to keep.” That sentence should really make you stop and think. As a radio talk-show host/psychotherapist, I’ve got to tell you how remarkably true and sad it is that so many women struggle to hold on to some jerk, keep giving an abusive or philandering man yet another chance, have unprotected sex with some guy while barely knowing his last name, agree to shack up and risk making babies with some opportunist or loser, all in a pathetic version of a pursuit for love, but will resent the hell out of treating a decent, hardworking, caring husband with the thoughtfulness, attention, respect, and affection he needs to be content.

It boggles my mind.

What further puts me in boggle overdrive is how seemingly oblivious and insensitive many women are to how destructive they are being to their men and consequently to their marriages. Women will call me asking me if it’s alright to go off on extended vacations “without him” when they want some freedom or R&R, or if it’s okay to cut him off from sex because they’re annoyed about something or just too tired from their busy day, or if they really have to make him a dinner when he gets home from work because it’s just too tedious to plan meals, or if it’s okay to keep stuff from him (like family or financial issues) because his input is unnecessary, or if they’re really obligated to spend time with his family (in-laws or stepkids), or if they really have to show interest in his hobbies when they’re bored silly by them, or — well, you get the idea.

If a women loves a man, then she has to treat him like a car and change his oil and put gas in his tank, and inflate his tires. If the owner doesn’t work hard at maintaining the car, then the car breaks down and the owner is unhappy. And cars – no matter what kind they are – all need certain things from the owner in order to make them work – there is no car in the world that can work for very long unless the owner takes care of it. It does no good to worry about tall cars and short cars, rich cars and poor cars, cars that can cook and cars that can’t kiss. In the end, no car can survive long with an owner who neglects it.

In the long run, it is the owner (the woman) who will decide whether the man works or not – her own maintenance skills are more important than the type of man it is. She is responsible for making a commitment to a man and then keeping him in working condition by her own choices. And this is especially true for Christian women, who are supposed to love self-sacrificially. What else is a husband for except to reflect the love of Christ to him more than any other person on the planet? Really the woman is responsible for the health of the relationship – men are naturally good when they are properly maintained.

(I once spun out my roadster and blew out two tires by running up a curb because I neglected to rotate the tires for TWO YEARS and then decided to try powersliding at high speed – it was all my fault! They were Bridgestone Potenza S-03 Pole Positions, but even those won’t save you if you don’t rotate them for two years! And what about the time I bought four Bridgestone Blizzaks for my winter car and didn’t rotate them for a year so that the front ones were almost worn out and the rear ones were practically new! And I probably blamed the car at first – even though it was all my fault for being lazy)

PCF Husbands is my favorite book on marriage, because it’s the best. Everything she says about men and marriage is 100% true. For a woman who wants a man to love her well, this is the first book to read in order to learn how to love him well. And that is how she can reap the benefits of a good man’s love – by taking responsibility for making good decisions.

If you like this post, be sure and check Arlemagne’s post on “The Evils of Sentimentality” on RuthBlog. There’s an easter egg in it.

5 thoughts on “Women should read “The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands””

  1. So, if before marriage, a man is seen to be lazy, ignorant by choice and therefore clueless about many everyday issues, should he be rejected in the first place? I say, if a man wants to be the “head” of his home, let him prepare to be so. Then, and only then, should he marry and expect to be respected in the way you describe.


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