When I was in college studying computer science, there was a new idea going around called “design patterns”. Basically, this was a cookbook of component arrangements that were “best practices” for solving certain problems. Depending on your problem, you might try different patterns, like Observer, Visitor, Strategy, etc. And it turns out that there are design patterns for social issues, too.

Here’s a new report from the Institute for Family Studies:

Fifty to 65% of Americans believe that living together before marriage will improve their odds of relationship success. Younger Americans are especially likely to believe in the beneficial effects of cohabitation, and to view living together as providing a valuable test of a relationship ahead of marriage. Yet living together before marriage has long been associated with a higher risk for divorce, contradicting the common belief that cohabitation will improve the odds of a marriage lasting.

[…]Using a new national sample of Americans who married for the first time in the years 2010 to 2019, we examined the stability of these marriages as of 2022 based on whether or not, and when, people had lived together prior to marriage. Consistent with prior research, couples who cohabited before marriage were more likely to see their marriages end than those who did not cohabit before marriage.

Key findings:

•  34% of marriages ended among those who cohabited before being engaged, compared to 23% of marriages for those who lived together only after being either married or engaged to be married.

And this from the key takeaways was interesting:

• Reasons for moving in together also matter: People who reported that their top reason for moving in together was either to test the relationship or because it made sense financially were more likely to see their marriages end than those who did so because they wanted to spend more time with their partner.
• Having a greater number of prior cohabiting partners is associated with a higher likelihood of marriages ending.

I think the key point in these studies is that couples who decide to commit are moving in very different reasons than couples who just slide into cohabitation because it’s convenient.

It’s interesting because it shows that being cautious about commitment is more likely to cause instability. The attitude seems to be “I’ll keep doing this as long as it makes me happy”.

With commitment, the attitude is going to be more like “let’s decide to unite, and then it will be on us to make it work”. The old marriage vows were all about that commitment. I really have to wonder whether people mean it when they say those words today, they are so counter to our hedonistic culture.

I think what people should be looking for is a mate who thinks that the relationship works better if both people work at it. If you have one person who thinks that it is the other person’s job to make them happy, run from that relationship. Like, if you are always doing little things to help the other person do well in their tasks and purposes, and they never do anything to help you, then that’s a bad sign. You don’t want to commit to someone who thinks that relationships should be effortless, that they don’t have to do anything to put gas in your fuel tank in order to make you perform.

Ideally, you want someone who thinks that it’s fun to put fuel in your tank, and thinks that it’s their job to do that for you. Just because they like to see your engine run.

I’m in a bit of a grouchy mood these days, looking at how the secular left is becoming increasingly divorced from morality. When Christians speak up against what they’re doing, they turn on us and say we are the real villains. “Don’t judge” they cry, “it will make the weirdoes feel bad!” It seems to me that we are making a lot of withdrawals on the bank account of civilization, but no deposits.

Here is the first story of secular left depravity, reported by The Post Millennial:

A former Oregon elementary school teaching assistant and “drag mom” to a controversial child drag performer has been convicted of 11 felonies over the distribution of child sex abuse content and sentenced to less than a year in a local jail.

Kelsey Meta Boren, 33, was convicted in Lane County, Ore. on March 23 of 11 felony counts of encouraging child sexual abuse in the first degree. A single charge of using a child in a display of sexually explicit conduct was dismissed as part of the plea deal. Boren was sentenced to 330 days in county jail—30 days for each felony count—in a sweetheart deal agreed upon between the district attorney’s office and her counsel.

Before being arrested, Boren worked as a teaching assistant for special education students at Veneta Elementary in Veneta, Ore.

And another one reported by The Post Millennial:

An Idaho high school teacher has been arrested on suspicion of raping a 16-year-old boy. Eric McDermott, 59, of Boise was booked into the Ada County Jail on Monday on charges of rape and sexual battery committed by lewd or lascivious acts on a minor child.

McDermott, who taught World Studies 8 and AP Human Geography, and coached basketball at Fairmont Junior High School, was also an outspoken LGBT activist.

[…]Following McDermott’s arrest, the Idaho Tribune dug into his past and revealed that he had been a prominent LGBT activist. He volunteered with the Pride Foundation’s Idaho Leadership Action Team, and appeared in numerous photographs the organization published to social media.

On McDermott’s social media, he openly discussed “youth outreach,” and the Tribune noted that he traveled all over the state attending drag shows and pride events in search of “volunteers” as young as sixteen. He also promoted sexually explicit literature aimed at teens via an online forum Goodreads, revealing that he made copies of a book series available to his junior high school students to borrow, the same series he conceded is “probably a bit more mature for this group’s target audience overall.”

So, what’s the argument against all this from the secular left? Silence. Only those rascally Christians are concerned about these things. And the secular left is actually more interested in stopping Christians from judging, than they are with stopping child abuse.

Here’s a story about Oregon reported in the Daily Signal:

The state of Oregon refused to allow a Christian mother of five to adopt two children after she said her religion would not let her take a young minor to receive cross-hormone injections—a policy that could prevent up to 78% of Americans from adopting children. Requiring adoptive parents to facilitate transgender procedures acts as a form of religious discrimination against many world religions, her attorneys say.

Jessica Bates has sued five Oregon state employees for adoption guidelines that effectively say, “Conservative Christians need not apply,” according to her legal brief.

Oregon state law requires all would-be adoptive parents to “respect, accept and support” the adoptee’s professed “sexual orientation, gender identity, [and] gender expression.” Bates said mandatory classes in the state’s adoption application process said this included using a child’s preferred pronouns, presenting same-sex relationships in a positive light, and taking children who identify as LGBT to transgender procedures.

[…]Bates expressed concern that Oregon state guidelines could prevent her from taking all her children to a church that upholds traditional beliefs on gender or teaching them Bible lessons that may contain verses that contradict “state orthodoxy.”

Banning Christians from adopting children is bad enough, but it’s not enough for the secular left. They want to escalate to violence in order to prevent any “judging”.

Here’s a story from The Post Millennial:

Utah State Senator Mike Kennedy’s Alpine city house was vandalized this week with red spray paint after sponsoring of SB16, a bill later signed into law that banned medical sex changes for minors, reports local news. The vandals spray painted the GOP state legislator’s home with “these trannies bash back” and “fash.”

On Friday, Kennedy posted images of the vandalism on Facebook and said, “To those who seek to use violence, vandalism, and intimidation to deter me from standing up for what is right, let me be clear: you will not succeed. I will not be deterred by your cowardly actions. The recent vandalism to my family’s home was not just an attack on me, but on the very principles our state stands for.”

Kennedy, who is a Doctor of Medicine (MD) continued, “We will not let fear and violence control our destiny. As Utahns, we will always stand up and push back against radicals who seek to push their agenda in our state. I am more determined than ever to work with the good people of Utah to make our state a better place for all, especially our children, and I won’t back down.”

[…]The bill was opposed by Equality Utah, an LGBTQ activist group…

Sometimes, people on the secular left worry that they might be doing bad things, which is why they are so interested in forcing people to celebrate them. But conservative Christians don’t need any celebration. When we look at what the secular left stands for, we know we’re right.

I’m seeing a lot of curiosity about theism in general and Christianity in particular from non-religious independents lately. I think they are realizing that evil is real, and evil is being promoted by the secular left. And they want to run as far away from them as possible, so they don’t get lumped in with them on the day of judgment. I hope you are all ready to answer questions about Christian topics, because we are about to have a lot of curious customers. And they aren’t going to be asking the trendy lefty “Christians” for answers. They’re going to be asking the real Christians – the ones who fought the evil. The ones who protected the children from evil.