I found an interesting article featuring a 35-year-old woman who is alarmed that her approach to life has left her in debt and single, with a gap-filled resume of short-term jobs. I thought it might be useful for young women to read this, and consider whether making “rash” decisions and being “adventurous” works out.
I feel like a ghost. I’m a 35-year-old woman, and I have nothing to show for it. My 20s and early 30s have been a twisting crisscross of moves all over the West Coast, a couple of brief stints abroad, multiple jobs in a mediocre role with no real upward track. I was also the poster child for serial monogamy. My most hopeful and longest lasting relationship (three and a half years, whoopee) ended two years ago. We moved to a new town (my fourth new city), created a home together, and then nose-dived into a traumatic breakup that launched me to my fifth and current city and who-knows-what-number job.
Rash decisions, adventure, exploring…. and lots of debt:
For all these years of quick changes and rash decisions, which I once rationalized as adventurous, exploratory, and living an “original life,” I have nothing to show for it. I have no wealth, and I’m now saddled with enough debt from all of my moves, poor decisions, and lack of career drive that I may never be able to retire. I have no career milestones and don’t care for my line of work all that much anyway, but now it’s my lifeline, as I only have enough savings to buy a hotel room for two nights.
No STEM degree, which means she doesn’t like to study hard things that can be tested against the real world for correctness:
I used to consider myself creative — a good writer, poetic, passionate, curious. Now, after many years of demanding yet uninspiring jobs, multiple heartbreaks, move after move, financial woes, I’m quite frankly exhausted.
Surprised by aging and poor health:
Also, within the past year I’ve had a breast-cancer scare and required surgery on my uterus due to a fertility issue. On top of that, I’m 35 and every gyno and women’s-health website this side of the Mississippi is telling me my fertility is dropping faster than a piano falling out of the sky. Now I’m looking into freezing my eggs, adding to my never-ending financial burden, in hopes of possibly making something of this haunted house and having a family someday with a no-named man.
She’s still trying to be the sexpot 25-year-old she used to be:
I’m dating. I’m working out and working hard. Listening to music I enjoy and loving my cat. Calling my mom…. I’m drinking too much… And with men I date, I feel pressure to make something of the relationship too soon (move in, get married, “I have to have kids in a couple of years”; fun times!). All the while still trying to be the sexpot 25-year-old I thought I was until what seemed like a moment ago.
But her plan hasn’t worked out:
I used to think I was the one who had it all figured out. Adventurous life in the city! Traveling the world! Making memories! Now I feel incredibly hollow. And foolish. How can I make a future for myself that I can get excited about out of these wasted years? What reserves or identity can I draw from when I feel like I’ve accrued nothing up to this point with my life choices?
Well, I’ve known women like this, and I think we’re going to see more and more women like this as the society becomes more secular and feminist. I want to say something about whether she is sincere about wanting to get married and have children, and what women should do to avoid ending up like her.
Do women today understand male nature and marriage?
This woman’s demonstrated life plan is that she chose whatever made her feel good from age 18-35+, and now wants to enter into a marriage some time after age 35. And what does marriage mean to her? Has she prioritized entering the traditional roles of wife and mother? Don’t listen to her words. Look at her actions. Her actions show that marriage and children were of NO importance to her. And her current approach to getting married and having kids is the same as ever – work out in order to look hot, and try to coerce a man who signs up for recreational sex with no commitment into becoming a man who makes a life-long commitment to provide for her and her children (which is the opposite of what he signed up for). She wants marriage now for the same reason that she’s wanted anything: for fun, thrills, adventure and to keep up with her girlfriends who are already married.
What kind of man should she have been pursuing from age 18 to 35, if she really wanted marriage and children? Well, the first thing to realize is that not all men want marriage. And the next thing to realize is that women who are serious about marriage need to focus ONLY on men who want to marry. All the men that the women quoted above wanted in her youth didn’t want to marry. They wanted premarital recreational sex with her, and that was fine with her – she chose them, and disregarded the men who were interested in marriage.
A man who was interested in marrying her would have:
- ….told her no to sex before marriage (because the more sexual partners a woman has, the less happy she will be in marriage, and the more unstable her marriage will be).
- …led her to become better at being a wife and mother, by discouraging her thrill-seeking, traveling and wasteful spending, and instead encouraging her focus on a STEM education, career and getting debt-free.
- …led her to develop a Christian worldview in which she would understand the importance of marriage and children, and learn to sacrifice her own interests to love and care for others.
Was she interested in getting ready for marriage? No. She never chose those marriage-minded men. She didn’t want to be a wife. The men she chose were chosen for fun, for thrills, and to show off their outward appearance to her girlfriends.
So, who are the men in this group of marriage-minded men? How do you recognize them? Marriage-minded men are interested in marriage because they want to lead a home. They will have invested a lot of time learning how to protect others, how to provide, and how to debate and lead on moral and spiritual issues. Marriage-minded men see the marriage enterprise as a way of advancing the causes that they care about most. Women who really want to get married will recognize those men, and pursue those men. And they’ll do it early, so that they can invest in their husbands early and be young enough to have children.
7 thoughts on “Unmarried 35-year-old woman reflects on her adventurous life of fun, travel and serial cohabitation”
Sounds like worldly grief, not godly grief. But I hope it serves as a lesson to others, and that someone shares the gospel with her.
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Does she think a high-value man has this as his list of requirements? “Seeking an older woman, presumably infertile, hedonistic, indebted, incapable of pair-bonding, etc., who squandered her youth on bad boys and now wants to marry a guy she wouldn’t have given the time of day to in the past.”
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Feminism tells women that the are addjngvyk their value when they act like alpha males. They think promiscuity, displaying wealth and obsessing over career makes them “better”. I don’t know why they believe such stupid things, but they do.
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I dunno, part of me wonders if this was really written by a 35-plus-year-old ex-carousel rider. Such women are notoriously lacking in the self-awareness required to write something like this.
I certainly hope that young women today can learn from the stories of women like this. However, I’m becoming more and more convinced that no matter how many women crash and burn as a result of their own bad decisions, there won’t be any change unless or until society in its current form utterly collapses.
The reason I say this is that it’s become overtly obvious that women like this are completely unable to self-reflect, especially when it comes to acknowledging the consequences of prior decisions. No matter how badly their decisions turn out for them, there will always be an army of other women ready to rally around them and convince them that every bad thing that happened to them is not their fault but instead the fault of men as a whole. If they chose hot sex with bad boys over deliberate dating marriage minded men, for example, the sisterhood will convince them that it’s really those hot bad boys’ fault for not manning up and getting married when they were ready, not their fault for choosing bad men.
If it’s debt and lack of meaningful career history that is keeping her down, the sisterhood will convince her that it’s really the fault of greedy corporations and patriarchal bosses who have it out for women as to why she’s never promoted and never made more than minimum wage. Combine this with socialist politicians like Bernie Sanders who tell her that “the 1%” ought to be paying for her Women’s Studies degree, and you’ll never successfully convince the vast majority of women that they are responsible for anything.
Women are always more than 50% of the population due to higher rates of male mortality, and given this propensity to seek out political policies that bail them out for their bad decisions, any form of government that involves a voting base of women is virtually guaranteed to become more socialist over time.
The one thing that can counter this inherent trend in women is involved fathers who raise them right from childhood, but given the government’s extraordinary efforts to tear the nuclear family apart, fewer and fewer women have fathers in their lives.
I don’t mean to sound like a doomsday prophet, but I’ve become more and more convinced that the only thing that will correct this trend is a true economic depression and societal collapse the likes of which the world has never seen. As more and more women pursue a life of fun, thrills and careers as well as valuing only rich, handsome men that don’t value commitment; more and more men will drop out of the dating market and cease to value hard work and excellence. The birth rate will continue to plumet, and eventually, a point will be reached where there are no longer enough productive people to provide the tax revenue the government needs to keep propping up the current paradigm.
This won’t be pretty, but sooner or later the bill comes due.
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[Y]ou’ll never successfully convince the vast majority of women that they are responsible for anything.
Our ancestors were wiser than we give them credit for. They KNEW that women as a sex are genetically incapable of being responsible. That’s why they severely limited women’s options in life, to make sure that they weren’t put in positions that required responsibility and accountability.
Women are always more than 50% of the population due to higher rates of male mortality, and given this propensity to seek out political policies that bail them out for their bad decisions, any form of government that involves a voting base of women is virtually guaranteed to become more socialist over time before it inevitably collapses.
Finished it for you.
I don’t mean to sound like a doomsday prophet…
You don’t. You sound like a truth-teller. “Doomsday Prophet” is a normie term used to smear people who tell unpleasant, ear-burning truths.
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I don’t think its due to sex or genetic. I think its caused by lack of fathers in the home. Partly caused by men rescuing women from the results of their own choices. Partly caused by women choosing men based on attraction rather than character. Choices are being made.