A while back, I explained my three concerns about attending church. One of them was that male pastors and church leaders have adopted the priorities of radical feminism, and have turned against men who want a traditional marriage in which the man leads and the wife supports. Well, I found something that really illustrates what I mean by that, so that everyone will understand it.
Above, you can see a tweet by Michael Foster, a pastor who hosts a podcast called “It’s Good to be a Man”. His web site states that his goal is: “Extending God’s house & father-rule by helping men to establish their own houses in strength, workmanship & wisdom.”
He explains in subsequent tweets that he is just urging men to ask questions to find out how the woman became a single mother.
Reactions to the tweet
Here are some reactions to the tweet:
- asking Foster where are his warnings about single dads
- calling Foster a misogynist
- insulting Foster’s appearance
- using 1 counterexample to deny a mountain of evidence
- single moms who deliberately chose bad men, and then play the victim by accepting no responsibility for their actions
- claiming that Foster was expressing an irrational opinion
- accusing Foster of being a child abuser
The negative reactions are all anti-intellectual and childish, especially trying to refute statistics with “you hurt my feelings” or telling a single personal story as a counterexample.
Here’s a disclaimer. In this post, I am talking about single mothers by choice, and single mothers who initiated divorce. Widows are excluded.
The risks posed by single mother
Now, let’s improve Foster’s warning, by looking at some evidence – is a marriage to a single mother really more likely to result in a bad outcome?
First of all, women initiate 70% of divorces. If you meet a woman who divorced her husband, she either had a defect in her ability to evaluate and choose a man, or she had a defect in her ability to maintain a commitment to the man she chose. Either way, a woman who divorced her previous husband has red flags. There are two possibilities. She either chose a good man or she chose a bad man. If she chose a bad man, then it shows that she didn’t choose a man with good moral character and spiritual leadership. That means that those things were low priorities for her when deciding who to get naked with. Alternatively, she married a good man, and failed to maintain the commitment. Then she has different problems: problems with male leadership, problems with responsibilities, problems with commitment, problems with contentment, etc. You need to ask questions to get to the bottom of what happened, and more importantly, what she has studied and done to change her worldview. Don’t take her words for it, look at her actions.
Second, the number of premarital sex partners a woman has makes her a higher risk of divorce. The more sex partners, the more risk. The problem with women who engage in sex with men who don’t commit to them is that they necessarily don’t see a man’s willingness and ability to commit as valuable when choosing a man. Women who have premarital sex with men who don’t commit see OTHER THINGS as more valuable. They are rewarding the man for his height, his muscles, his tattoos, his piercings, his entertainment of her, etc. A good man should be very wary when a woman who gave her best youth, beauty and sexual interest to men like that now want to “settle” for a boring, unattractive provider who they see as having lower value than the men they gave sex to without requiring a commitment. What they really wanted was bad boys, and they threw sex at those bad boys without asking for commitment. With the man they perceive as low-level, they are insisting on commitment first, because they don’t want this low-level man as badly as they wanted the bad boy. They are settling for less than they feel they deserve. This is where sex-withholding, feelings of unhappiness, and frivolous divorces come from. And by the way, hollering Jesus doesn’t fix that risk any more than hollering Jesus fixes student loans accumulated for a useless non-STEM degree. Jesus-hollering isn’t evidence that a woman has persuaded herself to change her view of which men are the most attractive. A woman’s lack of respect for men who prepare for commitment and who keep their commitments is dangerous for marital stability. The hysterical reactions to a man’s judging a woman for her past mistakes don’t cancel the damage and risks caused by those mistakes. They simply tell the man that this woman is unrepentant, and therefore unteachable, and likely unsuitable for goal-oriented marriage. She is not qualified for the job of wife: self-sacrificial love for her husband, respect for her husband, and supporting her husband in what he is trying to achieve for God.
Here’s what the Bible says about sex outside of heterosexual marriage and about frivolous divorce. Read the critical replies to Foster’s tweet. The critical responses show the default position of church-attending Christian women and pastors to the Bible in this culture. First, the critics don’t accept the Bible as an authority over women’s choices in any area of life. Second, the critics don’t believe that women should bear any responsibility for their past actions. Nobody believes that women choosing bad men is the woman’s fault in this society. So you should assume that single mothers don’t take responsibility for their own failures. And that means that she will have taken no steps to repent of her mistake, and change her character so that she doesn’t make the same mistake again. It’s up to you to look at what she has been reading, listening to, watching, etc. and to check her actions in order to find out what she really thinks about what the Bible says. You can’t marry a woman who responds to any mention of the moral law and moral obligations with denial of responsibility and insults. If she hasn’t become an active crusader against women who choose bad men, and women who choose premarital sex, and women who choose divorce, then you can’t really believe that there’s been any real repentance. The risks to you are too high to take a chance on someone who is not certain. I’ve only ever met one single mother (Kerri) who blamed her own divorce on her own bad decisions.
The culture opposes male leadership
Foster’s warning is intended to help men to make better decisions, so that their relationships will produce results for God. But his critics aren’t interested in what men are trying to achieve for God. They are only concerned that women get what they want, regardles of their past actions. In their opinion, men exists solely to serve the needs of women. Women don’t have to be good enough for marriage, men just have to give them what they want regardless of the woman’s suitability for wife and mother roles. The role of men in any relationship is not to lead and achieve goals for God. Their role is to let women rule over them, disposing of their earnings as they see fit, for the benefit of the woman.
When women are young and pretty, they are entitled to hot bad boys to entertain them. When they are older, have tons of sexual experience, and children from different fathers, they are entitled to a husband to financially support them. But a husband with no power to lead the home, since their past choices of man showed they have no interest in following a man who has good character. And the churches, pastors, courts, schools, hospitals, etc. are all there to enforce this view of men as clowns / slaves.
This is what women are told about the role of men in every area of society. This society, including the Christian parents, Christian pastors, Christian culture, etc. do not produce women who prefer early marriage to men who are good at moral leadership and spiritual leadership. Therefore, men who are chaste, sober, have good educations, good private sector jobs, good savings, etc. need to be extremely careful. Look at the responses to Foster’s tweet, and think: do these people care about providing you with a good wife? Or is their concern all about how to insult you and shame you, until you are submissive to her needs?
Your marriage is your enterprise for serving God
My advice to men right now is to read over every single critical tweet in that thread that Foster started. Imagine that you are trying to get these women to do something in a marriage that is part of your plan to make the marriage serve God. You’re trying to get her to watch a William Lane Craig debate. You’re trying to get her to stop spending money on 50 Shades of Grey and Harry Potter. You’re trying to get her to stop smoking and drinking. You’re trying to get her to talk about the sermon instead of essential oils. You’re trying to get her to read a Thomas Sowell book. You’re trying to get her to not put the kids in day care or public schools.
You need to assume that her response to male leadership like this will be the exact same as the responses that Foster is getting to his tweet. And then after you have assumed it, then you need to keep your hands off that woman. Keep your distance, and ask her questions to find out what her real views are, and whether she is interested in growing into the kind of person who is safe for you to marry. Don’t forget that chastity and sobriety are important during the evaluation process, so that you aren’t influenced away from your leadership role. Don’t listen to her words, look at her actions.
WINTERY KNIGHT 
As you mentioned, widows are excluded.
I will only add one piece of wisdom:
If you must reject a divorced woman or single mother, I suggest one of these strategies:
1) Stop calling/emailing or trail off. (Too many women depend on their feelings of warm fuzzies before deciding so if you stop providing the warm fuzzies in dates / emotionally connecting / calling / emailing / texting / etc., it is usually sufficient that the woman decides you and her don’t have chemistry.)
2) Think hard about a good excuse. Something like “I’m not feeling it and I think anyone with whom I am going to get into a I would have much more chemistry.” (Usually that should do it, since most people don’t want to hear more reasons why you are rejecting them.)
3) For the rest of your remaining dates if any, which to become a serial, constant complainer monopolizing the conversation. (i.e., make her reject you and make her think she is rejecting you) Primarily use this for overly clingy and or emotional stalker women.
If all else fails,
4) Be tactful but don’t bring up the divorce/single mother thing.
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I’m a fervent follower and believer that the Bible calls men to be the leaders of their homes. On the other side of the coin, the Bible also calls women to be submissive to their husbands. However, this article makes some inferences that pique my distaste of how the manner in which some advocates of a patriarchal (and biblical) marriage turn what is meant to be a beautiful communion into an ugly form of headship. Most prominently, the issue of these single mothers being the sole cause for their status. Too much responsibility is laid on the woman, while not enough is handed to the man. Although your statistics read that 70% of women are the petitioners of divorces in America, the reasons behind a portion of these must be considered with a fair perspective. This is not to discount the carelessness of choosing a marriage partner, because that is a highly reasonable factor; however, the blame for a failed marriage can, and most certainly does, fall on the husband. The clearest example of this can be found in Scripture where Jesus permits divorce in the circumstances of adultery and desertion. Unfortunately, the statistics for these cases would likely be much higher for the husband, rather than the wife. Yes, she’d have made a bad choice in marrying such a man, but the fact remains that we all change as we age. Someone who may have been a faithful spiritual leader at the start of a relationship may have morphed into a fool. All that said, we ought to use discernment when making accusations against an entire league of single mothers and make sure context is considered when making judgments. Accountability is a dying character trait and transparency follows close behind.
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I’m grateful for your comment because ei think that this is the default view in the church today, among the leadership and among the laity. I think it’s important for men to understand that this is how most churchy Christians see marriage and how they sort of deny the statistics and rationalize blaming men regardless of facts. That’s. The normal Christian view. And so what is like to see is more men asking marriage candidates questions to surface these videos so that men understand what they are getting into with marriage.
Just FYI, in other places I have blogged on studies showing that marriage instability is called by the woman’s unhappiness, and that the woman’s unhappiness is caused by having a higher number of premarital sexual partners. That’s the actual reason, although as you point out, no one in the church accepts research, because they want to blame men and that is their God.
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Most single mothers are that way because they slept with the wrong guy. While I agree with the Pastor’s view that forgiveness can be given, demanding that morally upstanding men take responsibility for the bad decisions of women doesn’t sit right with most guys. I’d also ask where in the bible this is a requirement.
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It’s not in the Bible. Teaching women to choose good men is in the Bible, for example in Ruth.
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That’s a stretch, saying “most” single mothers are that way because they slept with the wrong guy. Again, this line of reasoning allows a massive lack of accountability on the part of a man. Judgment ought to fall on both parties. The clearest biblical passage revealing the heart of God on this matter is the treatment Jesus gives to the Samaritan woman at the well. Apparently, she married many “wrong” husbands; however, Jesus avoids blaming her, only asks that she not continue in her life of sin. This is telling, as He acknowledges she was in sin as she repeatedly married and divorced, but He did not place the burden of blame on her. It appears to me, perhaps incorrectly, that you are?
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Did Jesus marry that woman, or did he just talk about spiritual things with her?
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Thank you! I was going to say that. Jesus forgiving a woman and telling her to sin no more doesn’t mean that Jesus married her. It amazes me how people will twist scripture to suit their preferences instead of just accepting what they are doing isn’t biblical, even if they outwardly state they want to live by that standard.
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GREAT answer!
He didn’t even shame other men into marrying her. :-)
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Whoever said there’s no such thing as a silly question was just proved wrong. Thank you for that.
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I see you’re not capable if undertanding the meaning of words, especially when they conflict with your emotions.
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Notice that in that story, Jesus does not tell any particular man that they have a moral obligation to marry the Samaritan woman. Telling someone not to continue in a life of sin and telling another person not to consider that person’s sin when evaluating them as a potential marriage partner are not the same thing.
However, it is indeed the case that excluding widows, single mothers are single mothers because they slept with the wrong guy. Consider the following facts:
1. A single mother became a mother when she chose to have sex with the father of her child (biology 101). This was her choice, she could have said no. She didn’t. Arguing that the man somehow forced her to want to have sex with him makes a woman into a vessel without agency, and is an incredibly condescending view of women.
2. She either chose to have sex with a good husband and father or she didn’t.
3. If she chose a man who wasn’t a good husband and father, then necessarily she chose him for reasons other than his demonstrated ability to be a good husband and father. It was she who picked the criteria for how she was going to evaluate a man. No one forced her to have sex with him.
4. If she chose a man who was a good husband and father, but she none the less left him, then she has issues with authority and living up to her vows.
Literally no one is arguing that men are not responsible for the choices they make. However, women, not men, are the limiting factor in sex. Men have always wanted sex and this isn’t going to change anymore than you’re going to stop all robbery by telling criminals they need to stop robbing people. Rather, robbery goes down when would-be victims start being smart about their own safety and proper safe guards are put into place.
Arguing that women are single mothers because they were victimized by men is in fact an incredibly disrespectful and condescending view of women. It makes them into vessels without agency who just can’t help but be exploited by bad men. Who really has a more respectful view of women?
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Have I missed something here? Where did the victimization factor come into play?
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The most interesting thing to me about the woman at the well story was that Jesus didn’t even reveal Himself to her until she admitted her whoring around.
I’m firmly convinced that if instead she had replied, “My body, my choice. I’ll sleep with as many men as I want to, and you can’t shame me one bit,” like so many American Jezebels would have, then He would have moved on, never having revealed Himself to her.
He came to call (those who know that they are) sinners, not the (self) righteous, after all.
The entire point of that story was that even the town whore can be saved by Christ, not that she won’t suffer some temporal consequences for her whoring around.
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Wow. You gone crazy, WorldGoneCrazy. Classy.
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If you think I’m crazy, that’s a compliment.
Just try dealing with my argument without the logical fallacy of an ad hominem.
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No, thank you. And you’re welcome for the compliment 🙂
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Stop on by anytime.
Just remember that Jesus is coming back, and He’s not the sissy feminized teddy bear “Jesus” who is being preached even in the conservative churches of the West.
Instead, He’s the same Jesus Who flooded the world, wiping out all but 8, and Who pulverized the inhabitants of Sodom and Gomorrah into sands of glass for little more than simple sodomy. What He’s coming back to in the West is at least as depraved, and arguably far worse. He’s coming back to kick butt and take names, and based on the polling I’m seeing, there’s not a lot of names in the West, percentage wise, in His Book.
God be with you.
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I don’t think she is capable of reasoning with you. She is just defending women from accountability. She wants us to think that think her self-serving “don’t judge women” view is Biblical when it’s actually the opposite of the Bible says.
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She basically admitted as much.
Hey, it’s good to see that this story has legs though. It’s over 2 years old! Sign of a great story.
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I agree that men ought to be choosier in their marriage partners. I also agree that the many churches are softening the role of a husband and the role of the wife. I do not blame men, but humanity as a whole. I do love that your article calls men to question their potential partners, but I also sense a bent towards blaming the women. There is a fine balance on this issue and that is what I’m calling attention to.
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Fine. Then I will apologize for being mean to you.
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Jesus has a very good reason for not marrying a divorced woman – it makes her an adulterer, and being an adulterer is not a great way to make it into the Kingdom:
“And He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her; and if she herself divorces her husband and marries another man, she is committing adultery.”” – Jesus (Mark10:11-12)
I have noticed that when I post these verses along with Malachi 2:16 (“God hates divorce!”), I get a ton of pushback, almost all from women who initiated their divorces because he “abused” her, but often with all sorts of “spiritual” definitions for “abuse.”
Of course, none of that has anything to do with Christ’s command to NOT remarry, even if the divorce were justified (in the case of adultery) by Him.
Isn’t it weird how these Words of Christ Himself were so clear for nearly 2000 years, but so “misunderstood” for the last 60?
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I would be more inclined to take female claims of abuse seriously if they would be clear and specific about what they mean by “abuse.” If what they describe is criminal behavior, then I’d ask if they contacted the police and sought to have their husband charged and incarcerated for their safety.
However, this is only the case in rare circumstances. In most cases, women are extremely vague about their claims of “abuse.” They’ll quickly start using terms like “emotional abuse,” “financial abuse,” “verbal abuse.” Seldom will anyone make claims of serious criminal behavior.
When you study the domestic violence industry, you’ll very quickly discover that the modern paradigm was crafted by openly feminist professors whose objective was not to prevent real abuse but to put women in charge of the household through force of law. I’ve made a video about this that can be found on my blog and YouTube channel if you’d like to check it out.
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You said what I feared to say myself – TYVM!
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Wow I’m in disbelief at the responses on here. It’s actually rather sickening the men who are not only blaming women for their divorces but also men undermining abuse just because it’s not “criminal.” Emotional abuse is abuse. If you have never endured it I guess you wouldn’t understand how it breaks down your spirit and your mental health and well-being. When a man hits you, that’s simple to call the police and get a restraining order and flee. But when a man abuses you in a covert way that no one can physically see, it breaks you down gradually over time until you are no longer a person and just an empty shell of a human being with severe trauma and Complex PTSD. I really think it’s so sad that Christian men wouldn’t look into this and realize the validity of any type of abuse even financial. Men are to love their wives as Jesus loved the church. And many men don’t do that at all. And that’s not even the reason women leave.
Let me just share my story as short as I can. I am not the one initiating my divorce. My husband is. I was not saved when him and I married. I have always “believed” in Christ and that what the Bible says is true but I was not living my life in that way. I was not devoted to God, I was not mindful of my sins etc. When I met my husband he said he believed in God as well. And that he had been praying for a woman to go to church with him and things like that. It turned out to be a manipulation tactic he used to get me to date him. We lived a sinful life, we moved in together and had our first child before being married. Again, I was not saved. I was not a devoted Christian and was not actively living a godly life or even trying to. It was not until after the marriage that I decided I was done living sinfully and that I fully accepted Jesus Christ into my life and talked with him and told him I want to live for you and I want to raise my children for you. In doing this, my husband was not on board. I was already pregnant with our second child (conceived in marriage this time) and I was taking our toddler to church alone each week, praying alone morning and night and watching videos and reading scriptures. I was praying for my husband to turn to Christ and for my marriage to survive. I wanted a spiritual leader of my household. I wanted my husband to hold that title and take that responsibility. I still do. But he refuses. He no longer even believes. He calls God a fairytale and belittles me and my faith. He tells me I’m not a godly woman, I’m a hypocrite (aren’t we all?) and tells me he will never live the life I want and I better go find me an Amish man or something because that’s the only way I’m going to find what I want.
My husband has been deceitful time and time again. He has issues with severe dishonesty. He has blatantly lied, hidden things, deleted things from his phone such as messages with another woman, omitted information etc. He has broken trust repeatedly. He has no empathy for me and does not apologize or feel remorse when he calls me names or throws things or up and leaves and makes me worry and doesn’t tell me where he has been all night. He uses alcohol as a way to deal with his anger and emotions. He consistently tells me that my hurt feelings and my emotions are invalid and that I just have a victim mentality. We are not talking about simple little arguments or disagreements here. This is verbal attacks, emotional neglect, cruel indifference, manipulation, deception, deflection, blame shifting and a man who won’t take accountability for anything. He genuinely believes he does nothing wrong and he will justify calling me a c*** and a b**** and telling me he hopes I crash my car. He can find a reason to justify every cruel word or action he does or has ever done including sleeping with another woman before we were married but still living together.
Also, a little side note/ question. You all sit here so adamant about a woman having several sexual partners before her spouse but what about the men? Are you telling me that men having several partners before marriage has no negative effects on their future wives or marriage or themselves? So it’s okay for men to do it just not women? I think you need to be truthful and treat it equally. Sex before marriage is wrong but many of us have done it both men and women and the effects are negative on both ends. Also, pornography is a mostly male issue and the effects of it are harmful as well. Men seem to be the ones who struggle with lustful thoughts and wandering eyes. I sure haven’t had any issues with that at all. Not even as a single woman. Let’s stop acting like just because you lived a sinful life before you came to Christ that you are damaged goods and don’t deserve to be treated well. God forgives, Jesus said we have no right to judge. But all I’m seeing here is judgment. And all judgment cast upon women. And actually, that right there is why marriages become toxic so many times. Because men are taught they don’t have to take accountability or responsibility for their actions or decisions. It all falls on the woman.
As I’ve said, abuse is abuse, we are ALL sinners even after being saved. Also I’m seeing improper use of scripture to condemn women from remarrying after a divorce. God hates men who mistreat their wives. God hates all sin. But God would never expect a woman to stay in an abusive marriage even if it’s not physical abuse. Especially when the man is not even a believer or saved. The Bible is pretty clear on being unequally yoked. And if the unbeliever chooses to leave, we are allowed to let him leave. Also with that is you have to think is a man really saved if he is abusing his wife? Is a man really saved if he is choosing to commit adultery or continues to look at women lustfully and view porn? I’d say probably not. Once you’re saved, you have conviction. And it’s much harder to commit the same sins from before. We will never be free of sin but some sins just shouldn’t be that hard to not do right? Like it’s not hard to not cheat, it shouldn’t be hard to not curse and call someone names, it shouldn’t be hard to not abuse someone or view porn etc. Just like normal people have no issue not murdering or raping. Never free from sin but conviction should be there. And if it’s not, one could argue the person isn’t really saved. And with being unequally yoked, it is said that the unbeliever must be willing to live in peace with the believer and respect the believer. If someone is belittling, cheating, abusing etc that is not living peacefully. And so the believer has every right to divorce. And once that divorce is done, that marriage is done because it was NOT of God. God doesn’t put together marriages of unbelievers.
I sincerely hope all the men here shaming women and having such one sided views and dismissing abuse if it’s not “criminal” do not have daughters. And if you do I really hope if those young women ever make a bad choice in a man or are ever emotionally abused that you will change your attitude. Because no one is perfect. Childhood wounds cause us to not always choose the best partners. And even men who claim to be godly many times are abusive and use the Bible as a tool to be abusive. I suggest you all view videos by Mike Winger. He explains scripture very well and answers many hot questions on things like this.
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Nobody said that men can’t be abusive, Tara. We are merely pointing out that women can too, women initiate 70% of divorces, divorce court is heavily stacked against men, our culture is hyper-feminized, and men as a group get blamed in our culture for nothing more than being men. (I agree with you that men sleeping around is also unconscionable and highly unChristian.) It’s time for women in particular to clean up their acts and fight back against feminism and Jezebels. It’s also time for women to put some clothes on and stop dressing like prostitutes of old.
As for Mark 10:11-12, I’d LOVE to hear the excuse for violating that main and plain teaching of Christ. I’ve seen so many unbiblical excuses just for divorce alone, twisting of Scripture, etc that I would love to hear how ANY person who remarries following divorce is not in adultery (barring the death of the ex-spouse, if not murdered)? Just because the churches are filled with divorced women remarrying doesn’t make it right. (I say “women” because they are the ones who freak out when I call them “adulterers.” For some reason the divorced and remarried men seem to not be bothered by it. That might be a bigger problem!)
Other than that, I agree with many of your points. You are also correct that we are trashing women here, and that is because women and feminism have trashed our nation. I’m sure you agree with me on that as a Christian. God bless you, and I’m sorry for the horror you went through.
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I believe the OP stated that you are responsible for choosing your man. Scanning briefly your story, that is unfortunate, but you also chose to be with a not so nice guy and you chose to end things.
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The early Christians (I mean pre-Rome) were unanimous in understanding that there is no allowable reason for divorce and marriage, EVEN adultery. This applies to men AND women. The so called “exception” clause is not present in the other synoptic gospels. It was generally understood that, grammatically, the clause referred to the putting away part (a man could put away an adulterer and be blameless) not to the remarrying part. This harmonizes all the gospels which are ALL God’s word and are all equally true/authoritative.
Additionally, the conjunction in the Matthew verse can be translated as “notwithstanding” placing even more emphasis on the no-divorce-and-remarriage teaching. This would explain the disciples rather surprised reaction to Jesus’ teaching.
If Jesus’ teaching was that you could divorce for adultery, this would mean he was siding with one of the two major rabbinical schools – this would not have produced the reaction that it did in his disciples and siding with Pharisees was out of character for Jesus – he calls us to a higher standard for marriage.
A single mom is probably some other man’s wife.
Men and women abuse and cheat at about the same proportion, so that doesn’t explain the discrepancy in divorce filings (actually higher than 70% since some men are coerced into filing).
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I don’t think Christ promoting one teaching over another means he’s siding with the teacher…or Pharisee…who also promotes that teaching.
By Biblical teaching, any “mom”…one who conceived the child herself…is some other man’s wife because it was the sexual union that makes the two one flesh.
Just sayin’.
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When we say a woman is a man’s wife (in a Christian context) we are talking about marriage. Christian marriage is a creation of the will, not the flesh.
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Thank you, Cameron!
There are a lot of creative ways for resolving those who find themselves in an adulterous “marriage.” Interestingly, the man financially supporting the remarried woman even after absolving that “marriage” (adultery according to Christ) is one of them. Some of the women even remain on the property of the man – no sex of course.
As a side note, Catholics are wrong on annulments, and priest shopping is the du jour for women who divorce their husbands and try to gain anulments to remarry.
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The priest isn’t the marriage tribunal – the body the renders the verdict.
An annulment is properly termed declaration of nullity – a legal verdict that carries moral (actionable) but not absolute certitude. It is supposed to be reserved for extraordinary circumstances e.g. coerced (non) consent but alas is abused in the American Church. Then again, a lot of people consent to God-only-knows-what – e.g. if you think two men can get married you probably don’t understand what God’s definition of marriage is.
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I married a single mom. She was young and stupid when she got married (her self-assessment, but given the dude, she’s totally correct), but despite his cheating on her, she was keen on counseling and working things out. He wasn’t interested.
We’ve been married since Apr, 1990 which came after seven years of courting. In all that time, we’ve not had to test the notion of “who’s boss” and we are really two halves of a whole. I don’t push her around demanding submission, but I have made clear that I’m responsible before God for the moral condition of the family and I will have the last word where I feel strongly situations dictate I must. Yet, we pretty much see eye to eye anyway, so it’s never been an issue.
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A woman is responsible for making her own choices. The major problem here is the fact that there aren’t many decent men because so many fathers are not modeling righteous examples to their sons, showing them how to be good husbands. Men have had control in society ( instead of submitting to God) and they are likely the ones who created double standards and societal “norms.”
They conditioned girls and women to be dependent upon men’s approval. Most females could not tolerate the idea of not having a husband and children. They would be judged.
Then you wonder why women were not picky enough? It is easy to become a single mother when you become impregnated hoping for a family and he is a lousy typical sperm donors.
Women should learn from it but many don’t. They have often read romance novels and are hoping they will come to life in their life.
Being conditioned to idolize men and marriage, many women were willing to settle for less. Many fathers are not raising their sons to be good husband material in most cases. Fathers Town fathers didn’t train them to be good husbands most of the time..
In addition, girls learn early the “boys will be boys” garbage and it is an allowance to let boys get away with sins. It conditions women early on to be too tolerant of male debauchery.
This was for men’s convenience: Have high standards for girls and women and lower standard for men. It is not Biblical.
Like satan in the garden of Eden men are crafty with their words. Many of the fathers fail to warn daughters properly about what they would be dealing with when dealing with men.
Fathers love to throw out rules to their daughters about not having sex before marriage, but often fathers are abusive and or neglectful and their daughters are yearning for love and they turn to men and sex.
Fathers have sons who have aged into “men” but are not bred and trained properly. These men are often sperm donors, liars, and make up the majority.
Their fathers did not care to train them in righteousness, and in how to have healthy relationships, to love,value and respect women.
Some men can often be big cowards. They love to blame women and feminists. The root problem is misogyny, father absenteeism, father abuse, father neglect, husband neglect, rebellion against God in their leadership, and improperly bred, improperly trained sons who have too much free reign.
Fathers perhaps taught sons to make money and play sports, but neglected to show them by example and through instruction how to love and have healthy relationships.
Fathers often fail to counteract societal evil influence and locker room talk with their boys. They give them too much free reign and are relieved they cannot get pregnant.
If it is so good to be a man, why won’t they do what God called them to do?
Why have they created an altered reality where they highjack God’s word and do what they want to do? Instead of obey.
They can’t seem to tolerate reality. Is it so great because they are doing what they want to do instead of what God called them to do?
They could not be the selfless, loving, responsible people God calls them to be, because it does not appeal to their flesh. Therefore they create an “easy” life for themselves by disobeying God’s word and blaming women
If it is so good to be them why do they reject God’s truth and do what THEY want?
Why are many men so mean, feel the need to make life difficult for women, if they are so happy? Why do they oppress and discriminate against women?
Seems some try so hard to pump themselves up and convince themselves they are happy to be a man. But they act so miserable! Lol. Sometimes I think that is why they are so miserable toward women is because they are not happy.
If we face truth, many boys are broken by their father, grow to adult, feel unaffirmed, inadequate, have built up rage and contempt, and they target the women in their lives. They are miserable, full of ego, and rebellion against God.
Judgement day is coming for all. Convenient life on earth disobeying God and bragging is not worth the wrath of God on judgement day.
Many men are cowards who blame women.
They have the fear of MAN, which cancels out the fear of GOD. THAT’S WHY THEY REFUSE TO GET RIGHT. They don’t fear God but live a life pleasing to their flesh.
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All of that is very true, and it is especially nice to see many parents now push for purity with their sons and daughters.
The main problem is that we men already know that we are scum: the school systems teach it, the media reinforces it, one political party thrives off of it, and the churches pound it home. All of the sins of men, real and imagined, are on display in our culture – and in our churches which are supposed to be DIFFERENT from our culture, but almost never are.
Now, if women had equal cultural attention to their flaws, pastors would be preaching how 2020 girls and women are whores and Jezebels, we would see movies made of women trapping men into relationships with their witchcraft, horror flicks about no fault divorce and predatory women in abortions, and the schools would be sending little girls to the office for dressing like little sluts.
Now, THAT is what REAL equality in our culture would really look like.
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The sins of men and women should get equal attention.
You and I both know that past, present, and likely future, men have behaved more lawlessly than women in nearly everything, so we cannot pretend that is not true in the name of equality.
It is just the nature of men and women. In addition, men made rules to try to cover themselves for their lawlessness by creating double standards and conditioning boys and girls, men and women to hold girls and women to a higher standard than males.
It is not Biblical but is and was convenient for the men. It is time to step up as men and women, own wrongdoing and repent. There is no place for pride, cowardice, deflecting or running from truth. Run but they can’t hide.
Men are leaders but many often want control instead of submitting to God and setting righteous examples.
They want control but often run from responsibility and accountability and blaming others.
That has not worked and will not work-ever.
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I agree with “the sins of men and women should get equal attention” and pray for the day when that actually happens.
Because of rampant feminism, including inside of the churches, women get a pass for their sinning while men get beat over the heads for their non-sinning.
That is the reality of today, 2020. Time for women to clean up their own houses and stop blaming men for their own abominable sins of rampant adultery, divorce, and child sacrifice.
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Yes, women absolutely need to get right and will answer for their wickedness, including child sacrifice.
Just because a lot of men are simply sperm donors and incapable of love, doesn’t mean a woman should allow herself to become impregnated and then murder her unborn precious, innocent children.
Women have wanted families and love for a long time without actually finding love with men, who typically are not bred and trained for relationships and love. Often, women don’t even find love with their husbands.
Many women have become very cold. They need Jesus; not to idolize men and relationships. Jesus satisfies.
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Excellent points!
And some men also idolize women, to the detriment of both.
Thank you for your great discussion!
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This comment sums up the double-think / mental gymnastics women go through to make women’s bad behavior mens fault. The exact type of sentiment that is promulgated through mainstream Christianity today.
This article is aimed at warning men from engaging with women who have demonstrated their poor choices with regards to marriage and family. Specifically, this article gives some statistical analysis as to why such woman generally are a poor choice for Christian men to date and marry.
It still amazes me that these types of comments are posted nearly everytime women in our culture are criticized online.
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Men should be careful. I stated that.
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You did. But you also blamed fathers for the bad behaviors of both men and women. You criticized men for failing to live up to their fatherly obligations.
Do you know what the number one thing preventing fathers from instructing their children in the ways of God? The State. The State, through force and the threat of force, separates men from their children, steals their wealth/inheritance through child support, and prevents men from leading godly families. If men resist the State, then they can be imprisoned and risk never seeing their children again.
Do you know who involves the State in families 100% of the time? Women.
Its 2021, male shaming tactics have lost their bite.
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Well, there are times the state needs to be involved. Like when men are slacking and or violent. There is no way the state should stop a man from loving, providing for, and guiding his family correctly.
They often intervene when something is wrong. The state is against all the sperm donors, dead beats and rageaholic men out there who abandon women they have impregnated and who abandon their children, because they can’t be bothered with them, but they wanted to donate the sperm. Some men hate responsibility and accountability.
I do believe that because many men have been this way, the court system is now biased, as if every man is a deadbeat. Every man is not a dead beat thankfully. It is likely some women are just malicious and involve the state when it is unnecessary.
It is easy to blame. Notice in Malachi, fathers are the issue addressed: “Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord:
And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers, lest I come and smite the earth with a curse.”
Malachi 4: 5: 6.
“Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.” Colossians 3: 19.
Men are often harsh and emotionally unavailable with their wives. Often, this can be traced back to his background/childhood which he refuses to surrender to Jesus and get help for.
“Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.” Colossians 3: 21.
I believe a man can certainly feel overwhelmed and burdened with the tasks that the Lord has given him. This is why they need to rely on God to strengthen them and equip them to do what he has called them to do. Many won’t submit to God and don’t fear him, though. They want to be their own god, controlling others.
In addition, men need to stop blaming women and burdening the women and taking out their frustration, stress, and anger on their wives and children.
So many women are trying to take on almost all responsibilities because of passivity from their husband.
Many women desire a man who is a godly leader. Not a controller. It is innate in a woman to desire such, but dealing with rebellious men who rebel against God has a lot of women in rebellion now. They are reflecting men’s rebellion, because some have given up.
Women really need to do a lot more praying for men, I think. We are to pray for ourselves too, of course.
That said, praise God for men do who please God as fathers and husbands.
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That said, yes, men should be careful about choosing single mothers, and women need to always be careful about which men they become involved with.
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Thank you for your comments. It is rare to see a modern Christian woman’s views on men outlined in such plain terms. I’ll make sure to tell all the Christian men in my life to man up and take responsibility. I’m sure they will be really receptive to that message this time. Either way, enjoy your cats.
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I don’t have cats. I have standards for myself and for a godly man.🙂
A woman as a godly helpmeet will affirm only righteousness in a man. It is God’s will be done. I am not supposed to help a man rebel against God and reward him by marrying him when he won’t submit to Jesus Christ. Too many women have done that, started families, and the sad state of society is proof of it.
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It is not “man up” in a nasty way, but the Christ-like example is not to blame women and burden them. Jesus initiated love, servitude and holiness.
So instead of man up, perhaps I should say, let’s both men and women rise to the wonderful calling God has for us.
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Reblogged this on My 2 Cents and commented:
I encourage everyone to check out this amazing article from blogger Wintery Knight. However, beyond simply the article itself, be sure to check out the long thread that has ensued in the comments section. This comment thread demonstrates perfectly what one of Wintery’s main points was all along. When women are called out for their bad behavior, the impulse of nearly everyone in our post-feminist culture is to engage in mental gymnastics to make the bad decisions of women somehow the fault of men.
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