10 Behaviors for Christian Women to Avoid in a Potential Spouse: part 1 of 10

Note: The following post was written by my friend Laura. On this blog, I have often offered men suggestions about what to ask prospective mates. Laura’s article looks at the problem from the other side, offering women suggestions about what to look out for in a husband candidate. I’ll be posting one per day for the next 10 days.


Apart from the decision to follow Christ, marriage is the biggest decision you will ever make. It is a lifelong commitment that will impact every area of your life for as long as you both shall live. As Jesus’ disciples realized and the apostle Paul taught explicitly, for many people it is better not to marry at all (1 Corinthians 7). But for those who do marry, it must not be entered into lightly. Here are ten behaviors to avoid in men when considering committing for life.

1. Unwillingness to read great books. I put this first because of how critical it is to every other aspect of a man’s life. The reality is that our culture has gone to rubbish. Morally, intellectually, relationally, and spiritually, we are unlikely to learn much of value from those around us. In most cases, we will be harmed, not helped, from the media, from entertainment, from public schools, from our parents’ example, and even in the local church. We must look harder, dig deeper, and be more intentional than generations before us if we hope to become men and women of character, knowledge, wisdom, and excellence.

If you want to find a man worth marrying, start by finding a man who reads the Bible often and who takes it very seriously. The God of the universe, who created all things and knows how all things work, has not left us to figure it all out ourselves. He has given us an invaluable resource, and any man who does not avail himself of this resource at every opportunity for the sake of learning how to live is likely to lead you and your family astray.

Additionally, I strongly recommend you find a man who reads apologetics, economics, military history, and classical literature. Why these areas? As Wintery Knight explains here, “Evidential apologetics teaches you to become focused on truth. Free market economics teaches you how the world works. Military history teaches you gratitude and humility. You can undo the nonsense that you learned about men, women and relationships simply by learning the lessons about human nature found in the classics – Shakespeare, Jane Austen, Elizabeth Gaskell, etc.”

If you want a man who knows and obeys the Lord, who understands and applies truth to real world issues, who will lead you well and make wise decisions for you and your children, and who will sacrifice worldly pleasure and the approval of others in order to treat you as a woman ought to be treated, he must be committed to reading great books.

10 thoughts on “10 Behaviors for Christian Women to Avoid in a Potential Spouse: part 1 of 10”

  1. “who reads apologetics, economics, military history, and classical literature.”

    We need to add reading books about Christian martyrs (including those in Chinese house churches) and those in the Christian resistance movements too. Corrie ten Boom, Harriet Tubman, Irena Sendler, the White Rose Movement, the July Plot against Hitler, William Wilberforce, Dr. King’s Letter from a Birmingham Jail, the writings of slavery and abortion abolitionists, you get the idea.

    This is especially important in these days.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. If I were thinking of classics, I would think of book that show male heroes connecting with women who understand them and try to prepare to help them and actually help them.
      I want men to be attracted to women who focus on the man’s plan and independently act to achieve his goals. She has to take his side, defend him and explain his views. That is the essence of female attractiveness to a man: understand me, advocate for me, support me, repair me. I don’t know how to teach this to men, short of going to the classics.
      In Laura’s case, she is probably thinking about how men who read classics will be able to rise above the culture and respond with expressions of love for the woman who does that.
      Also, the classics teach men about the traditional male roles. Protecting, providing, moral and spiritual leadership (Jane Austen’s Mr. Knightley). She’s probably thinking about that too… There not much emphasis on those male behaviors to young women these days.

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    2. OK WGC, Laura read your comment and she remembered that this had a big impact on her own views. She sent me an additional paragraph to add to the main post:

      Non-fiction writings about Christian martyrs and resistance movements are also key to preparing a man to combat the lies of the prosperity movement and to face the challenges of an increasingly secular culture that threatens his livelihood and his reputation if he speaks the truth or acts in accordance with his Christian convictions. I recommend reading biographies of people like include Corrie ten Boom, Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Harriet Tubman, William Wilberforce, and Irena Sendler. I also recommend reading about the White Rose Movement, the July Plot against Hitler, and the writings of slavery and abortion abolitionists, including Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s, “Letters from a Birmingham Jail.” These types of writings remind us that suffering for what is good is normal in a fallen world, and they not only inspire but also equip us with the courage and truth we need to live out the gospel in this present darkness.

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      1. Praise the Lord!

        A lot of those kinds of books, even secular ones, significantly reduced my stumbling blocks to Jesus Christ in my atheist years.

        I had to ask myself:

        1. Why would these people lay it all on the line if this life is all there is?

        2. Why don’t I see this in the churches? (I later found pockets of it mostly outside of conventional churches.)

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I see a lot of Christian’s reading romance novels and watching movies. Not a lot of defending the unborn or defending marriage. It’s just easier not to read real books and sacrifice your reputation.

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          1. Well, it is certain that if we are not in pursuit of Truth, we cannot be saved by the One Who is Truth.

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  2. It is a different story when you talk about things like that and you get more than “you’re weird” or “I don’t know what you are talking about”.

    Good for a Thursday, bad for dating/marriage prospects

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