How to avoid choosing a charming, deceitful narcissist for a spouse

Here's some helpful advice for women about choosing a man
Here’s some helpful advice for women about choosing a man

For fun, I’ve decided to publish the 2000-word first draft that I normally send to my 6 female editors, because sometimes it’s fun to let people know what I *really* think about things before my editors force me to make it more palatable.

We got a comment a while back that I thought was worth a response.

Let’s start with the comment:

My husband was a Narcissist. He slept all over the county and never worked a day in this marriage. Plus, He couldn’t decide if he was straight or gay. After my son finally left home I filed for divorce. I wish I did it sooner. Now he claims to be born again and wants to stay together. When is enough, enough?

We don’t know if this woman was a Christian, was chaste, and whether the man she chose was Christian or was chaste. All we know is that the man she chose was attractive enough to easily find other women who would have sex with him despite the fact that he was married. Whatever he has, it’s something that causes women who are not married to him to have sex with him. That’s who the divorced woman chose to marry. His “charm” wasn’t from his moral character or his deep knowledge of Christian theology and apologetics.

My first response to this was to put the responsibility on the person who had chosen the bad husband. After all, I reasoned, everyone who takes a massive step like marriage is obligated to investigate who it is they are marrying.

But when I said that, I got some responses from women that said that she wasn’t responsible for her poor choice of man, and that she was an innocent victim of his magical charming powers.

Here’s Lee:

A lot of time people don’t show their worst qualities until the relationship is firmly in place, and it starts coming out slowly. It’s not always as clear cut as a woman stupidly choosing an unsuitable husband who acted unsuitable from the get-go. I mean yeah, sometimes it’s obvious early on and the woman is just stupid/ blind/broken/other. But we should be careful to not assume, and careful to not make harsh judgments from our ignorance.

If dangers like infidelity are not “obvious” then it’s not the woman’s fault that she didn’t detect it. Apparently there is no way for the woman to detect it if it’s not obvious, so she’s not responsible.

And Mary:

Narcissists are skilled at charming and persuading people that they’re really great. And they’re skilled at convincing others that their misgivings are irrational fears. Unfortunately,there are a lot of people like that. Not saying that people (men AND women, btw!) don’t just sometimes choose stupidly, for bad reasons like “hotness” and excitement. But narcissists are a whole other kettle of fish. They can come out with a completely different personality once they’ve snagged their prey.

If a bad person is “skilled at charming”, then their victim has no way of evaluating them accurately. Basically, deciding who to marry is just an activity where you talk, and decide how you feel about that person’s talk. If the person is charming, then they make you feel good, and it’s rational to marry them. A lot of women express this as “I want a man who is confident”. It’s never been explained to me how “confidence” is any evidence that the man has an ability and a past pattern of self-control and fidelity.

And Sara:

Probably because narcissists can be very charming at first and easily win people over.

[…] What I was trying to say and the article pointed out is the power of narcissists is they can put people, especially women, under a spell of sorts. They are just so slick and charming that common sense goes right out the window. They don’t think to verify all these things that seem obvious because they are so captivated.

All that’s necessary to detect a charming narcissist is “common sense”. His suitability to do husband and father roles should be “obvious” from what he says and how he makes her feel.

So, let’s take a look at some tips for avoiding these charming narcissists who can convince you to marry them just with their words and the feelings they cause.

How to avoid marrying a charming narcissist who cheats on you

Here is some advice on how to avoid marrying a charming narcissist.

1. Evaluate a person based on objective evidence instead of how they make you feel with their words

There are a lot of lies coming out of the artists, actors, celebrities, etc. in this secular leftist culture that basically say that marriage is all about you and your feelings. If you prepared for marriage by watching movies made by pedophiles in Hollywood, and listening to music made by promiscuous musicians, and reading self-help fiction written by divorced spinsters, then you are not ready to detect a charming narcissist. Marriage is a practical enterprise, with distinct roles for husbands and wives that must be performed regardless of how either spouse feels. You need to understand and evaluate what behaviors are expected of husbands and wives in a marriage, and then look for evidence that the person you want to marry can perform those behaviors.

For example, if the behavior is fidelity, then the person should be able to demonstrate chastity and self-control during the courtship, and produce references from past girlfriends / boyfriends, and have written about chastity and self-control using research sources to explain the connection between premarital sex and marital instability. If you’re choosing with your feelings, and you haven’t done an analysis of marriage roles, and partner abilities, you’re headed for a disaster.

Just so you know, when I said this to some of the pro-irresponsibility, non-judgemental women I know, their response was to laugh in my face at the idea of asking someone’s previous partners about whether they were chaste and self-controlled. And this is why people are taken by surprise by the charming talk of narcissists. Feelings-oriented people today laugh at the idea of doing any evaluation, preferring to rely on their feelings. A lot of the failure to choose wisely is just down to people not understanding how the world works, then trying to manufacture a psycho-babble rationalization of why they screwed up.

When you’re hiring someone, you do a job interview, you test their skills, you contact their references, you do a drug test, a credit check, a criminal record check. And you have other skilled people sit in on the interviews and tests, in order to make sure that the person can really do the job they are being interviewed for. The marriage evaluation should include everything that the job interview includes as a minimum. Marriage is at least as complicated as choosing to hire someone for a job. If you aren’t doing the bare minimum of evaluating their education, career and finances, then you are setting yourself up for failure.

2. Learn what it takes to make morality rational, and then determine if your candidate is capable of being moral

Because marriage deals so much with moral obligations, it’s incumbent on you to read extensively on moral issues. You yourself should have developed worldview (through study and debate) that rationally grounds the minimum requirements for moral values and duties: 1) free will, 2) consciousness, 3) objective moral values, 4) objective moral duties, 5) a divine judge, 6) life after death. Why? Because doing the right thing isn’t something that you always feel like doing. When doing the right thing goes against your feelings, you will need to have a reason to act against your own self-interest. And that reason is going to be because the world is the sort of place where morality is real, and independent of your feelings, where you are a free moral agent, and where is a divine judge and an afterlife.

At the center of the ability to rationally ground morality is the ability to know God is real rationally, and to defend his existence using objective evidence and logical arguments. If you don’t know whether God exists based on logic and evidence, how will you evaluate whether someone else knows it? If you can’t rationally ground doing the right thing when it goes against your interest, then you won’t be able to know how to ask questions and investigate in order to decide whether someone else is moral or not.  Marrying someone who doesn’t believe in a moral lawgiver and a moral judge after death is as prudent to going into a city dump eating all your meals from what you find there.

In the specific case of fidelity, it’s important to remember that some people have goals and an understanding about how poor choices right now will make those goals more difficult to obtain. It’s easy to say that you want your spouse to be faithful. But what’s really needed is to measure what they are really trying to achieve in life, and whether they understand how infidelity would affect those plans. If you can’t see from their past decisions that they KNOW that 1) marriage and family are important enough to sacrifice for and 2) that they understand and apply the research that shows what decisions helps to make a marriage last (e.g. – no premarital sex), then, they don’t really have the goals and the information that you want in a marriage partner.

41 thoughts on “How to avoid choosing a charming, deceitful narcissist for a spouse”

  1. I must confessed that when I read the title of this blog post I seriously laughed.

    Also, my favorite line in the blog: “It’s never been explained to me how “confidence” is any evidence that the man has an ability and a past pattern of self-control and fidelity.”

    Isn’t it amazing how much we can take for granted.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. This whole post is just one long, thinly-veiled blaming of women for not taking responsibility for their own approach to relationships (as opposed to hiring someone for a job) and their own choices. They don’t realize how obvious it is to anyone looking that their approach is a mental illness or an immaturity. And it is present among the most successful and wealthiest women.

      They feel that they would it would be worse than murder if anyone asked them to be objective and rigorous about choosing men to do the role of husband instead of the role of clown.

      It’s important to realize that this is the default position of women. Choose men with your eyes. Choose the timing of sex with your feelings. Blame men who don’t comply with their mad fantasies. Legislate single mother welfare and abortion to free them from objective morality. Go to church and have the man-blaming pastors bless the whole sinful stupid enterprise.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I’m not a Christian so maybe this is why I don’t agree with your post but…would you honestly encourage a man who is questioning their sexuality to continue a marriage with a wife? I’ve seen too many “born again” (I find the term laughable but that’s just me) addicts who continue with their vice, cheaters who continue with their infidelity, and I don’t believe someone can switch their sexuality. Can they learn to suppress sexual urges and not act on them? Yes. But I couldn’t continue a relationship with a woman who does not feel sexual attraction to men. I try to imagine myself, a man, having to sleep with a man and how completely wrong that would feel because I am not attracted to men. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone else. Catholic friends who explained their church’s doctrine and path for homosexual individuals and it’s to remain chaste in their spirit, mind, and body. It is also discouraged for them to marry a sex they are not attracted to, so lifelong celibacy is their answer. I have other Christian friends that in their denominations, it is encouraged for homosexual individuals to basically ignore and suppress their sexuality and pursue a heterosexual marriage and life, which in my opinion, is ridiculous and can only lead to situations such as the post of the woman.

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        1. Dave, the point of the article is that people need to make better choices.

          Also, I’m a non-white evangelical Protestant in my mid 40s now and a virgin, with a $1.2 million earned net worth. The rules are the rules. No sex outside of marriage. The Christian Life is not doing whatever you want in order to feel happy. It’s turning your back on trying to make yourself happy apart from God in Christ.

          Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and all these other things will be added into you.

          You might have heard that Jesus did go around looking for fulfillment in relationships.

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        2. “Born again” is a phrase specifically highlighted by Jesus Christ Himself in a conversation with a Pharisee named Nicodemus (John 3). It refers to somebody who has repented of their lifelong sinning, surrendered their life to Jesus Christ, and who has every intention of obeying Him, even to the death if necessary. It is literally the hallmark of a new life and a new person in Christ, and is the fundamental requirement for going to Heaven instead of Hell.

          A person who CLAIMS to be “born again” but shows no fruits of that claim can be easily dismissed as lying, just as my self-referral as a “billionaire” without producing an asset sheet of 10 figures or more would be grounds for dismissing my claim.

          If the man in this story was constantly referring to himself as “born again” and going back to his adultery time and time again, that is grounds for dismissal. But, that is not how the evidence was presented by her. He claims to be “born again” now and she should spend some time examining the fruits of his “new life,” and there should be TONS of them over time. If his life has completely chamged, then she, as a Christian (if she is), should be THRILLED by this and rejoicing to God for answering her continual prayers.

          The Christian life is a different life from even responsible atheism, which view I held for decades. This life has much higher requirements placed on us, notably to forgive when a person has TRULY repented of their sins and to lay down our lives for others in the Higher Love of Christ. The reason that these requirements are placed on believers is because WE have been forgiven, saved, sanctified, and redeemed by what Christ did for us on the Cross. If we, in turn, do not forgive our fellow man, we are guilty of the worst kind of hypocrisy.

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  2. I want to repeat that opening paragraph here:

    “My husband was a Narcissist. He slept all over the county and never worked a day in this marriage. Plus, He couldn’t decide if he was straight or gay. After my son finally left home I filed for divorce. I wish I did it sooner. Now he claims to be born again and wants to stay together. When is enough, enough?”

    Notice that SHE initiated the divorce, which is a potentially VERY serious sin in and of itself. And we know that around 70% of divorces are initiated by women. She has grounds to do so, of course, because of the infidelity, but nowhere do we hear anything about her many attempts to lead him to Christ. Perhaps she has made these attempts, but does she know what it means to be Christian or not? (Hint: it is NOT self-identification as a Christian, or regular church attendance (in the feminized churches), especially in these days in this land.)

    Now, notice that she says “he claims to be born again.” Well, first off, she has many resources at her fingertips to evaluate whether or not that is true, most noticeably the many fruits that he has shown since he was “born again.” Are they filthy or not? If they are good fruits, there should be a TON of them. And it should be obvious to all that he is a new man.

    Finally, she says “When is enough, enough?” Well, if he is TRULY born again, then she should be THRILLED to continue the marriage with him, because he is literally a new creature – it will be like having a new man, the one he was meant to be! As a Christian who prayed daily for her husband’s conversion, she should know this. Or, did she?

    I don’t know all of the details here. But that paragraph alone is disturbing enough.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. The young, unmarried Christian women I know check off Christianity in a man like a check box. “claims to be a Christian with his words – check!”

      It’s too much work to ask a Christian woman to read a book on apologetics so they can evaluate his Christian convictions. It too much work to ask a woman to ask him for some evidence that he’s acted on his pro life or pro marriage convictions.

      They want to rely on their feelings. They want to believe that their intuitions are deeply and mystically connected to the universe. They want to believe that the whole universe is set up to please them, and that their feelings are the way of knowing what to do to in order obtain this happiness.

      The hilarious thing is how women with this exact worldview pick up Bibles and attend church and claim to know something about Christianity.

      It really is a mental illness, and in a sense, the whole growth of government and national debt is a result of this intuition that she should be allowed to choose what feels good and then be rewarded with other people’s money when it doesn’t work out. Because it’s not her fault. And also, government is there to silence anyone who shames her for it.

      Liked by 3 people

  3. This is an ugly thing to say, and most people reading it will disagree vehemently, but what’s usually the case in a typical marriage is not a victim/empath married to a narcissist, instead it’s a narcissist married to a narcissist.

    The common pop psychology narrative out there is that of an empath married to a narcissist, that narcissist specifically seek out empaths to marry and victimise. However this is a narcissistic lie.

    Just think about it, the victim/empath has these characteristics :
    – contempt for objective evidence
    – they never judge other people’s character
    – they play victim games and call themselves the victim while piling all the blame on their narcissist spouse
    – they are perfect, they are the empath, they are the victim, they are blameless and faultless, they are snowflakes, all the blame is externalised
    – they cannot think rationally nor use logic, all their decisions are based purely on chasing what makes them feel good and avoiding what makes them feel bad (especially doing the right thing)
    – they have a very wrong idea of how the world works
    – they are absolutely disinterested in morality or morality discussions
    – they think everyone is intrinsically good and therefore we should never judge and instead be hyper compassionate like a Buddhist
    – the hate the idea of “evil” or “wickedness”
    – they never learn, they never hold themselves accountable, they are absolutely disinterested in wisdom, prudence, and learning
    – they are highly opinionated (with foolish opinions), and they are very bad listeners (because they despise instruction and hence never learn + they are covertly prideful and always think they are right)
    – they are shallow and generally disinterested in what others say, they are obsessed with expressing themselves and dominating the air waves
    – they are dishonest to a fault, and love to tell soothing lies, AND buy into the soothing lies of their suitor
    – they have no ability to discern lie from truth, because they are always telling lies themselves and think mostly in lies and delusion
    – hence the narcissistic charm they fall victim to happens to also be the same thing they output on others (i.e. they are skilled at telling lies to get along)

    All these characteristics are also that of the narcissist. Hence in our society, most of the time, people who call themselves empaths/victims are actually also narcissists. Therefore most rotten marriages consist of two narcissists, not one, most marriages fail because both parties have no desire for The Golden Rule nor to love their neighbour and hence to behave righteously. The hallmark of narcissistic behaviour is treachery, and most people are narcissistic and treacherous, hence it is not hard for two narcissists to find each other and marry, we have a narcissism epidemic, if you just marry anyone at random, you are most likely to end up with a narcissist, actually most of the time, it’s two lonely narcissists finding each other. Most marriages end in divorce because most of the time, both parties marrying are narcissists (although it only takes 1 narcissist to end a marriage).

    And so this woman is likely personality disordered, who found another personality disordered person, BUT takes none of the blame, and slings all the mud in the direction of the spouse. Most of the time, if you talk to someone, and you get the feeling that they are not righteous, not moral, and not obsessed with doing the right thing, they are likely a narcissist. A narcissist spends 50% of their time making stupid, emotionalism, unrighteous decisions, and the rest of the 50% telling lies to exonerate themselves from all blame.

    Society is uglier than it looks on the surface, if romance movies are made by paedophiles, love songs are written by serial fornicators, and self-help books are written by borderline personality disordereds like Elizabeth Gilbert, then most of the media people are consuming are basically instruction manuals for how to be a personality disordered individual.

    The reason why most marriages fail happens to be the same reason why most movies are written by personality disordered people, most love songs are written by ditto, most self-help books are written by ditto. If we look beyond romance movies, even the action, adventure, and comedy movies are written by personality disordered people (if you can spot the red flags).

    The problem is, most people these days are sporting some milder version of King Ahab and Queen Jezebel, most people don’t love/fear God and don’t love/respect their neighbour. The net result of all this is strife, strife, strife, the strife of a world full of people conforming to the image of Cain.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. What I said above applies to both men and women. Most men are also narcissists. We truly have a narcissism epidemic. We have a society full of goats with very few sheep.

    And what we see all over the place is just goat-like behaviour. Men also choose their wives poorly. It’s just that, when men play victim, they don’t get believed, so male narcissists and borderlines tend to not get away with victim playing.

    To summaries, what’s wrong with both men and women in our societies is 2-fold :
    – judge not anyone (never judge other’ misbehaviour)
    – misbehave yourself (and expect to never be judged also)

    To not scrutinise people’s morality and quality of character goes hand in hand with being a bad boy/girl yourself. I’ve learned a while ago that those spouting “judge not” also tend to be very treacherous and iniquitous people. Hence the “judge not” heresy goes hand in hand with personality disordered people.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. This is an ugly thing to say, and most people reading it will disagree vehemently, but what’s usually the case in a typical marriage is not a victim/empath married to a narcissist, instead it’s a narcissist married to a narcissist.

      Truth usually is ugly, and this is a gold nugget of truth. No shame in it.
      What you describe is, if my own extensive observations are correct, easily 75 to 90-plus percent of the marriages that self-destruct over narcissistic behavior. Neither party is innocent.

      Liked by 3 people

      1. Righteousness is rare, treachery + positive impression management is rampant.

        With righteousness in such short supply, it would be hard for most marriages to work, whether they divorce or not. An unrighteous spouse cannot lead to sustainable peace, rest, or happiness.

        When we translate the word “unrighteous” into “treacherous”, it sheds better light on the plight, most people are married to a treacherous, transgressive, and blame shifting individual. This cannot work out well.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Actually, these heresies are highly connected to the disordered mind :
    – unconditional love (disordered people think in hyperbole because they are so unrealistic and do not understand how the world works)
    – unconditional forgiveness (ditto)
    – never judge (all disordered people are naturally anti-morality and so their natural instincts cause them to be contemptuous of all things that smack of morality and righteousness)

    Therefore, the spread of UL, UF, and NJ actually charts the proportion of humanity who are mentally disordered. AND, scarily enough, what proportion of self-declared Christians are also mentally disordered because they naturally bought into the ridiculous and unworkeable notions of UL, UF, and NJ.

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    1. I like unconditional love! But you have to be very careful who you give that to, or it will destroy you, and you won’t be able to love anyone. Just to say this… I want to love people more, and the process of building them up to be more moral and more responsible IS BECAUSE that makes them safer to love. You can’t live a crazy homeless drug addict prostitute. You have to fix her up and get her to actually grow up and sober up and start doing good things for others. Then she’s loveable and safe to love. But most people interpret this “judging” as controlling, and they run away from it like idiots.

      Unconditional forgiveness is garbage. There has to be repentance and restitution or it’s fake.

      Never judge is just dangerous garbage.

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      1. I’ve researched these 3 topics extensively :
        – unconditional love
        – unconditional forgiveness
        – never judge

        I have an extensive folder of articles in my hard disk regarding these topics. And I’ve concluded from a lot of time spent investigating and reading Christian articles that, sadly, unconditional love too is a heresy.

        Unconditional forgiveness is not Scriptural, neither is never judge, but of all 3, unconditional love is the most heretical.

        It was basically invented by an atheist, communist, God hating psychologist called Eric Fromm. He is one of the originators of why the modern culture is so feminist and perverse. In it, he taught us that the love of fathers is conditional (he was also alluding to the Heavenly Father, in which we are only loved if we fulfil certain criteria e.g. honesty, righteousness, honour=non-treacherous, and obedience), by contrast, the love of the mother is unconditional. And from his book The Art Of Loving, he introduced the world to the words “unconditional love” by teaching people to reject the conditional love of the father (and by allusion, God, the Heavenly Father), and go for the unconditional love of the mother. And this helped kickstart the hippy revolution of free (unconditional) love.

        Eric Fromm started the lie that unconditional love is possible, that mothers loved their children unconditionally (as far as I’ve managed to observe, humans are incapable of unconditional love, including mothers).

        Anyway, you make up your mind, I just wanted to share some of the conclusions of my extensive research on the subject of unconditional love, that it was a concept from psychology (be wary of anything from psychology, as it is usually humanist, leftist, channelled, and Buddhist sympathising and antagonistic to Christianity). And that the person who gave it to us, Eric Fromm, was an especially God-hating person, and that it kickstarted the hippy love revolution and is responsible for all the unrealistic expectations of love in our modern age.

        I believe that unconditional love is unrealistic and unworkeable enough for humans, but when we also consider Scripture, unconditional love is not in Scripture, and is actually anti-morality, anti-truth, and anti-righteousness. God loves us conditionally, and humans are incapable of unconditional love, also, unconditional love means it is devoid of judgement, rejection, righteousness, and morality.

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        1. I do think unconditional love based on adoption and the redeemability of the thing being lived makes sense, if love is understood as taking self-sacrifical action to build up the person to be what God intends. Which is not to say making them happy.

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          1. It’s a fraught argument. I’ll let you make up your own mind. Before I started my investigation, I suspected that unconditional love was fallacious, after my investigation (and many articles read), I became fully convinced that unconditional love is a false idea.

            Note, I also believe unconditional love is not :
            – sacrificial love
            – agape
            – self-less love
            – love of neighbour or love of enemy
            – God’s compassionate love of humanity
            – our compassionate love towards others
            – benevolence

            If we see that to me, unconditional love is not all the other kinds of love which were falsely claimed to be unconditional love, then to me, unconditional love is nothing other than a highly idealistic, fallacious concept invented by Eric Fromm, a God hating psychologist.

            The source of something is highly important, I don’t believe God inspired Eric Fromm to come up with the idea of unconditional love (then who or what inspired him?), and since Eric Fromm is considered a perverse, enemy of God, his ideas will be highly contaminated by that.

            Liked by 1 person

        2. I would refer you to Wendell Miller’s Forgiveness: The Power and the Puzzles. The forward was by Earl Radmacher, one of my husband’s professors who thought it was a complete treatise on forgiveness, taking in the totality of Scripture.

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          1. Sheep don’t have anger issues. Only goats do. Anyone who is tenderhearted does not cling onto bitterness. Hence unlike Wendell Miller’s exhortation, forgiveness is not about self-therapy (i.e. psychoheresy), forgiveness is about what Scripture tells us to do, and to do it properly, the offer must be repentant, otherwise we are winking at sin and calling the wicked righteous – i.e. we are practicing iniquity and doing the opposite of imitating God.

            I suspect anyone who talks about forgiveness as the solution to anger themselves has anger issues and is not tenderhearted, AND they’ve projected their spiritual flaws onto everyone, accusing everyone else too of being just as hardhearted as them, as having the same anger management issues as them.

            Lastly, Scripture has plainly taught us that there is no forgiveness without repentance, hence those teaching unconditional forgiveness are teaching demonic doctrines, they are not teaching Scripture, they are teaching another doctrine, with another Jesus (one who forgives unconditionally). I don’t worship a Jesus who forgives unconditionally and tells us to do likewise, that false Jesus is not the Jesus of the Bible.

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          2. “and to do it properly, the *offender* must be repentant …”

            When you forgive the unrepentant, you are strengthening the hand of the wicked, in other words, unconditional forgiveness is a heresy that exhorts you to do the opposite of what the Bible taught.

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          3. Basically, any preacher who takes “repentance” out of “forgiveness” is teaching an anti-Scriptural form of forgiveness.

            Notice these preachers talk like psychologist, for them it’s all about :
            – self-healing
            – not being angry

            They have no concern for righteousness, repentance, or all the parts of the Bible that tell you to rebuke them, and only if they repent, to forgive.

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          4. Agree but I think according to the Lord’s prayer, we won’t be forgiven unless we forgive others when they have repented and restituted. So I think the attitude is “I really want to forgive this person, if they have repented and made restitution”.

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          5. We must forgive the repentant. That is mandated for us. But we must also not preach forgiveness for the unrepentant, because the Bible contains many passages warning us not to agree with the doctrine of the wicked, not to strengthen their hand, not to call evil good, not to call the unrighteous righteous, not to agree with or reconcile with the works of the unrighteous and unrepentant. Hence unconditional forgiveness is nothing other than teaching willful and deliberate sinning by calling evil good, and by calling the unrighteous righteous by telling them “I forgive you even though you fling unrepentance in my face and mock me”.

            What Kim and Wendell Miller is preaching is mandated forgiveness for the blatantly and proudly unrepentant. This cannot be called any other name than a demonic doctrine. It is a demonic doctrine because anything that teaches us to violate the commandments of the Bible while masquerading as Christianity is actually satanic (i.e. anti-Christ).

            Wintery Knight, please research unconditional love and why it is a heresy. I say this out of love for you after having research that topic to its conclusion. Ultimately you make up your own mind, but not before reading what some good writers have to say against Eric Fromm’s satanic deception.

            I think I’ll reduce my number of comments from now on. I wish you well.

            Liked by 1 person

          6. I’m afraid that Wendell Miller is deep into the heresy that forgiveness must be offered without repentance.

            He is teaching demonic doctrines. Why am I being so harsh? Because any teaching that does away with repentance is not Biblical.

            I’ll quote one of his heresies below :
            “Forgiveness Doesn’t Depend On Repentance
            ‘I can’t forgive because he isn’t even sorry.’ Some people are put off forgiveness because they believe it improperly tells the offender that he or she did nothing wrong. ‘God demands repentance before he forgives, and therefore, so should we,’ they say.

            God alone knows a person’s heart when he decides to forgive for eternity. But we are not qualified to judge that before we should decide whether or not to forgive.

            We forgive, regardless of repentance. Whether or not the people who hurled insults at Jesus on the cross were forgiven for eternity, I cannot say, but on the cross, Jesus released them from an obligation to him.

            We say, I’ll leave the issue of repentance to God. If there are eternal things to be sorted out, I’ll leave that with God I am not going to carry this burden of trying to make you feel an obligation to me. I release you. God will deal with your obligations to him. My life is not going to be burdened with or controlled by your lack of repentance But your eternity may well be burdened with it.”

            http://www.tlchrist.info/forgive/forgive1.htm

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  6. The responses from the women in the OP are essentially de facto admissions that women are indeed the weaker vessels. No, that doesn’t absolve them of responsibility for their actions, no does it deny that they have moral agency. It does, however, obliterate any feminist claims they might make about being strong and empowered yougogrrrrls.

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    1. And who wants to marry someone who cannot accept responsibility to make their own decisions, and accept being held accountable when they screw up?

      You wouldn’t have a business partner who was irresponsible and unaccountable. Yet these things are such low priorities to women when presenting themselves to men.

      Young, unmarried women don’t realize how unprepared and unqualified they are for marriage. They interpret man’s unwillingness to marry as cowardice. “I’m crazy, but a truly brave man would marry me anyway!” That’s not how men prove their manhood – by jumping off cliffs for no reason.

      They can’t understand that men do evaluate a woman’s character. And we didn’t marry women who are not qualified to be wives and mothers.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I hate to disagree with you Wintery Knight, but most people want to marry someone who refuses to accept responsibility for their own actions, and who also love to transgress.

        Just watch romance movies, it is full of perverse behaviour.

        People also want treacherous business partners who will steal and destroy their lifelihood.

        Why?

        Because we live in a Postmodern age, and most people are narcissists. Narcissists, by definition, lack discernment, and the one facet of discernment they absolutely lack is to distinguish good from evil, and so they naturally make poor choices due to absolute moral blindness.

        Bad boys and bad girls are not short of companionship.

        Elizabeth Gilbert is a poster girl disordered + jezebel, she was never short of new men.

        What about old age? Won’t these disordered people become lonely in old age?

        No, because when they get old, they will still be surrounded by other old, disordered people, the game continues until death. Because narcissists and disordered people never learn, an old disordered person is no wiser and makes no better decisions.

        Liked by 2 people

    2. Actually, it’s getting hard to distinguish the responses of males and females these days. As most males are brainwashed into some kind of feminisation, goddess worship, and the concept that women are the fairer sex.

      As far as I’ve managed to determine, most people reject moral agency and believe what psychologists have taught (i.e. we are born blank slates, and it’s the fault of society, parenting, education, and systems that make us do bad things, and it’s never our own fault = PostModern values).

      I believe these days, most people lack moral agency and either directly or indirectly subscribe to the don’t judge, don’t rebuke, don’t condemn, don’t moralise, don’t be righteous, just live and let live and do as thou wilt mentality.

      We can blame psychology for that. Psychology has removed the words “good”, “evil” from the conversation and taught us all to blame external factors for our own wrongdoings or the wrongdoings of anyone else.

      Hence no one is evil, it’s all due to circumstances, hence don’t judge.

      Like

        1. Yes, when you include the words “stupidly” and “knows what they are doing”, your argument is bulletproof, as the only argument left is masochism (which is usually a poor argument).

          One more qualification though. Understanding of :
          – morality (what does this word even mean?)
          – the need to be wary as this is a fallen world, and most of humanity is wicked by human standards (not by God’s standards, as that’s too strict)
          only comes with age.

          As obsessed as I am with morality and righteousness, I didn’t even understand the true meaning of the word “moral” before I added sufficient decades to my life. Similarly, I was not a Christian earlier in my life because I didn’t understand core Christian doctrines (i.e. most humans are wicked + we live in a fallen world + sin = people love to screw each other up for entertainment).

          Therefore I also made some bad life choices due to moral blindness.

          Here’s the problem as I see it :
          – most people are narcissists
          – narcissists are wicked people who love to injure anyone in fellowship with them (including their spouse or children)
          – I was born knowing none of these
          – it took sufficient life injuries from sufficient narcissists for me to finally start to see this pattern
          – but this took decades of life, and therefore the earlier part of my life was ruined by narcissists and my own moral blindness

          Since most people are narcissists, and since most young people cannot know this, if you marry or enter into business partnership young, you will likely partner up with a narcissist.

          This is not a new thing, God already told Adam that because this is a fallen world, humanity will have strife with each other, then soon after that, Cain killed Abel, strife indeed.

          I don’t see any of this as a truly bad thing, everything is just going according to plan, God told us we will have strife, voila strife! Hence the fact that most people are narcissists, most marriages are full of strife, most potential business partners are treacherous are all just things going according to God’s plan. That’s why we need to be rescued and saved from all this sin and sinning, because it’s the same story of Cains killing Abels over and over again throughout the ages.

          Like

          1. Hence, because it takes decades to finally start to know what you are doing, morally, most of the interpersonal things you do in your youth would likely be foolish and cause you unhappiness, because even those who eventually learn to understand the value of morality needed decades to get there.

            Like

  7. “A lot of women express this as “I want a man who is confident”. It’s never been explained to me how “confidence” is any evidence that the man has an ability and a past pattern of self-control and fidelity.”

    Blessed are the meek,
    For they shall inherit the [a]earth.
    (Matthew 5:5)

    But He gives more grace. Therefore He says:

    “God resists the proud,
    But gives grace to the humble.”
    (James 4:6)

    Disordered people want false confidence because they like to go the opposite way to God, they have a natural instinct towards anti-godliness.

    They don’t attempt to investigate whether this confidence correlates to ability or capability because for them, “confidence” alone enough.

    You can translate their perverse natures as :
    “blessed are the proud, for their bombast shall inspire trust and esteem”

    “narcissists esteem the proud, and despise the humble”

    It sounds harsh to say this, but disordered people have a natural satanic bent to their preferences, they make perfect sense when evaluated this way, and make no sense at all if you falsely consider them as sheep.

    Of course, “satanic” is akin to a swear word these days, so let’s resort to something more politically correct then, let’s instead say “perverse”, they have a perverse bent to all their preferences.

    Like

  8. All these modern exhortations to :
    – have faith in yourself
    – believe in yourself
    – have confidence in yourself
    – be proud of yourself
    are actually exhorting you to behave like a personality disordered
    person.

    Having this narcissistic mindset is what it takes to impress other narcissists, have a successful sex life, and to impress shallow recruiters as well as to recruit flying monkeys from coworkers and extended relatives.

    Sadly, most people fall prey to boasting, bombast, impression manage, and strutting confidence because nobody can suspect that there is treachery behind the facade. Shallowness has its pitfalls.

    Like

    1. I was worried that he was going to go weird or be angry with me for disagreeing with him, but he seems to be gracious. We haven’t had comments this good since Deti stopped by.

      Like

  9. This is one of the worst contradictions in Feminism:

    1. Women are strong and independent. They can make their own decisions, and don’t need a man to tell them what to do.

    2. Women are too inherently weak and unintelligent to recognize and stay away from dangerous men. Men bear 100% of the responsibility for women’s problems.

    It’s not hard to see that the above two statements are logically incompatible, but feminists go right on preaching it as gospel. If women want to be treated as strong and independent, they need to be prepared to accept the responsibility that comes their freedom.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, and another contradiction to go along with it: ‘men are complete emotional morons except for the man the women made a mistake with; he was a super devious emotional genius who took advantage of her’.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. It’s like words are just used to justify doing whatever dumb thing they want right now, then blaming everyone else to make it look like they’re victims. And society is set up to promote and facilitate this.
        Even if you find a responsible, accountable woman, you will court her in a world run by powerful feminists, with the power to tax and jail you if you step out of line. And that includes the church. It’s just not set up for a man to lead, because nobody has an experience of allowing a good man to lead.

        Liked by 1 person

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