Daughter of single mother explains how absent father ruined her life

 

Do young women understand how to get to a stable marriage?
Do young women understand how to get to a stable marriage?

I found a YouTube video featuring a conversation about the fundamental problem that I see with young, unmarried women: their decision to have recreational premarital sex with hot guys throughout their teens and 20s.

Here is the conversation: (just listen to the first 7 minutes to start)

Note: this conversation contains vulgar language. Listener discretion is advised.

Molyneux gets her talking about the most important question that women who fail with men never want to answer: why did your mother choose this awful, awful man, to be your father out of all the other men in the world? At the end, she really has learned her lesson and gives a good warning to other young women at the crossroads.

Summary of key admissions:

  • Caller: I’m a 41-year-old single white female who was a bad girl in my 20s. I was raised fatherless by a loving Christian mom. Question: what caused me to fail at life and be living with my (divorced) mother?
  • I was gifted, very intellectual, top of the class
  • My mom is a very caring person
  • My mom approached my Dad when he was already in another relationship (i.e. – her mom was the woman her father cheated with on another woman, then her mom married this cheating man and he dumped the previous woman)
  • My mom was very attractive, and could have chosen different men, but she was really attracted to this terrible man
  • My mom had a desire to get away from her strict parents, who she resented
  • when I was 15 I chose a man, I had recreational sex with him before marriage, and he stalked me and humiliated me
  • I felt like an adult at age 15, and I had sex with this man then so that I could put childhood behind me and become an adult
  • My mother counter-acted the absence of my Dad by raising me as a Christian – she was a radical, intense Christian and that hyper-religiosity made me not want to talk about sex with her
  • My mom divorced my father because he was a jerk
  • My mom did not mind that he had other children from past relationships, was underemployed, and was lazy
  • I used to sneak out of my room and sit on the back porch and drink alcohol with the neighbor kids
  • My mom was a worrier and a control freak, so I rebelled against her warnings and attempts to set boundaries on my wildness
  • I and my 15-year-old recreational sex partner used a condom from my devout Christian mother’s drawer
  • I had sex with 5 different boyfriends from age 15-18 and caught mono
  • My mom had temporary boyfriends after the divorce
  • In my 20s, “there wasn’t much to do except go out and drink”. “two to three times a week, me and my girlfriends would get dressed up, go to the clubs, and try to attract hot guys”.
  • From 21-30, I stopped looking for relationships, I just hooked up with hot guys for one-night stands and FWBs
  • I felt better about myself, more confident and in control when I would drink and have one-night stands with these hot guys
  • “I don’t know why I was so focused on looks” in these guys
  • The hooking up stopped at 30, then dating (with sex) resumed
  • I realized that the hot guys I wanted were not going to settle down, especially with new younger women available
  • From 15 to now, I’ve slept with 60 different men, sometimes repeatedly, and on and off
  • I never admitted the true number of men I slept with to any of these men
  • last relationship was 5 years ago (at age 36)
  • I have lost interest in sex, and lost interest in men
  • I don’t have the mental toughness to be in a relationship
  • I have “been broken” by too many failed relationships
  • nobody told me that my decisions with men were not going to go well

In the final 8 minutes where Stefan explains the larger consequences of women’s choices for civilization is very important, I think. I was surprised that he spoke directly to the “hot” alpha males that women want and told them that they are breaking women, and share the blame for destroying our civilization. The thing is, I don’t think those hot alpha males care about civilization, or anything except for themselves. So why do young women choose them?

If I had to pick one essential characteristic of young, unmarried women which ruins their lives, it is their inability to choose responsible men who are proven to be good at doing the things that men do as husbands and fathers. Young, unmarried women today are attracted to men who are LOUSY at the things that men do as husbands and fathers. Responsible men with strict morals and settled religion are not attractive to young, unmarried women. These women can’t connect their choices with men to the tasks that men actually perform in a married home. I am talking about non-Christian women AND Christian women. Nothing that women learn in church corrects this flaw. They are taught to believe that God speaks to them through their emotions, that they must follow their emotions, and everything they do that blows up in their faces is the fault of men. It’s never their responsibility.

Men’s rights activists say that this flaw is the root cause of the end of civilization, and I’m inclined to believe them. Saving women from this flaw is the number one task of fathers, and it is the number one thing that women must look for in a man they make babies with: FIND A MAN WHO CAN BREAK YOUR FUTURE DAUGHTER(S) OUT OF THIS DELUSION BEFORE THEY CHOOSE A BAD MAN. Strong men confront women and set boundaries to help women make better choices. Weak men blame the bad men that women freely choose and this does NOT help women make better choices. Women need to understand that men who speak to them directly, and tell them no, and set boundaries and try to push them to be serious about education and career and finances and marriage are NOT anti-woman. We are trying to protect you and strengthen you, by telling you to make good decisions, and be responsible.

8 thoughts on “Daughter of single mother explains how absent father ruined her life”

  1. I have, for a long time, seen the whole ‘dating’ scene as being a major problem in the way women select men. Though considered ‘barbaric’ now, a fathers previous right to select a group of men his daughter could select from, or outright select her husband, has been long since done away with and we have give the ability to choose to the daughter. Daughters, in their youth and sexual prime, have no desire to settle down with a stable, level headed and financially established man, who is likely going to be her senior by a few years. Instead they want the tingles, the drama and the adventure of “bad boys” who have, you are correct, have little interest (at the time) in building society or civilization. Instead of having a father to guide her to a man who will care for her for the rest of her life we end up with either a) no father present, since the mother is already a product of the previous cycle or b) a modern father who has no say in his daughters life. He is on board with the whole dating scene and feels like, and is told, he has no say in his daughters love/sex life. If he tries to interfere or offer advice his wife, his family and his church tell him he needs to stop and that he “cant do anything about love”! In the meantime his daughter has no idea what love is beyond “does he make me tingle”? When this boyfriend doesn’t make her tingle any more, she moves to the next one. If she marries the guy first, she divorces him instead and moves along to the next guy to make her tingle.

    God designed the relationship between fathers and daughters for a reason, and we have deviated far from that. I have no doubt that some fathers, in ancient times, considered their daughters wants and feelings while selecting her a husband, and some, I’m certain, did not, but what we see now days is that since the father/daughter relationship over marriage and sex has been devalued to nothing, so has a daughters sexuality. It has no worth anymore and she can squander it as she sees fit. The results of this decision are easy to see.

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  2. I was reading the comments on my local newspaper’s website about one Owen Labrie (some guy who was once accepted to Harvard but due to his criminal behavior at St. Paul’s School, had his acceptance rescinded). This is a private boarding school for the very rich/wealthy in a secluded area in New Hampshire.

    Several writers mentioned that their daughters were at the school and were packed off with large boxes of condoms and “Have fun, practice safe sex!”

    As I’ve mentioned before, I am totally appalled at this … absentee parenting. Seriously, how about talking about the birds and bees? How about talking about STIs/STDs, being responsible with your body (sleeping around as a woman is akin to treat your female parts like a sewer), explaining consequences and so on?

    Or that attraction can be developed or that one can choose not to act on lust?

    I definitely saw the “if I don’t know what I really want/need, I’ll go for the guys who are popular” m.o. when I was single out of non-Christians and Christians.

    Christian women can be all over the place when it comes to dating and mate selection. Some (I’m guessing the nominal Christians) are as bad and sometimes worse than their non-Christian counterparts. Some were pretty messed up — which was why in private correspondence to my closest male Christian friends (who were all very devout and serious Christians), I used to mention that there were a lot of women with _issues_, and that I had to hone my detectors to find these issues and to decide whether I wanted to deal with the issues or not. Even if a woman is “hot” or outwardly attractive, if she had deal-breaker issues, I wouldn’t bother.

    I highly encourage devout single Christian men to develop such discernment. Do not yoke yourself with low quality women.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Most of the unmarried Christian women I’ve met basically chose men according to non Christian criteria, with the goal of having tingly feelings right now.

      This is one of the reasons why God gave man authority to rule over his wife/daughter. Even the majority of Christian women lack the ability to make rational decisions that are not greatly swayed by emotion. People get offended by such an idea, but did God give man this authority for no reason? Did he tell Eve that her husband would rule over her for giggles? There was a reason for it and we see that reason in stark clarity all day, every day. Can women think for themselves? Absolutely! We see in the Proverbs 31 woman a smart, driven and capable women, but her energies are given direction and purpose by her husband. In the same way a young girls purpose and energies should be directed by her father and then her husband, otherwise they are directed by her emotion.

      The situation described above, about boxes of condoms being sent out with daughters, is sickening. Again, parents, and fathers in particular, are told they have no control over their daughters base desires and so rather than try to teach her not to be a whore, or even better, prevent her from being a whore, they encourage it so long as it is safe. No wonder so many Western women are on meds for their anxiety and depression.

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        1. That would be fine if the bible did not use the word “rule”, as in the same way a king rules his kingdom, with power and authority, but also with responsibility. It’s deeper than corporate leadership where peoples livelihoods, not their spiritual beings, are in your hands.

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    2. Most of the unmarried Christian women I’ve met basically chose men according to non Christian criteria, with the goal of having tingly feelings right now. They imagined it would turn into marriage without selecting for marriage.

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