Women, under the influence of feminism, are willing participants in the hook-up culture

A man leading a woman upward
Another post in which I try to pull women out of the quagmire of radical feminism

Note: in this article, when I refer to women, I mean young, unmarried women who have been influenced by feminism. I do not mean all women, and especially not married women.

My good friend Tom sent me this article from the ultra left-wing Vanity Fair. Tom is a veteran of the New York City dating scene and has been telling me for years about the practices described in this article.

The article is very, very long, so I can only quote a little, and then I’ll encourage you to read it, although be warned, it’s filled with sex and bad language, and it tries to present women as victims.


It’s a balmy night in Manhattan’s financial district, and at a sports bar called Stout, everyone is Tindering. The tables are filled with young women and men who’ve been chasing money and deals on Wall Street all day, and now they’re out looking for hookups. Everyone is drinking, peering into their screens and swiping on the faces of strangers they may have sex with later that evening.

Tinder is a hook-up app that people use to find people to have sex with, based solely on their photograph. This is actually what studies say about how women choose men – it’s all physical appearance, and nothing that is learned subsequently alters that first impression.

The article says this:

“Romance is completely dead, and it’s the girls’ fault,” says Alex, 25, a New Yorker who works in the film industry. “They act like all they want is to have sex with you and then they yell at you for not wanting to have a relationship. How are you gonna feel romantic about a girl like that? Oh, and by the way? I met you on Tinder.

“Women do exactly the same things guys do,” said Matt, 26, who works in a New York art gallery. “I’ve had girls sleep with me off OkCupid and then just ghost me”—that is, disappear, in a digital sense, not returning texts. “They play the game the exact same way. They have a bunch of people going at the same time—they’re fielding their options. They’re always looking for somebody better, who has a better job or more money.” A few young women admitted to me that they use dating apps as a way to get free meals. “I call it Tinder food stamps,” one said.

Even the emphasis on looks inherent in a dating game based on swiping on photos is something men complain women are just as guilty of buying into. “They say in their profiles, ‘No shirtless pictures,’ but that’s bulls**t,” says Nick, the same as above. “The day I switched to a shirtless picture with my tattoos, immediately, within a few minutes, I had, like, 15 matches.”

And if women aren’t interested in being treated as sexual objects, why do they self-objectify in their profile pictures? some men ask. “There’s a lot of girls who are just like, Check me out, I’m hot, I’m wearing a bikini,” says Jason…

Men talk about the nudes they receive from women. They show off the nudes. “T*t pics and booty pics,” said Austin, 22, a college student in Indiana. “My phone is full of ‘em.”

Although the article, and the women who are interviewed, try to pass themselves off as victims, it’s very clear that they are full participants in this hook-up culture. It’s “fun” for them to be free and independent – no responsibilities, expectations or obligations from a relationship.

Feminist writer Hanna Rosin says that this hook-up culture is great:

Some, like Atlantic writer Hanna Rosin, see hookup culture as a boon: “The hookup culture is … bound up with everything that’s fabulous about being a young woman in 2012—the freedom, the confidence.”

The Vanity Fair author comments:

“Short-term mating strategies” seem to work for plenty of women too; some don’t want to be in committed relationships, either, particularly those in their 20s who are focusing on their education and launching careers.

Previously, I quoted a feminist professor writing in the New York Times. She also thought that it was great that women were hooking up with hot guys for fun, but staying focused on their educations and careers.

Here’s Amanda to explain it:

“There is no dating. There’s no relationships,” says Amanda, the tall elegant one. “They’re rare. You can have a fling that could last like seven, eight months and you could never actually call someone your ‘boyfriend.’ [Hooking up] is a lot easier. No one gets hurt—well, not on the surface.”

[…]It’s not, she says, that women don’t want to have sex. “Who doesn’t want to have sex? But it feels bad when they’re like, ‘See ya.’ ”

Who doesn’t want to have sex? Well, me for one. At least, not till I’m married.

Amanda later explains that she doesn’t want to care, because that would mean that she “somehow missed the whole memo about third-wave feminism”. She has to be independent – able to dismiss responsibilities, expectations and obligations in a real relationship – because third-wave feminism tells her so. I know Christian women who think they are fundamentalists who have this exact same attitude. They think that relationships are somehow compatible with doing whatever they want to do – that doing whatever makes them happy each and every moment is compatible with a lasting relationship. Married people laugh at this, but this is what most young, unmarried women believe. And of course most men are only to happy to take advantage of this and treat women like objects.

Why don’t women reject the men who use them like kleenexes? Why is the man’s appearance so much more important than his character and suitability for the marriage roles of husband and father? Feminism tells women that gender distinctions are “sexist”, that chivalry is “sexist”, that chastity is “repressive” because it blocks having recreational sex, that marriage is boring and must be delayed, and that having lots of sexual experience makes you more attractive. All nonsense, but this is what the vast majority of American women believe. They measure men by how the man makes them feel and whether he will be impressive physically to their peers. They believe in feminism and the denial of specific male roles and male virtues. I can’t speak for all the men, but all my male friends are either virgins or married, and we are horrified because we don’t know who we are supposed to marry.

Probably the most traumatic experiences that I have ever heard in my life are the stories I hear from women who are raised in Christian homes, with two married Christian parents, who nevertheless dump their Christianity late in high school, or sometimes when they get to university. One minute, they are adorable little kids playing with teddy bears or riding horses. The next minute they are hooking up and shacking up and avoiding marriage and child-bearing in order to have as much fun as possible.

Two interesting things about this. First, their parents never find out what is really going on. The parents always believe that the daughters are as pure as the driven snow, no matter how long the “lost” period is, where their daughters went crazy. Second, the young woman’s core desire to have fun and seek thrills never goes away. Conversion to Christianity doesn’t make an irresponsible woman responsible. And she usually is careful to surround herself with people who will affirm her in her recklessness, perhaps confidently calling her emotional desires “the voice of God speaking to her”. My friend Dina likes to tell me that these women do not want to be rescued – they are having a good time doing what they want to do, and they think it will go on forever – that the attention from men will always be there, and that chasing happiness will somehow “work out”.

What is interesting is how the parents don’t fix the problem when the girls are young. They are too busy with their careers, their own traveling and fun, etc. Usually, the girl’s mother has chosen a man who is not really strong on truth or moral convictions, because then he is easier to get along with and will not judge her. Women do not like being judged by men, either about factual claims or about moral claims. When the girl starts to act up, and the mother turns to the non-judgmental, postmodern relativist man she chose, and expects him to do something about it. Unfortunately, he does nothing to set boundaries on the daughter.

Finally, you might think that the pastors would be aware of this, and be doing something about restoring women back to the way they used to be. On Sunday, I was talking with a friend who is also in his 30s, also a virgin, also an engineer, and also went to graduate school. We both agreed that the church was doing nothing to counter the radical feminism that exalts this retreat from relationship, and denigrates chastity, marriage and child-bearing. There’s no response from the church to radical feminism.

As always, should you, as a young Christian man of some means, desire to get married, then I recommend using my checklist to validate your candidate. And remember, the right answers are unimportant – only the willingness to learn matters.

28 thoughts on “Women, under the influence of feminism, are willing participants in the hook-up culture”

  1. Great commentary. (However, one wonders if the image at the beginning of your story should have it the other way around, with the woman leading)

    It’s hard for me to add anything Dalrock and others haven’t already said, but I would say that the group that really gets the raw end of the deal are single Christian men looking to find an appropriate mate. They are the only ones whom the Church tries to hold morally accountable within this context. These men are then told to suspend all moral judgment or discernment when selecting a mate – the most important decision they will ever make – because too many single women have participated in this culture or have other issues that make them unappealing as a wife and mother. Non-Christian men cannot be manipulated like this, because they aren’t bound to the same standards and thus can exploit the culture for their own ends. Rather than tell single women that their actions have consequences, the Church is content to try shamming the single men into picking up the tab, then blame them for the divorce or marital problems directly caused by her past involvement in hookup culture.

    The phenomenon of young women putting off marriage until their late twenties or early thirties would come to a sudden halt if the Church started instructing the single men to have high standards when selecting a wife. The grand presumption that perpetuates participation in the hookup culture is that marriage is within one’s grasp whenever they want to settle down, regardless of any past choices or lifestyles.


      1. I don’t think he’s written on this particular article, but he’s done a lot of commentary about the hookup culture and its effects on dating, courtship, romance and marriage.


        1. Its just irrational to expect men to take on the traditional male roles of provider, protector and moral/spiritual leader when the sole criterion women are using is the man’s appearance and he is getting sex for free, no questions asked. And yet what the church tells men is to man up and marry them anyway.


          1. What’s even more absurd are the double standards applied to men and women. We hear about how “this isn’t the 1950s!” when anyone suggest that women shouldn’t dump their newly born infants off at daycare to work a corporate job, or that they should get married when they are young (early 20s) rather than sleeping around, yet when the discussion turns toward men’s behavior and conduct, all we hear are 1950s standards in terms of what they are expected to provide and bring to the table.


          2. I’m actually fine with the 1950s male role. That’s what I prepared for. But I am not going to execute a 1950s male game plan with a woman who tells me “Imma do what I wanna do”, as one Christian fundamentalist woman told me last week. And yet there is no awareness of the vast chasm of difference between how well men (at least my friends and I) are prepared for marriage, and how well women are prepared. Most of the single Christian women I meet studied English or something easy and are in debt up to their eyeballs, and they just want to travel around the world instead of settling down and raising kids. Homeschooling is absolutely not their goal either, they want to work for non-profits instead.


          3. I would venture to say most men – including some of the most hard core PUAs – like the “1950s” husband/father role and don’t have a problem with the expectations because they are natural for us, but like you said the incentives to adhere to them are totally lacking. Additionally, the role is stripped of all the masculine qualities that made it appealing for men to pursue.

            This is one of the issues Dalrock touched on in a recent post that I think is one of his best. https://dalrock.wordpress.com/2015/07/09/disrespecting-respectability-dishonoring-the-honorable/


          4. I think all men fall in love with their first love, and maybe their second or third, too. But after a while of seeing women refuse to commit because they want to have fun, men give up and take the only affirmation and acceptance they can get from women – fleeting sexual encounters. If women were more serious about marriage, instead of rejecting responsibilities, expectations and obligations in relationships, men would be thrilled to rise to the occasion and step into the male roles. But, that’s not what’s happening, so men – desperate for acceptance from women – are regretfully learning to play by the new radical feminist rules of the sexual revolution.

            Liked by 1 person

          5. What’s tragic is that these women get offered genuine (albeit often misguided) love, dismiss it, and then eventually come back to the men with a “that was then” remark.

            Rollo Tomasi did a recent article on that. http://therationalmale.com/2015/07/20/that-was-then/

            I am very thankful that I took the Red Pill before reaching that stage, because it is dangerous for a man to be ignorant in that situation.


          6. Exactly right:

            The time at which young men are their most ready to be “the perfect boyfriend / husband” is usually when young women want monogamy the least. Young men’s Blue Pill idealism is generally unblemished by having it betrayed at this point.

            And even if I married a 23-year-old now, her value to me would be greatly diminished, since I have had to fight through 17 years of full time work in the enterprise software development field ALONE. It would have been much more useful to me to have a wife during my 20s and early 30s, when there was still risk and fear. Now all the battles have been won as well as they can be by a single man. Do women not understand when they are needed most?


          7. “Do women not understand when they are needed most?”

            Sadly, no. The problem is even worse than that. These women put off marriage – but they still want to get married at some point. The trouble is that the same cannot be said for men, especially those who want to get married but aren’t able to find an appropriate spouse. They learn to compensate for the lack of a helper in their life.

            In addition, men come to cherish their independence and freedom more and more as we get older. Marriage naturally dictates that this freedom must be surrendered to a great extent. In past times, and in our early twenties, we see it is as a worthy exchange. Modern marriage 2.0 is not worth our freedom, and this becomes more evidence as we get older. On top of that, the price for surrendering this freedom gets higher, because we understand its true value.

            Going back to the hookup culture, it causes women to take the time in their life when they are not only most desired but most needed by men looking to get married, and throw it away.


          8. Christian families and most churches are not preparing young women to be good wives and good mothers.

            Good quotes from Dr. Roger Devlin:

            “Women are not born marriageable. They have to be raised in a certain way. They have to be prepared for marriage from an early age. And that’s no longer being done. Basically women are being prepared to be anything but a wife and a mother. And women are given to understand, very clearly, that being a mother and being a wife means being a loser. It is something that is for women that are not intelligent, women that can’t do anything else.“

            “Christian civilization is based on monogamy. A woman for every man and a man for every woman.”

            “When monogamy goes, Western Civilization goes. Monogamy is as important to civilization as the wheel and fire.”

            From this interview, in two parts:

            The interviewer, Robert Stark, does a lousy job but Dr. Devlin is well worth listening to.


  2. I’d just like to say that Stout is a nice place. My friends and I usually go there first thing when we go into the city (which is most of the time early).

    That aside I see this. I’m starting to see this mentality earlier in the people I meet. Trust me, we’re better off without these people. I’m playing janitor to a lot of bad habits I developed before I was really walking with the Lord, so I’m not at all dismissing the fact that there were females better off without me.


  3. Crazy. Why even bother? Marriage has been decimated. Just spoke this last weekend to another guy I do business with and he’s getting a divorce.. man, what a bummer.


    1. I know two software engineer apologists who married when they were both still virgins, and both women initiated the divorces. These are guys pulling in 90-100K now, and there was nothing wrong with either of them.


    2. Well you shouldn’t give up, I’m sure their are plenty of christian woman out there worthy of marriage. Also with in order to change the current culture you’re gonna have to teach the next generation so that they don’t make the same mistakes we did.


  4. I was born to a woman who fits a very similar description to what you describe here in your post, WK, so perhaps it would be apropos for me to share my experience being raised by her.

    My mom was brought up in a Christian home but allowed herself to be influenced by the feminist movement of the 60s and 70s after she left home. She spent one year in college, got a job, got married and then divorced within a few years (no kids). She met my dad in a bar after her divorce. She celebrated her divorce by going out drinking, btw. My dad was married at the time they met and had been previously married, as well, and had a slew of kids scattered across the country. His current wife was also pregnant. My half sister was born 3 weeks before me, in the same hospital.

    Once she found out she was pregnant, she realized that I’d be better off without him around and told him to leave, which he did without any argument, unsurprisingly. I asked her once what she saw in him and she said, “Well, he was funny.” So she slept with him. No matter that he had a wife, ex-wives, kids, etc. Those things aren’t important when you’re out looking for a good time for yourself.

    I was a teenager before I knew who my dad was and how I came into being. After I was born she did start to attend church and put me in Christian school and attempted to raise me in a Christian home. However, she never once told me that she thought she’d done anything wrong or that she was sorry for the pain that her decisions caused me. I went through years of anguish, depression, an eating disorder that almost killed me and other behavioral problems clearly stemming from the feelings of abandonment I experienced and her continuously irresponsible behavior, but never once did it appear to cross her mind that she might be responsible for any of this.

    Although my mom appeared from the outside to have changed her ways, in hindsight I see that the reckless independence she acquired from her years away from family and church never really left. They switched from outwardly rebellious behavior, like dating married men, to more private bad habits to fulfill her desire for fun and excitement, like internet gambling and reckless spending on credit cards (to the tune of 70K at last count). I think these were also attempts to distract and comfort herself when she was lonely. When she got older, she resented that she didn’t have a husband to take care of her and enjoy a simple life with, but never seemed to put it together that her choices pretty much precluded her from that opportunity.

    Although she’s faithfully attended church since my childhood and read her Bible, etc, I have never, ever once heard her admit that she sinned by doing any of these things, or that they were bad decisions that caused unnecessary hurt and harm to her child or herself. If anything, she still seems to think that it’s kind of funny or cute that she, an otherwise quiet, reserved, seemingly respectable woman, has a torrid past that resulted in an affair with a married man and a child to commemorate the event. I almost sense she’s proud of it, to this day, and that makes me very sad and scared for her.

    She’s dying now and her mind is going. She says she’s ready to meet the Lord, and I can only hope that between herself and Him, she’s made things right, although I’ve seen very little fruit speaking to that possibility. She talks the talk, but seeing her walk up close and in person, I’m left with more questions than answers about whether she really ever submitted to Christ. It just doesn’t show to me, and I probably know her better than anyone else. She’s left an enormous mess financially for my husband and I to cope with and she can no longer distract herself with spending sprees, so the bitterness caused by her life decisions have finally caught up with her and there’s no avoiding them now.

    I guess from my perspective, when I see young woman who claim to be Christian but are living the most important aspects of their lives out in the way the rest of the world says is acceptable, it makes me very confused about what they really believe. I purposely waited for sex until marriage, chose a man with good morals and a good job and did everything in power to stay as far away from the hook-up culture as possible. I know the pain that comes from such foolish living. I can’t fathom why any Christian woman would engage in such foolish and selfish behavior as the ones I see doing this very thing today. They do not know what it means to know, serve and love Christ. They are too busy loving and serving themselves to see what a dangerous path they are traveling.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I just love this comment so much that it makes me cry. I really want to turn this comment into a main post for tomorrow. This is what I am finding more and more when I meet women who did not think of their future children before getting involved with the wrong men. Everyone wants to blame the bad men, but those men were garbage before and garbage after. They should have been avoided. They should have been avoided, because they are not what a child needs.


      1. I know that he cheated. That’s all I know. She admited that she shouldn’t have ever married him because he wasn’t very nice and that he came from a very violent family. She told me that she knew she shouldn’t have married him but she wanted to get married, so she did.

        I spent most of my childhood thinking this man was my father, too. I didn’t know him, but I had his name and thought they had divorced before my birth. It wasn’t until I was 13 that I found out about my biological father.

        My mom was raised in a loving home with Christian parents and grew up very involved in church. My grandmother ran the Sunday school program for years. My other aunts and uncles led decent, moral, Christian lives. My mom wanted to do something more exciting. She was rebellious, plain and simple. She thought it was funny. If she had been raised in a situation that was equally as bad as the one she created, I could feel more sympathy. But she was raised differently than what she chose. I don’t understand it but I watched my own Christian friends do the same thing as a teen and young adult. It’s so perplexing to me. They’re raised in a stable Christian household and then choose the most unstable and reckless men because of the feelings those men inspired. I was the product of those feelings and knew from a young age I’d rather stay single and chaste the rest of my life than end up repeating the choices that my parents made.

        I love my mom and I’m in the process of losing her. I will miss her dearly and the many good times we shared. However, those fun memories don’t undo the deep and lasting harm that the consequences of bad life choices. Those scars still ache. I’m not trying to pick on a dying woman. I’m doing everything in my power to provide the best care for her right now. I just want this to serve as a warning to others who might consider making similar choices and speak up on behalf of the children being born into these situations. The consequences are bad and if you love your children and/or future children, you will think long and hard before throwing moral convention to the wind in order to please your own desires.


        1. I usually find that those who act out of character do so because something is missing, and i’m speaking on what i have seen with my best friends. Both grew up in christian stable homes but something was wrong or something was lacking in each of their households.

          My first friend , her parents always treated her like she was five. They dont let her be a young adult. So she had started rebelling. My second friend is the daughter of a pastor, her situation is that everything is seen as work of the devil and interracial relationships is frowned upon. What is funny tho is her father was caught in an affair with a white woman.

          Just because someone is raised in a good christian home and seem stable doesn’t always means that it is. Now all situations are not the same and your mother may have been raised in a good environment but for her to rebel like she did something just seems off to me but at the end of the day i dont know your family so my thoughts at this point is just theories of what would have caused her to rebel.


          1. ChildofRa,

            There were A LOT of things missing from my home life, as well. Too many to number. But I turned out differently because of my choices. Everyone has a choice regarding what to do with what they’re handed in life. It’s one thing to be a victim. It’s another thing to stay a victim and then victimize others because you were hurt.

            My mom, herself, admits that she had a wonderful childhood and family life and that she loved her family and home growing up. Rebellion can certainly be caused by a troublesome home life, but at the heart is still a selfish nature. If circumstances alone were to blame, I’d be the one with the excuses and my mom would be the one with none. My grandparents had to step in to help guide me growing up. They paid for Christian education for me. An aunt and uncle offered to adopt me and later take me in when I was floundering as an adolescent. There were good, godly adults around who tried to help my mom and help me, and she mostly rejected their offers if it meant that she had to change what she wanted. People who have been hurt and have made bad choices as a result are still responsible to accept help and change when it’s offered. You cannot force positive change on an unwilling recipient.

            I desperately wanted to rebel against my mom growing up. Once I became a believer, though, as a teen, I knew that rebelling against her, no matter how justified it might appear, was ultimately rebellion against God. I still had to respect her and honor her, which I’ve attempted to do. It cost me to do that. It hurt. But it was a better path than rebelling myself. I don’t regret that decision although I sacrificed temporary popularity and fun at the time.

            I know it’s popular to say that any time someone makes bad choices, it’s because they are hurting and are acting out. But once you reach adulthood and have a child, you forfeit your right to make excuses for your behavior. You either change or you risk damaging the children you’ve been entrusted with.

            Regarding WK’s comment about condoning her recklessness, I will say this. To my mom, any relationship that involved conflict was disposable. I know that other Christians tried to confront her, and she rejected them. She cut them out, no holds barred. If you didn’t agree, you were not a part of her circle. For those who were close, she was very adept at keeping secrets. Even I didn’t know the breadth of the destructiveness of certain aspects of her life until recently, I was her closest confidant. People who are desperate to keep secrets are typically fairly adept at doing so, at least for a while. Eventually it catches up, but often it’s far too late to do any real remediation. At that point it’s just a matter of salvaging what you can and trying to cope with the rest as best as possible.

            In my case this means having daily discussions about how to pay her bills, provide her care, legally cover my butt because I’m her next of kin and executor of an insolvent estate and try and still provide Christ-like care to the woman who created the mess but is still my mother. On top of that I have to cope with the grief of losing her and the anger at bearing the consequences she’s managed to avoid. It’s a tangled mess of hurt and sadness and leaning on God’s grace to get through it. I also have children of my own who need protecting in all this, and thankfully a very heroic husband who has stepped up to help handle a mess that he had no part in creating.

            Bottom line: excuses or not, bad decisions create bad consequences and are generally pretty avoidable if you’re willing to be humble and submit to Christ, regardless of the circumstances. Helping people identify excuses does not help them avoid these consequences. Only by pointing out the truth, no matter the friction it might cause, can we help people on a bad path see the error of their ways and offer them any real hope.


        2. So, there were plenty of Christians around who could have held your mom accountable, but none of them ever did. They just kept condoning her rebelliousness. I have seen the same thing, women raised in fundamentalist Christian homes that are having sex at 18, and then drinking and hooking up in college, then living with atheists. And like I said, the Christian gloss they put on their lives after doesn’t fix the underlying problem lack of self-control, lack of concern for the people around them who are affected. There is no leadership – or rather, they dispense with real spiritual leaders, and prefer people who just agree with whatever they are doing.


  5. Fantastic post, WK. Thanks for bringing it to my attention. A couple of thoughts:

    1) This reminds me vaguely of a post I wrote 3-4 years ago, in a small fit of pique, just after new years. I happened across stories in the Daily Mail and elsewhere that chronicled the scantily clad boozefest that British women engaged in, both down south London-way, as well as up north in Glasgow and west to Dublin.

    That post was entitled “Bankrupt”, and it asserted that when you have nothing to offer except your sex, well, that’s what you emphasize, not realizing that sex is pretty cheap nowadays and as such you really don’t have much to offer at all. Harsh, yes, but viewed in context of MMV, true.

    The sort of women who collect feminist merit badges, ride the Carousel, sow oats, build a career…that sort has little to offer men, Christian or otherwise, in a marriage. Men value now, what men valued then…beauty, youth, chastity, pleasant disposition. Those women that put off marriage and family past their mid-20s tend to be unable to offer much in any of these four categories, devalued as they are by the passage of time and dissipative behavior.

    “the church was doing nothing to counter the radical feminism that exalts this retreat from relationship, and denigrates chastity, marriage and child-bearing. There’s no response from the church to radical feminism.”

    This. And I am still bewildered by the Church’s reluctance to fight for the families of her parishioners, other than a deep-seated fear that doing so would clear the pews of women and with it, a good chunk of their income stream and volunteer corps. But it gets worse: Not only does the Church at large not fight feminism, it actually aids and abets it. Anecdote: We quit the church we had been attending for the last 2 years after this Father’s Day, when the men in the congregation were subjected to an hour-long tirade about how much men needed to get their acts together, stop ending up in jail, otherwise stop quitting families, and stop making the women of the community bear the brunt of raising children without a dad around. The speaker held men responsible for the state of the family, somehow blissfully unaware of the mountains of data that suggest that, at the very least, both sexes bear significant culpability. Men were dogs, women were heroic single moms, and that was the last time we attended.

    “And even if I married a 23-year-old now, her value to me would be greatly diminished, since I have had to fight through 17 years of full time work in the enterprise software development field ALONE. It would have been much more useful to me to have a wife during my 20s and early 30s, when there was still risk and fear. Now all the battles have been won as well as they can be by a single man. “

    This is a great point, a concept that I hadn’t seen, heard, or considered before. It is an interesting concept that a man’s need for a helpmeet declines over time and in concert with a single woman’s attractiveness as a wife and mate.


    1. I found the post on a different blog:

      You’re absolutely right. Women are being told that they cannot appeal to men in traditional ways, like cooking for him, doing his laundry, editing his blog posts, or just trying to help him with his job, ministry, etc. That would be “sexist” and a rejection of feminism. So what’s left if you throw out the ability to audition for the role of wife and mother by performing wife and mother activities for him and for other people and animals? Well, sex. And that’s what women are using to appeal to men.

      I can tell you that the happiest day of my life was going off to Indianapolis to visit this girl I was mentoring. She made coffee, bacon, eggs and toast for me on Sunday morning, before we sat next to each other in church. And watching her float around the kitchen in a black and white dress while I sat at the table next to the flowers I had brought her is indelibly etched into my memory. And her smile while she sat down and watched me eat… I will never, ever forget that day. But those things are now out of favor with most young women, and what a mess it has left us all in.

      Most young, unmarried women do indeed have little to offer men, and most men are not happy with this… we are designed to take charge of a family and lead it. No one is happy.

      I do agree that financial concerns are behind the pastors’ unwillingness to engage this issue. They just keep blaming men for the poor choices of young, unmarried women.


      1. “I can tell you that the happiest day of my life was going off to Indianapolis to visit this girl I was mentoring. She made coffee, bacon, eggs and toast for me on Sunday morning, before we sat next to each other in church. And watching her float around the kitchen in a black and white dress while I sat at the table next to the flowers I had brought her is indelibly etched into my memory. And her smile while she sat down and watched me eat… I will never, ever forget that day.”

        Serving and submitting to a man is very sexy. It builds strong, primal bonds of attraction from the man to the woman. Men don’t build long term attraction to co-equals, co-partners, political activists, female ministry workers, etc.


  6. It seem to me that the modern culture is so anti-life as to be ultimately self-destructing. It is essential that we teach our children the laws of God, so they can continue on.

    This post highlights the hook up culture, which is anti-life in that disease picked up from this lifestyle kills, sterilizes or otherwise harms many; and that children conceived in these situations frequently are murdered, their lives sacrificed in worship of the “freedom of choice” of their mothers (who were not bright enough to “choose” BEFORE the child was conceived instead of AFTER, when the choice ends and all that is reasonably left is loving and caring for the child).

    Other popular lifestyle “choices” are all anti-life as well. Marry a same sex partner = never produce children. Trends toward legalizing drugs, the sex trade and much more all equal quick deaths or pain filled, empty lives for those who indulge. It looks to me as if the trending liberal movement will quickly kill itself off; unless it pulls too many of the “christians” with it. It is imperative that we point out other’s sin to them, and encourage them to turn from it and live a life that is really living; one committed and dedicated to God. And that is just how we should live as well; omitting even the very appearance of sin from our lives, holding every thought accountable to God.

    That said, it is interesting to me to read these posts on marriage. I was the “perfect” Christian girl. Then along came the “perfect” Christian guy. But it turns out he was lying about absolutely everything; he knew I wouldn’t marry him as he was,but he made no changes, only lied. He answered every question I asked him about himself, his beliefs, his thoughts, perfectly. He behaved with much love and care toward me and toward others. However, the second we were married, he dropped all pretense and became the narcissistic, abusive jerk he really was. I guess it just seems that it’s easy to say the right things, but again, we must examine ourselves to make sure we really ARE those things. God examines every thought, every action, every motivation. Let’s be sure we do the same, and settle for nothing less than being as much like Jesus as we can possibly be. No pretense, no being fake. Our utmost for Jesus, and to please Him alone.


  7. “Why don’t women reject the men who use them like kleenexes?”
    Because those women are using the men just as much. Maybe for the physical sensations. Or perhaps for the emotional high. Or both. It’s just that using someone for the emotions/feelings (rather than the physical side) is perceived as more socially acceptable. But if you look at it from the right angle, it’s actually just as vile and repugnant as what usually gets blamed on the guys.


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