Commentary

Christian men, be selective when giving attention to women

16 Comments

Here is a thought-provoking post from agnostic libertarian economist Captain Capitalism.

Excerpt:

Of the many lies men will be told from the ages of 12 to…umm….death, one of the more misleading ones (that can trip you up for years unless you learn the deceit behind it) is,

“I don’t do X for you!  I do it for myself!”

“X” being

dressing up
make up
working out
lingerie
etc. etc.

[…][T]he reason this lie is so tricky is because when a woman says this, it is a half-truth.

While she is NOT dressing up for you, she IS dressing up for somebody else.  And that somebody else certainly is NOT her (at least in a direct sense).

Again, we revisit the realm where economics and sexuality meet.  Women are (primarily) driven by attention.  Attention from who?  Attention from anybody.

Oh, go ahead and threaten me with your Adria Richard’s hallow threats, I’m sorry dearies, I have nothing left to lose.  Besides, this is a fact and is truth.  And if you don’t like that…well, then maybe you really don’t like being treated as an equal and perhaps like every other guy I could continue lying to your face to spare your precious little feelings.  But I’m sorry, I’m not a sexist.  I believe in the equality of the sexes so you’ll APPRECIATE me treating you as a GENUINE equal and never daring to lie to you as that would be degrading.

Anyway, women crave attention.  And the primary way (before social media) they can get that is by simply dressing the part.  This is why in large part you can be at a bar/club, see a group of girls LITERALLY dressed as ladies of the evening, approach them and get your butt shot down.  They REALLY weren’t dressing that way for you, just as they technically weren’t dressing that way for themselves.  They were merely dressing that way to get your attention and the attention of others.  And should a supreme specimen of man (professional athlete, celebrity, obvious rich man) approach them, that is also why they dressed that way or went to the gym.

In other words, don’t be a fool on either end of this half-lie, half truth.  She really isn’t doing it for you.  And, yes, in a roundabout way she is doing it for herself.  But she is ultimately doing it to garner the attention of other people, both men and women.

So this caused me to think a little, because it echoes what Dina explained to me just a few months back, and Mariangela verified it as well. (My knowledge of women is mostly theoretical, so some of these obvious things have escaped me). Anyway, they basically agreed with the Captain’s assessment, that many of the things that women do are to get attention. This is fine. The point of this post is not to pick on women, but to warn men. And so here’s the warning for Christian men.

Christian Men: Like everything in life, God asserts sovereignty over your choices with women. One of those choices is who you pay attention to, and why. Whenever you pay attention to a woman, you are in some way validating her choices, beliefs and lifestyle. Therefore, you need to be careful to choose women who deserve attention for the right reasons. You need to pass on women who show a lot of skin to people they hardly know. You need to pass on women who are known to use sex to get attention from men easily, without having to listen to his values. You need to pass on women who won’t read things that men care about, like apologetics, economics, etc.

Whenever I get distracted by a woman who is trying to get attention from me without wanting to listen or be led by me, I ask myself questions about her and her motives.

I ask:

  • Has this women ever borrowed a lecture or a debate form me?
  • Has this woman ever read a book that I asked her to read?
  • Does this woman let me talk if I bring up religion or politics?
  • Is this woman pro-life, and pro-marriage?
  • Is this woman grieved by big government socialism?
  • Is this woman pro-child, and anti-feminism?

And so on. Now if you are a woman reading this, you might think “why do you have to do that? Obviously they haven’t, so why pay attention to them? I’ve done all that good stuff, so pay attention to me!”. But it’s not that simple for a man, not even a virgin like me. About 99% of the time, I don’t have to go through this process. But there are some days…. you could call it my time of the month… where suddenly blubbering out how great this woman looks to her seems *rational*. And I don’t want to do that. I would rather get on my e-mail or Facebook and encourage a Christian woman who is actually doing the right things. I don’t want to be encouraging other women who are trying to cheat their way to attention without letting me express my faith, talk about politics, and so on. If I can’t lead you to learn about God so that you can serve God, then you shouldn’t get attention from me. One of the most helpful things I ever learned was from a young lady who had a sexual past, who flat out told me that she used sex in order to pacify and control men so that they would continue to give her attention no matter how much of a witch she was to them. That helped me to understand why I have to be selective with who I am going to endorse with my attention.

I think that men need to recognize that just as women who embrace feminism are responsible for wrecking men with all of this hooking-up, high tax rates, gun control, no-fault divorce, etc., that men are wrecking women by rewarding them with attention for the wrong reasons. If you want to fix women, the easiest thing to start with is to favor the good ones – the ones who listen to you, the ones who study hard things, the ones who want to serve God. Avert your eyes from the flirty ones. Don’t talk to them. Consciously prefer the best, most moral, most hard-working, women. That’s going to communicate the right message to women, and give them an incentive to value the right feminine qualities.

Christian men, if you are single, why not just take a minute now to go to the book store and buy a good apologetics or economics book and some white flowers for the Christian woman you know who does the most good for God? That would be a start. I recommend “Is God Just a Human Invention?” and three white carnations, some baby’s breath and some greenery. They are not too expensive and they last a long time. If you get her that book, tell her about Brian Auten’s read-along, which just started again. We all have to do the best we can to fix male-female relations. Women, and men. The solution to the problem of women being bad is not for men to be bad, too. It’s for men to be selective.

Related posts

16 thoughts on “Christian men, be selective when giving attention to women”

  1. Very insightful and I actually find merit in your chosen path of influence.

    if you want to fix women, the easiest thing to start with is to favor the good ones – the ones who listen to you, the ones who study hard things, the ones who want to serve God.

    Investing your time in those that will actually listen is good and Biblically sound.

    As an aside, in keeping with the spirit of this topic, Rex Patriarch has a good post relating to how NOT to invest your time with the bad ones.

    Like

    Reply

  2. “…she used sex in order to pacify and control men so that they would continue to give her attention no matter how much of a witch she was to them. ”

    Huh. Did that actually work? I mean, for any meaningful length of time?

    I have wondered why some men stay with women who treat them so poorly. Perhaps that explains why.

    “…they basically agreed with the Captain’s assessment, that many of the things that women do are to get attention. ”

    I am reminded once again that, apparently, I’m not a woman. Or at least not a very good one! LOL

    Seriously, though, I’ve spent most of my life looking at women and completely not understanding their behaviour. It wasn’t until after I had children that I began to meet women who weren’t like this and develop a few female friendships. I did have female friends in high school but they, like me, were the “rejects” that the other girls would have nothing to do with.

    Like

    Reply

    2. “…they basically agreed with the Captain’s assessment, that many of the things that women do are to get attention. ”

      The original article doesn’t really talk about what women DO. Rather, it talks about how they alter their appearance. It seems to me that women don’t so much ‘do things for attention’ as they are led to believe from a young age that their appearance/sexuality is the major part of their worth as people. Appearance-based attention is validation of their worth as people. We all want to feel like we are valid people.

      This is why WK’s strategy is so helpful to both men and women. By placing a focus on character and development of the mind and heart, it removes some of the panic women feel about losing value as their hair turns grey and wrinkles form.

      For men, it saves them from a marriage with a poor wretch who is so convinced that her appearance/sexuality is everything that she feels justified in emotionally manipulating/abusing her husband to keep him with her.

      Like

      Reply

  3. “Therefore, you need to be careful to choose women who deserve attention for the right reasons. ”

    Great article! I’ve never been able to relate well to other women, and partly because of this issue.

    ***

    Sadly, most men won’t select a woman if she’s not attractive, no matter how many of the other good qualities you listed she may have. I’d give anything to be pretty. But I’m not, have never been, and at this stage of life, I will never be. It doesn’t matter how many fantastic qualities I may have, it just does not matter when it comes to this area of life.

    Like

    Reply

  5. It’s true that women are driven by attention. This desire can manifest itself in good ways or bad ways. Me and my friend (who is also a Christian woman like I am) were talking about this the other day, she expressed it pretty clearly, “Men feel guilty about what they want (sex), but women aren’t off the hook either! We want men to want us, and that’s just as bad or even worse!” We admitted taht for even though we had been disciplining ourselves for years, sometimes we catch ourselves doing something for male attention like walking a certain way or flipping our hair, of course we stop as soon as we recognize it, but the thing is that it’s a pretty natural instinct to try to get male attention. I’m not saying those instincts in themselves are bad for either men or women, but the way they manifest themselves in society through sin and sexual immorality are bad.

    Like

    Reply

  6. I’m sharing this next comment because I think it is very important, not for blabbering purposes (I realize it is a long comment), so if it applies to anyone, please consider it.

    As for men being careful who they give attention to, this is smart to do. Be careful of women because most don’t understand purity guidelines (abstaining from emotional and physical attachment to men for the sake of faithfulness) therefore she’ll do what’s natural to do, which is to try to seduce you. For example, say you’re a Christian man and you’ve met a woman who claims she is a Christian. She is beautiful and sweet and is attending the study/meeting you are a part of, so it seems she is putting effort into learning more. She says she wants to repent, but her past shows a history of her sexual immorality with multiple men, plus other trouble such as drunkenness. You like her though because she’s sweet and attractive so you hope she will repent like she says she wants to and spend more time with her to “help” her repent. –This is a very dangerous situation for you to be in!! She is the most cunning of women because of her sin she has not repented of, and she will strike you where you are weak and try to seduce you! I have witnessed this myself.—(on with the situation) Time passes and she still has not repented like she claimed she wanted to, yet you’ve already let her touch you and kiss you and you are compromising your own purity and dishonoring God! Your intention might have been to honor God in the first place, but in this case you contradict your own intention by putting yourself in a risky situation. But this is not a situation where you should offer your help, because the vulnerability you give to her could lead you to your own downfall and instead of having two repentant Christians like you originally wanted (you and her) you end up with two Christians who have compromised their purity and did more harm than good. In this case it seems to me best to keep contact with her at a minimum (and when you are with her don’t be alone with her) be blunt with her and risk her anger but tell her that you won’t see her or hang out with her again unless she repents. Even if she does repent, still be very careful! Give her some sort of material to reference if she is confused about why or how she would repent. If possible, pass her off to a trustworthy Christian female friend to work with her.

    All around though, if it is possible to invest time with a repentant Christian who doesn’t just say they are repentant and then keep sinning, it is much less risky and more likely of getting good results, yet still it isn’t without risk because we are all sinners. And even though it’s risky, it would be wrong to bury your “talent” and not contribute anything at all to society because of the fear of risk. It needs to be done with wisdom. Better to be too careful and get made fun of a little bit, than to not be careful enough and get bitten.

    Like

    Reply

    1. This is wonderful insight from the female perspective !! Thank you. As you mentioned, real repentance takes real sincerity and a disciplined walk with Jesus.

      The man carries the divine spark (“Were not our hearts burning within us while he talked with us” Luke 24:32). This holy fire is Yahweh Himself -and to get close Yahweh requires separation from the uncleanliness / immorality ( 2 Cor 6 to 7) which includes the relationship you described.

      I can say that G_D has changed my taste in women dramatically over the last 3 years to the point of Sarah Polin conservative mixed / Dara Tores athletic build and Madam Guyon for Christian discipleship. Needles to say – I havent been interested in women nor been on coffee date for almost 3 years.

      I am simply not interested in risking my relationship with G_D over any person. I will pray and help them in matters but there is a definite line (both men and women).

      The best and only way to avoid deception and temptation is be a “Nazarite” in the matters of interacting with members of the opposite sex and courting. In addition, to waiting and listen to Jesus and ask Him for His desire (G_D really wants to bring us to love, joy, and peace).
      I desire the same in return. If it happens great – if not that is fine too. i enjoy being single and I am a big believer in 1 Cor 7.
      All shortcuts outside of righteousness, holiness, and stern obedience have horrendous outcomes.
      One reaps exactly what they sow.

      Shalom

      PS
      Btw, I do not kiss nor touch nor be alone with a women.
      It is far to risky these days for men.
      All contact is within a group setting or a public place (coffee shop). I want to see what is on the “inside” and how she conducts herself over the period of a year ( I have yet to meet a single woman professionally / personally who can keep her hands to herself- my experience indicates they the first to break the personal space boundary and then touch boundary).

      Like

      Reply

      1. What do you mean, “Be a Nazarite when in the matters of interacting with the opposite sex and courting”? Specifically, I don’t know what you mean by “Nazarite”

        Like

        Reply

        1. A Nazarite takes a vow to be holy and dedicated to the purposes of G_D. They dress, act, eat, and conduct themselves as such and do not interact with anything that is dead or unclean or specific foods (John the Baptist was one since birth and Paul took Nazarite vows).
          As for the area of relationships- I dont touch, longingly stare, nor pursue the company of women (very few American women have caught my eye – they simply lack the “ineffable feminine elegance” that is seen in eastern & middle eastern women (strange as this sounds – this presence shows up on the “internal radar ” before the visual is made).
          While I do have a number of female acquaintances – that is exactly what they are – “acquaintances” nothing besides that.
          If a women takes the guts to ask me out, I will meet up in a for coffee in a public setting OR a group event (preferably church).
          Unless a women is serious about her walk with Jesus (ie real disciple) , then it is a liability of which I purposefully keep at a distance.
          I dont want to be distracted nor do I wish to be a distraction.

          Shalom

          Like

          Reply

  7. I appreciate the heart of this post, but was thrown off by something:

    “You need to pass on women who won’t read things that men care about, like apologetics, economics, etc.”

    Do you mean that women don’t care about these things? If that’s what you meant, that harms male/female relations.

    Like

    Reply

    1. No I mean that there is a subgroup of women within all women who don’t read those things and don’t want to, and men should pass on those and focus on the ones who do.

      Like

      Reply

Leave a reply to Michael Singer Cancel reply