I have spent over 24 years in information technology, and most of the companies were large IT companies. Large IT companies tend to emphasize diversity, equity, and inclusion more than smaller companies, which have to perform in order to stay afloat. And that means making sure there is an equal balance of genders, ethnicities, etc. in every different area.
Here is a very interesting post on the relationship advice forum of Reddit:
Hi all I’m posting this on an alt because I know a few of my friends are following me on here and I don’t want this spilling out until I have some clear thoughts on what I want to do.
The author – who uses Commonwealth spelling – has a short summary of her post at the top:
A colleague (27M) joined our firm last year and since then he has had zero issues socialising with the guys we work with but always finds an excuse or says no to hanging out with the girls after work, even if we go out together as a whole he rarely talks to us and its making some of my friends uncomfortable.
And then here is the long version:
So early last year our firm hired Dan (27M). In the first few weeks he was really quiet and didn’t talk much and that’s just how we thought he was. Every conversation with him was short and to the point and never deviated from work, asides from pleasantries (Have a nice weekend etc). About 2 months in he started becoming a bit more friendly with the guys in our office and they would hang out every so often and have normal conversations. However, whenever any of the girls in the office tried to do so he would quickly change the conversation back to work or just not reply. Even now after a year of Dan working with us he straight up refuses to socialise with the girls in the office and it is making them feel uncomfortable. He avoids any discussion of himself outside of work related events and future plans and doesn’t ask any of the girls either. Where as he is, what I can only assume, pretty good friends with the guys in the office.
Even on work meals out to celebrate events he is only doing the bare minimum when it comes to conversation with the girls where again with the guys he talks to them like there is no problem whatsoever. I don’t know if I’m overreacting but one of the girls is considering go to HR about this because she is saying its creating a hostile work environment. Dan treats us like he treats clients we work with; cordial and strictly about business and its wearing thin now.
Any advice is appreciated.
Many young people today don’t see the workplace as being about work. They see it as a time of socializing. And they get angry when people don’t socialize with them. They want to be allowed into a man’s personal space, even though they are the kind of people who go straight to HR whenever anyone disagrees with them, or refuses to make them happy. Many of these women are single mothers who divorced the father of their kids.
I actually left my last job and took a lower salary job, because I was being harassed by a woman who had no college degree. Her official title was “Software Engineer”, but she didn’t write code. She just supervised deployments to production. She was very attractive, and had had cosmetic surgery done – her chest was super-sized. (I heard her explaining why she did it to one of the Indian workers one day). She was also about 6-8 years older than me. She started to get very angry with me for not giving her attention at work. She would come to my desk and talk about how politically conservative she was (she must have heard that I was conservative). But I didn’t want to have anything to do with her.
I blogged previously about a woman who accused a man of grooming her because he didn’t want to get more serious with her. Men are getting tired of this. If you know any young women who are wondering why men don’t talk to them, maybe it’s because many young women are not pleasant or safe to talk to. Even if a particular young unmarried woman is safe to talk to, men will judge her based on the majority of single, unmarried women. It’s just not safe for men to have non-business conversations in the workplace with young, unmarried women.
The juice isn’t worth the squeeze.
WINTERY KNIGHT 
Sounds like Dan is very wise to not give the little Jezebels at work any ammunition. And they resent it too, enough to make him pay for their lack of ammunition / attention.
When I see stories like this, it does make me wonder how many women in the West will make the Kingdom?
Smart move getting away from your female harasser, WK!
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” treats us like he treats clients we work with; cordial and strictly about business”
That literally reads to me like satire — that is the epitome of what my employer formally trained us starting 30 years ago to comport ourselves in the workplace, to stave off litigation.
I would encourage the gals to watch a nice old classic film like “The Apartment” and see how the world worked within living memory.
Of course, it’s not satire — it’s part and parcel of the inversion of everything, even yesterday’s liberal shibboleths.
Even though I have to suffer being called boomer, I thank my God that I was old enough and able to retire recently.
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I’m right behind you , two more years.
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I’m sure everyone has seen the meme at this point where a tall, hunky businessman walks into the office and says something totally inappropriate in the workplace to the front desk attendant, and she blushes and thanks him. A moment later, an overweight, balding man walks in and simply says, “Good morning,” to the same attendant at which point she immediately contacts HR and complains about being harassed.
While not outright said in the post, it’s clear that this individual “Dan” is someone that the woman and other women in the office find attractive and want romantic attention from. If Dan were overweight, short, or otherwise unattractive, they would be happy that he wasn’t trying to interact with them.
Dan, however, is smart to do what he does. Even if it is the case that women find him attractive, social time and flirtations with co-workers could easily go south very quickly. All it would take is one perceived slight from one of the females, and all she would have to do is accuse him of inappropriate conduct. If he was in fact hanging out with her socially, HR will almost certainly side with the female and have him fired.
By keeping work interactions strictly professional, especially with female colleagues, Dan is protecting himself from false accusations of inappropriate conduct.
Women won’t have it, however. If they want attention from you, you’d better give it, and if they don’t want attention from you, you’d better not give it. They are fully willing to involve the state in an effort to get the attention they want, at gunpoint if necessary.
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Thank you for expressing the point. While I was reading this, I was thinking:”Obviously, Dan is attractive”
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I feel like the “man vs women” part is kind of overreaching. As a girl that goes to work solely for my paycheck (zero passion for my line of work, but it pays well and I’m not into work social events because I’m an introvert). I want to go there, work my shift, then leave. Any man or woman being this pushy in regards to developing social relationships with their coworkers needs to be reported to HR. If she were to complain about this to my managers (2 women, 1 man) they would be upset with her for wasting their time.
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You must be a handsome devil, Wintery Knight. I’ve never had such a problem with women anywhere I work.
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This only happened in my most recent job, now that I am in my 40s and wealthy. The woman was slightly older than me, and I think that she did not want to be a single mom at her age.
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