In today’s “don’t judge” culture, it’s common for people to proclaim their virtue by telling everyone how they don’t judge. I’m not sure how this became the great morality of our age, but it’s everywhere. Even in the church. Recently, I saw a clip from the Whatever podcast where a whole bunch of women storm off the set because a man says he wouldn’t have sex with a transgender women.
Elsewhere in the podcast, the man explained that he is a Christian and wanted to get married and have children. So the women in the video are already furious with him for wanting a good woman, and just waiting for an opportunity to have a tantrum. Like the “Christian” woman Hannah, who kicked the Christian man off “The Bachelorette” when he questioned her having sex with hot guys she had just met on the show.
So in this post, I wanted to talk about some reasons why good, marriage-minded men should avoid women who hate men who lead in spiritual areas, and make moral judgments.
First of all, women initiate 70% of divorces. If you meet a woman who divorced her husband, she either had a defect in her ability to evaluate and choose a man, or she had a defect in her ability to maintain a commitment to the man she chose. Either way, a woman who divorced her previous husband has red flags. There are two possibilities. She either chose a good man or she chose a bad man. If she chose a bad man, then it shows that she didn’t choose a man with good moral character and spiritual leadership. That means that those things were low priorities for her when deciding who to get naked with. Alternatively, she married a good man, and failed to maintain the commitment. Then she has different problems: problems with male leadership, problems with responsibilities, problems with commitment, problems with contentment, etc. You need to ask questions to get to the bottom of what happened, and more importantly, what she has studied and done to change her worldview. Don’t take her words for it, look at her actions.
Second, the number of premarital sex partners a woman has makes her a higher risk of divorce. The more sex partners, the more risk. The problem with women who engage in sex with men who don’t commit to them is that they necessarily don’t see a man’s willingness and ability to commit as valuable when choosing a man. Women who have premarital sex with good-looking, high-status no-commitment men don’t see commitment as valuable. They are rewarding the man for his height, his muscles, his tattoos, his piercings, his entertainment of her, etc. A good man should be very wary when a woman who gave her best youth, beauty and sexual interest to men like that now want to “settle” for a boring, unattractive provider who they see as having lower value than the men they gave sex to without requiring a commitment. What they really wanted was bad boys, and they threw sex at those bad boys without asking for commitment. Even if a good man marries a woman like this, she will not respect him. She respects looks and status. She is only willing to “settle” for a boring provider in her 30s because she can no longer attract the “best” men (criminal thugs who are tall and have tattoos) who give her all the butterflies in her stomach.
The culture opposes male leadership
Men should only marry if they are going to get authority to lead a home in moral and spiritual areas. But today, people don’t want men to make moral judgements. They are only concerned that women get what they want, regardless of their past actions. In their opinion, men exists solely to serve the needs of women. Women don’t have to be good enough for marriage, men just have to give women what they want, regardless of their suitability for wife and mother roles. The role of men in any relationship is not to lead and achieve goals for God. Their role is to let women rule over them, disposing of their earnings as they see fit, for the benefit of the woman.
This is what women are told about the role of men in every area of society. This society, including the Christian parents, Christian pastors, Christian culture, etc. do not produce women who prefer early marriage to men who are good at moral leadership and spiritual leadership. Therefore, men who are chaste, sober, have good educations, good private sector jobs, good savings, etc. need to be extremely careful. Look at the video clip. We are producing a generation of “don’t judge” young women who hate good men, and throw themselves into sex with hot bad boys. This is not safe for men to commit to. Better to be alone.
What if she converts to Christianity later on in life?
Becoming a new Christian doesn’t eliminate the risk any more than becoming a new Christian fixes student loans accumulated for a useless non-STEM degree. First, a bare statement “I’m a Christian” isn’t evidence that a woman has persuaded herself to change her view of which men are the most attractive. That would be like a 35-year-old man claiming to be a software engineer on his resume, after 15years of looking of teaching English in a public school. A recent convert who has never read any Christian books or engaged in any Christian tasks could just be saying “don’t judge me, just marry me” with some Christian-talk sprinkled on top.
Most people today don’t want to hold women accountable for choosing bad men. So you should assume that young women don’t take responsibility for their own past choices. And that means that she will have taken no steps to repent her mistake, and change her character so that she doesn’t make the same mistake again. It’s up to you to look at what she has been reading, listening to, watching, etc. and to check her actions in order to find out what she really thinks about what the Bible says. You can’t marry a woman who responds to any mention of the moral law and moral obligations with denial of responsibility and insults. If she hasn’t become an active crusader against women who choose bad men, and women who choose premarital sex, and women who choose divorce, then you can’t really believe that there’s been any real repentance. The risks to you are too high to take a chance on someone who is not certain.
Your marriage is your enterprise for serving God
So let’s think more about the screechy tattoo’d woman in the video clip. Imagine that you are trying to get this women to do something in a marriage that is part of your plan to make the marriage serve God. You’re trying to get her to watch a William Lane Craig debate. You’re trying to get her to stop spending money on 50 Shades of Grey and Harry Potter. You’re trying to get her to stop smoking and drinking. You’re trying to get her to talk about the sermon instead of essential oils. You’re trying to get her to read a Thomas Sowell book. You’re trying to get her to not put the kids in day care or public schools.
You need to assume that her response to male leadership like this will be the exact same as the woman in the video clip. Keep your distance, and ask her questions to find out what her real views are, and whether she is interested in growing into the kind of person who is safe for you to marry. Don’t forget that chastity and sobriety are important during the evaluation process, so that you aren’t influenced away from your leadership role. Don’t listen to her words, look at her actions.
WINTERY KNIGHT 
I make it a point to give this litmus test to every girl I start dating. I tell them, “If the Bible tells us that something is an abomination in God’s eyes, but the world is telling us that this very same thing is cool, acceptable and we should have a parade for it, which way do you sway?”
I’ve yet to come across a self-professed Christian woman who can plainly state, “The Bible’s way. I choose the Bible.” Instead, what I get is this deflection and walk-around of the subject as if they think all their friends is listening in on the conversation. One woman refused to answer and told me, “I have gay friends and I don’t feel the need to shove my beliefs down people’s throats. You seem too conservative for me. So I don’t think this will work.”
I agreed and kept it moving. The girl right after her, another “Christian” I matched with was also a Feminist, and very much pro-black. Meaning, when she says “our people” she isn’t talking about Christians, she’s talking about Black people…which isn’t aligned with me.
With the Christian Feminist, she asked me for my opinion on Feminism and I told her that I agree that men and women should have equal rights under the law, but there are some traditions and roles thats outlined in the Bible, which seems to conflict with modern day feminism.
Of course, she argued with me about this, pretty much rejecting the Scriptures that didn’t fit her world view.
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I personally think people just need to be more straight forward. Ask the tough questions (How do you feel about gay marriage?) on the first date so you know that this person is someone that aligns with your non-negotiables or not. It’s a win win for both of the answer is yes or no. You plan for a second date or you move on and don’t waste anymore of each other’s time. Prior to meeting my husband, I ran into too many men that tried to rephrase their questions into 20 word sentences when it could have been said in 4 words.
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Just curious. If Your date was to ask you, “How do you feel about gay marriage?” on that first date, 1) how do you think they’d honestly answer? 2) Is that answer truly a deal-breaker, and 3) What would you say is the “correct answer?”
Because how you “feel” about gay marriage, is actually a tougher question than it looks.
To me, It’s really an issue of do you believe people should have the freedom to make those choices for themselves. I wouldn’t call that a deal-breaker if my date has never taken the time to think those things out. I’d probably have patience and understanding, case by case.
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For me, this is a basic question, because it has to do with childrens needs.
Like asking, what do you think of no-fault divorce? Both questions are really asking whether children’s rights to a mom and a dad are more important than adult selfishness.
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When asked her opinion about gay “marriage,” her answer should be nothing less than:
“It’s an abomination unto the Lord and one reason that our nation is under God’s Judgment right now.”
I would give that answer an A. If she followed up with something about child mutilation and drag queen grooming hour, she gets an A+.
If she wants to go out and protest these things, she gets a marriage proposal. :-)
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If you watchgthat video, what society is producing is “don’t judge” women. Good men aren’t going to wife those women up.
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“If she hasn’t become an active crusader against women who choose bad men, and women who choose premarital sex, and women who choose divorce, then you can’t really believe that there’s been any real repentance.”
I would definitely add abortion to that list. Doesn’t mean she has to have gone to the sidewalks, but she should be speaking out against it strongly, as a minimum, to get my attention.
“You’re trying to get her to talk about the sermon instead of essential oils.”
I laughed so hard when reading this that I thanked the Lord I wasn’t drinking something. :-)
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A blog post that links to a book about pro-life, or some embryology textbook citations.
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Once again – this is about women hating the fact that men have preferences.
This is about women deciding that men should not have preferences.
This is about women deciding what men’s standards should be.
The lesson here for young men is this: Do not ever, ever allow someone else to tell you what your standards for a woman should be. You have your standards and preferences, and you stick by them no matter what shaming you get.
You’re the one who has to live with whatever woman you pick or who picks you. You’re the one who has to lead her, provide for her, put up with her, and have sex with her. So you get to decide who that is and what standards she needs to meet.
You respond with “STFU with your shaming BS. I get to decide what I want. I get to decide what my standards and preferences are. I decide that. Not you and not anyone else. You don’t get to judge me for my standards, so you can just keep it moving with that because I’m not hearing it. I’m not hearing your judgment and shaming. Take it somewhere else. I’m not hearing it.”
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Excellent write up and much needed.
I wouldn’t necessarily expect a woman to be interested in William Lane Craig and Thomas Sowell per se, although they are two of the greatest thinkers of our day. I know few women with college degrees who are drawn to philosophy texts, whether theological or economics, but almost all women have strong views on economics and theology, even those who haven’t taken classes or studied seriously. You have to consider her level of interest as well as her familiarity with the terms and subject matter. It shouldn’t take much work to get enough of a reaction to get to know her.
Here’s a few things to be concerned about regarding spiritual leadership. Will she go with you to the church of your choosing? Is she engaged in any Bible studies on her own? If so, what sort are they? If you share a book, video, sermon or article with her, does she show any interest?
When you pick movies to watch together that celebrate traditional roles, traditional values, a Biblical view, rather than the typical Hollywood fanfare, how does she respond? Later, when you guys talk about the film, critique it and consider subtle nuances of the story or even the director, how does she think about it?
How does she react to the idea of having children and homeschooling them? While it may be too forward to ask her in regard to her own future, you can bring it up from the third person perspective about other people. Is she repulsed by the idea of someone having a large family, or does she find herself admiring them? You can probably gauge her thoughts and feelings by her interests.
Does she follow the Dugger family, even though they’re no longer in the limelight? Does she like to watch YouTube videos of Phil Robertson’s family or does she think they’re a bunch of dumb hillbillies?
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