I found an interesting set of articles from a young woman who graduated from Pennsylvania State University. In one, she explains how a man she “hooked up” with treated her poorly. I think I’ve been able to figure out what her approach to relationships is. In this post, I’ll explain her approach, and then discuss how social conservatives should solve problems like abortion and single motherhood.
NOTE: Please do not contact or harass this woman, just leave her alone.
So, here’s the first, most important article:
As someone who considers themselves a feminist, and I always thought that being sexual and unashamed was liberating and empowering. And for that reason, I never stopped myself from doing what I wanted to do.
In the article, she explains what it feels like to be used for sex and then ghosted by a man. She says that he never got to know her, and that makes her feel bad. What did he know about her? She says that she appeared to him as “just some blonde blacked out drunk”. In the article, she describes lying awake next to him after sex, then getting up to walk home at 5:30 in the morning. And this is not the only toxic man in her life.
This applies to more than a few people from my past… I started to realize this lifestyle wasn’t working after I hooked up with a guy who thought New England was a state. And yeah, I still hooked up with him after finding out this knowledge about him… And I don’t know if that says more about him that he didn’t know or more about me since I was willing to overlook that fact just to feel desired for a night.
Because I do turn to other people for validation. When I think about it objectively, 90% of the reason I hook-up with anyone is to feel good about myself.
She calls the search for validation an “addiction”:
I am addicted to validation I got from getting with people. I needed that rush of dopamine. I needed to know I am wanted. I got addicted to hooking up. Cause it was the only thing that made me feel good about myself for a while. When I was feeling down, I turned to boys… that didn’t care about anything except what I look like. And I have been blessed/cursed with a pretty fast metabolism and a naturally larger than average chest. So I always have known I could default to my looks for validation. It’s the easiest thing to get recognition for. And I got addicted to being told I was hot, or pretty, or whatever.
In other articles, she explains what kinds of men she’s looking for.
She’s a strong Democrat.
There are two kinds of Republicans: the ignorant and the evil. Either they are uninformed and dumb or aware of the world and other cultures other than their own and just too corrupt or bigoted to care. It’s just that being a Republican seems to now stand for religious nuts, rich, rednecks, and racists. This current election cycle has only increased my deep seeded hatred for the right-wingers even more.
And I can’t help myself, but whenever I find out someone who I have been talking to or have been friends with is a Republican, I let out an audible “ugh, really?” I can not hide my disgust.
In another article, she explains that she’s an atheist:
If singing songs, praying or going to confession makes you feel better, by all means, do what you have to do to feel better. As long as you aren’t hurting anyone, do what you want to do. As an atheist, it doesn’t offend me. I just choose not to do it.
For example, at thanksgiving dinner this year my family wanted to say grace before eating, but they know where I stand when it comes to religion.
She came out of a Christian family.
In another post, she explains why she cheated on her boyfriend:
I wish I could say I don’t know why I did it, but that would be a blatant lie. I found myself in someone else’s bed because… I didn’t have feelings for you anymore. If you were enough for me, then you would have been. But you weren’t. I stopped craving your company. I felt guilty, sure, but not enough to stop me from doing it multiple times. I didn’t care about you or how you felt. And as my feelings started to fade, yours only seemed to get stronger. I know that stings, but it’s true.
So when I would go out in that extra-lowcut dress you loved when I wore it around you and a cute guy would ask me to dance or to go hangout on the porch, I wouldn’t mention you. I guess I got tired of turning people down when I didn’t feel like there was any “good” reason to. I missed my freedom. I missed the exciting feelings that come with flirting with someone new. The whole giddy honeymoon phase, getting butterflies whenever someone texts you, stalking them on Facebook and pretending you know nothing about them, finding yourself daydreaming about the next time you hang out in class. But I think I skipped a step before getting with someone new– breaking it off with you first.
She seems to be guided primarily by her feelings. If the feelings are gone, they’re gone. She doesn’t try to pick a good guy and invest in the relationship so that she builds something. I don’t think this is going to work for her to avoid bad men.
So, what kind of man is she looking for? She writes about how interested she is in “hot” guys in many of her articles. Guys with height, looks, tattoos, piercings, displayed wealth validate her more than guys who want to protect, provide, and lead her in moral and spiritual areas. I don’t think that the men she is choosing will treat her well – they just have too many options to focus on building something good with one woman.
She’s looking for a man who agrees with her on abortion and same-sex marriage. So, men like that don’t want to protect unborn children, and take responsibility for their choices. And a man who supports same-sex marriage is siding with selfish adults. Every same-sex relationship deprives a child of their bio-mom or bio-dad. That’s not a good man to build a stable marriage with.
Regarding religion, she’s uncomfortable with men who have definite exclusive views. Religion, for her, is not about truth at all. You shouldn’t make any exclusive claims that make people feel bad. Instead, just have your private religion that makes you feel better. She’s looking for men who will not lead her in moral and spiritual areas. That’s not a good man to date, either.
How is it working out for her?
Her worldview – feminism, atheism, socialism – doesn’t have the resources necessary for her to approach relationships in a way that will work for her, in the long run. She is not a Christian, pro-marriage, or conservative. The men she chooses are not Christians, pro-marriage, or conservative. This isn’t going to lead to a relationship that is faithful, exclusive and permanent. If that’s what she wants, then she is choosing the wrong people to get there. And even if she doesn’t want commitment now, she will some day. It’s better for her to focus on finding a good man now and building him up. Men make better husbands and fathers the sooner women get in there and support them at those goals.
I always urge young women to get a STEM degree and work in the private sector until they marry and have their first child. To make them think logically, take responsibility for engineering results, and to feel validated by their achievements. I wanted to see what her college major was – because I suspected that she did not do STEM. While searching, I stumbled upon her dating profile (posted on 9Gag by her), two Instagram pages full of selfies, a Tumblr blog of sexy photos, and an Only Fans page. Her LinkedIn page showed no current or previous work experience. To me, these things are clear signs that she is head straight for evil men who will hurt her.
Saving women from toxic masculinity
I think what we have to do is focus on her disappointment with the results of her own choices, and challenge her to change her worldview and relationship choices. She needs to stop rewarding the hot bad boys with free sex. There are good men out there who want to protect, provide and lead on moral and spiritual issues. She needs to be taught to focus on those good men.
21 thoughts on “What can men do to save this 24-year-old woman from toxic masculinity?”
This is simply no more than a selfish girl who is driven by self-gratification. She puts that search above everything else. Her choices in men reflect this. Indeed, it’s reflected in pretty much everything she says about herself. “Toxic feminism”? I think so. She’s a danger to those around her as she is to herself.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I know. And yet it seems that the solution is always to get men to rescue women no matter what they do. But i think sometimes there is nothing that men can do, because the woman is making her own bad choices out of a bad worldview, and she’s been taught to not listen to good men.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Frankly my dear I don’t give a damn.
Well, well, if it isn’t Rhett Butler from Gone With The Wind. You should have married Melanie Hamilton, Rhett.
If I got an honest moment with a girl like her I would just ask an open question.
What is your plan for fun and validation in 10 to 20 years when your fun male group is looking for twenty and under girls to hook up with.
I wouldn’t get to more them that just leaving an idea of doubt to hopefully begin her thinking of negative consequences of her life. To hopefully stop her from being the one in 20 year writing a feminism and hook up culture lied to me article
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think that’s an excellent approach, and it’s especially compelling coming from a good man with a ministry, a paid off house, a decent job, etc. It has worked for me some times to get a woman turned around, and at other times, it hasn’t. The entire culture seems to be devoted to lying to young women so that they focus on the moment, and they find it easy to do when they are being showered with attention during their young and pretty years.
One of the women I mentored who did turn around (McKenzie) told me later, after she married and had a kid, that what would be useful to young women would be to be influenced from people who are at different stages of life. That would help them to focus more on the future, and to think carefully about what the sequence of actions they are taking to reach a good future.
I talked about McKenzie in the episode that Rose and I did on politics:
It is sad how they have taught kids to in no way respect elders.
I will also try to say that we make things that sound condemning not because it is mean but out of love to keep people from harm.
I use my silly illustration of how much I love fresh toast and how relaxing a bath is. When the toaster manual says you need to keep a toaster away from a bath it is not because they are mean and judgy. They know the real danger and risk of having it close.
Much like how Christians warn of sin because the damaging result is real and will always come
LikeLiked by 2 people
“What can men do to save this 24 year old woman…..”
Her father could have. But “men” cannot do a d@mn thing.
I found a social media account. According to that account she is in a relationship with a MUCH older man. She’s 24; her “relationship” appears to be in his late 30s or early 40s. That screams “daddy issues” to me.
“Men” cannot fix this. All we can do is hold this woman up as an example of the growing number of “beautiful disasters” in our midst. Young men would be well advised to avoid her – she’s a mess, and men need to avoid getting any of that mess on them.
LikeLiked by 3 people
I agree! And yet most social conservatives think its our problem to solve. I can’t break through a worldview like hers.
We all need to stop lying about this situation, and about women like her.
Women love bad boys and thugs. Women do not love good men, or Good men, or Good. Women do not want good men or Good men.
The closest women can get to wanting Good is that they want bad boys who are nice to them and who are jerks to everyone else.
We need to acknowledge this as fact, as the way it is. We need to face the truth on this. We need to call women out on this and leave them to their own devices. We need to tell young men the truth about this and we need to accept this about women.
I understand what you’re saying, but I have to tell you that I have personally met a small number of women who were attracted to men who were focused on serving God, and protecting others. I would say that you can just look down the list of Christian women’s bestselling books, and know that it is not the majority. In my experience, you can find out if you have one of the minority by looking at her bookshelf, her blog, her YouTube channel, etc. to see if she has a demonstrated record of resisting the culture’s view of men, relationships and marriage.
This will probably only make sense to men who are able to evaluate ability in evidential apologetics, small government, free market economics, pro-life apologetics, defense of natural marriage, etc. I have confidence in my ability to measure a woman in those areas, and I believe that their ability to advocate for the Christian worldview in those areas is an indicator that they will find good men attractive. Again, it’s a minority, and I recommend to men to focus on this minority. To men who don’t know who Stephen C. Meyer is, who Thomas Sowell is, who William Lane Craig is, who Wayne Grudem is, etc., it’s going to be challenging to tell a hawk from a handsaw. No offense.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It also seems like her only accepting truth is have fun at any cost and republicans are evil.
As a hedonistic atheist she is capable of being certain in excluding any other world view and judging those who disagree with her.
When an honest thoughtful atheist should allow all views even those they don’t like to exist. Since all they have is nature as a claim and opposing views must exist as a means of human survival. They really have no decent argument other than to say all are good. Supposed evil is good etc.
But they sense that idea is wrong naturally so they hold an inconsistent world view as they judge others
LikeLiked by 1 person
Her whole worldview is grounding these bad decisions. And this is going to “work” for her, so long as she’s young and pretty. She’s immune to any sort of leadership from a good man.
One day those looks will go, then where will she be? I try to tell young women to day to do STEM!
Yep, me too. I have a whole post written about it:
I know. It’s because of you I tell, well, all youngsters to do STEM, THEN they can go back and take up Rennaisance French Literature if they want….coming from a guy that took a history degree only to find out he hated teaching high school, that should have an impact!
I wanted to teach high school English, but look how progressive those departments are these days. And the students don’t see the value of gaining wisdom.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I greatly enjoyed getting my history degree, but then I had to go back for a masters in psychology, which I never used because I then went to work for the state. I had my eye on the pension and benefits, and have a few more years to go. Then I will continue on in ministry. It all worked out in spite of my non-STEM degrees, but I am the exception rather than the norm.
The biggest gain I got from my history degree is that I now recognize the tragic repetition we are making in this country is swaying towards socialism. My undergrad major was self-taught Soviet History, and I see this country going down that dark road. May God protect us!
Move. Then do the opposite.
Find a therapist to help you with adequecy issues.
Please note: None of this involves a simp or a savior.
(Unless you wanted structure that your mind doesn’t supply, then I suggest an orthodox Christian religion)
No one can save her, but she will find that time is not her friend. She will not always be 24 and her looks will begin to fade. Her “acceptable” dating pool will grow much smaller, and she will begin to lament “where have all the good guys gone?”
She might opt to become a cougar and stalk younger men for a while, but barring something really unforeseen, she starts adopting cats.
Lots of cats.
LikeLiked by 1 person
“I think what we have to do is”
Who’s this “we”, kemosabe?
First of all, it is not possible for random men to step into the life of a woman like this and convince her to do anything at all. White knighting doesn’t work. The very attempt is antipersuasive and tends to produce the opposite result from what is desired.
Second, if women are at all capable of rational thought on any level (and the fact that they can do math to some extent indicates they are), and if women are at all capable of independent and responsible behavior rather than being entirely and totally the responsibility and property of men (and I have known enough women who demonstrate by their actions that they are capable of such, and I sincerely doubt that most men are at all prepared or interested in taking on full responsibility for every single action a woman might take, which is what property would entail), then they must necessarily be capable of making decisions for themselves and choosing outcomes at some level.
Every single (idiotic) thing this woman has done is entirely her chioce and her fault. It is not as if there are no countervailing examples to her actions. She doesn’t even need to be a Christian to observe them – as a non-believer raised by non-believers in a family where religion (if present at all) is more a cultural habit than a matter of fervent feeling or belief, I have observed a total of two divorces over the course of five decades and multiple generations. Everyone else gets married, stays married, and has kids and a stable family life. Because that is what works and what is obviously best and the right way to do it, and we can all see that in our own lives and in the lives of our parents and grandparents and the people around us, and we are not so stupid as to engage in this particular brand of gratuitously self-destructive behavior. She doesn’t need to either. She should be and probably is perfectly capable of looking at how people live and realizing that the happy families don’t fling themselves headlong into indulging animal instincts. She has chosen to disregard that.
You can’t stop people from destroying themselves if they really, really want to.
What you CAN do is point her and those like her out to subsequent generations, as a horrible example of what not to do.
LikeLiked by 1 person