I got a comment below on the post I wrote about Christian men preferring women with STEM degrees for marriage. I felt that I needed to say something strict about this woman’s comment, because I am seeing her attitude everywhere among Christian women. Although I am more forgiving about her views in private, I think it’s important to be hard on her in public.
Her comment (she’s “thoughtfullady”) is here:
This was an interest post to read. I am a christian woman myself in STEM. I understand the pros and cons, I agree with some of your views and disagree with some others.
In today’s world its hard to sustain a family with only one stream of income, plus, a woman’s life does not revolve around a man anymore, at least in the western and european countries, so if or when I get married, I do not think I would leave my job temporarily ( 3 years or so) or permanently to raise children and attend to my husband all the time, its not financially sustainable in the middle and long term for a household unless the man I marry is earning more than enough for all of us. Yes, I will do my very best to spend good quality time with my family. I believe also that most of the education load should not go into the woman, at least not in modern days, fathers play an equally important role as mothers in their children’s education and science has proved this.
Regarding literacy, I liked the comment above relating to how the disciples were fishermen and I agree. Jesus picked some illiterate men to follow him just as the word says in 1 Corinthians 1:28, and I paraphrase, that from the ‘weak, base and despised, God chose people to bring shame to the wise’. The disciples, the educated ones and the not so educated ones, stood up to the Pharisees with knowledge of spiritual revelation not their background careers.
No matter how much worldly preparation you or your spouse have in science, children must be trained in the word of God, remember that most of the ideologies that we have are ‘based in science’ (erratically obviously) but NO matter how much scientific evidence on the knowledge of God we have, these people will not accept it because of their hardened hearts. Instead we’ve got to teach children to stay strong in their faith so they don’t fall into the mainstream movements while standing their ground in their convictions.
On the other hand, something that sticks to my mind is how you mentioned that most likely women in STEM would probably not finish college as virgins due to the environment that is found there. I would like to give you some advice in that: virginity is not a virtue in women, nor will make a woman a better or a worse wife, it only shows that either she made the decision/commitment (religion related or not) to remain that way or didn’t have the opportunity to engage in that activity, and yes, it happens. Remember sexual sin is as every other sin that anyone can fall into and forgiveness is available, the Bible puts it in par it with the liars and witchcraft in Revelations. Remember we are in front of a Holy God and even for the little everyday lies that we tell, Jesus had to die on the cross. Something I learned was not to categorise sin because all of them are equal in the eyes of God even if they bring different human or spiritual consequences to us. If you meet a woman who ticks all your wifey prospect boxes that previously felt into that trap and she asked for forgiveness and is walking on a new journey of sanctification, it would be very unwise of you to say no to her just because she didn’t remain a virgin.
Otherwise kudos to you for wanting to have a family that is Christ-centerd, very important specially now in the times we live, drowned in confusion and self absorbency! God bless you!
And here is my harsh response to her.
Thank you for this thoughtful comment, thoughtful lady.
In today’s world its hard to sustain a family with only one stream of income, plus, a woman’s life does not revolve around a man anymore, at least in the western and european countries, so if or when I get married, I do not think I would leave my job temporarily ( 3 years or so) or permanently to raise children and attend to my husband all the time, its not financially sustainable in the middle and long term for a household unless the man I marry is earning more than enough for all of us.
So, the first thing to say is that the reason that it is hard to sustain a family on one income is because we have a massive welfare state that has been put in place to support women making decisions according to the Sexual Revolution worldview, as opposed to the Judeo-Christian worldview. Many of the social programs now in effect, e.g. – taxpayer-funded contraceptives, taxpayer-funded abortions, taxpayer-funded daycare, taxpayer-funded public schools, anti-male divorce courts, taxpayer-funded health care, etc. were put in place in order to make choosing a good man “optional” for a woman. Basically, following the introduction of birth control and abortion, feminists decided to embark on a course of pursuing hot bad boys – even if those hot bad boys would not commit to them before sex. They focused entirely on the man’s appearance, and spurned men with exclusive convictions on religion and morality. These feminists delayed marriage, because they wanted validation from the bad boys. They wanted to pursue careers and buy shiny junk, rather than to build up a husband and produce influential children. That’s why we have a hook-up culture today. Feminists wanted to be free to pursue men based on their appearance, in order to get validation through sex. The welfare state – along with affirmative action, no-fault divorce, etc. – are just what feminists vote for in order to make their plan “work out”.
A good paper on how women’s suffrage led to a massive expansion in government:
Here is a good example of an ex-Christian woman following the sex with bad boys validation plan:
Yes, I will do my very best to spend good quality time with my family.
Well, if a woman outsources the raising of her children to daycares, public schools, etc. then family isn’t a priority for her. And men know that. Men who are interested in having children raised with a Christian worldview will pass career women by, since this is important to us. I’m not interested in what a woman says about things. Her actions tell me what her priorities are. If a woman values career, then secular leftists will be raising her kids. Expressing hopes and desires and wishes won’t save her children from apostasy. I am seeing children getting sexually assaulted, indoctrinated, bullied, transed, etc. in the facilities provided by the secular left welfare state. If a woman goes to work, then she is leaving her kids to that.
I believe also that most of the education load should not go into the woman, at least not in modern days, fathers play an equally important role as mothers in their children’s education and science has proved this.
My job is to earn the money so that my wife can stay home and teach the children. I cannot teach the children while I am working full time. And neither can the woman. What men understand from women who want full-time careers after having children is that the children will be raised by people in daycares and schools who don’t have the worldview of the parents. I’m not marrying anyone to let someone else raise my kids. Raising children is an important part of marriage plan, and I want someone competent to do it. If I could do it, I would. That’s one reason why I need a wife – to do this important job.
No matter how much worldly preparation you or your spouse have in science, children must be trained in the word of God, remember that most of the ideologies that we have are ‘based in science’ (erratically obviously) but NO matter how much scientific evidence on the knowledge of God we have, these people will not accept it because of their hardened hearts.
Today, effective defending of the faith begins with evidence: science and history. The first question that comes up when discussing Christianity with a non-Christian is “how do you know that God even exists?” If the woman’s answer is “the word of God”, just know that this is not going to work on an atheist. There is no word of God without God, and she cannot derive God from appealing to the word of God, since God must exist before communicating through the Bible. I want my children to be the ones who make advances in philosophy, science and history, so people learn from them how to defend God’s existence and character. Illiterate fishermen who saw Jesus were good enough witnesses 2000 years ago. There are no people today who saw Jesus. Illiterate fishermen will not be able to have an influence in the university or the workplace or the public square. When feminists elevate illiterate fishermen over children who are educated and trained in logic and scientific evidence, it just means that her children will have no influence for Christ. And no Christian man takes on the costs and risks of marriage for that outcome. We are interested in serving God, and if we can’t have a marriage and children that serve God effectively, we will settle for less influence for God as single men.
See this recent study:
I would like to give you some advice in that: virginity is not a virtue in women, nor will make a woman a better or a worse wife…
I think most women who accept feminism and the Sexual Revolution denigrate virginity, even though the Bible says that sex before marriage is morally wrong. Christian men infer from this denigration of virginity that the woman doesn’t accept the Bible. We understand that she forms her beliefs about relationships, marriage, and parenting from feelings and peer approval – from the secular left culture. Men understand that she does not read any scientific papers about sex, marriage, parenting and divorce to confirm what the Bible teaches. Men like me know the effect that premarital sex has on the future stability of a marriage. We read books and scientific papers about what children need from mothers and fathers in order to develop properly. And we know how that the instability caused by promiscuity costs us (in divorce courts) and costs the children (effects of divorce on children). It is extremely inadvisable for a Christian man to make a legal commitment of his time and resources to a non-virgin. We have to make sure that our choice of mate is suitable for the plan to make the marriage serve God. It’s called “equal yoking”.
See these recent studies:
Remember sexual sin is as every other sin that anyone can fall into and forgiveness is available, the Bible puts it in par it with the liars and witchcraft in Revelations.
Most women today who follow the Sexual Revolution instead of the Bible say that all sins are equal. They say “if God forgives me for this minor, minor sin, then what right does a man have to withhold marriage from me?”. Here is how marriage-minded men like me respond to this. First, most women who ask for forgiveness do it to feel good and to escape judgment by their peers. They don’t believe any harm has been done to the husband, despite the studies falsifying that. There is no genuine forgiveness for someone who thinks they have done nothing wrong. The goal of women mentioning forgiveness is to avoid being judged, and avoid missing out on marriage because men hold them accountable for their past actions. A woman’s past actions define her present character. She cannot make a new character in a split second, without having read anything to change her mind about her past views, and put her new views on display in new actions that honor chastity and marriage. Second, even if she sincerely repents, and God forgives her, that means nothing to a man with respect to marriage. Suppose a woman wastes all of her 20s and 30s partying and having recreational sex with hot, no-commitment bad boys. Suppose she sincerely repents of that, and ask God for forgiveness, and she gets forgiven by him. That does not make her attractive to a man who is looking for a helper to support him in his marriage plan. Marriage plans start at age 20, not age 40. Her repentance at age 40 does not help him in any way, since she was not there during those early years of his life to support him and raise his children and impact the world for Christ. He will also have to deal with the effects of her promiscuity even if God forgives her. The damage from promiscuity can be fixed, but not without a lot of time and effort on books and studies. Time and effort he could be putting into more important Kingdom work. In my experience, most women today have no interest in reforming their minds about their previous mistakes using books and studies. Their idea of forgiveness is just demanding it in order to escape judgment, and to avoid being held accountable for their actions. They hate the idea that they are losing out on something now, because of selfish, irresponsible behavior in the past. That has to be worked through or she’s not safe to marry.
For more on the motivation to call all sins equal:
For more on how men are right to reject non-virgins for marriage:
I hope this comment is helpful for you, and I really hope that the next generation of women rejects feminism, careerism, and sexual promiscuity so that men will be interested in marrying them.
Here’s a good video that is representative of what Christian women are like, these days, when men present them with a marriage plan and expectations about how they should prepare for marriage:
No good man who has a plan for marriage that does damage to secularism, feminism, socialism, etc. is going to marry a woman like this, who just sees relationships as a tool for making herself feel good, and who is entirely beholden to the culture. Men want their marriage and children to count for God. We don’t marry women who are obsessed with feeling good and being liked.
I feel I need to set them straight about their suitability and entitlement with respect to the marriage enterprise, and I hope my reply does that. These women can marry all the weak low-value non-Christian soy boys who will take them. They aren’t ever going to get a serious Christian man to sign them up for marriage.