10 Behaviors for Christian Women to Avoid in a Potential Spouse: part 5 of 10


Note: The following post was written by my friend Laura. On this blog, I have often offered men suggestions about what to ask prospective mates. Laura’s article looks at the problem from the other side, offering women suggestions about what to look out for in a husband candidate. I’ll be posting one per day for the next 10 days.

Apart from the decision to follow Christ, marriage is the biggest decision you will ever make. It is a lifelong commitment that will impact every area of your life for as long as you both shall live. As Jesus’ disciples realized and the apostle Paul taught explicitly, for many people it is better not to marry at all (1 Corinthians 7). But for those who do marry, it must not be entered into lightly. Here are ten behaviors to avoid in men when considering committing for life.

5. Unwillingness to engage in healthy disagreements. Disagreements and misunderstandings are inevitable in any authentic, deep relationship. When the response to these situations is respectful, open dialogue that seeks to understand the other person, the result is almost always greater mutual understanding and greater intimacy. Gracious, rational, and frequent communication is key to both preventing and overcoming a myriad of relational problems, and without it the relationship (and the individuals in it) will suffer.

If you have never had a disagreement with your boyfriend, then you don’t know him well enough to marry him. Before you commit to a lifetime with this man, find something that is important to both of you to disagree about and make your case. If he refuses to engage, changes the subject, lashes out at you, becomes angry and defensive, speaks condescendingly or contemptuously toward you, or otherwise responds in a way that does not lead to greater understanding and intimacy, this is likely not someone you will want to walk alongside through the most difficult challenges of life.

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