Guess where I’m linking today? To a radical feminist web site named Jezebel, to an article written by a radical feminist who writes for the radically leftist Slate.
No, I’m not crazy. Just read it:
Much of the conversation around alcohol and sex has focused on assault—the line at which intoxication becomes incapacitation, for instance—but what we fail to mention is how haunted people can be by the sex they actually, technically consented to.
[…]I wonder what my sex life would even look like if alcohol hadn’t been there. Alcohol gave me comfort in my own body, and it allowed me to turn my erotic curiosity and hunger for experience into an action plan. I was tired of being the stuttering girl sucking in her stomach after the lights went out. I wanted to be the woman who roamed wild and free.
Alcohol also helped me cut the girlish strings on my heart, an action my college years demanded. Three months into my freshman year, I split a six pack with a dashing sophomore, and we wound up partially clothed on his bed, my bare legs wrapped around his waist, my hands around his neck. I pulled back slightly and asked him the question, the naive question of a girl who does not yet understand her fate: “What does this mean?”
He looked past me, into his studio apartment, and then back into my eyes. “It means that I’m a 19-year-old boy, and we’re having fun.”
What is interesting is that she didn’t see this man’s using her for fun after getting her drunk as any disqualification for a serious relationship. On the contrary, she believes that a serious relationship built on self-sacrificial love and commitment that lasts through difficulties can be found in a man who uses her for fun sex:
I’m not saying I didn’t enjoy that night with the dashing sophomore. I’m saying the fun part for me might have been turning our physical intimacy into a sustained attachment.
Amazing. She wasn’t looking for men with good educations, good jobs, lots of savings, who were sober and chaste – they would have made her unhappy with their bossy leading, and strict plans about courting and marriage. She thought that she could get to live-long married love by choosing what was free, easy and fun in the moment.
She is 35 now, and still single. I’m sure if you ask her, she would like to be married “some day”, but who would say that her past decisions were good preparation for the challenges of marriage? Marriage is about self-sacrificial love, and endurance. To prepare for marriage, you practice self-denial and self-control. You learn how to accept expectations, obligations and responsibilities. You grow up.
Anyway, back to the article. She choose the alcohol herself, and she did it for a very specific reason:
I wanted to have fun, too. And alcohol evened the score. I cared less about everything when I was drinking: What you thought of me, what I looked like in this dress, whether that taco was warm or cold when I stuffed it in my mouth. I don’t want to make it sound like I drank in order to have sex. I drank for a million reasons.
[…]Booze downshifted my intense body consciousness, and it revved up my bravado. Sex was scary—but alcohol made me feel safe.
She drank in order to have sex. Got it? She chose to get drunk in order to feel safe about having sex. Many young women think that recreational sex with hot guys is a pathway to marriage. They drink in order to make progress towards the marriage they want – the marriage to the man who is fun. Not the man who is serious. They don’t want the serious man who makes plans for marriage, and expects the woman to sober up, behave responsibly and honor obligations.
This reminds me of the Institute for American Values study. Despite their name, it is not a conservative organization
Look at this citation from p. 15:
A number of students noted that being drunk could later serve as your excuse for the hook up.
A Yale University student said, “Some people like hook up because they’re drunk or use being drunk as an excuse to hook up.”
A New York University student observed, “[Alcohol is] just part of an excuse, so that you can say, oh, well, I was drinking.”
A Rutgers University student commented, “If you’re drinking a lot it’s easier to hook up with someone… [and] drugs, it’s kind of like a bonding thing… and then if you hook up with them and you don’t want to speak to them again, you can always blame it on the drinking or the drugs.”
[…]A University of Chicago junior observed, “One of my best friends… sometimes that’s her goal when we go out. Like she wants to get drunk so I guess she doesn’t have to feel guilty about [hooking up].”
I hope that many of the men out there who refuse to hold women accountable for their own desires start to understand that not everything a woman wants is good, and not every plan a woman makes will work. Sometimes, you need to calmly and constructively challenge them about their priorities, plans and actions. It’s for their own good.
WINTERY KNIGHT 
Am I the one that has a serious disconnect here? I was told by many of the same people that women cant consent to sex when they have been drinking but they are the ones having to tie one on just to have sex?
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think you bring a unique and edifying lesson from the well known carousel story, that is, “They make progress towards the marriage they want – the marriage to the man who is fun.”
Do you realize how drastically changed the US would be if preachers boldly named, and plainly rebuked and corrected such thinking?
LikeLiked by 2 people
It would be completely different, but as much as I agree that pastors have dropped the ball on fighting feminism, (traditional husband roles are sexist, have sex like a man, delay marriage for career, abortion is just birth control, etc.), The parents have dropped it more.
LikeLike
Even if they marry the ‘fun’ guy…often it leads to divorce because marriage is certainly more than just ‘fun’.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh yes. You can marry a clown but then don’t expect him to act competently or achieve anything. He is a clown.
LikeLike
It’s funny that you say parents have dropped the ball more than pastors. No argument from me, but your impled hope in them pointed out to me that I have no hope in parents changing how they raise their Christian daughters. That’s really bad of me, having no hope in other parents. It’s why I think pastors have to step in, because I think parents don’t consider the author a warning tale like you do.
About 15 years ago women on dating sites almost always said they are looking for someone tall and who makes them laugh. Until you wrote what you did, I couldn’t put words to why that seemed twisted and unbecoming.
LikeLike
That’s really bad of me, having no hope in other parents. It’s why I think pastors have to step in, because I think parents don’t consider the author a warning tale like you do.
None of this is surprising, considering the self-evident corruption of the western church. Lukewarm Christian parents who are biblically ignorant, but who would reject God’s ways for raising daughters even if they were familiar with them, are certainly not going to take guidance in this from pastors, who wouldn’t risk alienating said parents –and lightening the contents of their collection plates– even if they were inclined to do so.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It actually says in the Bible don’t get drunk, don’t have sex before marriage. But look at the priorities of the woke pastors… Global warming, black lives matter, illegal immigrants, refugees. They’re just Democrats selling virtue signaling. There’s nothing counter cultural there. Christianity is just feeling good, and acting in ways that other people think you are good.
LikeLiked by 1 person
My wife and I are celebrating our tenth anniversary, and articles like this (as well as reminders from people we know) make us realize how blessed we are.
My wife came from a broken home (her dad was emotionally detached from the family and eventually left her mom in her early teens) but there was a cultural sense of “people don’t have sex before marriage” where she grew up. What really helped her was the Christian community, who stepped in and taught her (she became a Christian when she was 16, not growing up in a Christian home) — including strong Christian men and husbands who modeled what a good Christian man should be. She was the youngest and therefore the last among her Bible study group to get married.
(I am glad NOT to be single and to try to make sense of this current dating scene, although I’m going to have to talk with my kids about that. I’ve already told my 7-year old daughter: If there are any boys who ask you out, you tell them, “I have to ask my dad,” at least until she’s 18.)
Even this week, I told my wife when I was single, I had a very strong forcefield to keep out the crazies.
Yes, I practiced discernment. (And yes, to a lot of people, that sounds like “You’re judgmental!”) Actually, it’s a very biblical concept —
My goal in life is to Build His Kingdom, with the time and talents that I have.
I wanted to find someone who would align with that goal and had similar values.
By the time I got married, I knew pretty much the qualities and characteristics and values that were necessary and how frequently that happened (like needle in a haystack), and I knew how to pursue.
Random drunk girls who “wanted to participate in third wave/fourth wave feminism and bed random guys” were definitely NOT what I wanted.
Women (and men) don’t need to get married immediately following high school graduation. Nor during college. Nor right after college. The president of my seminary (this was back in the late 1990’s) did a poll and found out something like “the high 90-percent” of people who went to Christian Bible schools, Bible institutes, Christian colleges, etc. married within 2 years of graduating.
Even back then, I posited that, Sure, marriage is better than immorality — but those two options exclude a lot of other options.
Many people are pushed into marriage as opposed to offering solid alternatives — i.e.,
* teaching self-control AND the possibility of pursuing higher education and/or career, with pros and cons
* in conjunction, development of self-awareness
* in conjunction, development of skills that are transferable to marriage
Wow, what a concept — “Getting yourself READY for marriage?”
Yes. Absolutely.
In my time as a single man, there were a lot of things I developed:
* communication skills
* work ethic
* ability to manage money (budget, invest, etc.)
* organizational skills
* teaching sound biblical doctrine
* practiced discerment
I’ve jokingly said that if you can manage like a 200-person ministry event, planning a wedding is walk in the park. (It is.)
Getting drunk and notching up the bedpost? No. Developing the WRONG kind of skills. I wouldn’t touch that person with a 20-foot pole.
LikeLiked by 1 person