Does abandoning your marriage in order to travel the world indicate that a woman has the character necessary for a life-long married love? Let’s look at a case in which a famous feminist abandoned her husband to travel to have adventures.
The New York Times writes:
Elizabeth Gilbert, whose best-selling 2006 memoir, “Eat Pray Love,” traced a journey of self-discovery around the world that continues to resonate with fans, announced a new chapter on Friday.
[…]Ms. Gilbert, speaking directly to her readers in a Facebook post, said that after 12 years she was separating from José Nunes, the Brazilian importer whom she met during her travels and later married, and who was a central character in the book.
“I am separating from the man whom many of you know as ‘Felipe,’ ” she wrote of her husband, referring to his pseudonym in the book. “Our split is very amicable. Our reasons are very personal.” She also asked for privacy, saying she would be “a bit absent from social media during this sensitive moment.”
“Eat Pray Love,” a sumptuous tale of escape, self-discovery and romance, quickly became a cultural phenomenon, though not one without criticism, with some noting that not every woman who wished to escape would have the privilege to live as sumptuously as Ms. Gilbert did on her sojourn through India, Italy and Bali.
The book, however, drew praise from Oprah Winfrey and was made into a 2010 film starring Julia Roberts and Javier Bardem. The tale also resonated with fans, mostly women, who either identified with being in an unhappy relationship or had managed to artfully escape one.
The phenomenon has endured over the past decade: The travelogue touched so many readers that it eventually spawned a book, “Eat, Pray, Love Made Me Do It,” comprising 47 essays from inspired fans who had written their own tales of escape and discovery. That book was released in April.
[…]In April, Ms. Gilbert said that she missed travel: “I’ve never been to Japan, Iceland, South Africa and other places that it would be a pity to come to this earth and miss.”
Adventures, escape and discovery – that’s what young women want today. Not marriage, and not motherhood. They believe that they can find lasting happiness through travel and adventures. Even if they change their minds later, and want to marry, repeated acts of self-centered behavior do not prepare a woman for life-long self-sacrificial married love. Promiscuity and hedonism do not prepare a woman’s character to be content with the roles of wife and mother.
Here is Gilbert writing in the New York Times about her priorities:
It started with a boy I met at summer camp and ended with the man for whom I left my first husband. In between, I careened from one intimate entanglement to the next — dozens of them — without so much as a day off between romances. You might have called me a serial monogamist, except that I was never exactly monogamous. Relationships overlapped, and those overlaps were always marked by exhausting theatricality: sobbing arguments, shaming confrontations, broken hearts. Still, I kept doing it. I couldn’t not do it.
[…]If the man was already involved in a committed relationship, I knew that I didn’t need to be prettier or better than his existing girlfriend; I just needed to be different.
[…]Soon enough, and sure enough, I might begin to see that man’s gaze toward me change from indifference, to friendship, to open desire. That’s what I was after: the telekinesis-like sensation of steadily dragging somebody’s fullest attention toward me and only me. My guilt about the other woman was no match for the intoxicating knowledge that — somewhere on the other side of town — somebody couldn’t sleep that night because he was thinking about me. If he needed to sneak out of his house after midnight in order to call, better still. That was power, but it was also affirmation. I was someone’s irresistible treasure. I loved that sensation, and I needed it, not sometimes, not even often, but always.
[…]In my mid-20s, I married, but not even matrimony slowed me down. Predictably, I grew restless and lonely. Soon enough I seduced someone new; the marriage collapsed. But it was worse than just that. Before my divorce agreement was even signed, I was already breaking up with the guy I had broken up my marriage for.
[…][I]f you asked me what I was up to, I might have claimed that I was a helpless romantic — and how can you judge that? If really cornered, I might have argued that I was a revolutionary feminist, taking brazen agency over my own sexuality…
She didn’t want to commit and love others self-sacrificially. That’s boring! She wanted to get attention and drama. Men liked her because she was easy to use and easy to throw away. She wasn’t anyone’s “irresistible treasure”, because she didn’t have enough value for any of these men to commit to her for life and take care of her as she aged. The men she chose wanted sex, but they were not going to actually provide for her or protect her when she reached her 70s, 80s and 90s. The question that we need to ask is whether a woman like this can stay married. Is she capable of doing the work that ordinary wives and mothers do in a married home – the work that wins a man’s loyalty for life? Is she capable of behaving in a way that leads a man to commit to caring for her when she is no longer young and pretty?
Let’s review what happened after Elizabeth Gilbert divorced her first husband for travel and adventures.
Christian men’s rights blogger Dalrock explains:
Having written a book on divorce, Elizabeth decided to write a book on marriage titled Committed.
From the Publishers Weekly review on Amazon:
How did a woman who didn’t want children land the only Latino hottie with a vasectomy in all of Indonesia?
[…][I]t turns out he needed a visa to get into the US, so he asked Elizabeth to marry him. After a year of bickering and unhappiness together, she finally said yes after he explained it to her.
From the Publishers Weekly book review on Amazon.com:
When are you going to understand? As soon as we secure this bloody visa and get ourselves safely married back in America, we can do whatever the hell we want.
You couldn’t make stuff this romantic up!
That was 6 years ago, Elizabeth is about 47 now and divorced again. I wonder how well her plan of “seducing” men and getting no commitment in return will work over the next 40 years? Tramp stamps and belly-button rings seem fun when you are 17, but are not so fun when you are 71. Hooking up, cohabitating, traveling and having adventures seems to make sense when you are 17, but they don’t result in a man standing by you when you are 71. A woman needs to invest in a marriage-minded man early, and sustain this investment if she expects him to stick around when she loses her youth and beauty. Not every man will respond to this investment, but it is her job to choose one who will – with the help of wise advisers.
UPDATE:
In early September 2016, it emerged that she is now in a relationship with her best female friend.
WINTERY KNIGHT 
We had a name for such women back in the day: slut.
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I had several variations of that word in my initial drafts but I removed them all at the end.
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The first two definitions and the second part of the 3rd definition seem to fit perfectly:
slut
[sluht]
noun
1. Disparaging and Offensive. a sexually promiscuous woman, or a woman who behaves or dresses in an overtly sexual way.
2. Informal. a person with a seemingly insatiable but often undiscerning desire to do or have something specified: guilty of being a shoe slut;
a book slut, reading five books at once.
3. Archaic. a prostitute; harlot. an immoral or dissolute woman. a dirty, slovenly woman.
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Definitely a slut.
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Name calling – really? That’s your contribution to the conversation?
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Nope, I had several other contributions to the conversation, and no one has yet shown the definition of the term I used to be not applicable.
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The endorsement by Oprah says all you need to know about her values. Really sad and pathetic when you consider that Oprah is the most admired woman in the USA.
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Is Oprah any better? Are you saying she has values? She’s been in a relationship for years. Sin is sin whether you’re a TV icon or not.
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Reblogged this on Patriactionary and commented:
Slut.
Anyone who is surprised this happened… is incredibly naïve. The precedent was already set; she’s just following the pattern she already established.
She will likely end up all alone with her cats, and a freezer of ice cream. ;)
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Well, I like that she wants to save birds, though. But yes, not surprised that she has cats.
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I’d heard of the book/movie but didn’t realize what an over-the-top slut and homewrecker she was. Wow.
The fact that an individual like her is so wicked isn’t surprising, but it is pretty sad that she was so popular with the masses.
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I wonder how many of her fans who have lost husbands have considered that it was women like Gilbert who stole them, or how they’d feel if Gilbert stole their current guys.
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How, exactly, does one “steal” a husband who is committed? Or maybe he isn’t….
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Seems like the feminism inspired culture today will reap its consequences through divorces, unstable relationships and the complete refusal of self-sacrificial love the bible teaches. Not to mention, children born out of selfish marriages who suffer the most. May God help more women to learn from His love.
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Self discovery and the body bags it creates. When men are self-centered, shallow narcissists that’s bad, but this is of course is completely different, and such deep thinkers as Oprah and Roberts concur. Courage is being married and making it work.
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“Relationships overlapped, and those overlaps were always marked by exhausting theatricality: sobbing arguments, shaming confrontations, broken hearts. Still, I kept doing it. I couldn’t not do it.”
Borderline personality disorder. These people need high conflict relationships and drama to feel alive. Among women its virtually an expression of sociopathy, because they are self-absorbed to the extent that they can behave with unbelievable indifference and callousness towards people close to them.
The guys she married were probably put through absolute hell before she walked off to in search of new prey.
It’s also not unusual for BPD women to have some kind of serious interest in mysticism/yoga/meditation. They are fundamentally broken people and continually looking for something that will give them a sense of completion and peace.
They usually end up with a superior, holier-than-thou attitude to go with their sociopathy. They’re utterly revolting people, and its not unusual for BPD women to end up losing their minds completely as they age and they get less attention.
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No, no, you’re too clinical. She is isn’t a raving psychopath addicted to sex. She’s just “romantic” and “adventurous”. She is just taking feminism seriously. Not crazy at all.
I think the most horrifying about this story is that there is something inside all women who bought into her values that seeks to abandonment all commitments and deny all obligations to others in relationships.
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He’s right, WK: there are a TON of psychopathic / sociopathic women in our culture today.
Just stand in front of an abortion mill and observe. Very few are conflicted or shameful about what they are about to do. Some are even celebrating their impending abortion. And many claim Christ as they go in. Our abortionist certainly does.
You may be the luckiest man on earth to have put off marriage.
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“Borderline personality disorder. These people need high conflict relationships and drama to feel alive. Among women its virtually an expression of sociopathy, because they are self-absorbed to the extent that they can behave with unbelievable indifference and callousness towards people close to them.”
You make me happy because you saved me all of this writing.
To add, the first thing that came to mind was narcissism. She wanted to dominate men, was oblivious to the pain it caused these men, and then once she had secured this person, she started the process anew all under the guise of being a “romantic”.
She wasn’t romantic or self-empowered, she was, in more familiar terms, a shallow homewrecker. Slap on the guise of female empowerment and you have the 3rd-wave feminists all climbing aboard and making excuses for what they would never tolerate in men: using people for your own self-pleasure regardless of the harm it causes them.
Welcome to the age of male objectification under the guise of female empowerment.
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She is now a lesbian. Unstable sense of self in an understatement.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3778581/Eat-Pray-Love-author-Elizabeth-Gilbert-reveals-leaving-husband-female-best-friend.html
One can feel a little of hope after reading the comment section though.
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I can’t help but notice the “holier-than-thou” tone of your post, as well as the overt hostility. Which Bible verse teaches that?
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The Bible verser is, ‘Judge with righteous judgement.” It is in the book of John.
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On the one hand, her inability to get past the boredom of a relationship of intermediate length seems a bit sad. On the other hand, I have no doubt that she will continue to attract men for short relationships. Honestly her experiences as a seducer don’t seem like they would lead to a lot of confidence in fidelity. But she has a lot of money so even if she didn’t have the attractive features she has relied on in the past, I’m sure she will continue to find company and adventure. A confirmed bachelorette.
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She isn’t a desperate slut at all, she’s a seductress and a true romantic. She can be faithful if she wants to be, despite her repeated pattern of infidelity and self-centeredness. Pretty sure.
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She was naive and gulliable in Bali, laughably so. I never finished the book. It was disgusting.
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What shocks me most reading this thread is the blatant hypocrisy and judgmentalism and vitriol from those who call themselves “Christians”. This woman is authentic and courageous. Which one of you has a myriad of best sell book titles under your belt? Which one of you is courageous enough to put your inner most thoughts in a book – in the hope of helping others with similar struggles – for millions to digest?
I think its important to love one another and support people, as opposed to siting on the side lines waiting to caste judgements. My experience in life tells me that that is what lonely unfilled people do- people whose own fear of failure paralyses them and keeps them in their conservative and unhappy boxes. Is this what Christianity looks like? No thank you.
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Haha – that was funny – great snark, Shannon!
You were being sarcastic, right?
Because, if not, then your statement below is self-refuting, since it is a judgment itself on this thread and those who participated:
“What shocks me most reading this thread is the blatant hypocrisy and judgmentalism and vitriol from those who call themselves “Christians”. “
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She was judging us all! I felt very otherized and excluded.
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Hater! :-)
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“They are fundamentally broken people and continually looking for something that will give them a sense of completion and peace.”
Isn’t this what most people could say about themselves? Let’s be completely honest here. Is anyone 100% content and perfectly happy all the time? No.
That’s what’s so great about the message of Christianity, though. No one is perfect. Rather than trying to “fix” whatever your problem is with relationships, yoga, wine, pasta, etc… you can get to the realization that it’s all been fixed by the love of God.
As far as writing about this woman and casting judgment on her – no one is judging people here. Ms. Gilbert is putting her message out there for the public to read, and preaching a message. Her message is destructive! She’s destroyed herself and her relationships in search for a happiness she will likely never attain because she isn’t comfortable in her own skin. She’s looked in all the wrong places. And it’s important, when someone makes a spectacle of her search and acts like she’s found it, that we address the error in her ways – publicly – for the benefit of all the other people out there in a similar predicament.
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I think this generation really struggles to see the value in setting boundaries on self-destructive behavior. They would rather indulge their desires and then pass the costs on to others, than learn what not to do so they can avoid making the mistakes. A lot of women tend to want to minimize their responsibility by saying that the terrible, costly consequences were unpredictable because life is unpredictable, but the truth is there are moral rules and there are boundaries, and the harm that results to society and children from breaking the rules is real and evident to anyone who wants to be guided by evidence instead of emotions. We are in an epidemic of female-initiated divorce for unhappiness, and the harm caused to children is real, and the costs born by taxpayers (not just welfare, but additional law enforcement) is real, too.
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I think this generation really struggles to see the value in setting boundaries on self-destructive behavior.
On their own self destructive behavior. These are the same people who wish to surround everyone else with a bramble of regulations and rules lest anyone be microtriggered by a nanoaggression. So we have the worst of both sides of the same coin: people who refuse to control their own worst behavior because “you can’t judge me!” but who at the same time insist on controlling everyone else around them.
It’s probably just a coincidence that prescriptions for anti-depressants and other psychoactive drugs are at all time highs…
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My husband was a Narcissist. He slept all over the county and never worked a day in this marriage. Plus, He couldn’t decide if he was straight or gay. After my son finally left home I filed for divorce. I wish I did it sooner. Now he claims to be born again and wants to stay together. When is enough, enough?
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Why did you choose to marry him out of all the other men in the world?
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Yes, poor choice obviously. But, you should be able to tell very easily if he is TRULY born again. Because if so, his narcissism has been defeated by Christ.
Is he pouring his time into serving others? Is he supporting missionaries, serving the homeless, spreading the Gospel on the sidewalk in front of the abortion mills, sharing his ugly testimony in churches and elsewhere, warning others to not go down the same path he did, etc? Is he doing DIFFICULT things serving others, not easy things?
If not, he is just lying probably. I meet all sorts of “Christians” who support abortion, divorce, gay “marriage,” liberals, etc – on a daily basis – and never lift a finger for others, especially the most vulnerable.
Talk is cheap.
By his fruits you will know him.
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Why do you think that her ex-husband was a Christian? She didn’t say that he was. Or that she was. Or that faith was important to her.
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She said that he is claiming to be born again. If so, and if she is a Christian, then she has an obligation to Christ to take his claim seriously IF there is STRONG evidence to support it. God hates divorce.
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I’m just trying to decide why she chose him originally, out of all the other men she could have chosen. She seems to not like him very much, and she is complaining that he is a very bad guy. I want to know why you would marry someone so terrible in the first place. Marriage is not like ordering a pizza. It’s a lifetime commitment.
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Probably because narcissists can be very charming at first and easily win people over. See here
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/through-the-looking-glass/201511/beware-the-charming-narcissist
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But that doesn’t answer my question. Marriage is a very significant action. Why did she choose to marry this man out of all the other men in the world? Presumably, she would have conducted some sort of investigation to evaluate him, and analyze things that could not be faked, such as his past relationships, his church involvement, his writing, his volunteering, his activism, etc. She chose to MARRY this man. Not just go on a date with him. Why commit so much to a man who was apparently so evil and awful?
Does she have any responsibility to evaluate the person she marries?
Was he chaste before she married him? Did he insist on premarital sex before marrying her? This guy cheated on her a lot. He must have had a lot of girlfriends before her. Did she ask any of them whether he was chaste and self-controlled? What was his view of morality and spirituality, how much evidence did we have that he took such things seriously?
We know he was hot looking enough to be able to cheat on her many many times. Was that her only reason for choosing him? Because he was good looking? How did she do the evaluation of him for fidelity beyond just “he’s hot”?
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Hopefully she comes back to answer all that. What I was trying to say and the article pointed out is the power of narcissists is they can put people, especially women, under a spell of sorts. They are just so slick and charming that common sense goes right out the window. They don’t think to verify all these things that seem obvious because they are so captivated.
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But if you’re making a life and death decision on appearance and charm, then why complain about it afterwards, as if you were a victim? Why get on an Internet forum and say how bad this person you freely chose was and think that no one is going to immediately say “then why did you choose that person?”.
Is it because women have a sense of entitlement such that choices they make with their eyes and their feelings somehow are guaranteed to work out?
Is it that she considers it a foregone conclusion that men can be judged as husbands entirely by their height, looks, and confidence?
Is it that she has spent her entire life not being serious about morality and religion, so that she has no criteria for judging a man other than whether he gives her feelings?
Is it that her mind is so full of a nonsense view of marriage as “happily ever after” that she is incapable of matching up a man’s abilities to what he will actually do in a marriage (other than just make her feel good)?
And so on. Why think that a woman who gambles her life on feelings and spurns wiser and older advisers is a victim?
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She chose and married him because this is what you get when you seriously practice the manmade doctrine of “judge not”.
The fallacy of judge not results in bad life choices. Because it erases the spiritual fact – evil exists, evil people exists, and evil people are why there is so much strife in humanity.
When you “judge not”, everybody in effect becomes good, because evil doesn’t exist, and neither do wicked people. Everythiing “bad” is only the results of “personality differences” in a paradigm of relativism and moral imbecility.
Her life is a great specimen of how seriously living out the “judge not” principle results in hell in this lifetime, and then Hell after this life.
Seriously we need to judge. We need to reject people and refuse to fellowship with the wicked. No wickedness thanks! no wicked friends, nor wicked spouses. No forgiveness without repentance, no unconditional love. Just wise choices and wisdom and judging and choosing.
Practice righteous judgementalism. Be proud to be judgemental, because it is the only way that prudent life choices can be made.
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This is a great comment. I agree. What feminism says is that there are no male-female distinctives. Traditional male ideals are: protector, provider, moral leader, spiritual leader. Once those are gone, there is no way to say that a man who conforms to male ideals is “good”, and a man who fails to conform to male ideals is “bad”. That would be “sexist” and feminism did away with that. What’s left? Choosing men for their height, excitement, piercings, tattoos. Externals. They did this to themselves with their feelings-based ideology.
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