New study: open relationships in the gay community

Story from the San Francisco Chronicle.


A new study released this week by the Center for Research on Gender & Sexuality at San Francisco State University put statistics around what gay men already know: Many Bay Area boyfriends negotiate open relationships that allow for sex with outsiders.

[…]”I think it’s quite natural for men to want to continue to have an active and varied sex life,” said 50-year-old technology consultant Dean Allemang from Oakland, who just ended a 13-year-open relationship and has begun another with a new boyfriend.

“I don’t own my lover, and I don’t own his body,” he said. “I think it’s weird to ask someone you love to give up that part of their life. I would never do it.”

Hoff, who just received a $3.5 million grant from the National Institute of Mental Health to continue the study for five more years, initially started her research based on findings that HIV infection is on the rise among male couples.

“So much of the HIV prevention effort is aimed at a different set – men in dance clubs or bathhouses having anonymous sex,” she said. “HIV prevention might want to expand its message to address relationships; we have to look at risk in a greater context.”

In her study of gay couples, 47 percent reported open relationships. Forty-five percent were monogamous, and the remaining 8 percent disagreed about what they were.

Another researcher quoted in the story explains how same-sex marriage is compatible with an “open relationship”, and that this interpretation of marriage would be a redefinition of traditional marriage.

Related to that, there is this radio interview with a gay activist.


“It’s a no-brainer that (homosexual activists) should have the right to marry, but I also think equally that it’s a no-brainer that the institution of marriage should not exist. …(F)ighting for gay marriage generally involves lying about what we are going to do with marriage when we get there — because we lie that the institution of marriage is not going to change, and that is a lie.

The institution of marriage is going to change, and it should change. And again, I don’t think it should exist. And I don’t like taking part in creating fictions about my life. That’s sort of not what I had in mind when I came out thirty years ago.

I have three kids who have five parents, more or less, and I don’t see why they shouldn’t have five parents legally… I met my new partner, and she had just had a baby, and that baby’s biological father is my brother, and my daughter’s biological father is a man who lives in Russia, and my adopted son also considers him his father. So the five parents break down into two groups of three… And really, I would like to live in a legal system that is capable of reflecting that reality, and I don’t think that’s compatible with the institution of marriage.”

The word marriage means, one man, one woman, for life. And both parents sacrifice to raise the children they create. And no frivolous divorce, either. And if you ask me, it should also mean no sex before marriage, formal courtship, approval of both sets of parents, and the wife stays home when the children under five.

3 thoughts on “New study: open relationships in the gay community”

  1. In other words, the SJWs mean:

    We set the standards, we don;t tolerate dissent, We define what words mean and how people live by them. We define truth– With politics. We don’t like your independence as it makes us look bad— so no freedom for anyone.

    WE demand inclusion only to destroy what you are.

    Stalin would be proud.


  2. I’m from flyover country, nowhere near an international border or a coast. I’ve worked and played in a lot of social circles including many gay men (a few lesbians, but mostly gay men). The lesbian relationships tend toward monogamy as long as they last, but also tend toward sharply declining sexual conduct as they age. But the gay relationships are highly sexually charged, which isn’t surprising since both parties to the relationship are men, who have naturally much higher sex drives than women.

    The point is that every one of the marriages and LTRs between two gay men I’ve ever seen has been open, and notoriously so from the get go. Both parties are free to pursue sex with other partners. This isn’t surprising to me when you consider male sexual nature — men want sexual variety and no limitations on sexual conduct.

    So when you consider that both parties to the relationship are men, and men want as much sex as they can get from as many partners as they can muster, it’s no surprise that men want a stable primary relationship while having sex with other partners.

    It’s significant that this matches more or less what attractive heterosexual men do (or want to do, or attempt): have a primary relationship with one woman while also having no strings attached or “few-strings-attached” sex with other women. He is “attached” to his primary relationship while keeping various levels of detachment from his other woman (women), many times referred to as “sidepieces”.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s