UK woman explains why she chose a man who savagely attacked her

Is this man a good candidate for father/husband roles?
Is this man a good candidate for father/husband roles?

Trina sent me this astonishing post about a woman whose boyfriend literally gouged her eyes out. The article is written by one of my favorite authors, Dr. Theodore Dalrymple. It appears in City Journal, the famous journal of the centrist Manhattan Institute.

There are no graphic images in the article, but there is very vulgar and violent language in some parts. The author of the article is sympathetic with her suffering, but we can learn a lot from her story about how to choose a good man.

Fatherless

First, we learn that Ms. Nash grew up fatherless and the bills were paid by the state – she had no idea that women should prefer men who work hard, self-sacrificially, to be able to provide for a family:

Nash was born in Cornwall, one of six children to a mother whose relationships with men were tumultuous. “I’d seen my mum go through hundreds of break-ups and be badly treated by men,” she tells us. The mother’s complex love life left little time for her children, for, as Nash observes, “I was much closer to [my grandmother] than my mum, who never seemed to have time for us.” How many of the six children shared the same father we never learn, and indeed Nash makes no mention of a father of any of them, including her own. It appears that she came into a radically fatherless world, and though she does not say so, it is likely that at least some of her brothers and sisters were half-siblings; and again, though she does not say so, it is likely that the principal economic support of the family was the state, whose paid-out benefits meant that it was, in effect, father to the children. Nash grew up in public housing and seems to have lived in such subsidized housing all her life.

Not seeing her father providing for the family and loving her mother left her with no way to tell good men apart from bad men:

She tells us early in the book that she is a single mother of two children. Speaking of her first child, she says, “I may have had [him] when I was very young but my kids mean the world to me and not for one moment did I regret becoming a mum at sixteen.”

[…]The next sentence reads: “My choice in men, however, left a lot to be desired.” And when she reaches the beginning of the narrative of her blinding, she writes, “I had [moved back to my town of birth] with two sons by different dads and a series of dead-end relationships.” It is obvious that the suitability of men to be fathers to her children arose for her neither before nor after their births, because she deemed fathers inessential or even useless, as economically they obviously were, given her likely financial support from the state. That is why her choice in men “left a lot to be desired”: nothing of long-term significance for her hung on it, or seemed to hang on it, so that the only criterion of choice was immediate attraction—commonly known as lust. 

This is the problem with feminism that I am always warning you all about. If women are taught that there are no specific behaviors that men are responsible for, (because that’s sexist), then they will prefer men solely on surface  criteria like appearance, feelings and peer-approval. They will not choose men who can actually do the jobs that men do: protect, provide, lead on moral and spiritual issues.

Alcohol

Drinking too much contributed to her poor choices with men:

We arrive now at her choice of Jenkin as consort. As it happened, Nash had met him at a party some years previously, just following his release from prison after serving four and a half years “for stomping on a guy’s head and giving him brain damage,” as her best friend put it—adding that “he’s a bloody psycho.” And Nash’s first experience of him was not altogether favorable: after they spent hours talking about music and “our mutual love of rapper 2pac,” he tried to force himself sexually upon her. It was not love at first sight, therefore: it was love at second sight.

That second sight came when “I’d had a few glasses of wine” at a restaurant and a “few shots of tequila” at a nightclub, where she ran into him again, so that she “could barely hear in my head those words of warning [about Jenkin by her best friend years earlier] for all the alcohol I had knocked back.”

[…]When he asked for her telephone number, “I didn’t hesitate for a second. I felt I could trust him.

She felt (feelings) that she could trust him. But there was no evidence that he could be a good father and husband.

Lust

So, why did she feel she could trust him?

What was so attractive about Jenkin? It was his size and muscles. He was six feet, four inches tall, and “his chest was so big his T-shirt clung to him like cellophane, highlighting his pectoral muscles. His blue jeans molded to his thighs, showing off his pert bum.” Nash’s subsequent rationalizations for staying with him were but a smokescreen for the rawness of her desire.

[…]But Jenkin struck Nash as a “great big teddy bear” with “puppy-dog eyes.” On waking up after her first night of sex with him, however, she noticed the tattoos on his chest and arms: “Down his right arm was an image of a hooded executioner raising his sword like he was about to slaughter someone. . . . On his left chest was a tattoo of a tiger ripping someone’s head off. Down his left arm was OUTLAW in big bold black letters.” Still, though she knew he had served a long prison sentence for seriously injuring someone, she “chuckled at the thought that Shane fancied himself as a bit of an outlaw.” His night of love with her resulted in him failing to get up in the morning, whereupon he lost his job as a painter and decorator, and he never found, or sought, another.

No woman who believed in traditional gender roles could ever think that this man would make a good husband. He is unemployed, unchaste, a convicted violent criminal, a drunkard and a brute.

Violence

The article then talks for a while about the drinking, partying and domestic violence between Nash and Jenkin. He accuses her of cheating, spits in her face repeatedly, throws a brick through her car window.

There were plenty of signs:

Jenkin exhibits almost every conceivable warning sign of vicious future violence. He takes anabolic steroids. He arrives one day with a crossbow—a formidable weapon—claiming that some Lithuanians with whom he has had a dispute want to kill him. He spends his days playing violent video games and his nights watching horror films of terrible sadism, including some that graphically depict people having their eyes gouged out with bare hands—scenes that obviously excite him and that he demands Nash watch with him. Nash learns that Jenkin had stabbed his own dog to death—a Rottweiler, needless to say—when he grew tired of it.

Jenkin actually attacked her before the eyes were gouged out. And she lied in court saying he was innocent and that she fallen down the stairs. And she took him back after he was acquitted of the first attack. The second time he attacked, it cost her her eyes. And all was done in front of her children.

The article ends with this:

In her book, Tina Nash describes how she tried bravely to get on with life after being blinded. After she finished the book, she found a new boyfriend. He has just been sent to prison for assaulting her.

Here’s a news story about the new boyfriend.

The point of me posting this is as a warning to those who believe that there are no differences between men and women – no specific things that men are supposed to do for a woman that she should choose him for. A man has to be able to work in order to provide. He should be protective and gentle with women, children and animals. He should be loving and caring. He should know God and be prepared to defend God. He should have strong convictions about theology and the moral law.

A woman learns about the qualities of good men by reading stories about good men, e.g. – Austen, Dickens, Elizabeth Gaskell, etc., and also from watching her father be a protector, provider and moral/spiritual leader in the home. It is very important that her father perform the standard male roles for her mother in front of her. That’s how daughters learn what it means to be a good man, and how men are supposed to love women well. It doesn’t mean letting a woman be spoiled and selfish all the time. But she should always feel safe and loved, no matter what she does.

By the way, you can read Dalrymple’s first book for free online. All the chapters are linked in this post.

8 thoughts on “UK woman explains why she chose a man who savagely attacked her”

  1. I have seen this kind of behavior, including among some family members. I have a cousin who has 3 children, by 2 different men, neither of which she was ever married to. Oh, and the first and third are by the same guy. She actually went back to him after breaking up with him and having a baby with another guy. They’re both losers. Her sister just had a baby at 14. And as bad as her decisions are, it’s not surprising. She’s just following in her mother’s footsteps. She never had a dad around. She watched her mother move in with a man she wasn’t married to. She was allowed to sleep with her boyfriend as a young teen. She claims she thought her boyfriends were going to marry her, but I have yet to see any evidence of that. I guess nobody ever told her that having sex before marriage doesn’t induce men to commit. She’s not likely to ever get married now, considering she has 3 kids and her tubes are tied. What man is going to want a woman with her baggage who can’t even give him his own kids? How can people be so blind to the very obvious consequences of their decisions?

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    1. I find it very common, especially for those who don’t take the time to immerse themselves in a different culture than the one we find ourselves in now. There is a Bible verse about that – about thinking on things that are good, true and beautiful.

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  2. “A woman learns about the qualities of good men by reading stories about good men, e.g. – Austen, Dickens, Elizabeth Gaskell, etc., and also from watching her father be a protector, provider and moral/spiritual leader in the home”

    Now just ponder the importance and significance of fathers, indeed the importance and significance of all men, standing up and leading, providing that positive model that women so desperately need. Not from the perspective of shame or some kind of perceived failure on the part of men, but a simple recognition that men have incredible power and an important calling in the world.

    So naturally it is no accident that the enemy has targeted our culture, attempted to reduce fatherhood, attacked marriage, promoted feminism, and left men confused and baffled as to what their role really is. But in their absence, without their influence, we can really see the potential harm that occurs there and how it ripples out into the world.

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    1. You’re right. Nothing in the culture celebrates men as providers, protectors and moral/spiritual leaders. It’s not see as a good thing that a man is hard-working, knows theology, knows apologetics, etc. When a man looks at a woman, he feels that he must compete for her support by giving her what she says she wants. In this culture, women generally want to be entertained, not judged, not provided for, not led to be better in spiritual or moral areas. They want autonomy to pursue pleasure. And so men focus on their appearance and “fun” factor, and hide their leadership and mentoring in order to get the girl.

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  3. “In her book, Tina Nash describes how she tried bravely to get on with life after being blinded.”

    So a string of bad decisions – that don’t even end when she’s blinded – is called “brave”. She’s mentally ill and should have been locked up years ago – possibly sterilized.

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    1. I also can’t believe that she’s continuing to make insane decisions – even after being deprived of her sight by a psychopath. She’s clearly seriously handicapped (socially and intellectually speaking), but I really hope the whole sterilization thing was intended as dark humour.

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      1. “I really hope the whole sterilization thing was intended as dark humour.”

        About 50/50. But I think the world would be a better place if women like this didn’t procreate. It would be ideal if she waited for marriage to have sex – and picked a man who would make a good father but there’s no way she will. Given the chance to go back and start over, she’d still pick the violent thug.

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  4. I’d like to add to this statement: “A woman learns about the qualities of good men by reading stories about good men, e.g. – Austen, Dickens, Elizabeth Gaskell, etc., and also from watching her father be a protector, provider and moral/spiritual leader in the home.”

    As a woman who has to some extent learned about the qualities of “good men” (only God is good in reality though) I’d say that through the knowledge and belief in God’s love, through reading the Bible, and through meeting/ knowing Christian men who are faithful (not finding or accepting areas to twist God’s truth or water it down to suit their sinful desires or lies), loving (actually spending time in investing in me and helping me grow as a person according to God’s truth. So yes, sometimes it would sting or hurt like the salt that it is. Yet the love also helps me to have hope in myself and my worth because God has invested in me and made it so I could be saved.) I have been able to learn in this area. Sorry for the jam-packed statement… Because of the way our words “Christian” “faithful” “men” and “love” have largely been misunderstood and abused in our language, I need to put in the extra descriptions -_-.

    I am able to comprehend and even hope in the existence of good men because God has made it possible for them to exist. I hope because I trust in Him. But in my past before I had met faithful loving Christian men I used to not really believe that it would be possible for them to exist. When a woman doesn’t think they can exist and also thinks it’s okay for her to attach herself to sinful men, she will downgrade those hopes for “a better man” and accept whatever is available around her in her life. After I met and got to know some good Christian men, my hope in and desire to marry this sort of man was strengthened considerably.

    I’d say that reading the Bible is what also helps me to learn about the qualities of good men. I am inspired by and admire Moses, Job, and Daniel from the Bible, among others. I have read and enjoyed Austen, Dickens, and Gaskell, particularly her “North and South”, yet I would say that what I learned from those books is very small compared to what I have read in the Bible and what the Bible has helped me to learn.

    I have two legal fathers, a father and a stepfather. Neither are moral or spiritual leaders to me, so I pray to God for strength and help and I do my best to treat them with respect and love while not compromising on my beliefs in what God expects from people who follow Him (for example my stepfather wants me to accept that he divorced and remarried my mom, but I will never accept that because that just is not the way God has designed marriage to be.) Yet I am very happy and thankful that God has provided spiritual fathers and brothers to me in Christ. So yes, I would say having a father who follows God helps me learn about good men.

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