In this post, I wanted to show a couple of videos to illustrate this point: when Christian men or socially conservative men teach women to be 1) entitled and 2) immune to accountability, they are causing the decline of dating and marriage. So, I’ll start by explaining what men want from marriage and what they don’t want from marriage. Then we’ll see the videos, then I’ll make the general point.

Problem Statement

So, I think what most men want from marriage is a helper. That’s what the Bible says that men are designed to be the heads of their homes and women are supposed to help them with their plans. And Christian men are expected to have a Christian plan that serves God, so his marriage plan should be oriented towards making a marriage that serves God, first and foremost.

My plan for marriage was 5 things:

1. 3-4 homeschooled kids who would go on to become influential Christians, preferably in the mold of Dr. Walter Bradley.
2. Teach evidential apologetics in the church, maybe with guest speakers or conferences.
3. Open the home to small group apologetics ministry, including to neighbors and co-workers.
4. Some kind of apologetics ministry, like a blog, podcast or online book study group.
5. Some kind of political involvement to improve the liberty, prosperity and security and that marriage depends on.

And here are some examples of threats to this plan:

1. Divorce initiated by wife, with alimony, child support, loss of custody, loss of visitation.
2. False accusations at work that would cause loss of employment.
3. Crime or violence from criminals or criminal illegal immigrants.
4. Indoctrination of kids by public schools and / or university leftists.
5. Socialism making the marriage and parenting plan unaffordable.

So, when interviewing women for that plan, I would be looking for demonstrated ability in areas like evidential apologetics, basic economics, evidence-based positions on moral issues like natural marriage and pro-life, advocacy for conservative policies, STEM degree, private sector work experience, no debt, chastity, sobriety and so on.

Research Findings

Let’s focus on that divorce risk for a moment. You can actually look at social science research and see what behaviors are more likely to cause divorce.

So, here are two examples of independent risk factors to divorce:

1. outstanding debt from loans and wastful spending
2. multiple recreational premarital sex partners

And here are some articles about studies for the first one:

• 1 in 8 divorces is caused by student loans (CNBC)
• Fidelity® Research Reveals Many Borrowers Delaying Major Life Milestones Due to Student Loan Debt (Fidelity)

And the studies for the second one:

• Teachman (2003) – “Premarital Sex, Premarital Cohabitation, and the Risk of Subsequent Marital Dissolution Among Women” (Journal of Marriage and Family).
• Smith & Wolfinger (2024) – “Re-Examining the Link Between Premarital Sex and Divorce” (Journal of Family Issues; PMC available).

That’s how I (a software engineer) make decisions. I think about what the Bible says I should be doing, I make a plan, I identify threats, and then I execute the plan. Divorce is bad for marital stability so I am rejecting candidates with a higher risk of divorce. Not only is student loan debt an independent risk factor for divorce, but even if there is no divorce, there are other bad effects related to my plan, such as delays in purchasing a home and delaying the production of children.

Data

So, with all that said, take a look at this video from well-known simp Dave Ramsey.

So what to make of this? Well, this is a case where a man has set a condition of marriage to him that she pay off her own loans. Is this a good rule? Yes, as we saw from the research, a woman with outstanding debts prior to the marriage raises the risk of divorce. But what does Dave Ramsey say? He says to the woman “You’re a princess!” and that her boyfriend has NO RIGHT to set conditions on her high-risk behavior in order to marry him. Dave Ramsey doesn’t know or care how debt affects marital stability.

Now let’s see the second video, featuring another well-known simp, Mark Regnerus.

So, what to make of this? Well, this is a case where a Christian virgin has decided to reject a woman for marriage because she has demonstrated her view that sex is something to have with men who are attractive but who do not first commit to her. And Mark and Lila Rose respond to this by saying nothing about the research, nothing about divorce-avoidance, but instead they say – without any evidence! – that he is probably rejecting her because he looks at porn. So, instead of praising the man for setting boundaries that are likely to give him a stable marriage, which is better for serving God, they condemn him for not serving their real God – which is the non-virgin woman’s own sense of entitlement and lack of accountability.

Analysis

Both videos show men being cowardly and weak in the vain hope that women will like them. The first video about the student loans shows that women have a sense of entitlement. They think marriage should have not impose any duties on them. And Dave Ramsey, simp extraordinaire, responds to this entitled attitude by affirming it: “You’re a Princess!”. And the second video shows the lack of accountability. The woman chose a man on the basis of his attractiveness, and gave him premarital sex. It’s not commitment ability that gets sex from her – it’s attractiveness. She wanted validation form a man who had what she valued: good looks. The virgin man looked at that and said “I have made decisions in my life to demonstrate my ability to commit and be loyal, but you are not attracted to that (in your actions), so I’ll find someone who is”. And Mark Regnerus and Lila Rose blame and shame the man for putting a stable marriage – which is better for God’s purposes in the world – above the woman’s desire to avoid accountability.

It’s important to note that neither of these “Christian” men care what the Bible says about best practices for marriage. Their real religion is female entitlement and female lack of accountability. And when their real religion conflicts with the Bible, the Bible loses.

Conclusion

There are morally good Christian men out there with multiple STEM degrees, 6-figure incomes, 7-figure net worths, and evidence-backed Christian worldviews in action. But the young women who are being manufactured by the simp pipeline of weak Christian leaders, weak Christian pastors, and weak social conservatives are not helpful for our plans. And that’s why dating, marriage and child-rearing are in decline.