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I went on a date with a Christian woman who couldn’t defend the pro-life view

I’ve been thinking lately about how to measure how committed and capable a person is on issues of interest to conservatives. For example, on abortion, most conservatives will say, “I vote pro-life”. But I think a higher level of conviction and commitment is shown when a person can show WHY they are pro-life. And I’m not looking for feelings, here. I’m looking for handling scientific evidence.

So, when it comes to the abortion issue, the first step is to answer the question “what is the unborn?” And again, I’m not looking for an opinion here. I’m not looking for feelings. I’m not looking for what your parents, or your pastor, or your church choir says. I’m interested in whether a person can cite some scientific evidence.

Fortunately, we have first class scientists who have collected the relevant information for us, like Dr. Maureen Condic, She’s an Associate Professor of Neurobiology and Adjunct Associate Professor of Pediatrics at the University of Utah School of Medicine, and recently served on the National Science Board. She earned her Ph.D. from University of California, Berkeley, and has published papers in peer-reviewed journals.

One of her publications (PDF) explains what science tells us about the unborn. The title is “When Does Human Life Begin? The Scientific Evidence and Terminology Revisited”. A good paper to have available, especially if your opponent has nothing but purple hair, tattoos and nose piercings. But if you want something easy, you can just use quotations from a variety of embryology textbooks (PDF).

Like this one:

“Human development begins at fertilization, when a sperm fuses with an oocyte to form a single cell, the zygote. This highly specialized, totipotent cell (capable of giving rise to any cell type) marks the beginning of each of us as a unique individual.”

Source: Keith L. Moore, The Developing Human: Clinically Oriented Embryology, 10th edition. Philadelphia, PA: Saunders, 2016. p. 11

Don’t just use one quotation, use lots.

Also useful to know is what the unborn baby can do during the process of developing.

Here’s an article from the famous Cleveland Clinic that explains:

At the moment of fertilization, your baby’s genetic make-up is complete, including its sex. The gender of your baby depends on what sperm fertilizes the egg at the moment of conception.

And a bit further along:

Month 1 (weeks 1 through 4)

In these first few weeks, a primitive face will take form with large dark circles for eyes. The mouth, lower jaw and throat are developing. Blood cells are taking shape, and circulation will begin. The tiny “heart” tube will beat 65 times a minute by the end of the fourth week.

And a bit further along:

Month 2 (weeks 5 through 8)

Facial features continue to develop. Each ear begins as a little fold of skin at the side of the head. Tiny buds that eventually grow into arms and legs are forming. Fingers, toes and eyes are also forming.

The neural tube (brain, spinal cord and other neural tissue of the central nervous system) is well formed now. The digestive tract and sensory organs begin to develop too. Bone starts to replace cartilage.

The head is large in proportion to the rest of the body at this point. At about 6 weeks, a heartbeat can usually be detected.

Most abortions happen in the first trimester, and that’s why pro-lifers say “abortion stops a beating heart”. It’s definitely human, and it’s definitely killed in an abortion.

So, what’s the point of this post? I’m saying that if you are a conservative, then you have to be familiar with enough evidence to be persuasive to others who do not share your views. Not just on the issue you like, but on EVERY issue – social issues, foreign policy issues, fiscal issues.

It’s not enough for you to be happy that you have the right opinion about one issue. It’s not enough that the people around you like you because they agree with your “right answer”. You have to be able to make a case that crushes your opponent with evidence. Being a conservative isn’t about you or your feelings. It’s about the world out there – can you make a difference by being convincing to other people?

Of course if doesn’t feel good to have to learn how to talk about issues using scientific evidence. It’s work. And of course it doesn’t feel good to disagree with people about controversial issues. But you have to get used to not being ignorant and not being liked. I know a lot of feelings-based Christians who know a lot about sports, fiction, music, essential oils, and other nonsense. They want me to be satisfied that they have the right answer to questions like “Does God exist?”, “does military preparedness deter aggression?” and “does the free market system make people more prosperous than socialism?” But if I am out on a date with you, and I ask you these questions, I’m looking for more than the right answer. I want you to show your work. I want to see you demonstrate your ability to persuade people on the other side, either in your writings or in your discussions.

Don’t cry to me about how you can’t find a husband when you can’t do anything that a husband needs you to do. There is no path to impressing a conservative man that allows you to be lazy, ignorant and cowardly. I expect performance. If you are smart enough to get a college education and a job in the competitive private sector providing value to paying customers, (not a public school teacher or anything disconnected from reality, like that), then you are smart enough to be able to explain your views on moral issues and public policy.

12 thoughts on “I went on a date with a Christian woman who couldn’t defend the pro-life view”

  1. What if “Abortion is Murder and Everybody Knows It” and the reason that pro-aborts persist in their wickedness is not because they don’t know that the child in the womb is human, but that they don’t care, and many of them actually LOVE “da thrill of da kill?”

    In that case, trying to educate them is futile. They may publicly deny the humanity of the child, but they know it deep down and have just suppressed the truth in their unrighteousness.

    This is, IMHO, where we are now. We have the Shout Your Abortion campaigns, and it’s 2022. Nobody is that stupid biologically. They know. And they aren’t “victims” either. They are predators. More “education” isn’t going to impact them, because they know full well what they are doing, and they love it.

    What does the Pro-Life Movement do with serial preborn baby killers? The Bible says that God “hates the worker of iniquity,” “abhors the bloodthirsty,” and “hates the hands that shed innocent blood.” That’s an accurate description of every single pro-abort – in thought, word, and-or deed.

    They don’t lack knowledge: they have an abundance of wickedness. And they are all around us, just as Nazis once were all around the German population. (With apologies to most Nazis, who were against abortion.)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s not relevant to my concern. My concern is not to condemn anyone. My concern is to whether she can be trusted to do the right thing when the heat is on, and either she can explain her view to others persuasively.


  2. So what if a woman cannot defend a pro-life stance (yet)? Will you only marry a Christian apologist? What about a good Christian wife who’s willing to be a stay-at-home mom and raise your kids? You as man and leader of your family can then teach them what they need to know. What’s exactly the issue?


    1. It all depends on what you’re aiming to achieve with a marriage and children. If you have set your sights low and not prepared yourself to achieve anything, then any uneducated cute woman with no demonstrated ability will do.

      Most men have not put any effort into their educations, careers and finances. Most men have not read anything about defending Christianity, moral issues, policy, etc. And they have no achievements in those areas. Most men think that marriage is for their happiness, so they look for a dumb cute girl who will cook for them, clean for them, give them sex, and bring them their slippers. That’s good enough for most men. It’s not good enough for me.

      ” You as man and leader of your family can then teach them what they need to know.”

      Some people are comfortable being lazy and ignorant and ineffective and they won’t respond to teaching. Their life shows a resistance to learning or doing anything that is difficult for them. Not only is there the issue of lacking intelligence and diligence, but the lack of focus and motivation. A woman with no achievements in practical Christianity (e.g. prolife apologetics) is unlikely to be motivated to put effort in to learn, just because someone wants to teach them. Attraction to a man does not cause a lazy, ignorant person to suddenly become diligent and competent. Attraction is candy, and being lazy and ignorant are candy, too. Men can’t marry women who always choose happiness and popularity. Men should be looking for women who have struggled and suffered in order to achieve things for God. Their coming to the table empty-handed on issues like prolife demonstrates that they want to do work of any kind. And they will approach relationships with men the same way: as entertainment, not as self-sacrifice, discipline, and effectiveness.

      If a woman has been on the planet 25 years and still doesn’t have basic abilities like defending the unborn, defending natural marriage, defending the existence of God, defending the resurrection as historical fact, articulating basic conservative views on government and policy, etc. then she isn’t fit for dating, much less marriage. Current marriage laws already give women all the power to reject a man’s leadership, through biased domestic violence laws (false accusations), no-fault divorce, biased custody laws, biased courts, etc. I have experience mentoring women to be better Christians. I know the difference between a woman who does what pleases her, and one who does what pleases God.

      Most Christian women think they are fully qualified for marriage and children by virtue of being born female. Many have had their guards down since birth, and have been indoctrinated in secularism, socialism and feminism. Most are woefully lacking in competence and ability. They have neither the ability nor the willingness to learn anything that doesn’t feel good or make them popular. That’s what Christian parents, churches and schools are producing.

      The churches are filled with pastors who think that the woman has no responsibilities whatsoever – she must only do what is pleasing to her at every moment. Failed outcomes (apostate children) are always the man’s fault. Men have zero leverage right now, so they have to be extra careful to only choose a woman who has ALREADY demonstrated ability to do hard things and interest in making a difference as a Christian wife and mother. Most women have been taught to look at relationships as entertainment. Christian parents and churches do nothing – NOTHING – to correct that view. The only women who should be dating are the ones who have demonstrated ability to take on responsibilities, expectations, obligations. They have to have demonstrated that they are comfortable with accountability. Only low-achievement men who 1) underestimate the threats from the secular left, and 2) have low expectations of stay-at-home moms, deny that these qualifications for wives / mothers matter.

      If you aim at nothing, you will surely hit it. And that’s what most men do. They think women are there to please them, and not to please God. So they aim low. Because they love themselves more than they love God.


      1. I can fully agree that many churches are distorting God’s word and end up teaching heresy that women should have no responsibility whatsoever.

        I’m not sure what you were thinking when you wrote : “If a woman has been on the planet 25 years and still doesn’t have basic abilities like defending the unborn, defending natural marriage, defending the existence of God, defending the resurrection as historical fact, articulating basic conservative views on government and policy, etc. then she isn’t fit for dating, much less marriage.”

        But that aren’t God’s standards for marriage. Given that women are not called to teach in the church, but men are, I can especially not understand why you put so much emphasis on a woman being an intelligent apologist before she’s even fit for marriage. You dare to declare all other women not fit for marriage, against God’s standards? Sorry, have to call you out on that.

        Life achievement is not about getting rich and successful (unless you’ve bought into the Prosperity “Gospel”‘s heresies), but about following Christ and do His will. You recently wrote about 1 Peter, so you should be very aware of that.


        1. Thank you for your gracious reply. I wasn’t thinking that she would teach these from a church pulpit, but only in her daily conversations with her neighbors, her children, her co-workers (before she has children to raise) and at the university with college students (e.g. – Ratio Christi).

          I’m not into prosperity gospel, I’m just talking about influence there. Influence with neighbors, children, at the university, in politics. Not making money, not being wealthy.

          Again, thank you for the great and gracious reply. You are very good at responding to disagreement, I could learn a thing or two from you.


    2. As a woman who has had close friendships with hundreds of women and mentored dozens of women, I can tell you that it’s a terrible idea to marry her first, and then ask her to develop a new skill/character. It’s very easy to learn to make the case against abortion. If she won’t learn to make a simple case before you marry her, she won’t learn it afterwards either. If she learns how to do it but isn’t willing to speak her convictions, then that’s a character issue, which ought to be a far bigger concern. The bottom line is that women who aren’t willing to oppose murder before you marry them will not be willing to oppose murder after you marry them. To think otherwise is as foolish as the women who marry some hot guy with no job or education, thinking that she can just straighten him out after they’re married. It’s utter foolishness, and it almost never works out.


      1. A woman can read a very simple book like Scott Klusendorf’s “The Case for Life” and immediately be equipped to defeat 99% of the pro-abortion opponents she would engage. Is that asking too much?

        It seems to me that the men who think that is asking too much have other priorities for women, e.g. – cooking, cleaning, sex, slippers. But that’s not what is good for God. God expects more from women than that.


    3. I’ll say one thing in your favor, Paul: if she knows that abortion is murder, that child sacrificers, and the pro-aborts who support them, are going to bust Hell wide open, and she is willing to speak these words in the home, church, and publicly, then she does not need to he able to defend them at all, because they are properly warranted basic beliefs.

      I’d take such a woman any day of the week over an articulate “pro-lifer” who can’t do those things, because they think that murderous mothers are “victims” of their abortions and that silence in the face of evil is somehow “virtuous.”

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Depending on the person for abortion I would modify my argument. If they are more feeling based I will stick to a discussion of when do you beleive God enodows the human spirit and soul in the unborn.

    If they move and have a beating heart is does seem logical it is deemed human by God and most logically was fully human at conception.

    To beleive it is not until the birth process that God breaths into a baby the soul is quite illogical. So I will mix science facts with some of faith issues that matter most.

    Because abortion to a Christian is about nailing down when it is deemed human by God and therefore protected by God as a human created in his image worthy of special rights in creation.

    Our culture refuses to acknowledge any rights before God but to a Christian or a partner this has to be recognized if they can’t see an inherent right of any human before God to no Christian should consider marrying that person


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