Divorce Law Professor

Pro-abortion feminist academic justifies divorcing the man she loved

In the past, I’ve written about how we need to get rid of no-fault divorce laws, if we expect men to feel comfortable about getting married. I’ve explained that men have seen what divorce does to other men, and to children. Some of us, like me, have read books and studies about it. And it’s a major reason why men don’t marry.

In today’s post, we’re going to look at an article in the far-left New York Times, written by a pro-abortion progressive feminist professor, who divorced her husband, making her two children fatherless.

What did he do wrong? Nothing.

Behold:

There was no emotional or physical abuse in our home. There was no absence of love. I was in love with my husband when we got divorced. Part of me is in love with him still. I suspect that will always be the case. Even now, after everything, when he walks into the room my stomach drops the same way it does before the roller coaster comes down. I divorced my husband not because I didn’t love him. I divorced him because I loved myself more.

[…]I made choice after choice to prioritize my career because I believed fervently in the importance of the work I was doing… [children of divorce] benefit because happier mothers are better parents.

[…] I knew that trying to force myself to subordinate my ambitions and always put our children first would have been impossible without lopping off a vital part of myself.

At the time of her decision, the children were aged 5 and 3! If she chose her career, that means that she was not raising them, during that critical first five years. Daycare is proven to be a poor substitute for the mother during those early years.

CafeMom notes:

No one is more acutely aware than Bazelon is of the many things she’s missed as a mother — things that have stuck with her through the years so strongly, she can mentally list them off one by one. They include, in her words: “My daughter’s seventh birthday, my son’s 10th birthday party, two family vacations, three Halloweens, [and] every school camping trip,” she writes. “I have never chaperoned, coached or organized a school event.”

My daughter’s seventh birthday was the worst. She cried… But I had a trial starting the next day, six hours away.”

Now, what about her statement about divorce being good for children, because if she is happy, then they will be happy? Many women believe this, and most communities for women affirm this. But is it true? What does the peer-reviewed data say?

Here’s a famous study (PDF) that says: (H/T Philip Greenspun)

This follow-up study of 131 children, who were 3–18 years old when their parents divorced in the early 1970s, marks the culmination of  25 years of research. The use of extensive clinical interviews  allowed for exploration in great depth of their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors as they negotiated childhood, adolescence, young adulthood, and adulthood. At the 25-year follow-up, a comparison group of their peers from the same community was added. Described in rich clinical detail, the findings highlight the unexpected gulf between growing up in intact versus divorced families, and the difficulties children of divorce encounter in achieving love, sexual intimacy, and commitment to marriage and parenthood. These findings have significant implications for new clinical and educational interventions.

Specifically: (I stole this from Philip)

Hardly any of our subjects described a happy childhood; in fact a number of children told us that “the day they divorced was the day my childhood ended.” … By the 25-year mark, the majority had decided not to have children.

No child of divorce in our study was invited by both parents, either separately or together, to discuss college plans. … Only 57% of the divorce group achieved their bachelor’s degree as compared with 90% in the comparison group. … Unhappy, [those who did attend college] settled for fields of study that were not their first choice, at lower ranked institutions than their parents had attended. It was at this time that one young person, echoing the emotions of many others, commented bitterly, “I paid for my parents’ divorce.”

The central finding of this study is that parental divorce impacts detrimentally the capacity to love and be loved within a lasting, committed relationship.

This study was actually made into a book, and I read it. That’s partly how I formed my views of divorce. In her column, the feminist refutes data like this with an anecdote. She “knows a person” whose experience refutes the peer-reviewed evidence. I don’t find that kind of self-serving rationalization very convincing. But it’s common.

By the way, I also read books about daycare when I was thinking about marriage, and I hate daycare, too. You would think that a smart feminist academic would read books about marriage, divorce and parenting like I did, and respect the evidence in her decision-making, rather than being led by her feelings.  I’m just a senior software engineer with 22 years of private sector experience. But I sure wouldn’t make decisions about marriage and children without reading books and studies first. What’s that old familiar saying in Information Technology? RTFM. Read The Freaking Manual. Engineers read the manual. Emotion-based people don’t.

Women may say to all this, “well, what do you expect me to do? Be unhappy with a bad man?” And the answer is – if you have children, then yes. The time to avoid getting married to a bad man is before you marry him. And we should teach women to disregard feelings, feminism, and peer approval. They should instead prepare themselves for marriage with chastity and sobriety, and choose men who are sober, chaste and have demonstrated commitment ability.

So here’s my conclusion. I don’t recommend that any man marry a feminist. If they are willing to kill their own children, then they are willing to abuse their own children with divorce. If they believe in same-sex marriage, then they don’t think that children deserve a mother AND a father. Don’t marry a secular leftist woman. You’ll pay, and your children will suffer.

Homeschooling moms who influence their neighbors, their local church, and the local university, for Christ, have the better end of the marriage deal. If I were married, I would trade places with my wife in a minute, if I could. It’s far more interesting to homeschool kids in great literature, science, economics, and computer programming, than it is to keep your mouth shut all day in an environment that is hostile to Christian convictions.

18 thoughts on “Pro-abortion feminist academic justifies divorcing the man she loved”

  1. Out of all the articles I’ve read, this probably the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever read. So she left even though she had everything but decided herself is more important than the family? Where and how does a woman acting as if she’s a man beneficial to society? There should be a follow up about the woman and the childern life now.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Its beyond me why young women think they prefer a commute to spend 8 hours a day in a cubicle or city office at either just a job or a career…….OR staying home, raising younguns, using their creativity to make an interesting homestead, socializing with like minded women, working out at home. As Stephan Molyneux says, “Young ladies, if you don’t have kids, what are you gonna do for the second 40 years of your life?”

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Yikes – those eyes!

    And those poor children! How much alimony is she paying her ex? (sarc)

    Like

  4. I really just know a couple of things about what divorce does to kids.

    I come from a small family. My dad is an only child. My mother (RIP) had one brother – my Uncle Jim. In early 1976, when I was about to turn 8 years old, Uncle Jim’s wife Val took the kids – my cousins, 6 year old girl and 5 year old boy – and left him. There was probably cheating going on. He told her to come home now. Val said no. He said “divorce it is, then.” They went through a nasty divorce. Uncle Jim went on to marry a second time and divorce; and then a third time. His first wife has been married an additional 3 times.

    I got to watch close up what it did to my cousins. End results: They each have 2 failed marriages of their own. She has trust issues and is unable to form close relationships. He has sworn off women, which is probably for the better for him He doesn’t enjoy much of anything about his life except his daughter by his first wife.

    End result: dysfunction. Fractured relationships. Disillusionment with life. Dissatisfaction, unhappiness, malaise, underachievement, isolation. It was just a bad situation all around and the effects are still being felt decades later.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Yes, I worked with people who had divorced parents, and they had also learned to say “I’ll never get married” or “nothing lasts forever”. It really hurts the children.

      It’s amazing how narcissistic this woman is. She thinks “if I am happy, then everyone will be happy”, even as her children are bawling their eyes out. The words are said to try to make her look virtuous to others, but the actions are all child abuse. Plain and simple.

      Liked by 3 people

  5. Matt Purple had a hilarious take on your story: https://spectatorworld.com/topic/setting-fire-house-act-radical-self-love/
    His analogy of setting fire to the bedsheets as an “act of self-love” is pretty apt.
    thedeti is right: divorce has repercussions, often resulting in the children of divorce unable to maintain marriages.
    At college, I heard plenty of idle conversations, some like, “Oh, when I get divorced, I trade for someone 10 years younger” (yikes). That wasn’t the most sad. I also heard plenty who didn’t want to get married because they didn’t want to get divorced.
    I also refused to marry any feminists. They need therapy and good female mentors, not a husband.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Too bad the church encourages men to marry the feminist women in their congregations. At this point, I dont know why anyone gets married at all. It is an unconscionable contract. No one in their right mind would enter into a contract with someone who incentivized, let alone rewarded for breaking that contract.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Her comment: “I divorced him because I loved myself more.” Tells the entire story. Marriage is a partnership that often requires selfless love for one’s spouse. You cannot be “married” to yourself and to your spouse at the same time.

    Liked by 4 people

  8. This cuts deep. My parents divorced and walked out when I was in middle school, it’s decades later and it still impacts my everyday.

    Then three years ago my wife joined a professional women’s group. We had issues, what couple doesn’t, but something changed. She deserved to be happy all the time and the marriage was what was preventing that, so she left. She knew one couple who were still great friends after a divorce and a few kids who seemed fine as adults, and she deserved to be perpetually happy. The goal of marriage apparently is to make you happy now.

    I was set back financially by at least a decade. My kid still prays for his parents to get back together and I haven’t felt anything north of meh since.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. I did not experience divorce in my family, but when I read the play Hamlet, when Hamlet’s mother remarries after about 2 minutes of her previous husband being dead, the harm it causes Hamlet reminded me of what the children of divorced parents were like in school. Just like with Hamlet, the world no longer made sense to them. It didn’t feel safe, like it used to feel when their parents were still married. There was never anything wrong with Hamlet. He was not “indecisive”, like most idiot English teachers think. Hamlet is what happens when there is instability in the marriage. He’s a good boy, but no goodness is enough to survive that level of trauma when you are a child.

      I’m sorry for your experience.

      Like

    2. Man, I am so sorry about your double whammy from divorce. It absolutely should be outlawed in the Biblical sense because it’s an existential attack on the child.

      The Bible is clear that “God hates divorce” and Jesus says that Moses permitted divorce only because of “the hardness of their hearts,” You can be sure that those who commit, enable, and promote divorce will never be found in the Kingdom (just like with abortion, another form of child abuse). Your ex, and her women’s group, may not realize it because the churches are silent on it, but they are in BIG trouble with God, and the normalization of divorce in our culture will be no excuse for them.

      I pray you take comfort in the knowledge that you will see Justice done and that God will wipe away every tear from your sufferings. I also pray that your ex, and her Jezebel group, reads these words of mine, repents of their extreme wickedness, and gives their lives to Jesus Christ – the real Jesus, not the one of churchianity or feminist “Bible studies.”

      Liked by 2 people

  9. Hey Wintery,
    I’m with you on the horrors of divorce and what it does to kids. My parents divorced at least a decade after I left the nest. It still affects me to this day that our family is fractured.
    I’ve shared with you and your readers how my wife left me after almost twenty years of marriage to be with her gay lover five years ago now. My ex-wife got same-sex married to her lover a few years ago, and this year they are getting a divorce. Our family was destroyed for nothing.
    We have an 18-year-old son who has started school this semester at a private engineering college to major in computer engineering. There is virtually no SJW nonsense in any class he has to take. He is also in Air Force ROTC to help pay for college. He should graduate with very little debt at all.
    My son’s feelings about getting married right now are to avoid it. He doesn’t hate women. He just doesn’t want to get married, and I don’t blame him. He has watched many of the MGTOW stuff on YouTube and sees the benefits of not being married. He seems to be emotionally healthy but has had great difficulty bonding with the church. He believes, but it’s very private for him. I see God’s grace at work in his life; it’s just going to take time to heal as much as he can. For the record, our divorce wasn’t “messy” in the sense that there was no fighting or drawn-out custody battle. He is now free to live with whoever he wants since he graduated high school.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think your son’s case is increasingly common.

      They see their father victimized by feminism – no fault divorce and selfishness.

      They avoid church because church is catering to the women I talked about in the post.

      I hope you get him into apologetics.

      Like

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