Marriage Rates

Viral Red State article answers: why don’t men want to marry any more?

Here’s the article from Red State, written by Brandon Morse.

The first point he makes is that feminism teaches women to have character traits that make them unattractive to marriage-minded men. Feminism teaches women that evaluating men for marriage according to traditional male roles is “sexist”. There are no traditional male roles that women should prefer. Moreover, feminism teaches women that there are no female roles either. So, these women don’t understand men, and they aren’t prepared to be wives and mothers.

Brandon writes:

Even in modern families, men are taught how to treat a woman, provide for her, and work hard to keep her happy. Women aren’t taught how to treat a man or how to make him happy; they’re strictly taught what to expect from a man.

I can’t speak for all men, but in my case, I have definite plans for my marriage, and so a woman’s preparation and desire to be supportive is very important to me.

I’m trying to achieve these goals:

  • influence the church with apologetics
  • influence the university campus (students and professors) with apologetics
  • be involved in politics, advocate for conservative policy
  • open the house to students and neighbors to teach apologetics and demonstrate a loving marriage
  • raise 3-4 financially independent and influential children

And when I ask women what they bring to the table to help me to achieve all that, they often say that they’ve done nothing. Even the Christians try to get out of having to do anything hard by saying that God has a mysterious will that’s higher than my plans – plans which are designed to achieve specifically Christian goals. But if you look at the woman’s life, this mysterious God’s will never requires her to do anything difficult that would serve God. In practice, “God’s will” is just another word for doing what is easy, fun and peer-approved.

Brandon writes:

The sad truth is that many young women nowadays don’t know how to be in a marriage… they’re not taught how to treat a man, but what to expect from him… they’re flat-out dissuaded from providing anything but their presence to the partnership. They believe that offering their love to the man is sufficient and that men should just be grateful to have them.

What can you tell about a woman who has not prepared for tasks, like defending her faith, promoting conservative policies, or raising effective children? If she has not studied or practiced to do these things, then she isn’t suddenly going to become disciplined and effective after a wedding ceremony.

Men like when they set out to do something, and get support from their wives to achieve it. Can women today support men?

Brandon writes:

Along the lines of never learning how to treat a man, women are never taught how to value a man’s emotions unless they pertain positively to her. He must prove every day how much he values her for just existing. She expects this but is taught by our society to not reciprocate unless he earns it.

Men feel this weight, and the thing that would give them strength is withheld. Men suffer attempting to emotionally support the partner who has no interest in uplifting him in return. It’s a lonely existence in a relationship for two, making it, in truth, a relationship for one…her. What makes matters worse is that women are confused by their men’s lack of emotions. They were never taught how we think, much less appreciate it.

It’s rare for me to get support from younger women. Older Christian women can do it, but they are from a different time.

Now, people say to me “just go ahead and get married, and you can change the woman’s mind afterwards to value the things you care about”. But do young women today offer a way for men to change their minds about anything?

Brandon writes:

Now, let’s say you’re a young man entering into the stage of your life where dating to marry becomes typical. Looking at your prospects for marriage you see career-oriented women, some of whom make more money than you do and are very proud of this fact…. their opinions on any given subject seem more trendy than well thought out. They seem shallow as a result.

You see these women in your dating pool consistently exhibit opinions about your sex that are less than kind on social media. They’re taught they’re your intellectual superiors, that they’re right in any given argument no matter what… Very rarely do they display any joy in being giving or of service to their men. Even more rare are displays of humility. It reeks of narcissism.

One of the questions that I ask women to see if they are teachable is “where do you get your political news”? This question is to see if they care about anything other than their own feelings and social standing. I also ask “have you ever read any non-fiction that caused you to change your mind”? This to see whether she changes her mind about anything by increasing her knowledge.

But what I get from the Christian fundamentalists AND the career-focused feminists is the same: “I don’t read news, and I don’t read non-fiction”. If she doesn’t form her beliefs by gaining knowledge, then what method does a man have for leading her? She will only do what she feels like or what is pleasing to her peer group. If she doesn’t respect knowledge in general, then she doesn’t respect a man’s knowledge.

Brandon concludes:

Men want to feel welcome in their own relationships. Right now, they aren’t. They feel like passengers, or maybe even more accurately, chauffeurs. If women want men to marry them, then women will have to become marriage material and that means leaving behind the mainstream pop-philosophy and looking into the idea that maybe the feminists were wrong.

The schools, churches and culture are not doing anything to teach women how to be valuable to men. So why would a man marry? If I have to commit my time and money to being someone else’s slave / handbag then that will cause me to achieve goals less, right? As a Christian man, I don’t see how being a slave / handbag to a woman serves God.

12 thoughts on “Viral Red State article answers: why don’t men want to marry any more?”

  1. It’s so bad. We can expect the schools and culture to teach the wrong things about marriage, but for the churches to do so is just despicable. But, the truth is that the pastors and the churches (even the good conservative Biblical ones) are very much feminized themselves – yet cannot see it.

    We can’t really expect marriages to be godly in a Culture of Death however. The two are linked. The same forces that drive women to the murder mills are the ones that drive them to the divorce lawyers.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I agree. If a women is so focused on career and fun that she will kill to get out of responsibility for her choices, she isn’t qualified to love and respect a good man.

      Have you ever had a conversation with a pro abortion woman? There is nothing in their character that is compatible with marriage.

      Like

  2. Why women don’t marry anymore?

    Women are self sufficient

    Finally comfortable in their own skin

    Own property & have a worthy bank account which they earned on their own intelligence

    …and PS

    This article reads like a man who is not really looking for a “wife” but rather a mother figure to marry & coddle him

    Good Luck with that … 💋

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    1. Right, so I think this is the standard feminist response to men who express their needs and their goals for marriage – to insult and shame them.

      And I think it’s great that you expressed that, and that’s what’s also expressed by feminists in the comments to the Red State post. I want men to understand how feminists see male needs and male goals for marriage clearly. Any expressed need (regular sex) or goal (homeschooled children) gets met with “oh you just want a mother to coddle you” etc. Insults and dismissmal and disrespect. This is useful – men need to be able to assess women for their attitudes towards wife and mother responsibilities, expectations and obligations. That way, men can keep the benefits of their education, career and finances to themselves.

      In the meantime, gosh it’s nice for me to retire at 50 with 1.5 million. Just a few more years to go! Soon there will be many more men like me. Its so important for men to understand how feminism has trained women to respond to male needs and goals (ridicule and dismissal). It’s also important for men to understand how arrogant women are about claiming that men are obligated to provide for their needs.

      Men have been “coddling” women with their earnings since the beginning of civilization. We used to get something for it. Now we don’t. So the coddling of women needs to stop. And no amount of female outrage and insults will get the coddling to resume. It’s over. You are on your own. Shout your rage to your cats now.

      Liked by 3 people

    2. You left one thing out on why women don’t marry anymore:

      Because they can whore around and then murder their preborn children with impunity. Congratulations on turning women into psychopathic serial killers of their own children. That’s “empowerment” now, is it? Bullying a little tiny innocent child to death for the sake of your narcissism? I simply “cannot” understand why men wouldn’t want to marry that. So much to offer!

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  3. And the church has absolutely and stubbornly refused to adapt to this state of affairs. This is 2021, not 1951. Men are expected to walk right into a meat grinder, and for what? Just to say he did it while he lives in his car because he can’t afford the alimony? Where are all these pastors that pushed him into marriage then? Oh yeah, they can’t be bothered.

    It should be God’s church, not a marriage factory or fertility cult.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Along with making sure a woman has some views you agree with. I make no appology that a woman that can cook and take care of a house and nurture is appealing to me. Over time sex diminishes in value and a relationship will fall if it is built on that.

    Many young people seem to have little life skill beyond a physical way of finding a mate. It is why so many talk about women and their dating issues as they age.

    I tell my wife I could have married her on her ability to cook alone and she is ok with that. Because when we are old we will be a happy couple enjoying each other and good food while shallow relationships crumble

    But so many young people refuse to want to accept they can get knowledge from elders until it is often too late. And many churches back the world rather than saying we are to be distinct and Christlike in all things.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Before I got married, I always figured that demonstrating my cooking skills via what I brought to social events would be much more attractive than investing time and money in makeup. (My husband does very much like my cooking.)

      Furthermore, in the first month of our relationship, we discussed how we each came to faith, a general plan of what we thought marriage should look like, and he gave me the salary report for his professional society (American Association of Physicists in Medicine) to demonstrate that he could provide for a wife and family where the wife takes care of the household.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. “Furthermore, in the first month of our relationship, we discussed how we each came to faith, a general plan of what we thought marriage should look like, and he gave me the salary report for his professional society (American Association of Physicists in Medicine) to demonstrate that he could provide for a wife and family where the wife takes care of the household.”

        This is the way. I love the salary report. So many divorces are over money. But numbers show the real story, feelings do not.

        Like

  5. Does anyone wonder why men do not go to church!
    I don’t, and most of my friends and colleagues do not as well.
    These men, married and single are perfectly happy in doing so!!!

    Like

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