I once dated a woman who had messed up her education, career and finances by following her heart. She confided in me that she had a hatred of “responsibilities, expectations and obligations”. She wanted to be guided by her feelings, moment by moment. Whenever she failed, she would blame others, or claim that the world was just too unpredictable to make good decisions.
She failed, and was unhappy, wishing that grown ups in her life had told her the truth about her bad decisions. And she’s not alone.
Look at this article posted on the UC Berkeley website:
A recent group of studies has found that women’s happiness levels have been dropping steadily over the last few decades, to the point that women now report lower happiness levels than men, a role reversal from the 1970s. Given social improvements in women’s lives over the intervening decades—increased work opportunities, higher salaries, and more reproductive choice, to name a few—these results have surprised more than a few commentators, with everyone from Barbara Ehrenreich to Rush Limbaugh trying to make sense of them.
That hasn’t been an easy task, even for the economists whose study, “The Paradox of Declining Women’s Happiness,” helped uncover this trend. Those economists, Justin Wolfers and Betsey Stevenson, both at the University of Pennsylvania, analyzed data from several large-scale surveys that have tracked the general well-being of Americans and Europeans from as far back as 1972. They found that women’s happiness levels had dropped over time in each survey. To understand why, Wolfers and Stevenson looked at factors which in past research had been linked to unhappiness in women, such as marital status, income, educational level, and number of children. But none of these could account for the shift.
In addition to “increased work opportunities, higher salaries, and more reproductive choice”, women have also “benefited” from preferences in education, in education funding, in the workplace, and especially in the courts. They get favorable treatment in the criminal courts as well as in the divorce courts. They have been given everything they asked for that they felt would make them happier, and all of it (once obtained) has worked to make them less happy. The biggest part of their unhappiness problem is how their learned selfishness makes them incapable of – and undeserving of – commitment. The declining marriage rate is made worse by disincentives created for men to marry and have children when they are given sex for free, are heavily taxed, regulated by government bullies, and risk being financially raped by divorce.
Far-left and far-right defenders of marriage agree that it’s a “mystery” why women are so unhappy. After all, they say, third wave feminism has brought women nothing but fairness. We have to take it as a given, and solve the problem of women’s declining happiness some other way. Radical feminism can’t be rolled back.
Well, my bossy women advisors are always telling me that I should be positive and tell women how to do better. So I will.
In my own life, I had to escape the effects of growing up in a bad family, in a bad city, in a bad country. Everything I was told was a lie, and would have destroyed me if I had listened to it. In fact, it did destroy my brother. He did listen to it. He listened to our parents. He listened to the worthless public school teachers. He listened to the popular songs. He watched the popular movies. And most of all, he did what his friends told him to do. Don’t you be like him. What you need to do is resist the culture, and focus on doing things in ways that work. You need to make sure that your day-to-day decision-making gets you where you want to be.
The first and most important priority is to get an objective moral standard that can be used to judge the lies that are being told to you. That standard is in the Bible, and it has the great advantage of having been given to you by the same person who designed the universe, and you. Not only can you use it to judge the liars, keeping them and their lies at a distance, but it helps you to stop making mistakes yourself. The most important lesson I learned from the moral law was to embrace chastity, and not to waste my time and money pursuing casual sex relationships with godless women for “fun” or “self-esteem”. Having to play the fool for godless women in order to get sex is degrading for men, and destroys the natural leadership role that men have in moral and spiritual matters. It’s much better to leave bad women alone, and pay attention only to the ones who are interested in being led to achieve things that really matter. I think that raising influential effective Christian children, apologetics on campus, in-house apologetics discussion, and political engagement are really important.
Secondly, the classics. Instead of consuming books, music and visual entertainment made by secular leftists, turn instead to the classics and non-fiction. The best things to consume are evidential apologetics, economics, military history and the classics. Evidential apologetics teaches you to become focused on truth. Free market economics teaches you how the world works. Military history teaches you gratitude and humility. You can undo the nonsense that you learned about men, women and relationships simply by learning the lessons about human nature found in the classics – Shakespeare, Jane Austen, Elizabeth Gaskell, etc.
The Bible says this in Phillipians 4:8:
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
If all your friends on social media are miserable failures in their relationships, lacking chastity, sobriety, charity and unselfishness, then cut them off so that they don’t drag you down with them.
The most common case I see is Christian-raised women abandoning their faith in high school or college because they would rather be liked by non-Christians than defend their faith and accept the unpopularity and exclusion that results. They shack up with atheist men, and give away their best years to them. They have no moral standard that would allow them to reject those men, when those men feel so good to them. And their “friends” support them in that. Don’t keep “friends” who only want to drag you down into the pit with them. Accept that it is normal to make judgments. Accept that it is normal to have enemies. Learn how to disagree with non-Christians in a way that is supported by reason and evidence. Don’t let godless people tell you what you should want. Don’t try to fit in with them.