How to help fatherlessness women make better choices about men and marriage

Here's some helpful advice for women about choosing a man
Here’s some helpful advice for women about choosing a man

I found a YouTube video featuring a conversation about the fundamental problem that I see with young, unmarried women: their decision to have recreational premarital sex with hot guys throughout their teens and 20s. I realize that this is controversial, but I think by listening to a woman who did this, we can get some clues about how to talk them out of it.

Here is the conversation: (just listen to the first 7 minutes to start)

Note: this conversation contains vulgar language. Listener discretion is advised.

Molyneux gets her talking about the most important question that women who fail with men never want to answer: why did your mother choose this awful, awful man, to be your father out of all the other men in the world? At the end, she really has learned her lesson and gives a good warning to other young women at the crossroads.

Summary of key admissions:

  • Caller: I’m a 41-year-old single white female who was a bad girl in my 20s. I was raised fatherless by a loving Christian mom. Question: what caused me to fail at life and be living with my (divorced) mother?
  • I was gifted, very intellectual, top of the class
  • My mom is a very caring person
  • My mom approached my Dad when he was already in another relationship (i.e. – her mom was the woman her father cheated with on another woman, then her mom married this cheating man and he dumped the previous woman)
  • My mom was very attractive, and could have chosen different men, but she was really attracted to this terrible man
  • My mom had a desire to get away from her strict parents, who she resented
  • when I was 15 I chose a man, I had recreational sex with him before marriage, and he stalked me and humiliated me
  • I felt like an adult at age 15, and I had sex with this man then so that I could put childhood behind me and become an adult
  • My mother counter-acted the absence of my Dad by raising me as a Christian – she was a radical, intense Christian and that hyper-religiosity made me not want to talk about sex with her
  • My mom divorced my father because he was a jerk
  • My mom did not mind that he had other children from past relationships, was underemployed, and was lazy
  • I used to sneak out of my room and sit on the back porch and drink alcohol with the neighbor kids
  • My mom was a worrier and a control freak, so I rebelled against her warnings and attempts to set boundaries on my wildness
  • I and my 15-year-old recreational sex partner used a condom from my devout Christian mother’s drawer
  • I had sex with 5 different boyfriends from age 15-18 and caught mono
  • My mom had temporary boyfriends after the divorce
  • In my 20s, “there wasn’t much to do except go out and drink”. “two to three times a week, me and my girlfriends would get dressed up, go to the clubs, and try to attract hot guys”.
  • From 21-30, I stopped looking for relationships, I just hooked up with hot guys for one-night stands and FWBs
  • I felt better about myself, more confident and in control when I would drink and have one-night stands with these hot guys
  • “I don’t know why I was so focused on looks” in these guys
  • The hooking up stopped at 30, then dating (with sex) resumed
  • I realized that the hot guys I wanted were not going to settle down, especially with new younger women available
  • From 15 to now, I’ve slept with 60 different men, sometimes repeatedly, and on and off
  • I never admitted the true number of men I slept with to any of these men
  • last relationship was 5 years ago (at age 36)
  • I have lost interest in sex, and lost interest in men
  • I don’t have the mental toughness to be in a relationship
  • I have “been broken” by too many failed relationships
  • nobody told me that my decisions with men were not going to go well

In the final 8 minutes where Stefan explains the larger consequences of women’s choices for civilization is very important, I think. I was surprised that he spoke directly to the “hot” alpha males that women want and told them that they are breaking women, and share the blame for destroying our civilization. The thing is, I don’t think those hot alpha males care about civilization, or anything except for themselves. So I don’t think it’s going to work to speak to these degenerate men. We have to speak to the women. They are the ones who aspire to marriage and security, and they make the choices that do not lead to the future they want.

I think we need to teach young women, especially fatherless women, to connect their choices with men to the tasks that men actually perform in a married home. I am talking about non-Christian women AND Christian women. What do men do in a marriage on a day-to-day basis? They protect. They provide. They lead on moral issues. They lead on spiritual issues. So, we need to sit down with women and tell them what is important in a man. I have heard Christian women tell me how they married non-Christian men who they were attracted to for superficial reasons, then spent the rest of their lives watching their children grow up without a spiritual leader in the home. I want this to stop happening.

I think the problem is that we need stronger men who are willing to confront women and speak about moral boundaries so that young women who don’t have guidance can at least have the opportunity to make better choices. What we need less is men who agree with women who are making bad decisions. And we need less men who blame that bad men that women freely choose for being bad. Bad men are going to be bad. The only way forward is to tell women not to choose them. This is hard to do, but it is the loving thing to do. It’s not loving to tell women that they can expect the man they choose to give them the traditional male roles when they chose him for superficial qualities that have nothing to do with the traditional male roles.

4 thoughts on “How to help fatherlessness women make better choices about men and marriage”

  1. Reblogged this on Free Matt Podcasts and commented:
    ***Re-blog from Wintery Knight. Of course, it is the weekend. I thought that this article was an interesting look at an inconvenient subject. I have seen this upfront from my time back home with a friend’s sister that made terrible life’s decisions. As always, read/decipher/discuss. Have a good remainder of the weekend.***

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I didn’t listen to the podcast. Don’t really need to. I’ve read and heard that story a hundred times before.

    I’d like to focus on Molyneux’ and your comments.

    1) Molyneux is wrong that hot alpha males are breaking these women. They might be contributing to society’s demise. But they’re not breaking women. These women were broken long before men started approaching them, and long before they made the decision to sleep with attractive men outside marriage. These women’s parents broke them. These women broke themselves. These women chose, deliberately and intentionally, to live lives of hedonism and sexual promiscuity.

    Women choose who to have sex with, when to have sex, where, and under what circumstances. Women choose this. Women choose hot alpha males because they’re attractive and sexually forward. Women choose hot alpha males because of sexual attraction. The operative word is choose. It is women’s choice. Women’s. Not men’s. Women’s choice.

    Men act like this because this is what gets them the easy sex they want. If women stopped having sex with men like this, hot alpha male d-bags would cease to exist by the end of the month. D-bags are simply giving women what they are shouting from the rooftops that they want. They’re giving women the sexual attention and shady treatment they want. Men act like this because women reward those men with sex. Simple as that.

    Women want it this way. Women lobbied and screamed and shouted and stomped their feet for the right to do whatever they want, when and wherever they want. Now they have that right. That’s why society looks the way it does – the codification of women’s sexual power into public policy.

    2) You said:

    I think the problem is that we need stronger men who are willing to confront women and speak about moral boundaries so that young women who don’t have guidance can at least have the opportunity to make better choices. What we need less is men who agree with women who are making bad decisions. And we need less men who blame that bad men that women freely choose for being bad.

    You went off the rails here. The problem is not the lack of strong men who are willing to confront women and moral boundaries, and training. The problem is systemic, and can be reversed only with systemic solutions, but systemic solutions simply aren’t available. If our society is really serious about keeping women from making bad decisions, the best way to do that is to start rolling back the sexual revolution, criminalize adultery and fornication, severely shaming both men and women for premarital sexual conduct, outlawing no fault divorce, restricting alimony to not more than 2 years in all cases regardless of financial resources or financial disparity in earning power, and letting the consequences for breaching those rules fall like bricks on their heads.

    But, our society isn’t serious at all about this. None of those things are going to happen.

    So the next best thing is simply taking back control of our own lives and keeping women away from the levers of control insofar as it affects us individually. If you’re a father, you make the rules. Your house, your rules. Period. End of. Got a problem with that? Take it up with God. Leave the house and fend for yourself.

    If you’re a husband, wife does not make the big decisions. The final word on all big decisions rests with you, husband. Wife has to just deal with that. Period. End of. Got a problem with that? Take it up with God. Don’t get married and fend for yourself. Leave the marriage and fend for yourself. Leave the house and fend for yourself.

    Bad men are going to be bad. The only way forward is to tell women not to choose them.

    But then women have to actually ACT ON that advice and ACTUALLY REFUSE bad men. And women are never, ever going to do that, not as long as there are no real immediate adverse consequences for having sex with bad men.

    Liked by 1 person

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