What your political views say about your suitability for marriage and parenting

SurveyMonkey election poll cross tabs for unmarried women Nov 2016
SurveyMonkey election poll cross tabs for unmarried women Nov 2016

Would you like your marriage to be long-lasting and fulfilling? Marriage isn’t just about two people who have a lot in common getting together to have fun. Marriage is a commitment, and it requires specific character traits like the willingness to take responsibility to care for others self-sacrificially. Some of these marriage-friendly character traits can be difficult to detect, but you can evaluate a person’s character by asking them about what policies they oppose and support.

1. Are you opposed to no-fault divorce laws?

No-fault divorce laws allow one spouse to leave the marriage at any time, for any reason, or for no reason at all. If you support no-fault divorce, then your view of marriage is that it’s something to be entered into lightly, because it can be exited easily. You’ll be walking down the aisle thinking “oh well, if it doesn’t work out, I can always get a divorce”. If you oppose no-fault divorce laws, then your view of marriage is that there is no escape hatch. You’ll probably be a lot more careful about getting married. Since you are convinced that marriage is built to last forever, you’ll have a courtship of at least 12 months, and involve both sets of parents in the process. If you put commitment above happiness, you’re ready for marriage.

2. Are you opposed to abortion laws?

Abortion laws basically make it easy for two people to have recreational sex, and then get rid of any complications that result quickly and easily. This way, both the people that created the effect can escape the responsibility for what they did, and keep right on pursuing their goals and dreams. If you support abortion laws, you’re really saying that you can engage in recreational sex with people who are unwilling to accept responsibility for any children that result. If you are pro-life, then you’re saying that people should be careful about having sex, and be ready to take responsibility for a child, should one appear. Being responsible is good preparation for marriage.

3. Are you supportive of daycare for young kids?

Daycare services are essential for couples who need both the father and the mother to be working. The advantage of both parents working is that you can afford lots of shiny new stuff – like vacations, boats, shoes and handbags. Studies show that children don’t die during daycare, although if you put a child in daycare, there will be effects on the child’s behavior, such as higher anxiety and aggression. If you oppose daycare, you’re putting the needs of your children above your need for shiny stuff. Putting the needs of children first is a sign that you are ready for the self-sacrifice that marriage requires.

4. Are you in favor of smaller government?

If you’re in favor of smaller government, then you would rather keep taxes low so that more money stays in the family. If you support bigger government, then you think that government knows how to spend your money better than you and your spouse do. Additionally, government usually likes to spend more money than they take in. For example, in the last 8 years, we’ve added $10 trillion dollars to the debt, which is now $20 trillion. If you oppose higher taxes and bigger government, then you want government to pass on less debt to your children. Putting your kids’ financial well-being over your own is pro-marriage.

5. Are you in favor of school choice?

If you’re opposed to school choice, then you think that government should decide which schools your children will attend. School choice laws allow parents to give money to the schools they think are best for the children. If a school has excellent teachers and teaches students skills that they can use in their professional lives, then parents can choose that school. Schools have to compete to provide higher quality to parents, for lower cost. If you support giving parents more choice, then you put the needs of children – especially poor, minority children – above the needs of education administrators and teacher unions. Putting kids fist is pro-marriage.

6. Are you in favor of premarital sex?

Premarital sex is really fun (so I’m told). You can have sex with people who are just really attractive, even if these people have lousy character. Your friends will be impressed, and you’ll feel more attractive – like you were climbing a ladder of attractiveness with each new partner. If you combine sex with being drunk, then you can’t remember anything after. And you can’t feel guilty if the booze made you do it, right? On the other hand, if you present yourself to your spouse as a virgin, you are telling them that you have self-control, that you take sex as communication rather than recreation, and that they can trust you to be faithful by keeping sex inside the marriage. Trust is important for a good marriage.

7. Are you in favor of welfare for single mothers?

Sometimes, women find themselves pregnant before they are married. If you think that giving taxpayer money to women who have babies before they have husbands is a good idea, then you are rewarding behavior that creates fatherless children. Raising a child without a father causes serious behavioral problems. Boys tend to become more violent, and are more likely to commit crimes. Girls tend to engage in sex at earlier ages. If you oppose encouraging fatherlessness with welfare, you want women to get married before they have kids. Taking the needs of children seriously is pro-marriage.

8. Are you in favor of same-sex marriage?

When a man and a man get married and acquire children, those children will not be raised with their birth mother. Similarly with lesbians, the children will not grow up with their birth father. Studies show that children suffer from not being raised by their biological parents. For example, children of same-sex parents have lower graduation rates than children raised by heterosexual couples. If you think that children have a right to a stable relationship with their biological mother and father, then you place a higher value on the needs of children as opposed to the needs of adults. That’s a good sign you’re ready for marriage.

9. Are you in favor of radical feminism?

This one comes to us from Lindsay, who blogs at Lindsay’s Logic. She says that opposing radical feminism “shows that you do not think the purpose of marriage is to make women happy, but to work as a team to serve God and raise good children.” Indeed. Marriage doesn’t work if the woman approaches it as an accessory. Marriage is about a man and a woman sacrificing their own interests and compromising in order to work together as a team. Husbands and children have needs that women should care about. Feminism teaches women that husbands and children are less important than their careers, hobbies and interests. Feminism is anti-marriage.

10. Are you responsible with earning, saving and giving away money?

This one comes to us from Bob P. He says that marriages work better when both spouses are “committed to financial planning, budgeting and a renunciation of debt to support a lifestyle. Disagreement about financial issues is one of the greatest causes of marital stress.” If you’re able to choose a college major or a trade that you don’t like, but that pays well, that’s a positive. If you’re able to string together jobs so that your resume is gap-less, that’s a positive. If you’re able to save money even though it means you’re having less fun, that’s a positive. If you’re able to give away money to others to support them, that means you’re able to sacrifice your interests for the benefit of others. That’s pro-marriage.

Well, how did you do? Leave your ideas for more policies and points of view that are marriage-friendly in the comments.

6 thoughts on “What your political views say about your suitability for marriage and parenting”

  1. So you make a ton of generalizations here, but I particularly want to respond to something in point 7.

    You said, “Sometimes, women find themselves pregnant before they are married. If you think that giving taxpayer money to women who have babies before they have husbands is a good idea, then you are rewarding behavior that creates fatherless children.” And: “If you oppose encouraging fatherlessness with welfare, you want women to get married before they have kids.”

    I do not believe in pre-marital sex, but I am very bothered by this point in particular. You call out women for having babies before marriage, but half of the problem is men having babies before marriage. Additionally, fatherless children are considered orphans historically, and those are the kids we most need to love and care for. While welfare shouldn’t encourage anti-social behavior, society shouldn’t punish kids for their parents issues either. If there’s a poor, single mother who cannot be on welfare because of this policy, but the poor father of her children who is ignoring them and sleeping around with other women is allowed to be on welfare, that is problematic. Your idea specifically targets women and children. Despite the noble goal of keeping families together and encouraging marriage, this is a terrible policy idea.

    1. From what I’ve heard from some of the Pro-Life speakers, some of the counseling that goes on is to (gently) encourage and to teach the biological fathers to take on their role as fathers. Sure, it’s scary to take on a new role, to take on responsibility. But that’s part of growing up. When we were children, our parents gave us more responsibilities such as cleaning up our toys, setting the table, eventually taking out the trash and helping around the house. As adults, we take on more responsibilities not just with voting and civic engagement (e.g., jury duty), but also perhaps taking care of a car … or getting a mortgage or doing home improvement.

      Part of growing up is owning your consequences — and if a man is old enough to father a child and physically capable of fathering a child and he fathers a child — he should be encouraged to rise to his new role as a father.

      It’s not a punishment; it’s an opportunity.

      From what I understand from those fathers who embrace their role as a new father (as opposed to shirk it or run away) — they grow as people. They become more responsible, not less. The boy is left behind; man emerges. They embrace their role as father, protector, guide, teacher, and often provider.

      Of course this is from NGO’s and other organizations that are not part of the government.

      However, the question is asked what is good public policy?

      If you set a policy that gives out $X per month for each child, of course some may abuse the system and pop out kids to claim more money (and not necessarily benefit the child). Or there’s the FDA’s WIC program — the Special Supplemental Nutrition Program for Women, Infants, and Children (WIC), which gives vouchers specifically for food.

      There are dependent care deductions.

      I suppose one could say that with any system, there are those who are going to try to take advantage of the system for their own benefit. Second, I suppose that if there were less support systems in place for women to have kids out of wedlock, then abortions might also rise. I don’t have a good answer for what the public policy should be.

      By the way, I don’t think we’re talking about “fatherless children” as orphans. I think Wintery is talking about “delinquent dads” or “deadbeat dads”.

  2. I don’t necessarily think courtship needs to be 12 months or more. Being intentional about getting to know one another should allow people to know whether or not they are compatible for marriage in less than a year. The important thing is how well they know one another, not how long they have been in the relationship. It is quite possible to date aimlessly for years and still not know the most important things about one another or to date for 4-5 months and be informed enough to make a marriage commitment that will last.

    1. The in-love craziness period that clouds the judgment lasts from 12 to 18 months according to Gary Thomas in “The Sacred Search”. I just finished reading that this past week.

      1. Even good Christian counselors have suggested “know each other for at least one of every season.” I think that’s generally wise. Of course, being older, one is hopefully more self-aware and has prioritized what one needs (vs. what one wants).

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