Even alpha male bad boys are disappointed by the Sexual Revolution

Marriage stability vs sexual partners,(Teachman et al. JAMF, August 2010)
Marriage stability vs sexual partners,(Teachman et al. JAMF, August 2010)

Thanks to radical feminism’s dominance in the culture, young unmarried women are very disinterested in marriage. Many of them see marriage as boring, and children as restrictive of their freedom. Instead, young women want to make sure to use their young and fertile years to pack in as much fun and thrills as they can. So what sort of men do they choose to pursue?

This article from the UK Daily Mail illustrates the problem:

Women are often said to be the less shallow sex when it comes to what they find attractive.

But a study of an online gallery of ‘hot male commuters’ has found that the fairer sex are just as superficial as men – as they find muscles and money the sexiest male attributes.

The study based its findings on a website called Tube Crush, where women and gay men secretly take pictures of the capital’s attractive men on the London Underground.

[…]While the authors acknowledge that gay men also use the site, they say that female responses to the ‘hot commuters’ suggest females have not moved on in what they find attractive beyond ‘money and strength’ – despite their advancement in society.

Signs that the man is wealthy – such as a flashy watch or an expensive suit – were considered highly attractive by site users, as were powerful arm and chest muscles.

But the classic image of the ‘new man’ – a man holding a baby – or skinnier or nerdier types of man were far less represented.

Now, in my experience, men who are getting a lot of attention because of their looks are probably the least likely to be faithful, much less commit. If the man is putting in a lot of effort into his appearance (as opposed to his education, his career, his spiritual life, etc.), he’s probably doing it in order to get sexual access to a lot of women. He’s not looking to commit, in short. He’s looking to play the field. But it turns out that even the men who are successful at this are not happy with their success.

Consider this article from the UK Sun: (H/T Sarah)

It sounds like every young man’s idea of heaven: endless sex with a constant stream of gorgeous, up-for-it women who don’t even expect a pizza date before, or a conversation afterwards – and all via a tap on your smartphone.

Yet incredibly, a new generation of handsome, successful – and sexually prolific – Tinder-weary lads are claiming sex with hundreds of one-night stands is leaving them burned out, bored – and lonely.

Despite bedding a bevvie of beauties, they claim they’re desperate for lasting romance – and broody for children with a new wave of sexually-liberated young women who just don’t want to commit.

I got to know a group of these seemingly lucky men after I co-wrote the UK’s biggest ever academic study into more than 2,000 British men, released this week.

Called the Harry’s Masculinity Report, the survey was conducted by University College London and Harry’s, a new men’s grooming company that’s just launched in the UK.

Harry’s wanted to shatter the myths around masculinity, and discover what truly made modern men tick in 2017.

Here are some details:

One of these was Simone Ippolito, 25, from Bournemouth, a self-confessed Tinder “player” for two years.

The salesman and part-time model claimed: “When I first got Tinder two years ago, it was heaven. In three months I got 300 matches. They were coming so fast I couldn’t keep up.

“People on Tinder are only there for sex. I’ve been on 200 dates, and I get a result 99 per cent of the time.

“Getting sex is too easy. You get bored of it. Tinder takes all the pleasure out of flirting. It’s not fun anymore. Tinder is literally two glasses of wine then back home for sex. There is no emotion.

“It is boring, empty and lonely. You can’t have a nice conversation after mechanical sex. It’s just sex and go. Now I just want to stop it and settle down”.

Talking to other single men, it rapidly became clear that while dating apps like Tinder means it’s never been easier to get sex, it’s never been harder to fall in love.

This sentiment was echoed by Gary Barnett, 34, social media manager from Brighton, who’s been single for three months.

“For the first time ever in human history, sex is on tap,” he says.

“Nine times out of ten you don’t even have to go out on a date. If a girl likes your photos, they just come round.

“If you’re half attractive you’re bombarded with offers. You can go on Tinder dates every single night of the week.

“The social interaction is totally lacking. You can have sex and never talk again.

“They always ask the same three questions. ‘Hi how are you?’ ‘how’s your week been?’ or ‘I love your beard/tattoos’. That’s literally code for ‘do you want to f***?’

“That was really good for the first year. I filled my boots. After 50 Tinder dates, including 20 in the last two months with no sign of any ‘keepers,’ I’m over it. You get to the point where you can’t be bothered to do it anymore”.

Ah yes, the beard and tattoos. These are apparently very important for attracting women today. But it doesn’t work to attract a serious marriage-minded women to settle down with. Men are designed to want relationships with women. But not every woman is capable of having a relationship with a man. Especially after so many women have been taught by feminism not to prefer commitment-minded men who can perform the traditional male roles: protecting, providing and leading on moral and spiritual issues. Beards, muscles, shiny watches and tattoos might attract women, but it doesn’t make those women marriage-ready. In fact, the sort of women who are impressed with appearances are probably looking for fun. They are definitely NOT going to be comfortable with relationship obligations to a husband or children. To build a capacity for self-sacrificial commitment, you don’t practice having fun and thrills. You practice self-sacrificial commitment. You work on developing a worldview that makes self-sacrificial commitment rational, even when it goes against your self-interest. A worldview like Christianity, for example.

We already knew that women are unhappy with the dating scene today. And now we know that even the men who are “succeeding” are unhappy with it too, in the long term. The Sexual Revolution has messed up love and commitment for everyone.

6 thoughts on “Even alpha male bad boys are disappointed by the Sexual Revolution”

  1. This is a classic example of “be careful what you wish for.” So many men think that lots of sexual partners will make them happy, but sooner or later they realize it’s like any other drug. The high runs out and you’re left feeling worse than you did before. Sure, you can delay the feeling by taking more of the drug (more sex) or harder drugs (riskier more perverted sex) but sooner or later the bill comes due.

    King Solomon with his 700 wives and 300 concubines ought to have been the happiest man on earth if lots of sexual partners brings happiness, yet in Proverbs and Ecclesiastes he laments not being able to have one wife whom can be loved and loyal.

    One of the biggest problems with the millennial generation is they are unable to think about the long term consequences of their decisions until it’s too late.

    Like

    1. We just finished 1 and 2 Samuel in my church Bible study. There was another idiot who caused massive problems for himself and his people because he couldn’t keep it in his pants. People seem to praise David a lot but to me, he’s just another out of control idiot like Saul.

      Having said that. I’m sure I’d probably do badly if I were given any real power, which is why I’m thankful to just be an ordinary worker bee with a simple little life on my own.

      Like

      1. King Saul had his little barbecue (1Samuel 15) but King David cheated with his advisor (Ahitophel)’s granddaughter — Bathsheba, got one of his loyal commanders in Uriah murdered, and did some other interesting things. He conducted a census, which outwardly doesn’t look too bad — except that the reason to conduct a census is to see how many troops you can raise to conquer your neighbors.

        Yet David was called a man after God’s own heart whereas Saul seemingly has a lesser offense and was rejected. (And the answer is in what their reactions are, to being confronted. Saul’s remarks in 1Sam. 15:24-25, 30 have a remarkable linguistic similarity (in Hebrew) to the Pharaoh’s remarks in Exodus 10:16-17. And if the hagiographer is basically using a parallel between Saul and Pharaoh (who was the enemy of God’s people and hardened his heart against God), well … it doesn’t bode well for Saul. This is where knowing the original language is highly helpful.

        As I have mentioned in past posts, and I also read it somewhere last week, even those who are the bad boys shagging multiple women — that includes — the Pick-Up Artists — fully admit that sex without emotional connection is just merely scratching an itch and is not very fulfilling. One man with many notches even admitted that such sex has diminishing returns — even with tinder or bumble or whatever apps — there’s still a time investment for a 30 minute (more like 20 minute) shag [his words, not mine].

        I’ll copy and paste some salient stuff:
        “[I wanted to shag as many women as possible to prove my masculinity and to not be hampered by a girlfriend/wife]…
        I resolved to not get attached to any of them, and I’m ashamed to say that I proceeded to cheat on almost every girlfriend I ever had. I mean, I was always purposely brusque with them and frequently told them I didn’t want to settle down or anything, but as a young man, you don’t just outright say “yeah, I have two other girls I’m shagging in XXYY” when you get talking to a nice looking girl up, [right]?

        […]
        I started to realize that sex had diminishing returns… after I realized that I was getting a bit bored with pointless trysts… after I had been all over the place and dated girls on every continent, I thought “how come that wasn’t more interesting?”

        —–end copy-and-paste

        The summary is: after shagging multiple women on multiple continents, he realized it was pointless and netted him … (drum-roll) nothing.

        Well, maybe some interesting diseases and I’m sure all kind of marital problems.

        Some Pick-Up Artists have realized two things: 1) some realized that reward comes with connection and commitment, and 2) some have even realized what they are looking for is something transcendent [one of the PUA’s in Neil Strauss’ The Game realized he wanted to be a rabbi]. I even found this about Neil Strauss — https://qz.com/532082/the-man-who-brought-you-the-game-no-longer-believes-in-the-game/ (i.e., he gave up sleeping around, became monogamous, and even got married.)

        WK’s also discussed various other things (like sex fog / lack of ability to be truly discerning when people are engaging in sex and conversely, when people put the sex and the physical part of the relationship where it belongs, they can be more discerning and they focus on bonding on other aspects [spiritual, intellectual, emotional]).

        WK has also noted that it’s not every single man who gets this type of action — it’s the most ‘attractive’ men, the bad boys, alpha males. You have biceps, a six pack, you’re athletic/in shape, have a hairstyle like a soccer (International football) god, good wit, confident, and you’re tall, and you’re all good. (Amusing quote about ‘meeting other people’ from an insider perspective in a post-Christian [European] nation: “How do people meet? Internet dating, mostly. Superficial dating where it is all about looks to get casual sex and feel good for a while. There you have the reason why [people of my nation] love the gym and looking good: otherwise they are stuck in their small and lonely apartments.”)

        Here’s the thing though — single men — not to fret. I go back to 2Cor. 6:14, “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers.”

        Of course, the most significant yoke — joining two people together — is marriage. And just because someone says she is a Christian does not mean she is a Christian. In my 20’s, there were plenty of Christians who were practically indistinguishable from non-Christians. There were many with faulty theology — even significant flaws. (Not having grown up in a Christian family myself — I made Jesus my Lord and Savior in college — I have mentioned it to a friend who became Christian in his late 20’s that many ‘Christian twenty-somethings’ have the narrative they may have grown up as social Christians — maybe from the Midwest or from the South — even come from ‘Christian families.’ They are most comfortable with their Christian subculture. They may have gone to VBS, sung campy songs, done crafts. In their teens, it was youth group (more fun, more campy songs). They get to college, more Jesus is my spiritual boyfriend songs. And so on. It’s all the accoutrements — the window dressing. They are just sort of comfortable with that kind of stuff but it really hasn’t sunk in.

        There are ways to develop discernment and to be very blunt, not every woman is worthy to be considered your wife.

        If I may steal a popular movie reference (the movie Sabrina) —
        David is getting all the girls. He’s the perpetual playboy and he’s not satisfied with the woman he’s with.

        But if you’re Linus, you’re not David — how do you discern the right woman?

        [And to WK’s comment “I’m sure I’d probably do badly if I were given any real power”… Jesus’ Parable of the Talents is very interesting.]

        I think of several stories my old (now retired) senior pastor used to tell.

        The first was when he had just finished a year at Harvard and was hired by one of the science labs for the summer. It sounded very prestigious, but his job wasn’t: he was just supposed to clear out the cages of various rodents. Yes, he was elbow deep in rodent ordure. His Christian friends encouraged him to keep up a good attitude and he would try to do the best he could. Amusingly, his boss’ boss came in one time, and noticed his boss looking at girly magazines while the young Harvard student was conducting himself with great fervor in cleaning out the cages — and his boss’ boss switched up their roles.

        The second story, back in the mid-1980’s, the senior pastor was then ministering at a smallish (< 20 member, < 50 on Sundays) church and it was announced that a presidential candidate might be dropping by on a certain Sunday. The senior pastor fervently prepared his sermon and polished it — but when the day came, it was announced that this presidential candidate was not going to drop by. My senior pastor mentioned he felt disappointed, but then very convicted — why should he not prepare his best every single week? Were all of God's people not worth giving his best to, week in and week out?

        I honestly think that it was this attitude of "being faithful with the little things" that trained my senior pastor for much greater. He went from being "little-known, senior pastor of very small New England church with no cult of personality" (for over 20 years) to being senior minister of one the most influential Christian churches (if not the most influential) in New England.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. It’s true also, a lot of men are lowering their expectations for women since most women are being brainwashed by the radical feminist movement. Most women won’t be happy to be faithful and act like ladies, so most men get cynical and don’t act like gentlemen since there are no ladies around. The vulgar “Nasty Woman” is not the domestic family type and sees marriage and family as the end of her autonomy and oppressive. Feminists are hypocrites in that while they purport to want women’s equality, they devalue traditional womanhood by masculinizing women.
    https://aladyofreason.wordpress.com/

    Like

  3. I am a couple years older but no that old. But even non Christians guys I know will admit a woman that can cook you a good meal is worth a lot. Many young women can’t cook a thing.

    Men get hungry and after the joy of sex wears down good home abilities are worth a lot to keeping a man happy. It sounds sexist to some nut it is highly practical.

    People aren’t even trying to learn those things that have value for a lifetime

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh, I would be so happy if I opened the fridge door and found 6 little containers of bodybuilding meals. It’s a lot of work to make these myself and it’s hard to make them taste good when you eat the same thing over and over.

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s