Even alpha male bad boys are disappointed by the Sexual Revolution

Marriage stability vs sexual partners,(Teachman et al. JAMF, August 2010)
Marriage stability vs sexual partners,(Teachman et al. JAMF, August 2010)

Thanks to radical feminism’s dominance in the culture, young unmarried women are no longer desiring marriage, nor selecting men for husband and father roles. In my experience, I would say that about 80% of young unmarried women are competing for 20% of the men. Instead of evaluating these men for husband and father roles, they just evaluate them on externals.

This article from the UK Daily Mail illustrates the problem:

Women are often said to be the less shallow sex when it comes to what they find attractive.

But a study of an online gallery of ‘hot male commuters’ has found that the fairer sex are just as superficial as men – as they find muscles and money the sexiest male attributes.

The study based its findings on a website called Tube Crush, where women and gay men secretly take pictures of the capital’s attractive men on the London Underground.

[…]While the authors acknowledge that gay men also use the site, they say that female responses to the ‘hot commuters’ suggest females have not moved on in what they find attractive beyond ‘money and strength’ – despite their advancement in society.

Signs that the man is wealthy – such as a flashy watch or an expensive suit – were considered highly attractive by site users, as were powerful arm and chest muscles.

But the classic image of the ‘new man’ – a man holding a baby – or skinnier or nerdier types of man were far less represented.

This is a good illustration of what the marriage-minded men now see on college campuses. Today, marriage-minded men who focus on sobriety, chastity and providing for a family are ignored until women tire of chasing the minority of “bad boys” who have these shallow, external characteristics. On campus, marriage-minded men  are ignored while young, unmarried women hope to boost their self-esteem and have fun by having sex with guys who possess shallow external qualities. Alcohol is used as a lubricant for this operation, reducing inhibitions and providing an alibi to the woman’s peer group for the slutty behavior. It seems as if women have completely given up on marriage – at least until their youth start to fade in their early 30s.

Now, as one of the 80% of men who are marriage-minded, I am dissatisfied with women’s decisions to delay marriage for fun with bad boys. But it turns out that even the other 20% of men who are “bad boys” are also dissatisfied with women’s choices.

Consider this article from the UK Sun: (H/T Sarah)

It sounds like every young man’s idea of heaven: endless sex with a constant stream of gorgeous, up-for-it women who don’t even expect a pizza date before, or a conversation afterwards – and all via a tap on your smartphone.

Yet incredibly, a new generation of handsome, successful – and sexually prolific – Tinder-weary lads are claiming sex with hundreds of one-night stands is leaving them burned out, bored – and lonely.

Despite bedding a bevvie of beauties, they claim they’re desperate for lasting romance – and broody for children with a new wave of sexually-liberated young women who just don’t want to commit.

I got to know a group of these seemingly lucky men after I co-wrote the UK’s biggest ever academic study into more than 2,000 British men, released this week.

Called the Harry’s Masculinity Report, the survey was conducted by University College London and Harry’s, a new men’s grooming company that’s just launched in the UK.

Harry’s wanted to shatter the myths around masculinity, and discover what truly made modern men tick in 2017.

Here are some details:

One of these was Simone Ippolito, 25, from Bournemouth, a self-confessed Tinder “player” for two years.

The salesman and part-time model claimed: “When I first got Tinder two years ago, it was heaven. In three months I got 300 matches. They were coming so fast I couldn’t keep up.

“People on Tinder are only there for sex. I’ve been on 200 dates, and I get a result 99 per cent of the time.

“Getting sex is too easy. You get bored of it. Tinder takes all the pleasure out of flirting. It’s not fun anymore. Tinder is literally two glasses of wine then back home for sex. There is no emotion.

“It is boring, empty and lonely. You can’t have a nice conversation after mechanical sex. It’s just sex and go. Now I just want to stop it and settle down”.

Talking to other single men, it rapidly became clear that while dating apps like Tinder means it’s never been easier to get sex, it’s never been harder to fall in love.

This sentiment was echoed by Gary Barnett, 34, social media manager from Brighton, who’s been single for three months.

“For the first time ever in human history, sex is on tap,” he says.

“Nine times out of ten you don’t even have to go out on a date. If a girl likes your photos, they just come round.

“If you’re half attractive you’re bombarded with offers. You can go on Tinder dates every single night of the week.

“The social interaction is totally lacking. You can have sex and never talk again.

“They always ask the same three questions. ‘Hi how are you?’ ‘how’s your week been?’ or ‘I love your beard/tattoos’. That’s literally code for ‘do you want to f***?’

“That was really good for the first year. I filled my boots. After 50 Tinder dates, including 20 in the last two months with no sign of any ‘keepers,’ I’m over it. You get to the point where you can’t be bothered to do it anymore”.

Ah yes, the beard and tattoos. These are apparently very important for attracting women today. But it doesn’t work to attract a serious marriage-minded women to settle down with. Men are designed to want relationships with women. But not every woman is capable of having a relationship with a man. Especially after so many women have been taught by feminism not to prefer commitment-minded men who can perform the traditional male roles: protecting, providing and leading on moral and spiritual issues. Bears, muscles, shiny watches and tattoos might attract women, but it doesn’t make those women marriage-ready. They’re not marriage ready at all.

Who is there today who is teaching women to be ready for marriage? They’re being taught to look for shiny watches, beards, piercings and tattoos. After a while of smashing up their character with bad boys, they aren’t good for marriage any more. Women who choose men based on shallow externals quickly lose their ability to trust any man – even if the right man comes along. And no amount of bad boy attractiveness can fix up a woman who has chosen over and over in favor of fun and thrills.

The Sexual Revolution have messed up love and commitment for everyone, it seems.

20 thoughts on “Even alpha male bad boys are disappointed by the Sexual Revolution”

  1. Women as a whole certainly aren’t helping themselves with commitment-less sex outside of marriage.
    They are making the bad boys bored, and are making the marriage minded men more angry and fed up to the point they wonder what’s the point of marrying them.
    Could you even make the case for women it’s 20/80. 20% marriage minded and 80% seeking sex thrills? I’m beginning to highly doubt the 20%…because I recently heard what was coming out of the mouths of Catholic women who go to Mass regularly and it wasn’t wanting to get married.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. My point was…is there even 20% of women legitimately marriage minded? They were marriage minded already in their 20s and didn’t go down the route of ‘have lots of bad boys tap her and then get the epiphany for marriage at 30.’ If they were they’d have a huge selection of the 80% marriage minded men to choose from.

        But I’ve noticed even the women who aren’t going down the shallow promiscuous route in their 20s aren’t showing any motivation to get married at that time either. I’ve only known a handful of woman who were and they married their husbands in their early 20s.

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        1. No I agree with you. I have a friend who is 30 who is a software engineer and successful. Has his own house, car, savings. He is doing the online dating thing, and he keeps meeting women in the early 30s who can’t even carry a conversation about relationships. Like, they just sit there passively and no drive to even ask questions about compatibility areas. Like they have no idea what they are doing there with a man.

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          1. “…they just sit there passively and no drive to even ask questions about compatibility areas. Like they have no idea what they are doing there with a man.”
            After having at least a full decade of their lives being catered to and entertained for free, and having to do nothing else but “show up” and spread their legs, should we expect the behavior of Western women to be anything else?
            At least they’re giving an observant man plenty of Red Flags about their complete and total unsuitability for any kind of meaningful relationship whatsoever.

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          2. Oh yeah I’ve been on dates like that before. You wonder why they even bothered if they show no interest. That’s why I would find it pleasing if she actually asked me a question or two to get to know me.

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  2. It’s difficult for society (at large) to understand that instant gratification is the exact wrong way to build a lasting relationship when they are fed the opposite message at every turn and all of the evidence that shows the opposite is true, never sees the light of mainstream day.

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    1. I thought it was funny that even the supposed winners of the sexual revolution are not happy with it. I wonder if these men thought that by prettying themselves up that they would attract a wife of substance? It isn’t working though.

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      1. Something I’ve noticed that doesn’t seem to be highlighted when it comes to being knee deep in sexual immorality…how it drains a person. Certainly spiritually but even physically. They don’t have much motivation to do anything worthwhile other than to try and fill the lust again. I wonder if there is some link between lust and sloth.

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        1. There is a book written by J.D Unwin called Sex and Culture that I think addresses this concern. He found that societies were monogamy was strict were able to expend their energies on building civilization, whereas societies in which promiscuity was widely practiced, tended to spend most of their time trying to have more sex at the expense of building civilization. I haven’t read the full book, but I am sure you can find a good summary of it.

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          1. Makes sense. A metaphor with sex-family-civilization I’ve heard before is fire. Put in its proper confines like a stove (marriage) it is a great force to warm the surroundings (civilization) but doesn’t destroy it. Take it out of the stove (marriage) and it’ll burn everything down.

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  3. You could basically say:
    Women in general, if they haven’t thought through things carefully/theologically default to “evolutionary biology.” And this group of women in general includes carnal Christian women. It often takes work to go against our ‘impulses’ (i.e., we sometimes have to go against our feelings especially when they are in conflict with God’s eternal word!)

    If a woman is interested in a long-term relationship (in the colloquial, “Mr. Right”), she would go with “whomever would provide for her and also her offspring,” i.e., a powerful man. Power can be in terms of wealth/money, connections, influence, position, strength, makes her feel safe/protected — so even height.

    Instead, if a woman is interested in “Mr. Right Now,” she goes for whoever is titillating: so “Bad Boys” — tattoos, is merely “hot” (biceps, pecs, cute butt), whatever else bad boy attitude, “I’m broken”, thrills, etc. There’s of course some overlap between “Mr. Right” and “Mr. Right Now,” and some women seem to believe that they might be able to reform/change/develop “Mr. Right Now” into “Mr. Right.” Also translated: predictable, dependable, nice = boring. Definitely sends the wrong message.

    Needless to say, confidence and social skills are implied by the above (both groups) i.e., if a man isn’t confident or social skilled, he’s significantly handicapped despite either being Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now.

    There are two interesting factors that I’ve found: 1) women seem to be attracted to musicians (but only certain types — not like symphony orchestra related musicians). So if a guitar-strumming crooner comes along, he’s definitely got an advantage. Bonuses if he has the Bad Boy thing in addition. 2) Humor. Having a good sense of humor helps. (Of course, some of the most funny people are also the most angry or most bitter, and women only looking for funny guys are only wanting to be entertained.)

    The sex portion warrants another comment.

    A good Christian friend of mine met his wife at a mega-church in a large non-Bible belt American city. He was his wife’s first boyfriend and she was in her mid-20’s; she also came from a broken non-Christian family. This intrigued me: the odds are generally stacked against 1) someone who grew up in a non-Christian family, 2) her parents were divorced and 3) she didn’t have a good relationship with her dad. So I asked a bit about how they met and how she picked him.

    It turns out that when she became a Christian as an adult, she deliberately chose a group of godly, older, and wiser married Christian women friends and often solicited their advice. I think she found a good set of married female friends who set her on the straight and narrow path. I know that arbitrarily getting any group of married female friends may not always result in godly advice — which is why one should be careful in selecting excellent advisors.

    Anyway, back to this lady: she enlisted her friends in finding a spouse; they suggested looking for a man who was not only regular in church attendance, but was regularly engaged in the church in some other way (e.g., actively serving, involved in a Bible study, etc.)

    I do think there are good women out there. They may be hard to find (as a married man, I background thinking about how to help my single friends without being too heavy-handed or placing undue expectations on them…)

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  4. To be fair, I do think that Christian men should exercise regularly and dress sharp. Looks are not completely unimportant and so it’s only fair that serious marriage minded men attempt to exhibit masculine qualities that women find attractive. However, the qualities that make for a good father and provider are far more important than masculinity and good looks divorced from any potential to be these things. It’s been my experience that women are becoming increasingly more shallow. Perhaps even more than men are often accused of being. But men and women alike who live in the hook up culture will get their just deserts. Sooner or later, reality catches up with you.

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  5. Look at the media and their witch hunt for any man that may have made an unwanted pass at another person. It makes me see how I was always right in how I did things.

    I don’t have random sex out of fear of hell I believe strongly in eternal security. But I always saw the hypocrisy of the world system. That you could get a sex charge against you if you drink and many things putting yourself in bad situations.

    I often went out of my way to avoid being alone with a woman to avoid any situation where it could be said I had done anything wrong.

    As to the point sex is about more than a physical act. Casual sex is just mutual masturbation. They use another person that they have no caring for as a physical object to make them feel better. This completely violates the design and purpose of this by God as he created and leads to an empty feeling and the craving for more to fill it, the same way a drug works

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    1. In Reading articles about casual sex, the ambition seems to be physical pleasure (without any intimacy or shared commitment, which I find horrifying) and boosting ones own self-esteem. That’s why there is this focus on shallow externals. Each party is choosing a person who ranks high on some desirability scale that has no relation to marriage obligations. They choose without caring about Fidelity, protection or providing (which is not about money, but about being willing to do things you don’t like to provide for others). The goals is to have fun and feel as if one is able to get something socially desirable. Unfortunately, a 30+ year marriage cannot be obtained using the same shallow criteria and half-assed level of engagement. Marriage takes self-sacrifice and commitment to build.

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  6. This path of thought. Leads to people that feel life is over at a young age once they can’t party physically the same way, or attraction has dwindled.

    The biblical pattern does mean more people will have more pleasure for a longer time in their lives. But at times the benefit can be delayed, or results from being healthier or less held back by the consequences of bad decisions

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    1. Yes, exactly. All of this drinking and having sex does nothing to secure the things that give stability and security to aging people. Young people don’t realize that they aren’t going to be working from age 60 to 85 when they die, and they need to be serious about getting money saved while they are young. Marriage, if done right, is an engine of financial growth. It ought to be a priority to everyone in their teens and 20s. Instead, it’s being deliberately delayed (by women under the influence of feminism) in order to have fun now. No one is telling young people what they close the door on when they make decisions for fun and thrills today. They don’t read studies, they don’t consult wise people, and pastors have nothing to say about how to live life wisely and well.

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